Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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October 16, 2011

Photos: Alexander M. Ruemelin, birthday cards, Ivon Bartok, Akemi, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, truffles, desserts, Rob Cooper, Hillary, dinner, balloons, art


Thanks to everyone who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday either through posts, phone calls, emails, or heartfelt photos like the one my buddy Alexander sent me today. The latter almost brought me to tears as it stirred memories of my last few weeks on the show – how Alexander would greet us by marching into our offices, dropping to his knees, and throwing out his arms, middle fingers outstretched and waving. It’s the small things that make up the happy memories.

Speaking of happy memories, last night – a tick past midnight – Akemi gave me the birthday card she’d been working on for – well, since Toronto: a multi-colored masterpiece of construction paper, cardboard, colored pencils, markers, photos, stickers and (occasionally odd) sentiments. A few excerpts...

Today, I celebrated in fine fashion – by having friends over to watch football and cheer on my fantasy football team. Sadly, the Snow Monkeys last because the Dallas Cowboys don’t play to win; they merely play not to lose. Oh, and apparently Roddy White is already looking ahead to his retirement. Still, it was memorable for the company and, of course, the food...

Birthday celebrations continued tonight with dinner at Boneta...

I enjoyed a wonderful rainbow trout. We finished the meal with a dessert medley that included...

I’d like to remind everyone that Joe’s birthday festivities will continue throughout the week so feel free to celebrate in your own way. As for me, I’m heading off to bed to continue reading Terry Brooks’ First King of Shannara. So far, so very good…

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October 17, 2011

Photos: Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, driver’s side view mirror


Perhaps no one was more disappointed about my early return to Vancouver than former SGU script coordinator Lawren who’d been taking care of my place in my absence. An early homecoming for me of course meant an early departure for him. Instead of having until December to work his way through my liquor cabinet, his window of opportunity has suddenly contracted. Akemi and I have been back a couple of weeks now, but I assured Lawren that he could stay as long as he likes. We have the extra room and if he doesn’t take it, Akemi is going to turn it into a raccoon nursery.

Anyway, looks like Lawren has found alternate accommodations and will be leaving us in a few weeks. Akemi is and I are genuinely saddened. It’s been fun having the company – someone to commiserate with over fantasy football; someone to join us for dinner; someone to reprimand if he comes home late or doesn’t call (“Akemi and I were worried sick, young man!”). Akemi likens the communal spirit to the “share house” concept common among Japanese students studying English here in Canada and, while she’s accepted the fact that Lawren will be moving out, she holds on to the hope that someone else will be moving in. She had her heart set on Ivon until I informed her that he already has a place and, more importantly, a long-term lease. Alternate candidates include: Alexander and Sarah (once they’ve finished up on Transporter), Carl Binder, Martin Gero, my sister, our friend Moro-san in Tokyo, author John Scalzi, editor Lou Anders, author Marjorie M. Liu, writer Gail Simone, that Diners Drive-Ins and Dives guy, Chef Tom Colicchio, circa 1985 Kelly LeBrock, Gintama, the Fantastic Four.

After enjoying a Sunday chock full of birthdayly goodness, I woke up this morning to THIS -

THAT is my driver’s side view mirror. Or, rather, it’s the spot formerly occupied by my driver’s side view mirror. It and my passenger side view mirror were conspicuously absent this morning. Initially, I assumed some good samaritan had taken them away to be cleaned but, eventually, it dawned on me that that wasn’t the case. On the bright side, I had to drop my car off for scheduled maintenance today. According to Alan at the dealership, those replacement parts should come in on Friday. And since he deems it dangerous to drive around without side view mirrors (I could always tape hand mirrors to doors!), he won’t return my car until then. So, if I want to get around, looks like I’ll be relying on that jet pack my mother got me last Christmas. Hey, does anybody know if you can buy rocket fuel at Home Depot?

