Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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July 23, 2014

Photos: Spaceships


While we’re on the subject...

SUPER DIMENSIONAL FORCE MACROSS

ANDROMEDA ASCENDANT

STARBUG

SERENITY

THE BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO

VORLON CRUISER

MOYA

STAR DESTROYER

ASGARD SHIPS

THE BEBOP

ANCIENT AURORA CLASS BATTLESHIP

THE ARCADIA

THE USS SULACO

THE MILLENNIUM FALCON

THE DESTINY

USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1701

THE NOSTROMO

KLINGON BIRD OF PREY

ROMULAN WARBIRD

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July 24, 2014

Photos: Diagrams, Ivon Bartok, gift basket


Today, we finished breaking episode #10 of my new SF series. It’s a little rougher than the preceding stories with a few TBD’s, but it’s great fun and ends with a jaw-dropping sequence that will no doubt have this blog buzzing when it eventually airs.

Can’t wait until next year? Want a hint as to what to expect? Well, okay. Check out the above diagram, lovingly-rendered by one of our writers. And – spoiler alert! – here are two more:

Let the speculation begin!

I was informed yesterday that we have the conference room until the second week of August but, at this rate, I doubt we’ll even need it past this Wednesday.

Also, yesterday, we were treated to two surprises:

Surprise #1: Former Stargate Special Features Producer Ivon Bartok who dropped by to experience our awesome spinning skills. And eat our chocolate.

Surprise #2: A gift basket of fruit and chocolate from blog regular Gilder (Thanks, Gilder. Very kind of you.).

Tomorrow, we reconvene to discuss Episode #11. Can’t wait to find out what other surprises you guys have in store for us. Pizza? Homemade cookies? Matching macrame vests for the entire writing department?

We’ll see…!

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July 25, 2014

Videos: Game of Thrones Season 4 bloopers, The Walking Dead Season 5 Comic Con trailer

Photo: Chocolate


Wow! We’re unstoppable! Five stories in five days brings our grand total to eleven out of thirteen. And, as one writer pointed out: They’re all great! There’s not a single episode I’d happily pass on to someone else. I want to write them all.
They’re a lot of fun, chock full of action, humor, shocking twists and turns, and, of course, terrific character moments for our entire crew. You’re gonna love ‘em.

And, as we enter the stretch run, it’s time to give credit where credit is due.

Okay, yes, the writing room has been great. But, really, we’ve ONLY been great because we had the energy to blaze through these story breaking sessions. And we’ve had the energy to blaze through these story breaking sessions thanks to our secret weapon:

Yes, I replenished the chocolate storehouses this morning, thereby ensuring we’d have enough power to complete this week’s mission.

Tonight, I celebrated a week’s work well done by updating and distributing the series overviews detailing synopses, character lists, and production requirements for all eleven episodes.

Anyone in San Diego for Comic Con? Sadly, I’m missing out this year, but I’m keeping updating on all the important happenings. So far, there was this:

And this:

Anything else to report?

Today’s blog entry is dedicated to birthday boy Shirt’n’Tie! Happy Birthday, Paul!

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July 26, 2014

Video: Remco - Baby Laugh'a'Lot Original Commercial

Photos: Creepy gifts


Next to clowns, furry spiders, and old timey pictures of twins, there’s nothing quite as creepy as a porcelain doll. I discovered this several years ago, on my first trip to San Diego, when I stayed at a turn-of-the-century hotel that thoroughly freaked out my ex. I attribute her response to a few things: the mysterious rattling in the walls that would awaken us in the dead of night, the “haunted ghost tour” that strolled through the lobby while we were checking in, and, of course, the management’s decision to adorn each floor with a deeply disturbing selection of antique dolls. Yep, it was mighty eerie, so I can imagine how parents in Orange County may have felt waking up one morning to discover THIS on their doorstep:

These night time deliveries were made even more unsettling by the fact that, in some instances, the dolls actually resembled the little girls living in the recipient households.

I mean…WTF?! What kind of a warped mind is at work here?! It’s like something out of a horror movie or the deepest recesses of an asylum for the criminally insane or…a kindly church member clearing out an old toy collection.

