Elizabeth Weir/John Sheppard Appreciation/Ship/Discussion Thread

[Eri13]

I'm thinking that person is a small minority. I've never heard anyone say CB was anti-Sparky, just the opposite. He did write some Sheyla bits, but the Sparky stood out from what the other writers did with it. He also wrote TRW, which was the Sparkiest of all.

OTOH, Mullie & Mallozzi wrote Misbegotten and the "defending my honor" scene and Gero wrote Conversion, which was all over Sparky in spite of you know which scene.

I know they often said the writing was a group effort, so who knows who took which position. Except for Mullie vetoing Sheyla and JM being pro Sheyla, we know nothing.

True, and I can say that from my experience writing SGAR, continuity is not necessarily an easy thing. In many cases, the writers are writing well ahead of what's being filmed, and are jumping stories, so even with weekly meetings and story bibles, they don't always realize that in the episode prior a 'shippy' moment sort of occurred. That's why I think we sometimes get episodes where John and Elizabeth are 'John and Elizabeth' to each other, and then the next episode it's "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir". One writer's work, then another's.

Though I still suspect that sometimes it went a little like this:

Eri13's totally biased opinion on how we got the Sparky rescue in 'The Eye':

Spoiler:

Gero: Hmm...let's see...I gotta lot of action with this big storm, the Genii-people are good bad guys...but I need more drama. MORE! What can we do?

BW: Uh, how about making Sheppard go super badass? We haven't really seen that yet.

RCC: Yeah, he's supposed to be special-ops or something.

Gero: Okay...sure. We'll have him take out the Genii, sniper-style, cuz that stuff's cool! One by one until he faces up with Kolya. I'll just write that in. *scribbles*

BW: WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. We can just have him go all badass on them because they're there, that's not Sheppard. He's more sensitive than that.

RCC: Yeah.

Gero: Okay, so...we give him a reason.

BW: Well, his whole deal is the leave-no-man behind thing. We know Kolya's taking hostages, so what if he shoots the hostages? Kills off a few red shirts.

RCC: Nah, it has to be someone more important to really set him off.

Gero: Well, there's McKay...

RCC & BW: NO.

Gero: Okay, then there's Teyla...oh wait, I wanted her for the catfight at the end. Well, then, what about Weir?

BW: Yeah, that'll work, especially as she's anti-gun. Symbolism & parallelism and all that jazz.

Gero: GREAT! So, we'll kill off Weir.

BW & RCC: NO!

Gero: So...we'll pretend to kill off Weir?

BW: Yeah. Bluff her death. Have Sheppard go nuts over it cuz Kolya's killed one of his people.

Gero: I LOVE IT! And we can have this standoff moment at the end where he shoots Kolya to save her or something! DRAMATIC! And, uh, it'll be awesome to see Sheppard snap back to reality when he finds out she's alive.

BW: Sounds good.

RCC: Wait...this isn't going to be romantic or anything, is it?

Gero: What? No way. I am not into that idea for a ship! Leave it to me, I'll make sure it's completely sanitized.

Joe & Torri upon reading the script: That's what you think.

Sparkies upon seeing the script: Thank you for canonizing!!!

[JT-2]

True, and I can say that from my experience writing SGAR, continuity is not necessarily an easy thing. In many cases, the writers are writing well ahead of what's being filmed, and are jumping stories, so even with weekly meetings and story bibles, they don't always realize that in the episode prior a 'shippy' moment sort of occurred. That's why I think we sometimes get episodes where John and Elizabeth are 'John and Elizabeth' to each other, and then the next episode it's "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir". One writer's work, then another's.

Though I still suspect that sometimes it went a little like this:

Eri13's totally biased opinion on how we got the Sparky rescue in 'The Eye':

Spoiler:

Gero: Hmm...let's see...I gotta lot of action with this big storm, the Genii-people are good bad guys...but I need more drama. MORE! What can we do?

BW: Uh, how about making Sheppard go super badass? We haven't really seen that yet.

RCC: Yeah, he's supposed to be special-ops or something.

Gero: Okay...sure. We'll have him take out the Genii, sniper-style, cuz that stuff's cool! One by one until he faces up with Kolya. I'll just write that in. *scribbles*

BW: WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. We can just have him go all badass on them because they're there, that's not Sheppard. He's more sensitive than that.

RCC: Yeah.

Gero: Okay, so...we give him a reason.

BW: Well, his whole deal is the leave-no-man behind thing. We know Kolya's taking hostages, so what if he shoots the hostages? Kills off a few red shirts.

RCC: Nah, it has to be someone more important to really set him off.

Gero: Well, there's McKay...

RCC & BW: NO.

Gero: Okay, then there's Teyla...oh wait, I wanted her for the catfight at the end. Well, then, what about Weir?

BW: Yeah, that'll work, especially as she's anti-gun. Symbolism & parallelism and all that jazz.

Gero: GREAT! So, we'll kill off Weir.

BW & RCC: NO!

Gero: So...we'll pretend to kill off Weir?

BW: Yeah. Bluff her death. Have Sheppard go nuts over it cuz Kolya's killed one of his people.

Gero: I LOVE IT! And we can have this standoff moment at the end where he shoots Kolya to save her or something! DRAMATIC! And, uh, it'll be awesome to see Sheppard snap back to reality when he finds out she's alive.

BW: Sounds good.

RCC: Wait...this isn't going to be romantic or anything, is it?

Gero: What? No way. I am not into that idea for a ship! Leave it to me, I'll make sure it's completely sanitized.

Joe & Torri upon reading the script: That's what you think.

Sparkies upon seeing the script: Thank you for canonizing!!!

OMFG!!

Can I please add to Gero's last thought there: No way, they don't fight each other with sticks while sweaty. So obviously there's no ship there.

[JT-2]

Now I'm feeling the need to bring back Eri's totally snarktastic recaps of Before I Sleep and Lifeline for the newer people. Just have to find where I saved them.

[Southern Red]

True, and I can say that from my experience writing SGAR, continuity is not necessarily an easy thing. In many cases, the writers are writing well ahead of what's being filmed, and are jumping stories, so even with weekly meetings and story bibles, they don't always realize that in the episode prior a 'shippy' moment sort of occurred. That's why I think we sometimes get episodes where John and Elizabeth are 'John and Elizabeth' to each other, and then the next episode it's "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir". One writer's work, then another's.

Though I still suspect that sometimes it went a little like this:

Eri13's totally biased opinion on how we got the Sparky rescue in 'The Eye':

Spoiler:

Gero: Hmm...let's see...I gotta lot of action with this big storm, the Genii-people are good bad guys...but I need more drama. MORE! What can we do?

