If you go to hell, you can just bet that I'll be at the door to welcome you!
I absolutely, positively, without a doubt, undeniably, detest funerals. If I never go to another (including one for me) it wood be just fine. The last one I was required to attend was my mother's. It was completely a canned service. I swear, the EXACT SAME WORDS were used for her husband's funeral a year and a half earlier. The pity is, it was her favorite son-in-law giving it! All of my sisters and brothers were there naturally, but most of us are not close and the likelihood of seeing some of them again in say, the next 10 years are very slight. Gawd, a couple of them were even shedding crocodile tears! As if our mother hadn't been the beast from hell for the better part of 80 years...
I absolutely, positively, without a doubt, undeniably, detest funerals. If I never go to another (including one for me) it wood be just fine. The last one I was required to attend was my mother's. It was completely a canned service. I swear, the EXACT SAME WORDS were used for her husband's funeral a year and a half earlier. The pity is, it was her favorite son-in-law giving it! All of my sisters and brothers were there naturally, but most of us are not close and the likelihood of seeing some of them again in say, the next 10 years are very slight. Gawd, a couple of them were even shedding crocodile tears! As if our mother hadn't been the beast from hell for the better part of 80 years...
And most of my friends are scattered all over the world - so they can't come and I wouldn't want them to. So that will leave it up to my nephew to take care of matters. I am seriously thinking of creamation then have my urn flown down to LA and placed near my Mom - if they can do that. Anyhow, throw me in, then those few who could come, have some food and drink and celebrate life. I really hate funerals.
No - my mom in in a mausoleum (in a wall) - plenty of room to slip a small mayonese jar in or whatever they use. I would have preferred cremation for her, but it was somewhat out of my hands. Just quick and simple like maybe 15 words.... Here lies Ms. Perkiss' ashes. May she rest in peace! Now, everyone out to eat! Oh and maybe Amen! 
Particularly with being shut up with a chicken poxy child who... yes, love him though I do, is doing my nut in. I think he's going to be off a few more days because he's not quite crusted over (eew) and, had I not had the head from hell on my shoulders, I would be imbibing in some of Nola's laundry wine to get. Me. Through. 
I had them when I was too little to remember what it was like. Aside from itching like crazy. Speaking of suffering, I am suffering from a pinched nerve in my neck, OUCH! Yeah, my left hand is pretty much useless half the time. And my left arm isn't any better. Sleeping is about as fun as a root canal.
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