Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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June 24, 2014

Video: Star Trek TOS: The Man Trap

Photo: Jelly


The other night, I was awakened by a kerplunk (!), the unmistakable sound of a portly, elderly pug falling off the bed. I sat up to discover 15 year old Jelly, struggling to stand up on the polished hardwood floor. She seemed surprised but otherwise okay. Just in case though, I brought her out to the backyard to make sure. She did her business and seemed perfectly fine, so I scooped her up and we headed back up to bed. This was the first of several incidents involving my old gal who has seemed notably crankier of late. Akemi suspects it’s because Jelly senses my impending Toronto trip and is demonstrating her displeasure by acting up. Apparently, when I’m away, she is uncharacteristically quiet, sleeping through most of the day and only getting up for meals. This is in sharp contrast to her demanding, downright “diva-esque” attitude when I’m home. Nary an hour goes by when she isn’t whining or crying or barking at me to pick her up, take her out, give her a snack, or generally demanding my undivided attention. I’m amazed she’s able to get along without me and I wonder how she’ll do while I’m away. I suppose she’ll be fine so long as Akemi remembers to keep her updated by reading my blog entries aloud to her.

Yes, I’m headed to Toronto for a few days to discuss strategy and come up with a game plan for my new scifi series. We fly out early tomorrow morning and get in with plenty of time to have dinner with a former fellow Stargate writer-producer. Then, on Thursday, it’s all day meetings re: budgets, locations, visual effects, and deliveries. I figure we’ll assemble a writers’ room here in Vancouver for a month in July-August and hammer out our 13 stories, then disperse and retreat to our respective lairs where we’ll write 10 of those 13 scripts. I’m assuming we’ll go to camera sometime in early 2015. This will give us plenty of time to prep what should be one hell of a twisty, turny, suspenseful, spectacular, action-packed, character-driven inaugural season.

Friday, I’ll be fly out of Toronto and head to Montreal for a day to visit with mom and sis and then, Saturday night, I’m homeward bound!

Of course this blog will be traveling with me. I needn’t remind you that, tomorrow, we kick off our Star Trek: The Original Series re-watch. Me and my fellow reviewer, Cookie Monster, will be weighing in on episode #1: The Man Trap! Watch the episode and join tomorrow’s discussion!

Today’s entry is dedicated to blog regular whoviantrish.

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June 25, 2014

Videos: Star Trek TOS: The Man Trap

Photos: Star Trek TOS: The Man Trap, Cookie monster


Hello and welcome to our Star Trek: The Original Series re-watch. Cookie Monster and I will be your co-hosts. We’ll open the casual discussion on the show’s first five episodes, then ask you to weigh in with your thoughts in the comments section.

THE MAN TRAP

Me: A rocky start for the Enterprise and its crew in an episode that is at turns silly and confounding, yet enjoyable for the many classic elements established. It’s an interesting premise with a nice emotional hook involving Dr. McCoy and his former love, but there are logic bumps throughout that make this one a little tough to watch. For instance, the salt monster seems highly intelligent, yet can’t resist snacking on the unwary members of the away team, opening itself up to all sorts of trouble. Presumably it wasn’t starving since the scientist shows Kirk his salt stores have yet to be depleted, yet it simply can’t help itself.

Cookie Monster: Me empathize. If Enterprise crew bodies contain traces of cookie element, dey be VERY hard to resist.

Me: Still….

Cooke Monster: Mebbe salt monster tink Kirk not bother to stick around since he have emergency pepper shipment to deliver to other planet!

Me: Doubtful. But you bring up a great point. Throughout this episode Kirk demonstrates a wide variety of impressive abilities, from carefully hand picking peppers for delivery to some interesting evasive maneuvers -

But what I found most surprising about the episode was that a secondary character, McCoy, drives the heart of the story.

Cookie Monster: Who?

Me: Dr. McCoy. Bones.

Cookie Monster: You mean Plum?

Me: Yes, Plum.

Cookie Monster: Plum on receiving end of best line in episode: “Stop tinking wit your glands!”

Me: Yeah, that horn dog!

Cookie Monster: And what about scientist on planet? What kind of “arrangement” he have wit salt creature? It be his planet wife?

Me: Possibly. He did seem unusually attached and at one point all but says the creature requires salt…and love! On the one hand, it’s a hideous alien creature that killed his wife. On the other hand, it’s probably a great spooner.

Cookie Monster: Speaking of killing, it interesting to note dat original red shirt aktually wear blue shirt.

Me: Yes, the costume choices in the first few episodes are interesting. It’s almost disconcerting to see Spock walking around in that beige turtleneck uniform instead of his science blues.

Cookie Monster: And dat guy in beekeeper uniform. What de deal wit dat? Enterprise have its own bee colony? Me bet Kirk gather his own honey too! Dere be nothing dis guy can’t do!

Me: Except use common sense to contact a fellow crew member. Kirk and McCoy discover the second body, then walk around shouting for Green. Is there any particular reason they couldn’t just use their communicators to contact him?

Cookie Monster: Could be Green not on Friends and Ship and Family plan.

Me: Can I just say that one of the high points of this episode is the introduction of Sulu. George Takei is terrific and his character is an interesting and integral member of the crew from the get-go.

Cookie Monster: Gertrude, not so much.

Me: Gertrude being the alien plant.

Cookie Monster: Alien planet? Sure. But more likely just Chekov hiding under table wearing big pink glove. He notorious practikal joker! Anyway, it be very weird.

Me: Sure, but not as weird as Kirk on the bridge snacking on crudités before heading down to the planet’s surface. I mean, really? Couldn’t he have just swung by the mess hall?

Cookie Monster: Mebbe he be hypoglycemik! Or he really need to carb up before big showdown wit salt creature!

Me: Actually, if anyone needed to carb up before the showdown, it would’ve been Spock. Look at him deliver those two-fisted wallops!

“If she were Nancy, could she take THIS?!” The ancient Vulcan alien-identification test?

Cookie Monster: And big twist come at de end when it revealed Nancy really...

...De Abominable Snowman from de Land of Misfit Toys!!!

Me: Yeah, didn’t see that one coming.

Cookie Monster: Also, while we on de subjekt of toys…dose shots of de Enterprise in space! Hooboy.