BW: Uh, how about making Sheppard go super badass? We haven't really seen that yet.

RCC: Yeah, he's supposed to be special-ops or something.

Gero: Okay...sure. We'll have him take out the Genii, sniper-style, cuz that stuff's cool! One by one until he faces up with Kolya. I'll just write that in. *scribbles*

BW: WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. We can just have him go all badass on them because they're there, that's not Sheppard. He's more sensitive than that.

RCC: Yeah.

Gero: Okay, so...we give him a reason.

BW: Well, his whole deal is the leave-no-man behind thing. We know Kolya's taking hostages, so what if he shoots the hostages? Kills off a few red shirts.

RCC: Nah, it has to be someone more important to really set him off.

Gero: Well, there's McKay...

RCC & BW: NO.

Gero: Okay, then there's Teyla...oh wait, I wanted her for the catfight at the end. Well, then, what about Weir?

BW: Yeah, that'll work, especially as she's anti-gun. Symbolism & parallelism and all that jazz.

Gero: GREAT! So, we'll kill off Weir.

BW & RCC: NO!

Gero: So...we'll pretend to kill off Weir?

BW: Yeah. Bluff her death. Have Sheppard go nuts over it cuz Kolya's killed one of his people.

Gero: I LOVE IT! And we can have this standoff moment at the end where he shoots Kolya to save her or something! DRAMATIC! And, uh, it'll be awesome to see Sheppard snap back to reality when he finds out she's alive.

BW: Sounds good.

RCC: Wait...this isn't going to be romantic or anything, is it?

Gero: What? No way. I am not into that idea for a ship! Leave it to me, I'll make sure it's completely sanitized.

Joe & Torri upon reading the script: That's what you think.

Sparkies upon seeing the script: Thank you for canonizing!!!

*flails* I can so see this happening and similar scenes for other eps, like the desk sitting and the carrying in his arms and on and on.

OMFG!!

Can I please add to Gero's last thought there: No way, they don't fight each other with sticks while sweaty. So obviously there's no ship there.

And we all know that a hug is just a hug...oh wait, except when Teyla hugs Carson. That we have to leave out because someone might get the wrong idea. LOL

Now I'm feeling the need to bring back Eri's totally snarktastic recaps of Before I Sleep and Lifeline for the newer people. Just have to find where I saved them.

Doooo iiiiittttt! OT

Spoiler:

I have absolutely nothing to do today. So far I have exercised, vacuumed the basement, cleaned all the crud off my washer and dryer, ordered tickets for Man of Steel for Sunday, written several emails and replies on FB, and put in a load of towels. Proving once again that woman's work is never done.

[JT-2]

*flails* I can so see this happening and similar scenes for other eps, like the desk sitting and the carrying in his arms and on and on.



And we all know that a hug is just a hug...oh wait, except when Teyla hugs Carson. That we have to leave out because someone might get the wrong idea. LOL



Doooo iiiiittttt! OT

Spoiler:

I have absolutely nothing to do today. So far I have exercised, vacuumed the basement, cleaned all the crud off my washer and dryer, ordered tickets for Man of Steel for Sunday, written several emails and replies on FB, and put in a load of towels. Proving once again that woman's work is never done.

You're more than welcome to come clean my house.

[Southern Red]

You're more than welcome to come clean my house.

If I get bored, I'll head on up. I keep saying that one of these days I will take the whole day and just veg. Looks like it's never gonna happen.

[Raelis]

Can I please add to Gero's last thought there: No way, they don't fight each other with sticks while sweaty. So obviously there's no ship there.

In this case John/Ronon=OTP. Because not only do they fight each other all sweaty, they're aso quite handsy with each other while doing it! Ronon even invented a "traditional Satedan sport" so that he had an excuse to grab John's ass.

[Southern Red]

In this case John/Ronon=OTP. Because not only do they fight each other all sweaty, they're aso quite handsy with each other while doing it! Ronon even invented a "traditional Satedan sport" so that he had an excuse to grab John's ass.

Have you heard about Shex? McShep doesn't stand a chance.

[Scary Kitty]

Good morning, Sparkies! Happy Screw the Angst Wednesday!

I try to ignore off-screen drama when I'm watching the show and this is why. I remember a while ago someone talking to me about how Carl Binder was the absolute worst, and I was just sitting there going "but he wrote Before I Sleep". And this person was telling me all about how CB shipped sheyla and hated sparky and it just didn't compute because I can't remember him being particularly ship inclined. And what's more, he wrote or had writing credits on Phantoms, an episode that had some not so shippy allusions for sheyla.

And he wrote Lifeline, which ironically is one of the shippiest episodes ever.

So, you can talk to me all you want about how anti-sparky he was but I can't help but look at the final product and see the disconnect.

WTF? Sounds to me like that person never really watched the show at all if they could say that.

True, and I can say that from my experience writing SGAR, continuity is not necessarily an easy thing. In many cases, the writers are writing well ahead of what's being filmed, and are jumping stories, so even with weekly meetings and story bibles, they don't always realize that in the episode prior a 'shippy' moment sort of occurred. That's why I think we sometimes get episodes where John and Elizabeth are 'John and Elizabeth' to each other, and then the next episode it's "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir". One writer's work, then another's.

Though I still suspect that sometimes it went a little like this:

Eri13's totally biased opinion on how we got the Sparky rescue in 'The Eye':

Spoiler:

Gero: Hmm...let's see...I gotta lot of action with this big storm, the Genii-people are good bad guys...but I need more drama. MORE! What can we do?

BW: Uh, how about making Sheppard go super badass? We haven't really seen that yet.

RCC: Yeah, he's supposed to be special-ops or something.

Gero: Okay...sure. We'll have him take out the Genii, sniper-style, cuz that stuff's cool! One by one until he faces up with Kolya. I'll just write that in. *scribbles*

BW: WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. We can just have him go all badass on them because they're there, that's not Sheppard. He's more sensitive than that.

RCC: Yeah.

Gero: Okay, so...we give him a reason.

BW: Well, his whole deal is the leave-no-man behind thing. We know Kolya's taking hostages, so what if he shoots the hostages? Kills off a few red shirts.

RCC: Nah, it has to be someone more important to really set him off.

Gero: Well, there's McKay...

RCC & BW: NO.

Gero: Okay, then there's Teyla...oh wait, I wanted her for the catfight at the end. Well, then, what about Weir?

BW: Yeah, that'll work, especially as she's anti-gun. Symbolism & parallelism and all that jazz.

Gero: GREAT! So, we'll kill off Weir.

