things you would not want to hear on the Atlantis intercom

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

It sounded very wrong at the beginning there...

Weir: So what can you tell me about what you saw when you returned to Athos?
Teyla: It was horrible.
Sheppard: It was terrible.
McKay: It was... somewhere in between the two adjectives just said.
Teyla: The Wraith, they have culled the chickens.
Weir: No! Not the chickens! If Athos no longer has any chickens who are we going to steal poultry from?
Sheppard: We have no choice... we have to eat beef now.
McKay: But I can't! I have Indian heritage!
Weir: You do?
McKay: Yeah... Why? I thought everyone knew that.
Sheppard: No... we didn't.
McKay: Oh... well I do.
Teyla: Weird...
McKay: Yeah... isn't it?

Alas, it seems we've gotten a bit off-topic. So to get us back there...

(John has come back through the 'Gate, dressed in a long green robe and crown of some plant. He looks very uncomfortable. Teyla comes through in a lovely white dress and a big smile. McKay and Ronan come in last, looking very amused.

Weir: So, how did the negotiations go?
John: Er... Well... They wouldn't talk to us if the leader wasn't... Ah... (mumbles something)
Weir: What was that, John?
McKay: (gleefully) Married!
Ronan: (smirk) Sheppard had to be married to finish the deal...
Teyla: And I was only too happy to provide my services! (beaming)
John: Yes, thank you guys... SO MUCH...
Weir: (looks caught between outrage and amusement) Uh... Ha... Okay... Hold on just a moment, I'm going... To call for a team to... Hee hee... Get the trade supplies... (runs for her office)
John: Oh God, she had better not be doing what I think she's-
Weir: Attention all personnel. It is my pleasure to announce the marriage of Mr. And Mrs. John Sheppard... Or Emmagan. It will depend upon the couple's (snicker) decision... All are invited to a roast-Er, I mean, reception! Hee hee hah hahhhaahahahahahahaahahaaaa!
McKay: (begins cackling)
Ronan: (laughing)
Teyla: (confused) Is this traditional for Earth marriage customs?
John: Oh yes... It's pure evil, Teyla...

[susanne]

Alas, it seems we've gotten a bit off-topic. So to get us back there...

(John has come back through the 'Gate, dressed in a long green robe and crown of some plant. He looks very uncomfortable. Teyla comes through in a lovely white dress and a big smile. McKay and Ronan come in last, looking very amused.

Weir: So, how did the negotiations go?
John: Er... Well... They wouldn't talk to us if the leader wasn't... Ah... (mumbles something)
Weir: What was that, John?
McKay: (gleefully) Married!
Ronan: (smirk) Sheppard had to be married to finish the deal...
Teyla: And I was only too happy to provide my services! (beaming)
John: Yes, thank you guys... SO MUCH...
Weir: (looks caught between outrage and amusement) Uh... Ha... Okay... Hold on just a moment, I'm going... To call for a team to... Hee hee... Get the trade supplies... (runs for her office)
John: Oh God, she had better not be doing what I think she's-
Weir: Attention all personnel. It is my pleasure to announce the marriage of Mr. And Mrs. John Sheppard... Or Emmagan. It will depend upon the couple's (snicker) decision... All are invited to a roast-Er, I mean, reception! Hee hee hah hahhhaahahahahahahaahahaaaa!
McKay: (begins cackling)
Ronan: (laughing)
Teyla: (confused) Is this traditional for Earth marriage customs?
John: Oh yes... It's pure evil, Teyla...

hahahahaha i loved that!
wier: attentionthis is wier now that john is finnally married all the girls can now come out of their hiding places...ford what are you doing in here?! ....ford?! *sounds of yelping* FORD CAUGHT THE KIRK SYNDROME EVERYONE HIDE!

[Elles]

Alas, it seems we've gotten a bit off-topic. So to get us back there...

(John has come back through the 'Gate, dressed in a long green robe and crown of some plant. He looks very uncomfortable. Teyla comes through in a lovely white dress and a big smile. McKay and Ronan come in last, looking very amused.

Weir: So, how did the negotiations go?
John: Er... Well... They wouldn't talk to us if the leader wasn't... Ah... (mumbles something)
Weir: What was that, John?
McKay: (gleefully) Married!
Ronan: (smirk) Sheppard had to be married to finish the deal...
Teyla: And I was only too happy to provide my services! (beaming)
John: Yes, thank you guys... SO MUCH...
Weir: (looks caught between outrage and amusement) Uh... Ha... Okay... Hold on just a moment, I'm going... To call for a team to... Hee hee... Get the trade supplies... (runs for her office)
John: Oh God, she had better not be doing what I think she's-
Weir: Attention all personnel. It is my pleasure to announce the marriage of Mr. And Mrs. John Sheppard... Or Emmagan. It will depend upon the couple's (snicker) decision... All are invited to a roast-Er, I mean, reception! Hee hee hah hahhhaahahahahahahaahahaaaa!
McKay: (begins cackling)
Ronan: (laughing)
Teyla: (confused) Is this traditional for Earth marriage customs?
John: Oh yes... It's pure evil, Teyla...

