Stargate/ Babylon 5 Crossover: The Addition Into The Circle

[SG-4MarineLeader]

Good update. Nice to see you continuing with this story.

Depending on what happens, this could be a disaster for Psi Corps. The Mars Psi Corps base from what I remember of Babylon 5, one of their main bases and headquarters. Bester will probably escape, but I'm guessing Amann will probably have no issues wrecking the place, and taking out some of the Psi Corps personnel in charge if he can find any.

[Burns]

Can't wait for more

[Amann]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5779872/...nto_The_Circle

You might like this one.....

[Aragon101]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5779872/...nto_The_Circle

You might like this one.....

*Glares menacingly*

will read tomorrow, bout to go to bed.

[SG-4MarineLeader]

Nice update and looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Aside from Bester escaping, it looks like Amann has effectively crippled the Psi Corps for the moment. Their base on Mars being their headquarters, they've probably lost too many people and equipment at the top to work effectively for a while. They would never admit it, but Amann has probably broken their powerbase.

Given that some elements of Psi Corps(though not Bester) are in league with the Shadows, might we see Amann getting a visit from Mr. Morden or some other Shadow minion at a later date? As central a character as he was, I would love to see Amann take Morden out of the picture, or better yet, take out one or more of the actual Shadows that follow him around.

[locutes]

I really like this chapter

[Amann]

I just registered over at SpaceBattles.com. Their forums that is. At the suggestion of locutes, I posted my stories there to be reviewed and perhaps made better. One guy over there posted something. Not that I am going to say bad things about him, but I am curious as to what my main readers think.

Posted by Brellin
The main OC seems like a gary-stu, infact it doesn't "seem" so much as *is*. My suggestion is to perhaps refine the writing style and steer away from such obvious gary-stu/mary-sue characters.

I mean really not only is he 22,000 years old and the leader of his own offshoot of Ancients but he also has what basically amounts to Prior powers (if not Ascended) and seems casually great at everything he does, with absolutly no reprecussions for the dickish way he interacts with people. Further he just happens to have access to some sort of super-jumper than can somehow provide the set up for some ridiuclous industrial facilities (honestly I could buy this given high end SG tech but it still seems rather like a "hah ha look at me and my superior tech" type of deal).

Honestly it doesn't read well, he is simply too awesome at everything with no real challenge or problems. Everything goes his way and the few times things don't go exactly as he plans he can just brute force it with either his powers or his tech. Basically, boring invincible hero.

hmmmm, do you guys think that is true?

[Aragon101]

I just registered over at SpaceBattles.com. Their forums that is. At the suggestion of locutes, I posted my stories there to be reviewed and perhaps made better. One guy over there posted something. Not that I am going to say bad things about him, but I am curious as to what my main readers think.



hmmmm, do you guys think that is true?

In a word, yes, but that doesn't mean the story isn't entertaining.

Spacebattles is notorious for overly nitpicky people. Srsly.

If you post Golden Dawn up there as well be prepared for a barrage of both pros and cons, don't get embroiled over it or you'll start to lose your sanity

[Princess Awinita]

hmmmm, do you guys think that is true?

My thoughts on this 'reviewer'

• Amann, as a character, is a character built over the years, doubntless since you joined Gateworld so manydays/months/long ago. You pretty much built the character on your own. Therefore, he is not a gary stu. Heck there is no Gary Stu anympore, he got replaced by Edward (DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THAT SERIES PLEASE!)
• Personally, this is how I view Amann the character,
  • He is well written, and actually quite planned out from the get go, Freck I helped create Golden Dawn to begin with if you remember it rightly Amann. (My game that you joined up remember?)
  • I see him as a anti-hero. Not boring at all. Some may view borning overpowered characters, as just that, over powered and boring, but there are a few of us that enjoy such characters, makes us feel for them. Apparently some people have set their standards a little up there. Not that iti s a bad thing.
  • Amann, as a character, has flaws, some of those flaws, he does not seem to get along with others, comes off as zealous or narrow minded, or even worse. Too secretive, or even downright deadly.
    • My verdict. Amann is a character, created by the onew thing we all have, and nurture differently, Amann is created by Amann, I don't see the character as a gary stu at all. I see him as a well writ anti-hero up there with Riddick, and my own anti-heroine Kiriko

Those are my thoughts

I'll shut up now

[Aragon101]

My thoughts on this 'reviewer'