Sorry? What?

http://www.wjla.com/articles/2014/07...esture--1.html

“The woman – who police haven’t named – told them that she was only trying to give away toys her own family had outgrown and had tried to match the girls in the neighborhood with dolls that looked like them.
“She tried to pick dolls that resembled girls who lived there,” Hallock said. “In her mind, her motivation was purely kindness. It was meant as

a good-will gesture. In retrospect, I think she wishes she would have left a note.””

Yeah, in retrospect, maybe a heads up would have been a good idea.

A powerful lesson learned. Always accompany your gift with a note.

Or, in the case of the following toys, avoid the gift altogether and just leave the note...

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July 27, 2014

Photo: Ivon Bartok


Hey, you know who has a GREAT attitude? NOT me. No, I’m easily offended, temperamental, and a notorious grudge-holder. As one of my friends once put it: “Joe is the type of guy who, years later, will remember that pencil you stole from him in high school – and finally exact his revenge.” While not exactly true (I’ve always been more of a pen man), the statement is certainly accurate in spirit. Hey, don’t misunderstand. I’m incredibly loyal and generous to my friends, but simply (and completely) unforgiving when I feel I’ve been wronged. Yes, I have a bad attitude. Admittedly. On the other hand, my buddy (and former Stargate Special Features Producer), Ivon Bartok, has a GREAT attitude. Even when life deals him a disappointment, he’ll let it roll right off him and always look on the positive side of things. He has an ability to step back and consider the big picture, apply logic to a potentially emotional issue and say “Hey, that’s too bad. But let’s not dwell. Moving on!”. More often than not, I’m the one who ends up more affronted – on his behalf. In hindsight, I suppose this is why he was such a great traveling companion on our trip to Japan a few years back. Despite Air Canada misplacing his luggage and delivering it days later, his losing his subway pass only two days into our trip, our receiving word that our show (Stargate: Universe) had been canceled (Day #10), his spirits never flagged.

I admire him for it and, while it would be nice to say “I wish I could be more like him.”, the truth is I’m perfectly happy being my acerbic, disgruntled self. Next to writing and my uncanny ability to instantly offer the numerical counterpart to any randomly-generated letter of the alphabet, complaining and plotting revenge are two things I’m really good at and it seems a shame to just give up on them like I did the clarinet or Mad Men after that “I ate a bad sandwich” episode.

Still, if I can’t have a good attitude, I can have the next best thing: a friend with a good attitude!

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July 28, 2014

Photo: Jelly


Another day, another story. This episode, like episodes #7, 9, 10, and 11, was envisioned as a tough one that would take a couple of days to break. But, like episodes #7, 9, 10, and 11, we ended up breaking it over the course of a single day. And that leaves us with one final story remaining: episode 13, the big season finale. As we were heading out to our cars this afternoon, one writer remarked that this one probably WOULD take us a couple of days due to its complex plot. Maybe. But, then again, maybe not. I have the tease, tag, all five act breaks, and the major moves in my head. In fact, I’ve had them in my head for over a year now. After writing the pilot, THIS was the episode my mind automatically went to whenever I imagined getting the green light on the series. The big closer, the Holy Sh*t! season finale that will trigger the colossal fan forum meltdown after its eventual airing. As my buddy would say: “It’s gonna be bananas!”

Alas, as you may have noticed, there was no official announcement at Comic Con. Apparently, they’re still crossing the last t’s, dotting the final i’s, and executing the finishing squiggly flourishes that accompany most official-looking signatures. So…soon. Soon.

In the meantime, it’s full speed ahead. I’d like to see a revised pilot and first drafts of episodes #2, 3, and 4 by end of August, first drafts of episodes #5, 6, and 7 by end of September, and first drafts of #8, 9, and 10 by the time I touch down in Toronto in early November. We’ve already generated a list of potential directors while, internally, we’ve started talking about casting. We’ve got quite a few colorful roles to cast and finding the right people isn’t going to be easy – but we do have a few familiar faces we’d like to bring in for an audition. Or two. Ultimately, we’ll be looking for actors who are not only good, but good to work with. And we know a few.

Damn, I’m going to miss going into the office to spin stories. I’d like to say it’s been hard and rewarding work but, the truth is, it’s simply been a hell of a lot of fun.

We HAVE to do this again. Next season!