BW & RCC: NO!

Gero: So...we'll pretend to kill off Weir?

BW: Yeah. Bluff her death. Have Sheppard go nuts over it cuz Kolya's killed one of his people.

Gero: I LOVE IT! And we can have this standoff moment at the end where he shoots Kolya to save her or something! DRAMATIC! And, uh, it'll be awesome to see Sheppard snap back to reality when he finds out she's alive.

BW: Sounds good.

RCC: Wait...this isn't going to be romantic or anything, is it?

Gero: What? No way. I am not into that idea for a ship! Leave it to me, I'll make sure it's completely sanitized.

Joe & Torri upon reading the script: That's what you think.

Sparkies upon seeing the script: Thank you for canonizing!!!

YES! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *spends the next five minutes rolling on the floor laughing hysterically*

Now I'm feeling the need to bring back Eri's totally snarktastic recaps of Before I Sleep and Lifeline for the newer people. Just have to find where I saved them.

Joining SR on the "Doooo iiiiittttt!" train. I need a good laugh today!

[JT-2]

Eri13's Lifeline recap:

Spoiler:

[EXT: CITY IN SPACE. HALF A SHIELD. JUMPER BAY.]

Rodney: This is something that's not going to work. Invariably we're going to die.

John: What do we have to do?

Rodney: Use Elizabeth as an antenna, basically. At least it's original.

John: No, it isn't.

[INT: ELIZABETH'S INFIRMARY ROOM, SHE IS MAKING SHADOW PUPPETS WITH HER HANDS. JOHN AND COMPANY WALK IN. JOHN AND ELIZABETH STARE WITH PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.]

Teyla: Let me steal your quote from The Gift because I can't come up with good motivation on my own. At least Ronon pays attention.

*John and Elizabeth STARE at each other.*

Rodney: We're going to try to do something that's probably not going to work and we're all going to die.

Elizabeth: Got it. And you'll kill me if this goes wrong.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth and John STARE at each other; don't even notice others have left.

Elizabeth: You will have to kill me if this goes bad.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth: For reasons that will require an essay length explanation on symbolism, parallelism and irony, you may be required to. Just keep that in mind. And I like your woobie face.

John: *bigger woobie face* *STARE*

[EXT: JUMPER IN SPACE]

*John and Elizabeth stare in Jumper*

Rodney: We just did something that is not working and we're all going to die.
Ronon gives him an aggravated look.

[EXT: ASURAS.]

Rodney: This is not going to work, and we're all going to die. *hits button*

Elizabeth: (pretends she's seeing something new and unusual and not a complete rip-off of the Matrix). Wow. I'm like Keanu, even got the black BDUs on.

John: We're going. Tell us where.

*more staring*

Elizabeth: Ok.

*more staring*

[INT: ASURAS]

John and Ronon run where Elizabeth tells them, find a ZPM, and get back to the jumper.

*more staring*

Rodney: I've just come up with a plan that's ridiculous, crazy, will probably kill all of us and most certainly Elizabeth but we should try it anyway.

Elizabeth: I agree!

John (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Elizabeth: This isn't the Hot Zone, I definitely know what's best!

John: This is totally the Hot Zone, and no you don't, you have nanites in your brain, which is, ironically, exactly what makes this like Hot Zone!

Rodney: Then let me suggest an alternative so that you can run a much greater risk and most certainly die.

John: (LESS WOOBIE) THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!

[INT: JUMPER, NOW ON TOP OF A TOWER WITH A BIG PENETRATING SHIELD]

Rodney: Okay, here's the plan that most certainly will not work, will cost us Elizabeth and will more than likely sacrifice Atlantis too. Got it?

John: Plug and Play, got it. That's cool. I've devolved enough to be able to mangle plug and play. *stares at Elizabeth* You tell us where to go.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES*

Rodney: Welcome to the canonization of your relationship. Congratulations. Go, so I can proclaim more doom.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES* *gets up* Bye.

Elizabeth: Bye.

Elizabeth and John STARE.

[INT: REPLICATOR CORE ROOM]

John: Look, the Replicator mainframe is a Simon game! That explains a lot.

Ronon: Can you just plug in that Plug & Play that's not going to work so we can forward the story.

John: It's not working!

Rodney: Of course it's not, I told you this wouldn't work and we would all die.

Elizabeth: That's my cue to be awesome. *Runs out of Jumper*

Rodney: Crap. Despite my being a super genius, every single program I've developed this go around has not worked. Go figure. And now the kill switch isn't working either.

Ronon: Go figure.

John: We'll if we're going to die might as well take out Simon. Oh, look, somehow I can access the root structure of my plug and play pad to manually IMPORT CRAZY LOOKING CODE ALL BY MYSELF.

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND]

Elizabeth: Hah! I am stronger, and you didn't think so! Now I get to pwn you like I so really wanted to do in Progeny but couldn't cuz I was trying to be diplomatic. Wish I could have, my hair was more awesome!

Oberoth: Use the force Luke!

[INT: RODNEY IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, JOHN IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, RONON IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, OBEROTH APPARENTLY DOES ALL THE WORK IN THE REPLICATOR CITY DESPITE THE FACT THEY'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE MENTALLY CONNECTED...]

John: You can't mind probe me! I'm a girl! *morphs*

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND AGAIN]

Elizabeth: HA HA! FOOLED YOU!

Oberoth: I'm a robot, and yet I can still get pissed.

[INT: JOHN AND RONON RUNNING THROUGH THE REPLICATOR CITY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO STUMBLE ON THE HALLWAY WHERE ELIZABETH FOUND OBEROTH]

John: ELIZABETH! *STARE*

Elizabeth: I can't look at you right now, my hand's in Oberoth's head. Run away, so you can get the better of Rodney and his pessimism. GO!

John: ELIZABETH!

Elizabeth: In the ultimate symbolic move of irony and parallelism, as taken in comparison to episodes Hot Zone, Siege II, Common Ground and others too small to name, I, Elizabeth Weir, the civilian head of Atlantis, in a move that will require lengthy English-major style analysis, will now ORDER YOU, John Sheppard, to leave me behind.

John: And in the ultimate showing of ironic twist and in complete paradox to what I normally do, for reasons that will require a lengthy, English-major type explanation, I John Sheppard, erstwhile military man who owes you no military allegiance, will OBEY.

*FINAL STARE*

Elizabeth: My life's about to suck.

[INT: JUMPER]

Rodney: I told you this plan wouldn't work and we'd all die!

*Somehow the plan works*

[EXT: SPACE]

Rodney: Big frakkin ship!