Me: Okay, yes, scifi television has certainly come a long way, but I nevertheless find those less-polished visual effects somehow endearing. Which is how I feel about this episode in general. A little rough around the edges -

Cookie Monster: And center!

Me: But nevertheless entertaining for its nostalgic elements.

So, what did you all think of The Man Trap?

We continue our Stargate TOS re-watch tomorrow when we’ll reconvene to discuss Charlie X!

Also, one week from today, we’ll begin discussion on the next five episodes on our viewing schedule: Mudd’s Women, What Are Little Girls Made Of?, Miri, Dagger of the Mind, and The Corbomite Maneuver.

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June 26, 2014

Photos: Star Trek TOS: Charlie X


Let’s continue our Star Trek (Not Stargate! I keep making that mistake!): The Original Series re-watch. Today, Cookie Monster and I discuss Charlie X...

Me: A very strong episode this one, reminiscent of The Twilight Zone’s equally creepy “It’s A Good Life”, based on the short story by Jerome Bixby. It stands the test of time and stands out as an incredibly suspenseful ride. Sure, there are a few unintentionally hilarious moments, and the ending is a bit of a letdown, but it’s a powerful, seminal episode.

Cookie Monster: If monster said it once, me said it a hundred times: Kids Be Creepy! And monster have very bad feeling about dis one when he start making funny faces behind Kirk’s back...

Me: Yeah, I was like WTF? The Captain of that other ship couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. It was like: “Here you go, Kirk. Enjoy your new passenger!” And then, as he’s preparing to get transported back to his ship: “Sucker.”

Cookie Monster: More disturbing den creepy kid be Spock rocking out on Vulcan lute while Uhura belt out tune. And everyone else in room pretend like dey enjoying demselves and not wanting to get back to private conversation.

Me: Yeah, she reminds me of an ex-girlfriend who used to do that – break into song at parties. “Food glorious fooooood! Hot sausage and mustard! While we’re in the mooood – !”

Cookie Monster: Shut de **** up! Me trying to enjoy a cocktail weenie over here!

Me: Exactly.

Cookie Monster: But scene effektively convey first rumblings of trouble with Charlie (ie. Uhura losing her voice). Then, later it eskalate when sore loser Charlie melt chess pieces.

Me: Coincidentally, reminiscent of another ex-girlfriend. She didn’t go quite so far, but would quit a game anytime it looked like she was about to lose.

Cookie Monster: You dated some crazies.

Me: I’d rather not discuss my personal life.

Cookie Monster: Hey, monster not de one dat brought it up!

Me: Anyway, back to the episode. I feel obligated to point out that act breaks have come a long way in fifty years. We learn that the Antares has been destroyed. You’d think that would be the act break. Instead, it’s someone discovering real turkeys in the oven. Dum dum daaaaaa!

Cookie Monster: Me feel more effektive akt break would have been first shot of Kirk in his tight red tumbling pants. Dum dum daaaaaa!

Me: Yep, that was quite a sight.

Cookie Monster: Speaking of sight, what wit de weird lighting? Most of de scene take place in a brightly lit gym, den when we cut to close-ups, suddenly it be all dark and moody.

Me: Well, it certainly reflected the tone of the scene, especially after Charlie makes Sam disappear. Although I had to wonder why Kirk didn’t request Sam’s return. I mean, it couldn’t have hurt to ask, right?

Cookie Monster: Me tink he not want to antagonize Charlie further. Kid have short fuse, as demonstrated later when he make Spock stroke out on de bridge.

Me: And, later, removes that woman’s face. I remember being horrified by that scene when I was a kid. Upon further review, maybe not quite as scary. A lifetime of horror movies has inured me to faceless people.

Cookie Monster: Monster tink she look cute. Like muppet.

Me: Until you realize that, without a mouth and a nose, she wasn’t able to breathe and presumably suffocated to death.

Cookie Monster: But dat okay becuz, in de end, benevolent super aliens come to de reskue and undo everyting.

Me: Ah, don’t get me started. Yes, Kirk and co. have the problem solved for them. By episode’s end, everything is as it was before.

Cookie Monster: Even de chess pieces?

Me: Especially the chess pieces.

Cookie Monster: Lucky for de props department!

Me: Uh, yes. So, all in all, a pretty damn good episode. If it wasn’t for the Deus Ex Machina ending, I’d rate it in my top ten.

Cookie Monster: Monster like it too. But, like most shows, it lose points for singing component.

So, what did everyone else think of this episode? Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

And, tomorrow, let’s reconvene to discuss: Where No Man Has Gone Before!

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June 27, 2014

Photos: Star Trek TOS: Where No Man Has Gone Before


Cookie Monster and I continue our casual discussion of old Star Trek episodes…

Me: Okay, I’ve discovered my threshold for consecutive Stark Trek episode watching. Two! More than two, and I get a little stir crazy. As a result, I didn’t appreciate this episode as much as I should have because it really is a smart entry that reflects some of the themes the show will come back to over the course of its three year run.

Cookie Monster: Monster like dis episode too but, halfway thru it, me tink: Hey, dis de same story as last episode! Kirk have to deal wit guy wit super godlike powers! Again!

Me: Well, it’s interesting to note that this episode was actually the show’s second pilot (after The Cage), so its placement as the third episode was not the original intent. In retrospect, it would have made a great premiere episode. Lots to like here.

Cookie Monster: And some tings not to like so much. Like Yeoman Smith getting much-needed support during from Mitchell during rocky re-entry...

Me: You didn’t see it but, slightly offscreen, Spock is holding a nervous Chekov’s hand as well.

Cookie Monster: By de way, dat’s some cutting edge microfiche technology. Dey must have de entire original Library of Congress stored in dat computer!

Me: There’s a great creeping sense of foreboding throughout this episode as Mitchell demonstrates some increasingly unnerving behavior. One of my favorite moments comes while Kirk is remotely surveying his old friend and, suddenly, Mitchell turns to look at the camera as if…he sensed Kirk was watching! It’s a great build as Mitchell’s powers grow and the crew become increasingly concerned. Meanwhile, Kirk is torn between the practical demands of being a starship Captain and the emotional pull of a longstanding friendship. Great stuff.

