Hi!
I was in strange mood today and felt like whumping a wraith. Don`t get me wrong I love the wraith, so I am not sure if this is the righ place to post the first chaper of my story. It's just I have newer written any fanfiction before and I would feel better if you guys geive me feedback on it than posting it straight away on a fanfiction site.
If it is absolute crap please tell me so.
I think it needs to be rated PG 14 for language and sickness
I hope you don't think I am a sick nutcase now.
I was in strange mood today and felt like whumping a wraith. Don`t get me wrong I love the wraith, so I am not sure if this is the righ place to post the first chaper of my story. It's just I have newer written any fanfiction before and I would feel better if you guys geive me feedback on it than posting it straight away on a fanfiction site.
If it is absolute crap please tell me so.
I think it needs to be rated PG 14 for language and sickness
I hope you don't think I am a sick nutcase now.
Spoiler:
Chapter 1
Inner monologue in italics
He awoke to an unpleasant feeling, like if his heart was pumping ice crystals through his blood vessels instead of warm blood. The more he returned to the world of consciousness the more the unpleasantness turned into pain, incredible pain. Everything hurt and movement seemed an unbearable agony, even such a simple thing as to open his eyes was not accomplishable.
After what seemed like hours, or were it just mere minutes, it was difficult to tell, the pain eased off, just a little. Enough though to force his eyelids open and realising that this place was definitely not, where he had been stunned. … Stunned?! Now since when does a stunner cause this much pain? Something is wrong, very wrong indeed.
His vision was all blurred, but he could make out, that he was in a dark room, which was not of wraith design. It was all cold and lifeless – all stone, and come to think of it, this place’s stench insulted his nostrils. Slowly the pieces of his memory begun to reassemble:
I have been on a mission….yes that was it, I have been on a mission to hunt down this traitor of a wraith, this Lantean lover, who would let himself be imprisoned by those humans… Would ally with them ... How could a wraith in his right mind consider working together with food? Well, the replicators were a serious threat, but the we are completely capable of dealing with those machines ourselves. We have done so before, we would have done it again, without help of the Lanteans! But this wraith seemed to be strange anyway; hey he was imprisoned before by even less evolved humans. What were they called again? Hmm…a, yes - Genii. That wraith must be an idiot. Imprisoned twice by humans in less than 100 years. That was quite an accomplishment in terms of stupidity. I never ever would have let a human humiliate me in such a way; I would have found a way to free myself very quickly. But then, maybe the Genii have burnt away his brain. And then this piece of filth dared to crash his hive into the cloning facility and kill my beloved queen. Not even enough there, that dirtbag had the imprudence not to die with his hive but to take a dart and take flight through the gate. What a coward. I had the “honour” to hunt down this piece of garbage and kill it. The running wraith had decided to take refuge in the underwood of a creepy red leafed forest, full of thorns at some backwater planet, long deprived of human life. I was hunting him, had almost gotten him, but then unbelievable enough this stupid human loving wraith had stunned me. Not so a fool after all then …
But how does this place relate to my mission?
Slowly he got aware of an additional stinging pain between his shoulders; some kind of sting was piercing his skin there. Cursing the thorned forest he reached for it and pulled it out. To his surprise the thorn turned out to be a from of crude weapon, a little dart aligned with feathers. As his vision had cleared now, he could see that the head was covered with some sticky substance. Poison? - That would explain the pain.
As the effects of the poison wore off, he picked himself up from the muddy floor to assess the situation. While doing so he instantly realised that he was on a different planet as the gravitation was slightly stronger. The room seemed to be more carved out of stone than actually built, the only exit was barred by a door made of wood. The wraith could not suppress a grin. Whoever brought him here could not possibly have imagined that this battered, rotten door could hold him, even tough it was locked. He kicked it hard, just for the fun of it and to let off steam. That poison stuff had really hurt. As expected the door was no barrier whatsoever and upon punching several times it splintered in all directions. One of the pieces got stuck in his thigh. He pulled it out and discovered that his regeneration abilities where not as strong as he would have liked them to be as the wound took some time to heal.
The poison must have weakened me considerably. Whoever had the insolence to bring me here will serve me as meal.
And with a big stride he went through the doorway, or to put it better he tried to get through the doorway, which resulted in an eruption of red light and a howl of pain on the wraith’s side. Slowly he extended his hand to the doorway again and got another energy jolt. The air between the door frame and the corridor was separated by red ripples of energy.
Oh great, a force field… in a cave, behind a rotten wooden door, just great. That day gets better by the minute.
The wraith inspected the door frame, this time being careful not to venture too far, as he felt no need for more pain. The frame seemed to be ordinary stone, there was no sign from where or how the field was generated. This was just too much for one day and he screamed his fury out. Afterwards he felt slightly better. Having a clear head again, the wraith inspected the walls of his cell again. Just to make sure he had not overlooked anything.
As he examined the wall opposite of the door he suddenly felt watched, turning around quickly he saw two completely white eyes watching him. They were kind of mesmerizing and he found he had trouble pull away of these eyes to study the rest of his captor. The being at the other side of the force field seemed to have a normal face, completely black of colour, with a nose and a mouth, framed by long white hair, but apart from that it was the strangest thing he had ever seen. It was definitely not human or wraith or anything else he had seen or heard of in his life. It seemed to draw out all the light from it’s surrounding, making it difficult to tell were the being ended and the dark corridor started. He saw himself confronted with pitch-black with two white eyes staring at him. The wraith stared back.
