things you would not want to hear on the Atlantis intercom

[a6346]

Anouncer: Good morning Atlantis, the leaders have told me to reasure you that no matter what it looks like Atlantis is not sinking.Btw the leaders will not be around they seem to have just walked at a brisk pace through the stargate on a comletly unrelated matter.

[TrueRomantic]

Rodney is looking for volunteers to test out his newest discovery. It's in the same area as all of the other bad things he's discovered. If he doesn't get a volunteer in the next 24 hours, he'll be coming to find a victim volunteer. Have a good day!!!

[FN-P90]

Unknown voice: Will the owner of a white ford escort plesae move your vehical, or we will have to tow it....into the sun.

[Mimzy]

CARTER: There! Look!
RONON: What does it say?
SHEPERD: What language is that?
CARTER: McKay! You are a scholar.
MCKAY: It's Ancient!
SHEPERD: Of course! Joseph of the Ancients!
RONON: 'Course!
CARTER: What does it say?
MCKAY: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of the Ancients. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the ZPM in the
Outpost of aaaaaagggh'.
CARTER: What?
MCKAY: '...The Outpost of aaaaaagggh'.
ZELENKA: What is that?
MCKAY: He must have died while carving it.
RONON: Oh, come on!
MCKAY: Well, that's what it says.
CARTER: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MCKAY: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
SHEPERD: Perhaps he was dictating.
CARTER: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
MCKAY: No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'.
RONON: Aaaauugggh.
CARTER: Aaaaaggh.
ZELENKA: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?
SHEPERD: Where's that?
ZELENKA: France, I think.
RONON: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?
CARTER: No, that's 'Saint Ives'.
RONON: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.
SOLDIERS: Iiiiives.
ZELENKA: Oooohoohohooo!
RONON: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.
ZELENKA: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm.
RONON: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!
ZELENKA: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!
CARTER: Oooh!
SHEPERD: My God!
[dramatic chord]
[roar]
MCKAY: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!
[Black Beast of Aaauugh eats MCKAY]
ZELENKA: That's it! That's it!
CARTER: Run away!
SOLDIERS: Run away!


GENII GUARD: Allo! Who is eet?
CARTER: It is Col. Carter, and these are my Soldiers from Atlantis. Who's outpost is this?
GENII GUARD: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
CARTER: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by our superiors with an important quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for a ZPM.
GENII GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
CARTER: What?
SHEPERD: He says they've already got one!
CARTER: Are you sure he's got one?
GENII GUARD: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)
GENII GUARDS: [chuckling]
CARTER: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
GENII GUARD: Of course not! You are Lantian types-a!
CARTER: Well, what are you, then?
GENII GUARD: I'm Genii! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly colonel-a?!
SHEPERD: What are you doing here?
GENII GUARD: Mind your own business!
CARTER: If you will not show us the ZPM, we shall take your outpost by force!
GENII GUARD: You don't frighten us, Lantian pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Col Carter, you and all your silly Lantian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
SHEPERD: What a strange person.
CARTER: Now look here, my good man--
GENII GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a
hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
SHEPERD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
GENII GUARD: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

*dies laughing*

Pure genius. You get green

[FN-P90]

Unknown voice: theres a omeless man standing out side shouting obcenites at traffic, security to pier 9 please.

[The_Carpenter]

WHAT YA MEAN THERES NO COFFEE!!!!

[Specter177]

Intercom: We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. We are the Borg.

[The_Carpenter]

You Will Be Exterminated

[Princess Awinita]

Intercom: We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. We are the Borg.

Milky War Replicator Bug: nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom..... burp

[The_Carpenter]

Hmmm there was time travel back in the old days.... *fiddles with a old beaten FOB watch*

[FN-P90]

: does anyone know how to turn the self destruct off,....anyone.... ohwell

*Atlantis explodes*

[The_Carpenter]

:a bowl of petunias: Ohhhhh no not again

*Cheyanne Mountain disappears in a puff of illogic*

[Specter177]

Intercom: Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me.
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

[RodneyIsGodney]

I direct you to this...http://forum.gateworld.net/showpost....5&postcount=15



...just don't feel like typing it all over again...

[JJSNgadget]

Unknown voice: theres a omeless man standing out side shouting obcenites at traffic, security to pier 9 please.

PA: "Oh, sweet lord. Now there's a woman-oh, a topless woman-directing traffic."

Hmmm there was time travel back in the old days.... *fiddles with a old beaten FOB watch*

: "But what would I know, stupid old man. Never could keep time. Always late, always lost. (holds watch) Even this thing never worked. Time and time and time again, always running out on me."
: "Och, Rodney, wha are ye babblin about?"


: "You've built this system out of food and string and staples. McKay, you're a genius."
: "Says the man who made it work."
: "Aah, it's easy, coming in at the end. But you're stellar, this is, this is magnificent!"
: "Please, lets not give him an even bigger ego."