Cookie Monster: Except when dey get down to de planet, Mitchell not so torn. He tell Kirk: “Me have been contemplating death of an old friend” and show him grave wit James R. Kirk gravestone. R? Everyone know he be James T. Kirk! Me guess he not such an old friend after all.

Me: Middle initial confusion aside, it builds to a great climax pitting the two former friends against each other, man vs. god!

Cookie Monster: Yep, Kirk demonstrate some nifty moves in de fight sekwence. He like poetry in motion.

Me: Despite his inadvertently knocking over a giant boulder (!) and giving away his position, Kirk emerges victorious, but only with some much needed help from the powerful Dehner.

Cookie Monster: Me sorry to see her go. Monster have soft spot for blonds. And chocolate chips.

Me: Overall, a solid episode.

Finishing up my whirlwind tour of the east coast. Flew into Montreal this morning to spend a day with mom and sis, then I’m back in Vancouver tomorrow night. I’ll have one day to decompress and then Paul and I will start going over the season one game plan for our new SF series. The writers’ room gears up the week after. But I’ll hopefully have more information about all this in the days to come...

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June 28, 2014

Photos: Star Trek TOS: The Naked Time


Cookie Monster and I will get the ball rolling on the discussion. Join in the comments section!

Me: Of all the iconic images of the original Star Trek, the shot of a shirtless Sulu running the corridors with his fencing swords ranks up there as one of my favorites. Again, it’s great to see the character play a pivotal role in this episode concerning a shipboard infection and its psychological effects on the Enterprise’s crew. Some very nice character moments in this one, especially with regard to Spock, his backstory, and how his Vulcan-human heritage is a surprising source of conflict for the typically inscrutable first officer. Like Charlie X, however, it’s somewhat sullied by a deus ex machine ending that solves everything, nice and neat.

Cookie Monster: Forget de ending. Monster’s biggest problem wit dis episode be de title. If you promise Naked Time, me expect Naked Time!

Me: The episode gets off to a strange start with Spock and some idiot investigating a dead science team on a dead world. The shower curtain hazmat suits they wear presumably affords them some measure of protection – but the concept is lost on Spock’s escort who takes off his glove long enough to scratch his nose and get infected. Then, upon returning to the Enterprise, he attempts to stroll out of the transporter room without going through the decontamination protocol. Dude, seriously? It’s like Spock was on his way to to the transporter, happened upon this moron enroute and offered to let him tag along. No experience necessary!

Cookie Monster: Despite dis guy’s stupidity, episode open wit great mystery on planet. All science team dead. One woman strangled. One guy frozen at his post. Other guy frozen taking a shi…ower.

Me: It’s another suspenseful build as the infection spreads to the rest of the crew. The idiot is the first one to have it affect his mind, going off on his fellow crew members before pulling a knife on them.

Cookie Monster: Look out! Me have a butter knife and me not afraid to use it!

Me: But apparently even a butter knife can be deadly – if you fall on it.

Cookie Monster: Sulu and Riley next to fall viktims to infektion. While Sulu run around trying to skewer everyone in sight, Riley lock himself down, set ship on crash course, and sing his lungs out. Kirk and co. horrified. Crashing into planet is bad enough, but having to listen to guy sing while dey await inevitable death be final ignominy. It be small consolation dat Uhura not join him in duet.

Me: A shirtless, ripped Sulu hits the bridge – only to get taken out by a Kirk-Spock combo. By the way, did you notice Spock actually make a joke in reference to the unconscious Sulu: “Get D’Artagnan here to sick bay.”?

Cookie Monster: He better off sticking to his broody persona. Chicks seem to dig it – like nurse Christine who tell him she in love wit him. You know what dey say: “Once you go vulcan, you never be sulkin’!”.

Me: Right. Anyway, once Spock is infected, we’re treated to some great insights into his past and his attitude toward his dual vulcan-human culture, the regret he experiences for never having told his mother he loved her, his sympathy for her – a human living in an emotionally bereft vulcan society, the shame he sometimes experiences in friendship with Kirk. Great stuff. Things build to an unbelievable narrative crescendo as McCoy, in a race against time, manages to devise an antidote for the infection.

Cookie Monster: And den dey go back in time and it’s tree days earlier.

Me: Er, yes. They go back in time. For some reason.

Cookie Monster: Becuz cold matter and antimatter mix in explosion.

Me: Uh, right.

Cookie Monster: And it be tree days earlier. And dey have to relive dose tree days over again.

Me: Whatever that means because they clearly still possess memories of what happened to them.

Cookie Monster: De End.

Me: Minus three days.

Tomorrow = the highlights of my east coast trip including more details about my new scifi series!

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June 29, 2014

Photos: Dinner at Buca, Alan McCullough, chocolate, fried peppers, Joe's sister, Joe's mom, Felix, Roxy, Caramel, Fernando, Ralphie, dinner at Joe Beef, Claire, desserts


Well, I’m back from my whirlwind tour of the east coast and it looks like things are going to get very busy, very quickly. But more on that in a second. First, here are the highlights of my Toronto and Montreal visits:

WEDNESDAY

We got in for a little after 5:00 p.m. Since we only had carry-on luggage, I figured the two hour window would afford us plenty of time to get to our downtown hotel, decompress, and then walk the five blocks over to Buca. Of course what I failed to account for was the ridiculous Toronto traffic. In the end, we made it – but it was close. As always, a great meal...

The crispy pig ears. Don’t knock ‘em ’til you’ve tried ‘em! My writing partner, Paul, was insistent I NOT order these – but I did anyway figuring “more for me”. Except that, when they arrived, guess who couldn’t keep his dubious hands off MY order?

Love their inspired pizzas that are served piping hot – with a side of scissors. For cutting!

A dessert so big and rich and decadent, even I couldn’t finish it! Chocolate center not pictured.

Our mystery guest – who needs no introduction for you SG-1 and Atlantis fans.

I stopped off at Akemi’s favorite Toronto chocolate shop (SOMA on King Street West), where I picked up some of Akemi’s favorite treats.