*big frakkin ship gets hit by another big frakkin' ship in a moment that confuses the hell out of everyone*

Sam: HI!

Rodney: Of course! I know why I was inept in this episode! Sam's here! I must either look stupid, arrogant or licentious in comparison.

[INT: ATLANTIS]

Rodney: This plan is not going to work and we're all going to die!

John: Then let's at least have some fun with the city. *goes to chair room and lands the city with surprisingly little splash.*

Bill Lee: 9.5!

[INT: WEIR'S OLD OFFICE THAT IS ALREADY BETTER DECORATED.]

Teyla: I am sad, I will miss her. Though I have a feeling this scene may only have been inserted so that I had more to do this episode.

Ronon: Par for the course.

[EXT: THE SPARKY BALCONY]

Sam: I can be nice, and yet I still go straight for the heart. Because I like your woobie face.

John: Well here it is again, thanks for bringing it up. Guess I should say something about getting Elizabeth back. So, I'll say it. I'll get her back.

Sam: You say that if it makes you feel better. But don't get too cheerful, I like the Woob and so does everyone else.

John: *woobie*

[END]

[JT-2]

Eri13's snarky recap of Before I Sleep - Part 1:

Spoiler:

Sparky Snark - Before I Sleep in a nutshell and in Two Parts:

[EXT: Atlantis Balcony. Elizabeth Weir is outside; John Sheppard comes out to join her.]

Weir: I thought you were off to cause more trouble.

John: Oh, I will. But before I do I will give you something that is completely not indicative of shipping or feelings in any way, because that wouldn’t be canon. So just accept this completely platonic birthday gift from me, as I hand it to you with a completely platonic flirty smile and a completely platonic soft, sexy tone of voice that’s completely platonic.

Weir: Thanks. I can completely tell it’s platonic, which is why I offer only a half smile, raised eyebrow and sexy, soft thank you in return that’s completely platonic.

John: Great! I’ll just sexily walk off now in a completely platonic way while you stare at my backside.


[INT: Atlantis corridor]

Rodney: In an attempt to fill the time it’ll take Ford to get to the mysterious door at the end of the corridor, I’ll randomly make jokes about real estate.

Ford: Hey! This is the first of 3 seconds you’ll get with me and I use it to point out a mysterious room in a CITY FULL OF MYSTERIOUS ROOMS. And people wonder why I got killed off.

*John, Ford and Teyla discover the stasis pod*

John: Whoa. Old lady - and yet there’s something about her that makes me want to STARE AT HER


[INT: Atlantis stasis room]

Beckett: If we wake her up, she’ll die.

Audience: IF YOU LET HER SLEEP, SHE’LL ALSO DIE. DUH.

Weir: (standing in front of stasis pod in such a way that makes it completely obvious she has something to do with the person IN the pod): wake her up.

Old Weir is removed from the pod and laid on a table. She wakes.

Old Weir: It worked. You’re alive and as annoying as ever. *promptly falls asleep*



[INT: Control Room]

Rodney: In an effort to balance out ships, we’re going to share a McShep moment.

John: And mention how many dangers could still exist in the city, which, ironically, we’ll never again explore.



[INT: Atlantis Infirmary]

Carson: Elizabeth, get down here. This old lady knows my name, and I’m kind of afraid of her fake white wig. History will soon show you I don’t have a good track record with things in fake white wigs.

*Elizabeth makes her way to the infirmary*

Elizabeth: (to old Elizabeth): How are you feeling?

Old Weir: I’m you. Glad I stopped trying to straighten my hair, you look better with the curls. Oh, look, sky. ZZZZZZZZZZZ


[INT: Atlantis Conference Room]

Rodney: I shall throw out time-travel science terms to prove I am the chief scientist. Einstein. Quantum. Black Hole Manipulation.

John: I shall throw out a cool movie reference to prove I am the laid-back hero. DeLorean.

Rodney: I shall insult your movie reference by mocking how badly that movie handled real science, in no way acknowledging the same problems with my own show.

Beckett (entering excitedly): In what may potentially be the speediest DNA test in the history of DNA tests, I can confirm she’s you.



[INT: Infirmary. Old Weir is still sleeping]

Rodney: I’m going to try to do an empathizing moment, but obviously I’m not Sheppard, so let me talk about time travel instead. Oh, and by the way there are millions of versions of you spread out across many variations of fluctuating universes.

Elizabeth: I know that, you’ll meet some of them in Seasons 4 and 5.

*Old Weir wakes up*

Old Weir: Where’s that 10,000 year old piece of paper?

Elizabeth: Rodney’s got it.

Old Weir: Right. I’ll just let him hang on to it and not reveal its importance until a dramatic moment later in the story. How about we hit the flashbacks now?

Elizabeth: Sounds good.

Old Weir: (*flashback sequence starts with clips from Rising*). We got to the city, lights came on, but other stuff didn’t work.

Rodney: Wait, nothing worked? That’s not what happened.

Old Weir: Alternate timeline, duh. I thought you were supposed to be a genius. I’m going to have to repeat a lot of things to them, aren’t I?

Elizabeth: Yes.

Old Weir: Glad to see not much has changed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ



[INT: Elizabeth’s office. Carson and Elizabeth are sitting in it.]

Elizabeth: Carson, I need you to drug up the old version of me, she keeps falling asleep.

Carson: If I do that it may kill her.

Audience: DUDE! AGAIN WITH THE NONSENSICAL HESITATION. SHE’S GOING TO DIE ANYWAY!

Elizabeth: Is it actually necessary for me to explain why I’m asking you to give me drugs? The logic in it will give the audience headaches. She is me, I am her, ergo, if I want drugs?

Carson: Got it. Drugs it is.




[INT: Infirmary. Old Weir is sitting up and looking alert.]

Old Weir: Thanks for the drugs! I needed that.

Elizabeth: I know! Hey look, I randomly found a wheelchair and a checkered afghan, because I’m sure those were priorities in someone’s ‘take one personal item’ packs. Let’s go for a spin.

*they make it to the gateroom*

Old Weir: This looks much cooler when people actually wear colors. Speaking of which, why am I still in my 10,000 year old dress?

Elizabeth: No idea, though I’m pretty resilient about wearing the same stuff over and over. Note the shirt. You wouldn’t want any of the rest of my wardrobe anyway - remember that gray number from 38 Minutes?

Old Weir: Right. Well, I have a story to tell and I need somewhere dramatic to tell it.

Elizabeth: Hm. Despite its lack of elevators and being nowhere near a transporter, so I have no idea how I’ll get you up there, I think we can hold it in the conference room next to the balcony.




