I think you missed alot.
Spoiler:
The Xindi desire to destroy Earth was because of a century of manipulation by the Sphere Builders, both into trusting them and into believing that Earth would destroy the Xindi in the future. As for the Vulcans, that was another case of outside influence [reunification, anyone?]as well as misinterpretation of Surak's teachings. They weren't acting Vulcan, they were acting like a self-centred, paranoid species that look alot like Vulcans.
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