I turned in at a reasonable hour and, despite being on PST time, managed to ALMOST fall asleep at around midnight. I was just about to drift when – I was startled by a knock at my hotel room door. Confused and more than slightly annoyed, I went to the door and peered out the peephole. “Yes?”I asked, making no attempt to conceal my irritation. “Delivery!”said the guy in the hall. Delivery?! WTF?! Had the production office sent out some last minute information packet in advance of tomorrow’s meeting? I sighed, loudly, threw on my jeans and opened the door to…no one. I stepped into the hallway and there was the same guy, delivering take-out next door. “Sorry,”he offered. Unsurprisingly, his apology did little to soothe my by then wired nerves. I didn’t fall asleep until well after 2:00 a.m. – and it was a fitful sleep at that.

THURSDAY

We were picked up from the hotel at 10:00 a.m. and driven over to the production offices where we met the gang and toured the sets of the other series. After lunch, we visited some post-facilities, then had a sit-down with other prospective personnel. All very nice, very smart people. Yes, when the show goes, it will go in Toronto. Vancouver was my first choice (of course), but a host of variables make Toronto the better candidate.

A relaxed dinner with our producing partner, Jay, and a reasonably early night – but, again, very little sleep. As I lay awake, I became acutely aware of how much I like my own bed…and how much I’m going to miss it.

FRIDAY

I flew out of Toronto early morning and flew into Montreal in time for lunch. Sis picked me up at the airport and took me to mom’s place for sushi and -

Fried peppers, a Mallozzi special.

Sis.

Mom and her boy Felix flanked by Roxy and Caramel.

Fernando is blind, but you can’t even tell. He navigates the house, patio, and backyard like he’s got 20/20 vision.

Sis and Ralphie.

For dinner, Sis managed to score reservations at a restaurant I’ve been meaning to visit for, oh, going on five years now: Joe Beef, a favorite of Anthony Bourdain. Yeah, that guy from The Taste.

The foie gras double-down.

The smoked meat croquettes.

Smoked ribs.

Dark chocolate and soft serve cheese ice cream.

Vanilla-strawberry soft serve swirl.

A fantastic meal. The portions were enormous. How enormous? At one point, a heavy-set man at a neighbouring table had his chair collapse and splinter beneath him partway through his meal!

SATURDAY

I really have to do a show in Montreal some day. Brutal winters aside, it’s got a great restaurant scene – and a nice little dog community.

Mom’s friend, Claire, visits with Frankie.

For lunch, we had barbecued steaks and sausages compliments of…the girl master:

What? You didn’t actually think I was referring to myself?

And desserts from Patrice. We had a nice assortment including chocolate and caramelized banana cream puffs and chocolate-coffee pastries, but my surprise favorites were the kouign-amann (sitting in the back).

I left Montreal on a 6:20 p.m. flight – but not before taking a photo of these flowers that mom insisted would be blog-worthy.

I returned home in Vancouver at around 9:00 p.m. As expected, the dogs were thrilled to have me back! Oh, and Akemi too.

SUNDAY

Catching up on a few things. I read three books while I was away, bringing my June total to 19 (not including a whopping 3 I gave up on!), my overall goal on the year to 90 books read. My upcoming schedule may put a crimp in my rapid pace.

This week, Paul and I will discuss the 13-episode first season game plan I’ve put together which includes episode synopses, production demands, and all the major twists, turns, and character arcs.

The week following, we start the writers room. The plan is to break all 13 episodes of the show’s first season over the course of July.

In late August, I head to L.A. for some meet and greets.

Since things will start heating up at the end of this year, we’ll have to pull our annual Japan trip up a few months – I’m thinking late September.

We move to Toronto in November – just in time for winter! We’re going to have to pick up some winter garb – and fly the dogs over (which is always a frustrating and incredibly distressing experience).

I’m thinking we’ll probably go to camera in early January. By that point, of course, the sets will have been built, the cast decided upon, and most of the scripts written.

It’ll be great to return to the world of scifi television. Very exciting.

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June 30, 2014

Photo: Star Trek TOS: The Enemy Within


Hi! I’m Joseph Mallozzi.

And me Cookie Monster.

And we’re your co-hosts for this Star Trek: The Original Series re-watch. Today’s episode under discussion: The Enemy Within!

Me: As I said when we started this re-watch, I haven’t screened these episodes since I was a kid so I’m expecting to have some of my naive childhood small screen delights quashed by the logic-driven perspective of adulthood – BUT this episode was a pleasant surprise. I was expecting a straightforward tale of good vs. evil, but the episode turned out to go much deeper, offering a study of humanity’s dual nature and how we are much more than the sum of our parts. William Shatner offers a tour de force performance here, ranging from powerfully subdued to outrageously hammy.

Cookie Monster: Speshul guest star alien dog also give Emmy-worthy performance. Monster surprised he not do more fan cons.

Me: Yeah, what the hell WAS the deal with that alien dog. We’re supposed to assume Sulu happened to rescue it from this inhospitable world where the temperature drops below freezing every night?

Cookie Monster: Speaking of strange animals, what dat Scottie wearing on his head?

Me: It looked like a plastic toupee. I look forward to seeing his hair develop, over the course of the series, into the stylish do we Scottie fans know and love. T.V. hair, like wardrobe, is an evolutionary process.

Cookie Monster: At one point, Scotty having trubble wit transporter tell other guy to get de “syncratik meter” so that he dubble-check the system. And, presumably, help him keep time when he play piano.

Me: By the way, kudos to director Leo Penn who serves up a wonderfully creepy realization of Richard Matheson’s script. That reveal of evil Kirk is terrific.

Cookie Monster: Also terrific be Scotty’s conclusion dat de two dogs he beamed up aren’t duplikates, dey be “opposites”. Based on de simple fakt one be relaxed and other one angry. If McCoy ever get sick, he could step right in and offer check-up free diagnostic. “Off de top of my head, you got loopus!”

Me: Kirk continues to show off his impressive fighting skills. In this one, after a crew member interrupts him in Yeoman Rand’s quarters, Evil Kirk chases him down and…jumps on his back!

Cookie Monster: But he de captain. Me sure crew give him piggybacks all de time.

Me: Later, when Kirk is informed of the attack on Yeoman Rand, he puts two and two together and realizes he has an “opposite” on board simply shrugs his shoulders and denies any knowledge of the incident. Uh, dude, didn’t you just have that conversation with Scottie about the dog opposites?