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July 29, 2014

Video: Pedestrian Question - Have You Ever Had Sex in Your Comic-Con Costume?

Photo: Cutting board


12 stories broken in 17 days. I suspect we could have made even better time and done it in 14 days had one of our writers (“the mediator”) not been away that one week. Still, a mighty impressive feat. Now, all that remains to be done is to write the scripts, build the sets, cast the show, shoot it, edit it, make it t.v. ready, and deliver it to the broadcasters. Piece of cake!

My writing partner, Paul, is doing a pass on my pass of the last pass of the pilot. I’ll start work on episode #2 tomorrow while “the mediator” continues writing episode #3. Once I’m done, I’ll jump on #4 and, whenever the dust clears from his vacation, Paul will tackle #5 and #6. Beyond that…who knows?!

We were halfway through today’s story breaking session when Paul looked over and said: “Hey, is that box for you?”

I followed his gaze to the Amazon.com delivery sitting at the end of the table. Intrigued, I wandered over to check the recipient’s address and – wouldn’t you know it! – it WAS for me! I checked the sender and recognized the name. Shane. Shane… Sounds familiar. Of course! Shane, a.k.a. LineNoise, a blog regular! I used my keys to tear through the tape binding the box, my mind racing through the possible contents: Books! Chocolate! $1.2 million dollars we could put toward set construction!

As it turned out, none of the above...

Having taken pity on me and my dilapidated cutting board featured in that Philly Cheesesteak video I posted a couple of weeks back, Shane elected to forego the books and chocolate and cash in favor of this beautiful new cutting board. Thanks, Shane.

P.S. Akemi tried it out today and loves it. Apparently, it’s the perfect size!

Some interesting articles (Well, interesting to me!):

The Twin Peaks: Entire Mystery Blu-Ray collection: http://www.vulture.com/2014/07/twin-...cebook_vulture

Live action Attack on Titan casting news: http://www.crunchyroll.com/anime-new...cast-announced

A review of Joe Abercrombie’s Half A King. http://io9.com/joe-abercombies-half-...soa-1612894023. A book nearly impossible to put down once you start reading it!

And, to cap off Comic Con...

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July 30, 2014

Photo: Richard Woolsey


It NEVER gets any easier. Inevitably, the jubilation of convening with your fellow writers and hashing out a terrific story is extinguished by the prospect of having to actually write the damn script. You sit down, type FADE IN and then…What? Oh, you know what the scene is going to be (You just broke it the other week) and you can imagine the great version (Not the actual words, mind you, but the reactions of people who read it or watch the finished product. Best Scene Ever!), but actually realizing it to its fullest potential…now that’s where things get sticky.

I once worked with a writer who would force out a first pass, no matter how half-assed, just to get something down before returning to it for countless rewrites, revisions that – in theory – would develop and improve on what he’d written. Sure. And I once worked with another writer who’d always tell me: “**** don’t take a good buff.” In other words, you can polish that half-assed pass all you want but, in the end, all you’ll end up with is a polished half-assed pass. Which is why, when I sit down to write a script, those first few lines have to be tight. I’ll work through a variety of false starts – a dozen, often more – before finding the right opening exchange, then develop the scene from that promising beginning. I’ll pace (or drive or shower or eat or feign interest in the conversations going on around me) and run the scene in my head, over and over, building the beats, the dialogue, the set-ups, the pay-offs until, satisfied, I’ll finally sit down and actually, physically, start writing. And, once I have it all down, I’ll re-read and reconsider and revise and rewrite and, once I’m satisfied, I’ll move on to the next scene and repeat the process. Then, the next morning, I’ll start from the top: re-reading, reconsidering, revising and rewriting – all the while reflecting, with a certain wistfulness, on how nice it had been to sit in company and create something.

So, today I completed the Tease of episode #2 and I’m at the point where I’ve gone over it so many times I can almost recite it by heart. I pushed ahead and wrote the first two scenes of Act I, hitting and surpassing my “5 pages a day” target. It’s interesting how the characters seem to take on a life of their own on the page. It’s early and, as much as I struggle to maintain quality equality, I already do have my favorites. I think the key, as I progress through this first draft, is to find those unique instances of humor in each of the crew members because humor, I’ve always felt, goes such a long way toward humanizing characters, making them a little vulnerable and, thus, so much easier for the viewers at home to connect with them. I think back to my time on Stargate and characters like Jack O’Neill, Vala Mal Doran, Rodney McKay, Eli Wallace – even Teal’c, Ronon Dex, General Hank Landry, Todd the Wraith, and Richard Woolsey. All funny in their own distinct way. It’s just a matter of finding, and drawing out, those distinct instances in each.