[INT: Conference Room. Weir has managed to get old Weir up there despite the lack of any handicap friendly modes of transport nearby]

Old Weir: There’s that midriff girl again. What’s she doing here? I have no idea who the heck she is.

Teyla: Do not worry, eventually the writers shall realize that too and I shall disappear from this episode for no apparent reason.

Ford: Me too. Though I shall burn myself into your mind with my 80’s era armpit t-shirt.

Old Weir: Anyways, back to the flashback? (cue Rising cuts again) I got called downstairs by that guy from Terminator: 2 for who knows what reason. By the time we got back to the control room and my hair went from perfectly straight to obviously-this-is-an-inserted-scene-straight, we discovered the shield had failed and that T2 guy drowned.

Elizabeth: Sumner drowned? Well, I guess that beats getting the life sucked out of you by a Wraith Queen like in my timeline.

John: Wait, what am I supposed to do for my ‘leave no man behind thing’ if the dude I can’t leave behind is already dead?

Old Weir: Character evolve? Anyways, moving on - we discover the Gateships, which John and I manage to stow away on.

Rodney: What happened to me?

Old Weir: You drowned.

Rodney (looking appropriately shocked at either his heroic moment or the fact that he’s not as smart as he thought): Wow.

Old Weir: Don’t feel bad, everyone else drowned too, including Scotty and the guy over there who looks like Willis from Differn't Strokes. Except for John, me and Zelenka, whose recurring status has apparently made him a more important character than originally was intended.

Elizabeth: Yeah, he didn’t show up in my version of Rising.

John: HA! Made it out of the city! Cooler than Rodney yet again!

Old Weir: As often randomly happened, John just touched something and we were magically zapped back 10,000 years in time. Which basically means that the incredibly complex nature of time travel Rodney was trying to explain earlier was completely irrelevant, and that this time machine is even more sketchy than the one Rodney was criticizing in Back to the Future.

Rodney: Touche

Old Weir: But as you know we can’t go too many episodes without explosions, so the jumper was hit, and John- *she starts to have an attack*

Beckett: Wow. Even an Alternate You can’t handle it when Sheppard’s in danger.

Elizabeth: Are you surprised?

Beckett: After The Eye? Not really.

[INT: Atlantis Infirmary. Elizabeth is staring over Old Elizabeth. John comes in to join her]

John: Remember that earlier scene where you were doing this and Rodney walked up? Well, I’m going to say the exact same thing he said only better and in that sexy man-voice again.

Elizabeth: You know for a completely platonic relationship there sure are a lot of these type moments.

*Rodney enters*

Rodney: In an attempt to be funny and completely draw attention to the fact that I’m interrupting what appears to be a private and intimate moment between the two of you - even though everyone knows you guys don’t have intimate and private moments- I’m going to turn into shades of that comedic idiot that will become so standard for me in Season 2 and beyond.

Elizabeth: Great, thanks, more to look forward to.

*Old Weir wakens. She and young Elizabeth share a McShep chastising moment so Rodney and John can experience double the Momma Weir*

Old Weir: Anyways - I woke up dressed in this dress and was told that everyone else was dead, glossing over the fact that my managing to survive while they got killed really makes no sense.

John: Damn. I wanted to wear an Ancient outfit.

Elizabeth: Next season.

Old Weir (continuing): I met up with this Ancient named Janus who explained I’d gone back 10,000 years to right before Atlantis was abandoned, which was a rather lucky break. Oh, and in case you didn’t know, the bad guys are called the Wraith.

Rodney: Yeah, we got that, thanks.

Old Weir: Janus took me in front of the high council, who surprisingly spoke entirely in English and not Ancient. Anyways, he was there with the chick from the Library, Spock, Harry Belafonte, one of the Jedi from Phantom Menace, and that guy who will apparently become important somewhere in SG-1. They told me that I could go back to Earth with them but I couldn’t travel back in time, because it would screw things up too much. Which makes no sense, because honestly I could screw even MORE things up by going back as an advanced Earth human during a critical point in early Earth human evolution. Whatever. ZZZZZZZZZZZ




[INT: Infirmary]

Beckett: Like I told you would happen, she’s going to die.

Audience: SHE’S 10,000 YEARS OLD. DUH.

Old Weir *waking up*: I need to finish my story otherwise this will feel like an episode of Lost. Luckily for us Janus was all about breaking the rules. He developed a way for me to stay behind and rotate ZPMs, yada yada yada - of course none of it mattered because the only thing that really worked was his back-up failsafe plan. Wow. This is so boring I’m putting myself to sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[JT-2]

Part 2:

Spoiler:

[INT: Atlantis infirmary. Time has obviously passed. John and Rodney are asleep. Old Weir wakes up.]

Elizabeth: Looks like we got rid of all the extraneous characters on Atlantis. Proceed.

Old Weir: Janus convinced the other Council members I’d already left because apparently Ancients are pretty gullible. *Random shots of the Ancients leaving, including some girl that is apparently a random SG-1 character because she has NO relevance to Atlantis.*

Elizabeth: Someday we’ll get rid of references to that damn show.

Old Weir: Don’t count your chickens. So I was alone in an abandoned city, though for some reason the Ancients didn’t bother to power it down OR cover their equipment with slipcovers. Good thing I stayed behind to rectify that. I set up everything, crawled in the stasis chamber and boom! Here I am. I’ve lived just long enough to share a sweet moment where I tell you to enjoy yourself, live your life, don’t stress too much and make sure to breathe.

Elizabeth: You do realize that I’m not going to do any of that except for the token scene at the end of this episode? Not to mention the fact that I bite it in about 2 years anyway, which essentially renders the power and symbolic majesty of this episode meaningless.

Old Weir: Oh, well. At least you won’t be suffering the bad wig. Oh, and by the way, that paper that I had with me is the location of 5 ZPMs. Don’t know why I didn’t mention that sooner, since that’s all we’ve been crying about since the start of the show.

Elizabeth: Cool! *runs over and wakes up the guys, completely disregarding her old self to talk about the ZPMs* ZPMS! ZPMS!

*Old Weir dies*

Elizabeth: Well, damn. *Elizabeth goes and holds her own dead hand, which is kinda creepy*


[EXT: Atlantis Balcony. Elizabeth uses the pot John gave her to spread her older self’s ashes over Atlantis. John comes out with a sexy concerned look that’s completely platonic.]

John: I’m coming out to the balcony to personally inform you of our meeting rather than radioing you - cuz duh, I’m concerned. In a completely platonic way.

Elizabeth: I’m okay.

John: Then we have a meeting.

Elizabeth: I’m coming. No, wait, I must live up to the promise of my other self for at least one scene. I’m going to stay out here for a while before the meeting.