Cookie Monster: By the way, monster appreciate fakt dat everyone gets chance to hold cute doggy. Even Kirk do extended scene, walking around, petting de cute little guy.

Me: When he FINALLY puts two and two together, Kirk makes a big announcement over the ship’s P.A. system, informing the crew that there’s an evil version of him onboard. I couldn’t help thinking that this would be a great opportunity for him to fob off guilt for past transgressions on the convenient “Evil Kirk”.

Cookie Monster: Atttenshun! Attenshun! Evil Kirk responsible for attacking Yeoman Rand and crew member. In hindsight, he also responsible for doing number two in mess hall sink after drunken stupor last week!

Me: Later, when the Evil Kirk is spotted, Kirk decides to bring him in – by himself. He tells Spock: “If I’m going to be the Captain, I’ve got act like on.” Uh, like, say, delegating responsibility so as to ensure the threat to the ship is contained?

Cookie Monster: Part where Kirk battle his evil twin my favorite becuz “twin” not look anything like him. At some points, he be a foot taller and have completely different hairstyle. At another, me pretty sure double be an Indian woman.

Me: I mentioned William Shatner’s inspired performance, but also feel the need to commend James Doohan for his breathtaking turn as “nervous guy who almost gets bitten by off-screen dog”. Brilliant.

Cookie Monster: Me feel very sad for dog. Transporter turn it into stuffed animal.

Me: But, in the end, our heroes figure it out, addressing the twin Kirk issue AND beaming a delightfully sarcastic Sulu back up to the ship.

Cookie Monster: Overall, pretty good episode. But monster going to miss dat dog!

Okay, the plan is to continue our Star Trek(!): The Original Series rewatch with the next batch of episodes (Mudd’s Women, What Are Little Girls Made Of?, Miri, Dagger of the Mind, The Corbomite Maneuver) starting Wednesday – BUT the reviews may be a little sporadic of late as I’m looking at a fairly busy July schedule. Also Cookie Monster has his annual summer trip to Ibiza which he can’t cancel as he’s already ordered his glow sticks and pacifier.

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July 1, 2014

Photos: Joe Mallozzi, Lulu


Today, Akemi and I celebrated Canada Day by making the 30 minute drive to Steveston, Richmond where we drove around for 30 minutes looking for parking and then made the 30 minute walk from our parking spot to Steveston Village where we walked around and ate for 30 minutes before making the 30 minute trek back to our car and the 30 minute drive back home. In retrospect, given the fact that we bypassed the Canada Day parade completely in favor of calamari and oyster poboys, we simply chose THE BUSIEST day of the year to have lunch in Steveston. On the bright side (and I here I refer not to the blazing early afternoon sun), Lulu seemed to have a great time despite being so exhausted on the walk back that she tried to climb in and catch a ride with two strange vehicles.

On the way back to the car, we happened upon this little outdoor stand (Bell’s Bake Shop - http://www.bellsbakeshop.com) selling cupcakes, cookies, and cake balls. I tried a couple of the latter, one very good cookies ‘n cream, and one SO good maple-bacon-bourbon that I ended up buying another. And then a bunch more for the road.

Pretty exciting, huh? Beat that!

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July 2, 2014

Photos: Rob Cooper, Ivon Bartok, topping ingredients, Oscar, pizza oven, pizza, blueberry pie


Last night, we capped off our Canada Day festivities at one of Akemi’s favorite pizza places in Vancouver…Chez Rob!

The top-notch ingredients and genuine pizza oven yielded some superior pizzas. The ambiance was great as was the service. Terrific value too (considering all it cost me was the gas for the drive over)! I highly recommend you check out this place the next time you’re in Vancouver. Book early to avoid disappointment!

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July 3, 2014

Videos: Series themes


I was in a bookstore in Montreal, browsing for some suggested reads for my sister, when a song started to play over the P.A. system. It was a great tune, very catchy, but my attempts to Shazam and identify it proved futile, so I flagged down one of the floor staff and asked if she recognized it. She seemed downright enthusiastic I’d inquired. “That’s the theme song to Veronica Mars!” Really? How the heck did I miss that?

Anyway, it just reinforces the importance of a great opening theme. I know, I know. The recent push has been away from actual theme songs in favour of those brief single digit note openers -

And who could forget -

As effective as they are, I still prefer the lengthier, more robust themes that ramp up the excitement and really sets the tone for a show, like -

And, of course -

We’re a long way from finalizing a theme song for my new show, but I already have one in mind. In fact, I’ve had one in mind for over two years now and it’s been my iPhone ringtone for the past three months. Of course, there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to license the song, but it’s interesting to note that, as I developed the series, I had two songs I was convinced would be PERFECT for the series – one for the opening (30 second) credit sequence, and one for the heart-stopping sequence that closes the season one finale.

Of course, much will depend on how we’re looking, budget-wise, late in the production schedule. We may get one – or both! Or we may have to settle for me humming a few bars of my own creation, Ship Happens.

But first things first. The writers’ room shifts into gear this Monday and, in preparation, I’ve gone ahead and started beating out stories. Working off my 13 episode game plan, I’ve completed beat sheets for episodes #2-7 and am presently working on episode #8. Nothing is written in stone and all is up for discussion, but at the very least these narrative blueprints will give us a terrific head start. We’ve got 12 episodes to break (the pilot having already been written) over the month of July!

I will, of course, download our prospective theme song from iTunes for inspiration.

[Jumper_One]

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July 4, 2014

Photos: Star Trek TOS: Mudd's Women


Continuing our Star Trek TOS rewatch! Come on, who’s watching along with me and Cookie Monster?

Me: Hunh. I remember this being a seminal episode back when I was a kid but, unlike, say, The Enemy Within, it fared much, much worse on rewatch. Silliness aside, I wasn’t at all sure what the hell was going on. Did these women have special powers? What were they? Why was Kirk immune?

Cookie Monster: Mebbe he built up a tolerance over time from all dat Kirking.

Me: The episode starts off promisingly enough with The Enterprise harassing an unidentified spaceship that looks like a flying cronut.

Cookie Monster: Cronut get in trubble and it blow up – but not before survivors manage to beam aboard Enterprise: guy called Harry and tree sexy ladies.

