things you would not want to hear on the Atlantis intercom

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Okay, on a scale of squid to god, how would you rate John's kissing?
I am... Not familiar with that scale, Dr. Weir.
Well, squid means he just slobbers in your mouth like a dying fish. God means he makes you weak in the knees, among other things.
Well then, between god or squid, I must choose-(intercom cuts out)
*******it!

[Morgania]

: Sateda has no pants, Sateda needs no pants.
: Well, you got that right.

[Elles]

Okay, on a scale of squid to god, how would you rate John's kissing?
I am... Not familiar with that scale, Dr. Weir.
Well, squid means he just slobbers in your mouth like a dying fish. God means he makes you weak in the knees, among other things.
Well then, between god or squid, I must choose-(intercom cuts out)
*******it!

*intercom turns on again*
Personally, I give him a squid...
He wasn't *sob* supposed to *sob* tell... *sob*

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Zelenka: I'm dreaming, of a white, Christmas! Like how we used to... Uh... Rodney?
McKay: I cannot believe this! First you want to practive in Weir's office for the talent show, and NOW you forget how the song goes after weeks and WEEKS of... Uh... Say, is that light supposed to be blinking?

Of course, there are less than honest uses for Dr. Weir's office, LOL...

Cadman: Why are we doing this again?
McKay: Because Elizabeth needs a good laugh, and you're the only one with a whoopie cushion on base.
Cadman: Doesn't the Colonel have one?
McKay: He did... Until Ronan found it.

[Elles]

Zelenka: I'm dreaming, of a white, Christmas! Like how we used to... Uh... Rodney?
McKay: I cannot believe this! First you want to practive in Weir's office for the talent show, and NOW you forget how the song goes after weeks and WEEKS of... Uh... Say, is that light supposed to be blinking?

Of course, there are less than honest uses for Dr. Weir's office, LOL...

Cadman: Why are we doing this again?
McKay: Because Elizabeth needs a good laugh, and you're the only one with a whoopie cushion on base.
Cadman: Doesn't the Colonel have one?
McKay: He did... Until Ronan found it.

*chuckle*
Cadman: And then what happened?
McKay: Well... this was just after Ronon had revealed that Sheppard was gay. That alone could've torn him apart... But then Ronon had found his woopie coushin on one of those nights when they'd stolen away onto the Eastern Peir and then into Sheppard's quarters. Ronon hadn't put it back properly. Now... Sheppard had also put an video and audio feed into his room so as to make announcements and play Potter Puppet Pals on it at random intervals. One day, he had been sitting down to make an announcement when he sat on the very woopie coushin Ronon had misplaced that one restless night. The sound filled the coridors of Atlantis. At first there was silence... but it was followed by the laughter of everyone in Atlantis. Sheppard couldn't bear it anymore... he stole a puddle jumper and ran away to somewhere in the mainland with the woopie coushin where he's been for a long time. If you're especially quite at night... you can hear him whispering on the wind...
Sheppard (whispering on the wind): I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner... that is what I'd truly like to be! For if I were an Oscar Meyer weiner... Woah! Say! What the heck are you two doing in Weir's office?
McKay: John? I thought you were on the main land...
Sheppard: What? What lies have you been spreading on the intercom now?
McKay: You mean you didn't hear?
Sheppard (removes ear plugs): What?
McKay: Let us never speak of it again...
Sheppard: What?

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

*chuckle*
Cadman: And then what happened?
McKay: Well... this was just after Ronon had revealed that Sheppard was gay. That alone could've torn him apart... But then Ronon had found his woopie coushin on one of those nights when they'd stolen away onto the Eastern Peir and then into Sheppard's quarters. Ronon hadn't put it back properly. Now... Sheppard had also put an video and audio feed into his room so as to make announcements and play Potter Puppet Pals on it at random intervals. One day, he had been sitting down to make an announcement when he sat on the very woopie coushin Ronon had misplaced that one restless night. The sound filled the coridors of Atlantis. At first there was silence... but it was followed by the laughter of everyone in Atlantis. Sheppard couldn't bear it anymore... he stole a puddle jumper and ran away to somewhere in the mainland with the woopie coushin where he's been for a long time. If you're especially quite at night... you can hear him whispering on the wind...
Sheppard (whispering on the wind): I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner... that is what I'd truly like to be! For if I were an Oscar Meyer weiner... Woah! Say! What the heck are you two doing in Weir's office?
McKay: John? I thought you were on the main land...
Sheppard: What? What lies have you been spreading on the intercom now?
McKay: You mean you didn't hear?
Sheppard (removes ear plugs): What?
McKay: Let us never speak of it again...
Sheppard: What?