Ohmigosh... *catches breath*

Teyla: Well I for one don't care how evil it is... Dr. Weir invited us to it in such a nice manner that... John?
*over intercom*
Weir: Oh John... *heavy breaths*
*I appear next to Teyla in a cloud of smoke*
Elles: I'm telling you... No matter what his Kirking habit will not tone down until Carter gives him that electric *snicker* shock therapy.
Sam: My pleasure...
Teyla: The SG-1 sets are that way...
Sam: Oh... I guess Elles will have to do it...
Elles: Yes I will... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[Superstargate]

Attention everyone, I just want you to know that cloned Elmo's have just come out of the stargate followed by barney's. At first they fooled us with sayings of loving us then suddenly assasinated the entire SGA team. Have a good day.

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Ohmigosh... *catches breath*

Teyla: Well I for one don't care how evil it is... Dr. Weir invited us to it in such a nice manner that... John?
*over intercom*
Weir: Oh John... *heavy breaths*
*I appear next to Teyla in a cloud of smoke*
Elles: I'm telling you... No matter what his Kirking habit will not tone down until Carter gives him that electric *snicker* shock therapy.
Sam: My pleasure...
Teyla: The SG-1 sets are that way...
Sam: Oh... I guess Elles will have to do it...
Elles: Yes I will... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Andrew: Sheesh...
(John returns, looking none the worse for wear. The sounds over the intercom continue)
Teyla: ... John? You are not cheating on me with Dr. Weir?
John: Hey, I'm not that stupid! Must be some other John... I don't think she'd be using his full name, unless she was, I dunno, a Jaffa or something...
Andrew: Or maybe she's just fantasizing... That's always a possibility... What?

[Elles]

Me: *electric wires in hand* Actually... *conducts DNA test* This is just a clone... the real John is up there... *looks towards Weir's office*

[Col. Shadow Quinn]

Attention everyone, I just want you to know that cloned Elmo's have just come out of the stargate followed by barney's. At first they fooled us with sayings of loving us then suddenly assasinated the entire SGA team. Have a good day.

Barney: I am Barney of Borg with the Elmos of Borg, being assimilated is fun!

[Elles]

Children singing: Barney is a dinosaur he lives in our imagination... Barney can be your friend to if you get assimilated too!

[Col. Shadow Quinn]

Assimilation is painful, imagine a Wraith being assimilated by the borg, envision the intense agony that Wraith would be going through.

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Weir: ... And that concludes my first hit album, "Simon Dying in Many Horrible Ways". I hope you enjoyed it, because my next hit album, "Simon Dying in MORE Horrible Ways", is going to be played next!

[Commander Jumper]

Weir: I'd like you all to welcome our new Phsycologist....but before we introduce her...we'd like to tell our old one that her time here is much appreciated....now I'd like yuou to here the new one's rules....you must attend a session each day...Rodney, Carson, John...you have to twice....or four times a day.....you must come prepared to be stripped.....of your pride
Me: and clothes
Weir: excuse me....um...and now please meet out new thereapist..PJ1
: Oh God no!!!!

[penguininablender]

Weir: I'd like you all to welcome our new Phsycologist....but before we introduce her...we'd like to tell our old one that her time here is much appreciated....now I'd like yuou to here the new one's rules....you must attend a session each day...Rodney, Carson, John...you have to twice....or four times a day.....you must come prepared to be stripped.....of your pride
Me: and clothes
Weir: excuse me....um...and now please meet out new thereapist..PJ1
: Oh God no!!!!

lol, you must be the greatest pshycologist ever

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

John: Attention all personnel: We have intruders, repeat, intruders. They go by the aliases of PJ1, Susanne, and Elles. They resemble human women, but are in fact something else. If you see them, subdue them by any means nessecary, as they are completely, 100 percent nuts.

[susanne]

attention atlantis: this is wier beckett has a new assistant...she has a errr colourful resume please welcome susanne!
everyone: OH HOLY...!
me: well nice to see you all too im sure john will like me i might even give him a spongebath!

[susanne]

John: Attention all personnel: We have intruders, repeat, intruders. They go by the aliases of PJ1, Susanne, and Elles. They resemble human women, but are in fact something else. If you see them, subdue them by any means nessecary, as they are completely, 100 percent nuts.

mwahahahaha no nut house in the universe can keep me away from john!