Me: Who looked like they’d been beamed out of the evening gown portion of the Miss Universe competition.

Cookie Monster: Scotty, who apparently not been wit a woman since high school, reakt like dey be made of chocolate chip cookie dough. Also, McCoy wide-eye grinning like he about to get some. Hey, dey not nickname him “Bones” for nothing!

Me: Even Spock, initially, seems susceptible to their charms.

Cookie Monster: Yep, monster suspekt someting is up (Pun intended. Dis what me write dese reviews for after all)! Me also instantly suspishus of guy who talk like a leprecon.

Me: I found it interesting that after saving their lives – and being treated to a lingering triple butt shot of the ladies sashaying down the corridor – Kirk makes Harry submit to a lie detector test. Is this common practice for all passengers?

Cookie Monster: Of course! Monster sure dis not de last we’ll see of Enterprise lie detector. It do great job of catching Harry lying. Also, do bang-up job of finding copy of his old driver’s license.

Me: But Harry is of lesser concern in this scene because the women are definitely having an effect on the crew members – with the exception of Spock and (again, for some reason) Kirk. Physiological scans show: “Perspiration up! Blood pressure higher than normal!”

Cookie Monster: Set erektions to maximum!

Me: Anyway, instead of quarantining them – which would seem the wise thing to do – Kirk gives these strange women free run of the ship. One pays Dr. McCoy a visit. The second she shows up, he can’t wait to get rid of that cock-blocker, Connors (“Connors, are you finished?!” – throwing him that “Get lost, I’m about to get laid here” look_. Later, when she walks past his, uh, sensitive…er….equipment…he receives all sorts of strange readings, prompting him to ask her to walk past his medical instrument again.

Cookie Monster: For medikal purposes of course.

Me: She asks if he’d like to examine her but he turns her down on the basis that he “wouldn’t trust his judgement”. Dude!

Cookie Monster: Later, Kirk return to his quarters and find woman sprawled out on his bed. She be like: “You mind?” Kirk horrified, probably becuz lying on bed is one step away from borrowing your toothbrush. Gross.

Me: The women are able to exercise some sort of mind control over the male crew members.

Cookie Monster: Heh. Members.

Me: Then, suddenly, there’s a suggestion that there’s trickery afoot. Or a strange alien pill. Or magic.

Cookie Monster: One second, she be woman wit no make-up and, de next, she be woman WIT make-up!

Me: But is it mind over matter? It’s something one of the women hints at when she wonders whether self-confidence makes one beautiful: “Or is it that they act beautiful? No, strike that.”

Cookie Monster: Strike dat? What she be, in a court of law? Objektion sustained! Next witness!

Me: I feel as though something was left on the cutting room floor, something that would have given us a better understanding of these women and their powers – and why, exactly, they were so eager to go marry a bunch of doofus troglodytes and live out the rest of their lives on some barren mining planet.

Cookie Monster: It look to me like she really, REALLY love to cook. And den, when hubby-to-be insult her cooking, she run off into dust storm. He run after her and Kirk…

Me: For some reason, Kirk doesn’t even help look for her.

Cookie Monster: Mebbe he not want to get involved in marital spat.

Me: Fortunately, the husband-to-be rescues her -

Cookie Monster: But he complain becuz she homely.

Me: Even though she just looks like the same woman – without make-up.

Cookie Monster: But Harry give her speshul pill dat improve her looks.

Me: Yes, he says the pills make “men more muscular and aggressive, women more feminine and beautiful”…but doesn’t mention any weird chemical properties that allow the people who take them to have a supernatural effect on others.

Cookie Monster: On de bottle, it specifikally state: “Not effektive on vulcans and spaceship captains.”

Me: She takes it and, magically, her skin clears up and she’s wearing make-up again. BUT the twist is that the pill was a placebo. It wasn’t the pill after all that made her beautiful. It was her belief in herself! Wait! What?!!

Cookie Monster: Yes, ladies, you too can have de confidence to have make-up magikally appear on your face.

Me: Wait. This doesn’t make any sense. How could she have been transformed by her belief in herself when we clearly see she lacks confidence, which is why she takes the pill in the first place?

Cookie Monster: Don’t ruin happy ending wit your nitpicking. Miner decide to keep her becuz she hot after all. Awwwww. Dat true love!

Our Star Trek TOS re-watch continues…soon! Apologies. My schedule is suddenly crazy. Believe it or not, I’ve been reading the same book for four days now. FOUR DAYS!

Anyway, Cookie Monster asked me to draw your attention to blog regular Bethany’s gofundme drive for a therapy dog: http://www.gofundme.com/ServiceDog4BethanyDraves

P.S. Happy Birthday to Golden Boy Martin Gero!

[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...girls-made-of/

July 5, 2014

Video: Star Trek TOS: What Are Little Girls Made Of in 5 seconds

Photos: Star Trek TOS: What Are Little Girls Made Of


Welcome back to our Star Trek: The Original Series re-watch with your hosts: Me and Cookie Monster…

Me: The Enterprise is enroute to planet Exo-III to check on the health and welfare of researcher Dr. Roger Korby who hasn’t been heard from in five years. Roger’s fiancee, Nurse Chapel, is on the bridge, hopeful that the love of her life is still alive – despite the planet’s minus 100 degree surface temperatures. Chapel has confidence in Roger’s ability to persevere. Kirk, not so much. As they approach Exo-III, he asks Spock: “Do you think there’s any chance of him still being alive?”. Hey, Capatain Sensitive, the presumed-dead-guy’s girlfriend is standing three feet behind you. “Uh, Jim. I can hear you. I’m standing right here.” Oh. Right.

Cookie Monster: Dey beam down to entrance of underground cavern and, despite planet’s minus 100 degree temperature, dey nice and toasty warm in deir Alpaca fur-lined Starfleet uniforms.

Me: But Kirk is suspicious and asks for a security detail: two redshirts. Finally! Actual redshirted redshirts! One, providing back-up for Kirk and Nurse Chapel, ends up falling off a ledge. Roger’s assistant informs Kirk that it is a bottomless pit. “He’s dead, I assure you,”he says. Whoa, wait a minute. If it’s an actual bottomless pit, then he’s still alive. Why not order the Enterprise to lock onto him and beam him back up? Good idea? Worth a try? Yes? No?