What do you think? What humorous instances endeared you to a particular Stargate character?

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July 31, 2014

Photos: Packing peanuts, Akemi, dinner at Hawksworth, Mark Nicholson and wife


Hey, check it out!

Akemi received shipment of that box of packing peanuts she ordered last month. The company also threw in a tiny bottle of some cosmetic product. But who cares. Look at the size and quality of those packing peanuts!

Last night, I got together with friends to check out Hawksworth which recently received the distinction of being named one of Vancouver’s top restaurants by “an esteemed roster of chefs, food industry professionals, connoisseurs, and travel and food writers” (http://vacay.ca/top-50-restaurants/). Connoisseurs? I hope they were licensed. We have far too many rogue connoisseurs running around this city, passing judgement on everything from waffles to foie gras parfaits.

Anyway, there were six of us and we all elected to try the tasting menu. Some of the highlights included...

The amuse-bouche was beef tartar, black truffle, and yuzu stuffed inside a puffed beef tendon. A tremendous start to the meal – made doubly so by the fact that Akemi gave me hers because she isn’t a fan of truffles. I’ve got to make these the next time the guys come over for football.

We followed with a kanpachi ceviche with with satsuma, hearts of palm, and mojo de rojo. While Akemi enjoyed it, one of our fellow diners felt the fish was bland. I thought it fine, but took issue with the hearts of palm. I didn’t think I’d ever find anything I’d hate more than kiwis, but hearts of palm, with their tinny tartness, are it!

Next up was the charred pacific octopus with radish and ox heart vinaigrette. The best preparation of octopus I have ever enjoyed and, by far, the best dish of the night.

This was followed by a steamed sablefish with corn, pumpkin seed and sorrel that didn’t go over all that was a unanimous miss.

Our final savory course was a tasty, modest portion of 24hour pork belly served with some forgettable accompaniments.

Several us switched out the scheduled goat milk panna cotta in favor of alternate desserts. All very fussy and pretty to look at but ultimately unsatisfying.

We all agreed: the octopus was fantastic! Otherwise: meh.

Today, we headed down to Yaletown for lunch with former Stargate prop builder Mark Nicholson (https://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com...our-questions/) and his lovely wife.

We talked scifi, fantasy, anime, books, and, of course, Stargate.

And I continued work on the script for episode #2. I’m 11 pages in but still trying to find that rhythm. In the meantime, we received some terrific concept designs for the space stations. Tomorrow, we’ll be getting on the phone to discuss.

Okay, back to that script!

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August 1, 2014

Video: Grumpy Cat Happy Birthday Song

Photos: Half A King by Joe Abercrombie, Frostborn (Thrones & Bones) by Lou Anders, books


I have a feeling that working on scripts for this new show is really going to put a crimp in my rapid-fire reading pace. Last year, I read a paltry 65 books. I was so embarrassed that I set a seemingly lofty goal for myself in 2014: 120 books! At the time, I figured it would be tight but now, with July officially behind us, I’ve tallied an impressive 107 reads. Yeah, getting to 120 will be more than doable, even with all the prep and script work, so I’ve decided to raise the bar. 150 books! That’s my new 2014 goal.

In addition to impeding my reading, this new gig has also slowed things down on the writing end – as far as my monthly book reviews for this blog are concerned. I’ve still got to get around to doing write-ups on 11 of the 19 titles I read in June.

In the meantime, you can always check out my right sidebar for my reading recommendations (Listing my Top 20 Recent Reads).

Since we’re on the subject, I thought I’d put in a shout-out for our friend – and fantasy author extraordinaire – Joe Abercrombie and his new book Half A King. I already mentioned last week, it’s one of his best – incredibly engaging and nearly impossible to put down. I read the first one hundred pages in one night, then blazed through the final 200+ the following day.