• Amann, as a character, is a character built over the years, doubntless since you joined Gateworld so manydays/months/long ago. You pretty much built the character on your own. Therefore, he is not a gary stu. Heck there is no Gary Stu anympore, he got replaced by Edward (DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THAT SERIES PLEASE!)
• Personally, this is how I view Amann the character,
  • He is well written, and actually quite planned out from the get go, Freck I helped create Golden Dawn to begin with if you remember it rightly Amann. (My game that you joined up remember?)
  • I see him as a anti-hero. Not boring at all. Some may view borning overpowered characters, as just that, over powered and boring, but there are a few of us that enjoy such characters, makes us feel for them. Apparently some people have set their standards a little up there. Not that iti s a bad thing.
  • Amann, as a character, has flaws, some of those flaws, he does not seem to get along with others, comes off as zealous or narrow minded, or even worse. Too secretive, or even downright deadly.
    • My verdict. Amann is a character, created by the onew thing we all have, and nurture differently, Amann is created by Amann, I don't see the character as a gary stu at all. I see him as a well writ anti-hero up there with Riddick, and my own anti-heroine Kiriko

Those are my thoughts

I'll shut up now

In Golden Dawn i agree with the above to certain degrees, but in this bab5 story it's kinda different since we dn't get that same build up.

It's like having Sheppard from season 5 just suddenly appear in a new story without knowing what he's been through or capable of. A building lands on him? Bah, what does SHeppard care? But while we know he can grit though it since he's suffered a **** load more from bullet wounds, wraith feedings, stabs, all sorts of things, a new viewer wouldn't understand that and think he's a Gary Stu.

[Amann]

Wow, is it just me, or is spacebattles.com have a far more idiot per capita on their forum or what? I got smacked by another member who called my fic an author insert. Just because I share my name with the character. But the character is markedly different than myself obviously, and I took the time to explain it to him and he slammed me again. Sheesh, I never got blasted this much on gateworld. It is like arguing who wins, Star Wars or Star Trek. No matter what you try to say or do, they will rage on you, nitpick, and just troll you to death. Now I see why most intelligent people avoid Space Battles.

[Princess Awinita]

Wow, is it just me, or is spacebattles.com have a far more idiot per capita on their forum or what? I got smacked by another member who called my fic an author insert. Just because I share my name with the character. But the character is markedly different than myself obviously, and I took the time to explain it to him and he slammed me again. Sheesh, I never got blasted this much on gateworld. It is like arguing who wins, Star Wars or Star Trek. No matter what you try to say or do, they will rage on you, nitpick, and just troll you to death. Now I see why most intelligent people avoid Space Battles.

And you now know why I avoid the place like the plague!

personally I've used many a character of mine, (for one Autumnstarr for example) in several of my stories, Teyilia too I have uysed, mostly as author incerts, but never have I been told that I did it because it gave another OC to the story, heck with it Bella and Edward are OCs plain and simple

[Amann]

Im getting trolled out the *** on spacebattles.

Locutes! ***DAMN YOU FOR SUGGESTING THAT I POST THE STORY ON SPACEBATTLES! No matter what I do or try to rationalize the tech, I get every technology detail nitpicked when it was secondary to my story in the first place! They seem to want "competent Ancients" having every piece of stargate tech and turned up to frakking 11 with ubertech! WHICH IS COMPLETELY IMBALANCED IN FANFICTION! Ships with time travel tech, and time dilation weapons! Here, everyone here can read the details on the space battles board. I will send the thread here. I haven't been enraged like this in a long time. A VERY LONG TIME!

*goes off the computer in a ranting cursing rage*

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showt...=175376&page=6

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthread.php?t=175494

[Princess Awinita]

One of the first thing you have to do here Amann is to calm down. and that is actually amazing, two guys in history with the last name of Amann.

• You have to remember, I had helped create things for Golden Dawn (for some examples, Galadriel, and Taelira, along with two other characters that will make appearances later on in the story)
• People will pick apart your stories, some of them will flat out insult you, some will give what they think is 'constructive' criticism, others, normally a very few, will give you thanks for writing the story, in this case, I have found around 9-11 people that actually like your story, and three that don't and one person that likes to troll. If Star Dragon is right, then you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Brelin 'reviews'
• Another thing is to not blame anyone for the posts you make there. They recommended you to the site, only you are finding bad experiances there so far, don't let it get to you. That will only make things worse.
• Like Aragorn101 ghad said, on spacebattles, some people there have their famnfic preferances set a little too up there. I am sure that if I posted my fanfic story series Ascension War, I'd be laughed out of the place.

My point is simple; don;t let them get to you, several people actually like your story, and apparently. Brelin is a spammer/troll on those forums with a very high post count, so don't really bother with him. He just wants attention

[Amann]

I dont see those 9-11 people on there. I see you, locutes, and two others. Plus my support base is strangely silent and the critics are VERY VOCAL! I am starting to hate the forums there. Enough that I am considering not staying there. At least here, they don't try to pick you apart. ****ing immature brats