Cookie Monster: Ah, plenty more where dat redshirt came from.

Me: Still, Kirk is even more suspicious now.

Cookie Monster: What tip him off? De Addams Family butler walking around in his bathrobe?

Me: Kirk and Chapel are escorted into a room by the assistant. A door slides open and Roger steps out and his eyes light up – at the sight of Kirk. Seriously. He seems more excited to see him than his fiancee…who seems to notice a full three seconds after the fact: “Oh. Didn’t notice you standing there. Two feet to my left.”

Cookie Monster: Den, Roger introduce his other “assistant”: Andrea.

Me: Okay, I’m going to stop here a moment to proclaim actress Sherry Jackson the most gorgeous guest star in the history of Star Trek – and probably scifi television.

Cookie Monster: Back to de review…

Me: I mean, seriously. If they had cast her in the last episode, Mudd’s Women, all my nitpicks about how and why the men were falling head over heels would have been addressed.

Cookie Monster: Moving on…

Me: I googled the actress to find out if she’s still working and came across a video interview with her. She’s apparently 72 but she doesn’t look a day over 50. And she’s still gorgeous.

Cookie Monster: No offense, but monster need to move dis review along so he have time to go pick up half-price remaindered fireworks.

Me: Okay. So it turns out Andrea is a robot. And so is Roger’s assistant – who Kirk’s shoots, exposing his circuitry.

Cookie Monster: After Kirk execute patented pointless dive roll.

Me: No doubt to confuse his opponent.

Cookie Monster: Den Lurch walk in and grab Kirk.

Me: Robot Lurch.

Cookie Monster: Who, it turn out, it addition to being super strong and stealthy, also do really good impressions of Kirk, Chapel, and Stewie from Family Guy. He be Exo-III’s resident Rich Little!

Me: Roger makes a robot version of Kirk – to prove he can. He is like Kirk in every way, possessed of all of his memories – but, in the end, susceptible to racist rants.

Cookie Monster: Robot Kirk even fool Nurse Chapel – but, to be fair, she not demonstrate best judgement. Referring to Roger, she say: “What’s he’s done may seem wrong…” Seem? SEEM?! He responsible for death of two redshirts. Me understand, dey only redshirts but still. Somewhere, back on Earth, dere be little redshirts waiting for den to come home!

Me: The real Kirk is brought in and he converses with Roger while surreptitiously unfurling some twine from the back of his chair. I’m not sure what I found more amazing, Kirk’s resourcefulness in fashioning a weapon out of his chair or the fact that Lurch and Andrea were standing right behind him and didn’t notice what he was doing.

Cookie Monster: Kirk jump Roger, den make run for it.

Me: Leaving Nurse Chapel behind (“I’m going to get help!!!”). But he is no match for Lurch who corrals him and brings him back. In retrospect, kind of a dumb move on Kirk’s part. Moments earlier, Roger offered him the opportunity to play along with his little charade. Instead of turning him down, why didn’t Kirk just say “Yeah, sure. ” instead of opting for the ridiculous high-tail into the meandering caverns?

Cookie Monster: But Kirk resourceful. He such a player, he even able to seduce a robot!

Cookie Monster: Dis harder den it look. Me suspekt he was practicing on Enterprise toaster oven.

Me: And, later, he turns Lurch against his creator by using suspect logic (“If I’m a danger to you and I’m here because of Roger, then Roger is the problem, isn’t he?”).

Cookie Monster: Chase ensue. Roger get injured and, in big reveal, we discover…he a robot too!

Me: Meanwhile, Andrea sees robot Kirk and asks for a kiss. He turns her down, so she disintegrates him. Guys, let this be a lesson.

Cookie Monster: It turn out she in love wit robot Roger. Dey kiss, and commit suicide because robot love not meant to be, like comedians hooking up. Remember Roseanne and Tom Arnold?

Me: All in all a solid episode…with a tremendous guest star in Sherry Jackson. Did I mention her?

Cookie Monster: Yes, me tink you did.

Me: Anyway, for those who weren’t able to watch it, here is an abbreviated version of the episode:

[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...ues-with-miri/

July 6, 2014

Photos: Star Trek TOS: Miri


Cookie Monster and I continue our review of the original Star Trek series…

Me: I remember this one being a lot creepier when I was a kid, like that movie Phantasm and clowns in general. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Yeoman Rand, and a couple of redshirts beam down to a planet with an Earth-like atmosphere – and Earth-like studio lot ruins – to investigate a distress signal. What they discover triggers an adventure part Children of the Corn and part Lord of the Flies with a dash of that episode of the 1967 Spiderman where Spidey gets knocked out in a meat locker and wakes up to a post-apocalyptic Earth where guys sporting football helmets ride around on dinosaurs.

Cookie Monster: Did me miss someting but what happened to de two redshirts who come down to planet wit dem? Dey just disappear halfway thru episode. Early on, Kirk try his best to get dem killed off tho. Notice how everyone stick together EXCEPT redshirt who sent off on his own. And STILL not manage to get himself killed!

Me: Well, it wasn’t from lack of trying. Still, a nice twist early on as the redshirt, who we’re assuming will be killed, remains unharmed while McCoy is the one who gets attacked.

Cookie Monster: The Bonester checking out tricycle and get jumped by zombie boy. Kirk come to do reskue, punching out zombie boy TREE times before knocking him down.

Me: Wouldn’t it have been more humane to simply stun him with his phaser?

Cookie Monster: Sure, but not as much fun. Kirk’s knuckles need love too!

Me: This episode does a wonderful job of slow-burning the creepy premise. The desolation is unsettling enough, but when those unseen children start chanting….yeeeikes.

Cookie Monster: Even Spock is spooked. At one point, he searching, hear noise, and scream: “Guards!” like my little cousin Demoika dat time spider crawl up her calf.

Me: Kirk makes a startling discovery in a closet. A young teenager named Miri.

Cookie Monster: Monster not sure what more creepy: kids or Kirk turning on de charm for teenager. “Pretty name for a pretty girl. Veeeeer pretty.” Veeeeery creepy.