Heh heh heh... I've got an idea. The Atlantis Radio Show! I'll start a thread for it. Elles, I'm going to need your help.

[Elles]

It is my pleasure to serve.

[Col. Shadow Quinn]

McKay, make love to me, I need you
Okay Rony Wony*starts making love to each other*
I'll kill them.*shoots ronon and mckay till they're dead
Finally, thanks Ford, You are now given your own command.
Thanks, Col.Sheppard.
You are also in charge of Kavanagh's torture and investigation. We know he's innocent, I just like knowing that he's in agony.
YAHOO!!!

[Elles]

*giggle*
McKay: No... no... you said that wrong... you're supposed to say "Woohoo!"
Ford: Shouldn't you be dead?
McKay: Yes.
Ford: Then why are you here?
McKay: For the Pop Tarts.
Ford: No, you're supposed to be dead. Dead people don't eat Pop Tarts.
McKay: Alright, I'll tell you the truth. You can see dead people.
Ford (whispering): I see dead people.

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

*giggle*
McKay: No... no... you said that wrong... you're supposed to say "Woohoo!"
Ford: Shouldn't you be dead?
McKay: Yes.
Ford: Then why are you here?
McKay: For the Pop Tarts.
Ford: No, you're supposed to be dead. Dead people don't eat Pop Tarts.
McKay: Alright, I'll tell you the truth. You can see dead people.
Ford (whispering): I see dead people.

LMAO!

Ford: HELP ME, SHEPPARD! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!
Sheppard: ... Huh. So do I.

[Elles]

Ford: Wow! That makes us like twins!

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Ford: Wow! That makes us like twins!

Sheppard: Excuse me, I have to go scream for the next ten minutes.

[Elles]

Towlie: Remember to always bring a towel with you so that the drool doesn't get all over your shirt forcing you to rip it off and causing all the female stargate fans to faint.
Sheppard: Thanks...
Towlie: You wanna get high?

[susanne]

beckett: yeah cadman it was gross absolutely disgusting
cadman: urg you cant be telling the truth
beckett: i bet my doctors liscence on it
cadman: urg thats completely gross
beckett: and the worst part is he had no idea
cadman: theres no way your telling the truth
beckett: i swore on my doctors liscence didnt i?!
shepperd: DR BECKETT! you said you wouldnt tell anyone about my foot odour!

[Elles]

beckett: yeah cadman it was gross absolutely disgusting
cadman: urg you cant be telling the truth
beckett: i bet my doctors liscence on it
cadman: urg thats completely gross
beckett: and the worst part is he had no idea
cadman: theres no way your telling the truth
beckett: i swore on my doctors liscence didnt i?!
shepperd: DR BECKETT! you said you wouldnt tell anyone about my foot odour!

It sounded very wrong at the beginning there...

Weir: So what can you tell me about what you saw when you returned to Athos?
Teyla: It was horrible.
Sheppard: It was terrible.
McKay: It was... somewhere in between the two adjectives just said.
Teyla: The Wraith, they have culled the chickens.
Weir: No! Not the chickens! If Athos no longer has any chickens who are we going to steal poultry from?
Sheppard: We have no choice... we have to eat beef now.
McKay: But I can't! I have Indian heritage!
Weir: You do?
McKay: Yeah... Why? I thought everyone knew that.
Sheppard: No... we didn't.
McKay: Oh... well I do.
Teyla: Weird...
McKay: Yeah... isn't it?