The black being started to grin, thereby exposing sharp white teeth. “So much defiance” its voice was a hissing whisper “you are going to be very entertaining”. The grin was really nasty by now. The wraith growled in anger. “Now, what will I call you? What about Fluffy?” The prisoner could not hold down his fury any longer. “The moment I can lay hand on you I will make you suffer for your imprudence” he spat at his captor. “Oh, really?! That will be amusing” the grin got even broader exposing even more pointed teeth “You are going to be a good pet. I shall have lots of fun to watch you suffer.” Then the creature dissolved into the thin air, leaving a very irritated wraith.
What kind of insane being was that?
TBC
Inner monologue in italics
He awoke to an unpleasant feeling, like if his heart was pumping ice crystals through his blood vessels instead of warm blood. The more he returned to the world of consciousness the more the unpleasantness turned into pain, incredible pain. Everything hurt and movement seemed an unbearable agony, even such a simple thing as to open his eyes was not accomplishable.
After what seemed like hours, or were it just mere minutes, it was difficult to tell, the pain eased off, just a little. Enough though to force his eyelids open and realising that this place was definitely not, where he had been stunned. … Stunned?! Now since when does a stunner cause this much pain? Something is wrong, very wrong indeed.
His vision was all blurred, but he could make out, that he was in a dark room, which was not of wraith design. It was all cold and lifeless – all stone, and come to think of it, this place’s stench insulted his nostrils. Slowly the pieces of his memory begun to reassemble:
I have been on a mission….yes that was it, I have been on a mission to hunt down this traitor of a wraith, this Lantean lover, who would let himself be imprisoned by those humans… Would ally with them ... How could a wraith in his right mind consider working together with food? Well, the replicators were a serious threat, but the we are completely capable of dealing with those machines ourselves. We have done so before, we would have done it again, without help of the Lanteans! But this wraith seemed to be strange anyway; hey he was imprisoned before by even less evolved humans. What were they called again? Hmm…a, yes - Genii. That wraith must be an idiot. Imprisoned twice by humans in less than 100 years. That was quite an accomplishment in terms of stupidity. I never ever would have let a human humiliate me in such a way; I would have found a way to free myself very quickly. But then, maybe the Genii have burnt away his brain. And then this piece of filth dared to crash his hive into the cloning facility and kill my beloved queen. Not even enough there, that dirtbag had the imprudence not to die with his hive but to take a dart and take flight through the gate. What a coward. I had the “honour” to hunt down this piece of garbage and kill it. The running wraith had decided to take refuge in the underwood of a creepy red leafed forest, full of thorns at some backwater planet, long deprived of human life. I was hunting him, had almost gotten him, but then unbelievable enough this stupid human loving wraith had stunned me. Not so a fool after all then …
But how does this place relate to my mission?
Slowly he got aware of an additional stinging pain between his shoulders; some kind of sting was piercing his skin there. Cursing the thorned forest he reached for it and pulled it out. To his surprise the thorn turned out to be a from of crude weapon, a little dart aligned with feathers. As his vision had cleared now, he could see that the head was covered with some sticky substance. Poison? - That would explain the pain.
As the effects of the poison wore off, he picked himself up from the muddy floor to assess the situation. While doing so he instantly realised that he was on a different planet as the gravitation was slightly stronger. The room seemed to be more carved out of stone than actually built, the only exit was barred by a door made of wood. The wraith could not suppress a grin. Whoever brought him here could not possibly have imagined that this battered, rotten door could hold him, even tough it was locked. He kicked it hard, just for the fun of it and to let off steam. That poison stuff had really hurt. As expected the door was no barrier whatsoever and upon punching several times it splintered in all directions. One of the pieces got stuck in his thigh. He pulled it out and discovered that his regeneration abilities where not as strong as he would have liked them to be as the wound took some time to heal.
The poison must have weakened me considerably. Whoever had the insolence to bring me here will serve me as meal.
And with a big stride he went through the doorway, or to put it better he tried to get through the doorway, which resulted in an eruption of red light and a howl of pain on the wraith’s side. Slowly he extended his hand to the doorway again and got another energy jolt. The air between the door frame and the corridor was separated by red ripples of energy.
Oh great, a force field… in a cave, behind a rotten wooden door, just great. That day gets better by the minute.
The wraith inspected the door frame, this time being careful not to venture too far, as he felt no need for more pain. The frame seemed to be ordinary stone, there was no sign from where or how the field was generated. This was just too much for one day and he screamed his fury out. Afterwards he felt slightly better. Having a clear head again, the wraith inspected the walls of his cell again. Just to make sure he had not overlooked anything.
As he examined the wall opposite of the door he suddenly felt watched, turning around quickly he saw two completely white eyes watching him. They were kind of mesmerizing and he found he had trouble pull away of these eyes to study the rest of his captor. The being at the other side of the force field seemed to have a normal face, completely black of colour, with a nose and a mouth, framed by long white hair, but apart from that it was the strangest thing he had ever seen. It was definitely not human or wraith or anything else he had seen or heard of in his life. It seemed to draw out all the light from it’s surrounding, making it difficult to tell were the being ended and the dark corridor started. He saw himself confronted with pitch-black with two white eyes staring at him. The wraith stared back.
The black being started to grin, thereby exposing sharp white teeth. “So much defiance” its voice was a hissing whisper “you are going to be very entertaining”. The grin was really nasty by now. The wraith growled in anger. “Now, what will I call you? What about Fluffy?” The prisoner could not hold down his fury any longer. “The moment I can lay hand on you I will make you suffer for your imprudence” he spat at his captor. “Oh, really?! That will be amusing” the grin got even broader exposing even more pointed teeth “You are going to be a good pet. I shall have lots of fun to watch you suffer.” Then the creature dissolved into the thin air, leaving a very irritated wraith.
What kind of insane being was that?
TBC
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