John: Got it, I’ll just turn around so you can observe my sexily exiting backside.

Elizabeth: Thanks.

Audience: Thanks.

*Elizabeth enjoys a few moments peace in front of the fake blue sky. Close with theme that will become Elizabeth’s theme and cut to black.*

[Samantha-Carter-is-my-muse]

Eri13's Lifeline recap:

Spoiler:

[EXT: CITY IN SPACE. HALF A SHIELD. JUMPER BAY.]

Rodney: This is something that's not going to work. Invariably we're going to die.

John: What do we have to do?

Rodney: Use Elizabeth as an antenna, basically. At least it's original.

John: No, it isn't.

[INT: ELIZABETH'S INFIRMARY ROOM, SHE IS MAKING SHADOW PUPPETS WITH HER HANDS. JOHN AND COMPANY WALK IN. JOHN AND ELIZABETH STARE WITH PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.]

Teyla: Let me steal your quote from The Gift because I can't come up with good motivation on my own. At least Ronon pays attention.

*John and Elizabeth STARE at each other.*

Rodney: We're going to try to do something that's probably not going to work and we're all going to die.

Elizabeth: Got it. And you'll kill me if this goes wrong.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth and John STARE at each other; don't even notice others have left.

Elizabeth: You will have to kill me if this goes bad.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth: For reasons that will require an essay length explanation on symbolism, parallelism and irony, you may be required to. Just keep that in mind. And I like your woobie face.

John: *bigger woobie face* *STARE*

[EXT: JUMPER IN SPACE]

*John and Elizabeth stare in Jumper*

Rodney: We just did something that is not working and we're all going to die.
Ronon gives him an aggravated look.

[EXT: ASURAS.]

Rodney: This is not going to work, and we're all going to die. *hits button*

Elizabeth: (pretends she's seeing something new and unusual and not a complete rip-off of the Matrix). Wow. I'm like Keanu, even got the black BDUs on.

John: We're going. Tell us where.

*more staring*

Elizabeth: Ok.

*more staring*

[INT: ASURAS]

John and Ronon run where Elizabeth tells them, find a ZPM, and get back to the jumper.

*more staring*

Rodney: I've just come up with a plan that's ridiculous, crazy, will probably kill all of us and most certainly Elizabeth but we should try it anyway.

Elizabeth: I agree!

John (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Elizabeth: This isn't the Hot Zone, I definitely know what's best!

John: This is totally the Hot Zone, and no you don't, you have nanites in your brain, which is, ironically, exactly what makes this like Hot Zone!

Rodney: Then let me suggest an alternative so that you can run a much greater risk and most certainly die.

John: (LESS WOOBIE) THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!

[INT: JUMPER, NOW ON TOP OF A TOWER WITH A BIG PENETRATING SHIELD]

Rodney: Okay, here's the plan that most certainly will not work, will cost us Elizabeth and will more than likely sacrifice Atlantis too. Got it?

John: Plug and Play, got it. That's cool. I've devolved enough to be able to mangle plug and play. *stares at Elizabeth* You tell us where to go.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES*

Rodney: Welcome to the canonization of your relationship. Congratulations. Go, so I can proclaim more doom.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES* *gets up* Bye.

Elizabeth: Bye.

Elizabeth and John STARE.

[INT: REPLICATOR CORE ROOM]

John: Look, the Replicator mainframe is a Simon game! That explains a lot.

Ronon: Can you just plug in that Plug & Play that's not going to work so we can forward the story.

John: It's not working!

Rodney: Of course it's not, I told you this wouldn't work and we would all die.

Elizabeth: That's my cue to be awesome. *Runs out of Jumper*

Rodney: Crap. Despite my being a super genius, every single program I've developed this go around has not worked. Go figure. And now the kill switch isn't working either.

Ronon: Go figure.

John: We'll if we're going to die might as well take out Simon. Oh, look, somehow I can access the root structure of my plug and play pad to manually IMPORT CRAZY LOOKING CODE ALL BY MYSELF.

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND]

Elizabeth: Hah! I am stronger, and you didn't think so! Now I get to pwn you like I so really wanted to do in Progeny but couldn't cuz I was trying to be diplomatic. Wish I could have, my hair was more awesome!

Oberoth: Use the force Luke!

[INT: RODNEY IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, JOHN IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, RONON IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, OBEROTH APPARENTLY DOES ALL THE WORK IN THE REPLICATOR CITY DESPITE THE FACT THEY'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE MENTALLY CONNECTED...]

John: You can't mind probe me! I'm a girl! *morphs*

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND AGAIN]

Elizabeth: HA HA! FOOLED YOU!

Oberoth: I'm a robot, and yet I can still get pissed.

[INT: JOHN AND RONON RUNNING THROUGH THE REPLICATOR CITY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO STUMBLE ON THE HALLWAY WHERE ELIZABETH FOUND OBEROTH]

John: ELIZABETH! *STARE*

Elizabeth: I can't look at you right now, my hand's in Oberoth's head. Run away, so you can get the better of Rodney and his pessimism. GO!

John: ELIZABETH!

Elizabeth: In the ultimate symbolic move of irony and parallelism, as taken in comparison to episodes Hot Zone, Siege II, Common Ground and others too small to name, I, Elizabeth Weir, the civilian head of Atlantis, in a move that will require lengthy English-major style analysis, will now ORDER YOU, John Sheppard, to leave me behind.

John: And in the ultimate showing of ironic twist and in complete paradox to what I normally do, for reasons that will require a lengthy, English-major type explanation, I John Sheppard, erstwhile military man who owes you no military allegiance, will OBEY.

*FINAL STARE*

Elizabeth: My life's about to suck.

[INT: JUMPER]

Rodney: I told you this plan wouldn't work and we'd all die!

*Somehow the plan works*

[EXT: SPACE]

Rodney: Big frakkin ship!

*big frakkin ship gets hit by another big frakkin' ship in a moment that confuses the hell out of everyone*

Sam: HI!

Rodney: Of course! I know why I was inept in this episode! Sam's here! I must either look stupid, arrogant or licentious in comparison.

[INT: ATLANTIS]

Rodney: This plan is not going to work and we're all going to die!

John: Then let's at least have some fun with the city. *goes to chair room and lands the city with surprisingly little splash.*

Bill Lee: 9.5!

[INT: WEIR'S OLD OFFICE THAT IS ALREADY BETTER DECORATED.]

Teyla: I am sad, I will miss her. Though I have a feeling this scene may only have been inserted so that I had more to do this episode.

Ronon: Par for the course.