Another friend to this blog – and equally extraordinary in his own right – is long-time editor and first-time author Lou Anders whose YA novel, Frostborn (Thrones & Bones), hits the shelves next week. It’s perfect for budding young fantasy enthusiasts looking for their first foray into the world of giants, wyverns, and treacherous relatives.

My recent purchases. Every time I knock a title off my to-read pile, two more take its place. It’s like my own literary hydra.

Sorry, needed to add this link to a story about a language school blogger who was fired for writing about homophones: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...#ixzz39BU4mBQ5

P.S. : Hey, Mark – The novel I mentioned at lunch was Fortune’s Pawn by Rachel Bach. A great mix of action, adventure and humor with a terrific protagonist in Devi Morris. My only criticism was the romantic subplot that, at times, undermined our hitherto kick-ass heroine.

Today’s blog entry is dedicated to sis on her birthday:

P.P.S. They were apparently shooting the Grumpy Cat Christmas movie while we are at The Bridge Studios last week. Alas, no celebrity sighting despite keeping my eye on every vehicle that rolled on and off the lot. I hear he’s a self-drive.

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August 2, 2014

Video: Easy Rider - Oh, I've got a helmet

Photo: Joe's cousin Evelina’s husband and son, Brian and Jake


Today, we entertained. First, my cousin Evelina’s husband and son, Brian and Jake (pictured above on their hogs), stopped by. They’re apparently on a whirlwind motorcycle tour of Canada, covering the west coast before heading back home to Saskatoon before embarking on the more challenging cross-country leg of their adventure that will take them through Toronto to their ultimate destination: New Brunswick. After which they’ll just get on their bikes and ride all the way back.

I’m reminded of this:

I am, of course, the character played by Jack Nicholson.

Also in town and dropping by for an impromptu visit was Fondy who, some of you may recall, was once a series regular on this blog.

Anyway, a wonderful time was had by all – especially the dogs and my french bulldog Lulu in particular who ran around, got all sorts of attention, and then spent the afternoon lying in the sun contentedly farting.

You’ll all be pleased to hear that my 5 pages/day pace continues as I wrapped up Act II of episode #2 in spectacular (guns) blazing fashion. Tomorrow, I tackle the top of Act III where, back on the ship, a certain someone hosts a visitor of her own…

You’ll find out what I’m talking about soon enough.

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August 3, 2014

Video: Nicole and Lan's bee colony

Photos: The Japanese-Canadian Powell Street Festival, Akemi, Nicole, Lan, Joe Mallozzi


Today, Akemi and I checked out the Japanese-Canadian Powell Street Festival with our friends Nicole and Lan. The highlights (most of it food-related, natch)…

The onstage entertainment.

Guy mans the barbecued salmon grill.

Akemi discovers how HOT the udon is.

Nicole and Lan: Let the Eating Games Begin!

The spam sushi – an Okinawan culinary tradition.

Mogu – Akemi’s favorite food truck.

Akemi and Nicole knock back some chicken karate.

My miso katsu (pork cutlet) sandwich.

Akemi cools down with a strawberry shaved ice.

I snap a photo for my blog of Nicole snapping a photo for her tumblr account.

Cosplayers drum up interest in the forthcoming AnimeRevolution con (http://www.animerevolution.ca)

I, of course, have my outfit all planned out.

Assorted stands.

I sample the matcha (green tea) ice-cream macaron sandwich.

I think it glows in the dark! Not a huge fan of the macaron portion, but the ice cream was great.

My chocolate-covered matcha (green tea) ice cream pop. “Looks like poopy,”remarked Akemi.

A nice thin chocolate shell covers a surprisingly good green tea ice cream. Poopylicious!

After the festival, we swung by Nicole and Lan’s place to check out their thriving bee colony. Sadly, no honey until next summer.

Okay. Back to that script!

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August 4, 2014

Photos: Re-Directed Art


Screen Rant’s “1 Good Movies with Bad Endings”: http://screenrant.com/good-movies-bad-endings/ Hmmm. I agree only insofar as some of these movies have bad endings. But to call them “good” is a bit of a reach. Maybe 2001: A Space Odyssey – and Sunshine and The Wolverine which I haven’t seen.