Me: He has no control over his charm powers. In many ways, it’s a curse. “She likes you, Jim,”Spock says at one point. “She’s becoming…a woman!”

Cookie Monster: Just like horrible blue scab Miri notice on his hand. She be like: “You infekted!” And he be like: “Hey! How DAT get dere?!”

Me: Yeah, you’d think he would have been the first one to notice. Anyway, pretty soon, everyone notices as they all get infected – with the exception of Spock who is, nevertheless, a carrier.

Cookie Monster: Speaking of carriers, monster couldn’t help noticing Yeoman Rand’s wicker basket hairstyle. What she hiding under dere?

Me: Unfortunately for them, NOT her communicator. In one of the episode’s most puzzling moments, all off the communicators get stolen when everyone – EVERYONE! – leaves them behind to investigate something. When they come back, they’re gone. I mean, come on. Everyone?! Did they forget that there’s a special place on their belts where they go

Cookie Monster: De Bonester get to work on vaccine for virus – but it frustrating work. Virus affekt deir minds. Pretty soon, everybody snapping at each other like dey at an Oscar de Grouch family reunion.

Me: Turns out these “kids” are 300 years old and the infection develops at puberty. But McCoy is close to completing the vaccine. The only problem is – without their communicators, they can’t contact the Enterprise to test it! (P.S. After they hadn’t heard back from the Captain for a while, you’d think the Enterprise would send a second party down to check up on him.). And testing it without the Enterprise could have disastrous consequences. As Spock points out, it could be a “beaker full of death”!

Cookie Monster: Coinsidentally, Beaker Full of Death be name of old muppet band dat played at Bert and Ernie’s wedding.

Me: Things get desperate for everyone, especially Yeoman Rand who asks Kirk to check out her (now spotty) legs.

Cookie Monster: Finally, Kirk confront plastic bat-wielding kids. He plead for communikators! “No blah blah blah!”he scream. So dey beat him up instead. In hindsight, he should have stuck wit de blah blah blah.

Me: But never underestimate Kirk’s powers of persuasion. If he’s not seducing robots or convincing them to turn against their creators -

Cookie Monster: Or getting teenagers to fall in love wit him.

Me: Or getting teenagers to fall in love with him, he’s convincing a group of kids that their 300 year old lifestyle is wrong and in need of a complete overhaul. He gets his communicators back just in the nick of time -

Cookie Monster: To find Bonester on de floor, unconscious after taking vaccine. But it work! Everyone cured!

Me: Our crew returns to the ship where Yeoman Rand informs Kirk: “Miri. She really loved you, you know.” To which Kirk replies: “Yes. I never get involved with a older women, Yeoman.” Er, oookay. Technically she’s 300 years old but physically… Ah, let’s just forget it and move on to the next episode.

[Jumper_One]

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July 7, 2014

Photo: White Fire by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child


This book is the equivalent of that lamb kebab I ate one hot summer back when I was living in Montreal. Like the Pendergast series to date, I quite enjoyed Indian food – until that wretched kebab. It was bad. So bad that I couldn’t eat Indian food against for years. And, I suspect, it’ll probably be that long before I pick up another book in the Pendergast series.

White Fire starts off promisingly enough with a mystery set in a Colorado town. Pendergast’s protege, a young idiot named Corrie Swanson, gets into trouble while researching and studying (and breaking and entering) the bodies of some 19th century miners. She is facing serious jail time until Pendergast shows up and turns the table on the community in spectacularly convenient fashion (locating a descendant of the dead who objects to plans to dig up a local graveyard, something the community failed to do even though, as Pendergast points out, she was remarkably easy to find). Also coincidentally, wealthy locals start getting knocked off in grisly fashion, their multi-million dollar homes burned to the ground. Why is this suddenly happening now when Pendergast comes to town? Good question. And one that’s never answered. Who is responsible? Er, if you guessed the character who doesn’t serve any real purpose in the story, you’d be correct!

As the town is gripped by the murders, someone begins to stalk Corrie: creeping around her place at night, killing her dog, taking a shot at her. Corrie reacts like any level-headed person in her position would: by not reporting the incidents to the authorities and not telling her mentor (who is an FBI agent by the way) Aloysius Pendergast. In fact, she seems more annoyed at Pendergast’s concerns for her safety than she is about her dead dog and almost getting shot. While Corrie runs around town making one dubious decision after another, effectively moving the plot forward, Aloysius looks into the existence of an unpublished Sherlock Holmes story that may shed some light on the mysterious 19th century killings of a group of miners. Fans of Sherlock scholars and fans have sought this rumoured manuscript for close to a century. Enter Pendergast who locates it in a matter of days.

Blind luck, coincidences, and convenient developments abound to help a listless and uninspired Pendergast solve the case. Yes, okay, he’s depressed due to the events in a previous book, but that doesn’t excuse the lazy way by which he works the case. At one point, he attempts to blackmail an elderly woman to gain access to a property. At another, he gains access to sensitive documents by barging into a house and setting a fire (which he later puts out with some gravy), causing everyone to conveniently clear out so that he can search. At still another, he time travels through the power of his mind to listen in on a conversation between Oscar Wilde and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Yes, I know, this means of magical mental transport was set up in Still Life With Crows, but that doesn’t excuse it’s lameness. I hated it then and hated it here.

Ultimately, we learn that the murderer was rendered insane by mercury poisoning, something he was exposed to in the womb. Oddly enough, we are told about one character who is exposed to the mercury while working the mines and it turned him into a babbling, deranged psycho. Our murderer, who has been exposed since birth is, in contrast, a calculating serial killer possessed of the intelligence and rationale to hide his crimes.

And, uh, again, why does he just happen to start killing people when Pendergast comes to town?

Oh, almost forgot. The book almost scored points for me late when it seems Pendergast is too late to save Corrie from being burned alive. BUT, in yet another ridiculous twist, it is revealed that the charred remains don’t belong to Corrie but some other woman who the serial killer/arsonist happened to burn alive in approximately the save spot a little earlier.

A long way from Relic, the first instalment in the Pendergast series, this book was one bad lamb kebab.

This blog entry is (ironically) dedicated to Birthday Gal Das!

[KEK]

Since when are kebabs Indian food?