[EXT: THE SPARKY BALCONY]

Sam: I can be nice, and yet I still go straight for the heart. Because I like your woobie face.

John: Well here it is again, thanks for bringing it up. Guess I should say something about getting Elizabeth back. So, I'll say it. I'll get her back.

Sam: You say that if it makes you feel better. But don't get too cheerful, I like the Woob and so does everyone else.

John: *woobie*

[END]

This is PERFECT - thanks for sharing

Part 2:

Spoiler:

[INT: Atlantis infirmary. Time has obviously passed. John and Rodney are asleep. Old Weir wakes up.]

Elizabeth: Looks like we got rid of all the extraneous characters on Atlantis. Proceed.

Old Weir: Janus convinced the other Council members I’d already left because apparently Ancients are pretty gullible. *Random shots of the Ancients leaving, including some girl that is apparently a random SG-1 character because she has NO relevance to Atlantis.*

Elizabeth: Someday we’ll get rid of references to that damn show.

Old Weir: Don’t count your chickens. So I was alone in an abandoned city, though for some reason the Ancients didn’t bother to power it down OR cover their equipment with slipcovers. Good thing I stayed behind to rectify that. I set up everything, crawled in the stasis chamber and boom! Here I am. I’ve lived just long enough to share a sweet moment where I tell you to enjoy yourself, live your life, don’t stress too much and make sure to breathe.

Elizabeth: You do realize that I’m not going to do any of that except for the token scene at the end of this episode? Not to mention the fact that I bite it in about 2 years anyway, which essentially renders the power and symbolic majesty of this episode meaningless.

Old Weir: Oh, well. At least you won’t be suffering the bad wig. Oh, and by the way, that paper that I had with me is the location of 5 ZPMs. Don’t know why I didn’t mention that sooner, since that’s all we’ve been crying about since the start of the show.

Elizabeth: Cool! *runs over and wakes up the guys, completely disregarding her old self to talk about the ZPMs* ZPMS! ZPMS!

*Old Weir dies*

Elizabeth: Well, damn. *Elizabeth goes and holds her own dead hand, which is kinda creepy*


[EXT: Atlantis Balcony. Elizabeth uses the pot John gave her to spread her older self’s ashes over Atlantis. John comes out with a sexy concerned look that’s completely platonic.]

John: I’m coming out to the balcony to personally inform you of our meeting rather than radioing you - cuz duh, I’m concerned. In a completely platonic way.

Elizabeth: I’m okay.

John: Then we have a meeting.

Elizabeth: I’m coming. No, wait, I must live up to the promise of my other self for at least one scene. I’m going to stay out here for a while before the meeting.

John: Got it, I’ll just turn around so you can observe my sexily exiting backside.

Elizabeth: Thanks.

Audience: Thanks.

*Elizabeth enjoys a few moments peace in front of the fake blue sky. Close with theme that will become Elizabeth’s theme and cut to black.*

Even better than the real thing

[Pearl of Atlantis76]

But weren't John and Elizabeth under the influence of Thalen and Phebus when they kised?

I also don’t regard that kiss as shippy, because they kissed while possessed by the aliens. And like others have said, the fact John agreed to lend his body to Thalan, that yes is shippy, because he was agreeing to something that allegedly Elizabeth asked and it was something she wished him to do.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Carl Binder, as having been a writer on Doctor Quinn, is the only one of them to write on a show with true ship on it before. He knew what he was doing. But the poor guy never had any of the ships he tried to set up become canon (Sparky, Spanky, then Keller/Ronon).

CB was probably my favourite writer for SGA, but I can’t say I liked all the episodes he wrote. After all the idea of the replicators was his. But most of the episodes he wrote are awesomely Sparky! But I don't like “Tracker” and I definitely hate “Identity”. He definitely knew what he was doing.

True, and I can say that from my experience writing SGAR, continuity is not necessarily an easy thing. In many cases, the writers are writing well ahead of what's being filmed, and are jumping stories, so even with weekly meetings and story bibles, they don't always realize that in the episode prior a 'shippy' moment sort of occurred. That's why I think we sometimes get episodes where John and Elizabeth are 'John and Elizabeth' to each other, and then the next episode it's "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir". One writer's work, then another's.

Though I still suspect that sometimes it went a little like this:

Eri13's totally biased opinion on how we got the Sparky rescue in 'The Eye':

Spoiler:

Gero: Hmm...let's see...I gotta lot of action with this big storm, the Genii-people are good bad guys...but I need more drama. MORE! What can we do?

BW: Uh, how about making Sheppard go super badass? We haven't really seen that yet.

RCC: Yeah, he's supposed to be special-ops or something.

Gero: Okay...sure. We'll have him take out the Genii, sniper-style, cuz that stuff's cool! One by one until he faces up with Kolya. I'll just write that in. *scribbles*

BW: WAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT. We can just have him go all badass on them because they're there, that's not Sheppard. He's more sensitive than that.

RCC: Yeah.

Gero: Okay, so...we give him a reason.

BW: Well, his whole deal is the leave-no-man behind thing. We know Kolya's taking hostages, so what if he shoots the hostages? Kills off a few red shirts.

RCC: Nah, it has to be someone more important to really set him off.

Gero: Well, there's McKay...

RCC & BW: NO.

Gero: Okay, then there's Teyla...oh wait, I wanted her for the catfight at the end. Well, then, what about Weir?

BW: Yeah, that'll work, especially as she's anti-gun. Symbolism & parallelism and all that jazz.

Gero: GREAT! So, we'll kill off Weir.

BW & RCC: NO!

Gero: So...we'll pretend to kill off Weir?

BW: Yeah. Bluff her death. Have Sheppard go nuts over it cuz Kolya's killed one of his people.

Gero: I LOVE IT! And we can have this standoff moment at the end where he shoots Kolya to save her or something! DRAMATIC! And, uh, it'll be awesome to see Sheppard snap back to reality when he finds out she's alive.

BW: Sounds good.

RCC: Wait...this isn't going to be romantic or anything, is it?

Gero: What? No way. I am not into that idea for a ship! Leave it to me, I'll make sure it's completely sanitized.

Joe & Torri upon reading the script: That's what you think.

Sparkies upon seeing the script: Thank you for canonizing!!!

Hilarious!!!!

Eri13's Lifeline recap:

Spoiler:

[EXT: CITY IN SPACE. HALF A SHIELD. JUMPER BAY.]

Rodney: This is something that's not going to work. Invariably we're going to die.

John: What do we have to do?

Rodney: Use Elizabeth as an antenna, basically. At least it's original.

John: No, it isn't.