Space noise: http://www.thedailyepic.com/nasa-pro...ts-terrifying/

See, this is why I don’t golf. It’s too rough: http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/201...2-to-hospital/

Something to try when I’m in Japan: http://deadspin.com/crazy-japanese-s...ero-1616021904

Author Joel Shepherd is cycling from Maine to DC to raise money for cancer research: http://joelshepherd.com/?page_id=831

Mom punishes daughter by selling her Katy Perry concert tickets on Facebook: http://time.com/3079421/katy-perry-f...ughter-ticket/

You know what’s worse for business than a guest writing a bad review? Threatening to charges guests for writing a bad review and having your policy go viral: http://gawker.com/hotel-threatens-to...tiv-1615977935

Love it! Artist uses thrift store paintings as canvasses for his truly inspired artwork: http://www.gnarledbranch.com/ReDirectedArt.html

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August 5, 2014

Photos: Superheroines


With the news that Sony is fast-tracking a superhoine movie that will hit the big screen before the turn of the decade (http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=41823), I thought this would be a good time to weigh in with my suggestions for My Top 11 Superheroines in need of the big screen treatment! Just in case the studios were wondering...

BATWOMAN

I’ll be honest with you. I’d sooner watch a movie featuring this fantastic new and improved version of Batwoman than another Batman movie.

BLACK WIDOW

I know. She’s already received the big screen treatment. Still, rather than play second banana to Iron Man and the rest of The Avengers, I’d love to see Natasha Romanoff headline her own big screen adventure. Less alien swarms invading the Earth and more espionage, counter-espionage, and reverse counter-counter-espionage with a twist of lime.

DOMINO

Yes, there was a movie called Domino that came out in 2005. A terrible movie. And a different Domino. A kick-ass protagonist with a bit of a mean streak to boot.

ELEKTRA

Like Jennifer Garner, let’s forget that other movie never happened and start fresh.

GHOST

Mystery! Suspense! Intra-dimensional travel! And one awesome heroine!

JENNY SPARKS

A great character with a narrative that spans most of the 20th century. There’s potential here for a dozen movies. Also, love the accent.

KABUKI

Agent for a super-secret government organization called “The Noh”, operating in near-future Japan.

POWER GIRL

A female superhero to rival Superman!

PROMETHEA

Magic, mysticism, and a provocative and engaging narrative. If the big screen version could look half as good as the comic, it would be spectacular.

SHE-HULK

Brilliant attorney by day, kick-ass superhero by – er – also day. As far removed from The Hulk as Spiderman is from Superman. Number two on this wish list after Batwoman.

SILVER SABLE

Because I have a soft spot for female mercenaries.

WONDER WOMAN

Come on. This one’s way overdue.

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August 6, 2014

Photos: Lulu


Well, I’m exhausted. Although I only wrote seven pages today, I also ended up rewriting another twenty. By the time the dust settled on my laptop this evening, I’d hit the 50 page mark. All I have to do now is finish off this conversation, completing Act V, then write the tag which will include not one, not two, but THREE surprises. So when the series finally airs, make sure to wait for those final credits – otherwise, you’ll miss something VERY important. And then you’ll definitely feel like odd person out at the water cooler Monday morning.

Anyway, I hope to get my writing producing partner, Paul, a first draft by Friday so that I can take a break…from episode #2 by starting the script for 3 episode #4.

We’ve also started talking about potential first season directors – and who will helm our big two-part opener. Quite a few incredibly talented candidates – some of whom you are no doubt familiar with…

Speaking of chocolate…What? We weren’t talking about chocolate? Well, NOW that we’re on the subject: http://www.answers.com/article/11842...am5=5&param6=6

Uh oh: http://www.businessinsider.com/glute...ication-2014-5 Apparently only 1% of Americans suffer from celiac allergy. And I apparently know ALL of them.

And I needn’t remind you that like red meat animals fats coconut oil eggs coffee gluten (?), sugar is bad for you: http://dailyburn.com/life/health/sug...88381481237582

My favorite part of this article: “…people who consumed more than a quarter of their daily calories as sugar were more than twice as likely to die than those who restricted their intake to less than 10 percent of total calories, regardless of age, sex, level of activity and body-mass index.”

To which I reply: “Meanwhile, anecdotal evidence suggests that people who were born face a whopping 100% mortality rate (!) irrespective of age, sex, level of activity and body-mass index.”