[INT: ELIZABETH'S INFIRMARY ROOM, SHE IS MAKING SHADOW PUPPETS WITH HER HANDS. JOHN AND COMPANY WALK IN. JOHN AND ELIZABETH STARE WITH PEOPLE IN THE ROOM.]

Teyla: Let me steal your quote from The Gift because I can't come up with good motivation on my own. At least Ronon pays attention.

*John and Elizabeth STARE at each other.*

Rodney: We're going to try to do something that's probably not going to work and we're all going to die.

Elizabeth: Got it. And you'll kill me if this goes wrong.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth and John STARE at each other; don't even notice others have left.

Elizabeth: You will have to kill me if this goes bad.

John: (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Elizabeth: For reasons that will require an essay length explanation on symbolism, parallelism and irony, you may be required to. Just keep that in mind. And I like your woobie face.

John: *bigger woobie face* *STARE*

[EXT: JUMPER IN SPACE]

*John and Elizabeth stare in Jumper*

Rodney: We just did something that is not working and we're all going to die.
Ronon gives him an aggravated look.

[EXT: ASURAS.]

Rodney: This is not going to work, and we're all going to die. *hits button*

Elizabeth: (pretends she's seeing something new and unusual and not a complete rip-off of the Matrix). Wow. I'm like Keanu, even got the black BDUs on.

John: We're going. Tell us where.

*more staring*

Elizabeth: Ok.

*more staring*

[INT: ASURAS]

John and Ronon run where Elizabeth tells them, find a ZPM, and get back to the jumper.

*more staring*

Rodney: I've just come up with a plan that's ridiculous, crazy, will probably kill all of us and most certainly Elizabeth but we should try it anyway.

Elizabeth: I agree!

John (WOOBIE FACE): THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Elizabeth: This isn't the Hot Zone, I definitely know what's best!

John: This is totally the Hot Zone, and no you don't, you have nanites in your brain, which is, ironically, exactly what makes this like Hot Zone!

Rodney: Then let me suggest an alternative so that you can run a much greater risk and most certainly die.

John: (LESS WOOBIE) THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!

[INT: JUMPER, NOW ON TOP OF A TOWER WITH A BIG PENETRATING SHIELD]

Rodney: Okay, here's the plan that most certainly will not work, will cost us Elizabeth and will more than likely sacrifice Atlantis too. Got it?

John: Plug and Play, got it. That's cool. I've devolved enough to be able to mangle plug and play. *stares at Elizabeth* You tell us where to go.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES*

Rodney: Welcome to the canonization of your relationship. Congratulations. Go, so I can proclaim more doom.

Elizabeth: *STARES*

John: *STARES* *gets up* Bye.

Elizabeth: Bye.

Elizabeth and John STARE.

[INT: REPLICATOR CORE ROOM]

John: Look, the Replicator mainframe is a Simon game! That explains a lot.

Ronon: Can you just plug in that Plug & Play that's not going to work so we can forward the story.

John: It's not working!

Rodney: Of course it's not, I told you this wouldn't work and we would all die.

Elizabeth: That's my cue to be awesome. *Runs out of Jumper*

Rodney: Crap. Despite my being a super genius, every single program I've developed this go around has not worked. Go figure. And now the kill switch isn't working either.

Ronon: Go figure.

John: We'll if we're going to die might as well take out Simon. Oh, look, somehow I can access the root structure of my plug and play pad to manually IMPORT CRAZY LOOKING CODE ALL BY MYSELF.

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND]

Elizabeth: Hah! I am stronger, and you didn't think so! Now I get to pwn you like I so really wanted to do in Progeny but couldn't cuz I was trying to be diplomatic. Wish I could have, my hair was more awesome!

Oberoth: Use the force Luke!

[INT: RODNEY IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, JOHN IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, RONON IS TAKEN HOSTAGE, OBEROTH APPARENTLY DOES ALL THE WORK IN THE REPLICATOR CITY DESPITE THE FACT THEY'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE MENTALLY CONNECTED...]

John: You can't mind probe me! I'm a girl! *morphs*

[INT: OBEROTH'S GLOWY BLUE MIND AGAIN]

Elizabeth: HA HA! FOOLED YOU!

Oberoth: I'm a robot, and yet I can still get pissed.

[INT: JOHN AND RONON RUNNING THROUGH THE REPLICATOR CITY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO STUMBLE ON THE HALLWAY WHERE ELIZABETH FOUND OBEROTH]

John: ELIZABETH! *STARE*

Elizabeth: I can't look at you right now, my hand's in Oberoth's head. Run away, so you can get the better of Rodney and his pessimism. GO!

John: ELIZABETH!

Elizabeth: In the ultimate symbolic move of irony and parallelism, as taken in comparison to episodes Hot Zone, Siege II, Common Ground and others too small to name, I, Elizabeth Weir, the civilian head of Atlantis, in a move that will require lengthy English-major style analysis, will now ORDER YOU, John Sheppard, to leave me behind.

John: And in the ultimate showing of ironic twist and in complete paradox to what I normally do, for reasons that will require a lengthy, English-major type explanation, I John Sheppard, erstwhile military man who owes you no military allegiance, will OBEY.

*FINAL STARE*

Elizabeth: My life's about to suck.

[INT: JUMPER]

Rodney: I told you this plan wouldn't work and we'd all die!

*Somehow the plan works*

[EXT: SPACE]

Rodney: Big frakkin ship!

*big frakkin ship gets hit by another big frakkin' ship in a moment that confuses the hell out of everyone*

Sam: HI!

Rodney: Of course! I know why I was inept in this episode! Sam's here! I must either look stupid, arrogant or licentious in comparison.

[INT: ATLANTIS]

Rodney: This plan is not going to work and we're all going to die!

John: Then let's at least have some fun with the city. *goes to chair room and lands the city with surprisingly little splash.*

Bill Lee: 9.5!

[INT: WEIR'S OLD OFFICE THAT IS ALREADY BETTER DECORATED.]

Teyla: I am sad, I will miss her. Though I have a feeling this scene may only have been inserted so that I had more to do this episode.

Ronon: Par for the course.

[EXT: THE SPARKY BALCONY]

Sam: I can be nice, and yet I still go straight for the heart. Because I like your woobie face.

John: Well here it is again, thanks for bringing it up. Guess I should say something about getting Elizabeth back. So, I'll say it. I'll get her back.

Sam: You say that if it makes you feel better. But don't get too cheerful, I like the Woob and so does everyone else.

John: *woobie*

[END]

Oh my gosh, Eri’s recaps are absolutely hilarious, Thank you for sharing.

[Nolamom]