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October 18, 2011

Video: SGU Awakening's seed ship

Photos: Dark Matter


DARK MATTER #1 (of 4)
Joseph Mallozzi (W), Paul Mullie (W), Garry Brown (A/Cover), and Ryan Hill (C)
On sale Jan 11
FC, 32 pages
$3.50
Miniseries

A derelict ship floats in space, its troubled crew awakened from stasis with no memories of who they are or how they got on board. Their search for answers triggers the vessel’s deadly security system: a relentless android bent on their destruction. Facing threats at every turn, they have to work together to survive a voyage charged with vengeance, redemption, betrayals, and hidden secrets best left unknown.

Science-fiction veterans Joseph Mallozzi and Paul Mullie, best known for their work on television’s Stargate franchise and the new Transporter: The Series, create a new and exciting universe!

Oooh, check it out. Dark Horse just released its advance solicitation for January 2012 and look at what made the list. The November issue of Previews (PREVIEWS: The Comic Shop’s Catalog!) will include a two page color excerpt from issue #1 of Dark Matter, so make sure to check it out.

Speaking of sneak peeks, here’s a look at some of artist Garry Brown’s phenomenal pencils for the series...

Awesome, no? The space battles and firefights are pretty awesome as well – but you’ll have to wait for those.

Going through my portable hard drives and came across a slew of old Stargate-related photos and video clips including this early tour of the seed ship set from Stargate: Universe’s Awakening. It was designed for the diminutive alien crew and, as a result, the crew kept bumping their heads on the low ceiling, banging their elbows on the close quarters and, in the case of one camera man, getting trapped in one of the narrow corridors...


Mailbag:

John Scalzi writes: “Note to self: Remember to show up at Joe’s door, suitcases in hand, the next time I’m in Vancouver. Preferably unannounced.”

Answer: John, know that you and that team of personal chefs you always travel with are more than welcome.

P.S. I like my omelets extra fluffy.

Levent Tasken writes: “They’re not giving you a courtesy car?”

Answer: They gave me one. It’s a white A4 with the words “Service Replacement Vehicle” on the side lest someone mistake it for a real car.

Ganymede writes: “BTW, you should get the Car-Guys to put in a remote camera behind a see-through mirror for the NEXT time this happens!”

Answer: If I’m going to spend money on security features for my car, I’d rather just go ahead and get the side-mounted flamethrowers (http://www.motortorque.com/blog/tag/flamethrower-car/)

JeffW writes: “Is that the “Weird Science” Kelly LeBrock, or am mixing up my eighties films again?”

Answer: Nope, that’s the one.

Ivon B writes: “Damn, this is my favourite blog of the year… Fun-E!”

Answer: Laugh while you can. My Snow Monkeys are going to lay a beatdown on your fantasy team this weekend. Shall I make pork chops for lunch?

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October 19, 2011

Videos: Ashleigh, SGU’s Resurgence

Photos: Raccoon


What the heck IS Ashleigh doing? I honestly don’t remember. But I’m sure that anything you guys come up with will be far more interesting than the truth.

Also of interest is another video clip I discovered in the vault – this one the rehearsal of a scene from SGU’s Resurgence:

I received a horrifying email from our friend Tara Yelland today. Are you sitting down? Are the lights on? Okay. I quote it in its almost entirety (minus the preamble about the birthday drawing I requested which is, apparently, in the works):

“I came home and found a giant raccoon hanging out in my apartment. It was very startling. I noticed cupboards were open and it was cowering near the back door hissing at me. Then as I approached it, it ran upstairs and under the bed! So I took that opportunity to open the back door, then went upstairs and jumped on the bed and poked at it until it ran back downstairs and out the door. It was a harrowing experience. I can’t figure out how it got in here! No windows or doors open…”

No windows or doors open? How did it get in? Hello?! Isn’t it obvious?! You’re place is haunted by a ghost raccoon! Seriously, take a closer look at the supporting photo that accompanied the email:

Tell me that’s NOT the spookiest ass raccoon you’ve ever laid eyes on.

Anyway, I hope Tara is able to contact a proper animal spirit exorcist to deal with the problem – once she’s finished my birthday picture of course.

Today’s blog entry is dedicated to Trevor Finn. You may not have been a robot or a member of the cabal, but you were a damn fine assistant and script coordinator!

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October 20, 2011

Video: Stargate screening

Photos: Birthday gift, Alexander M. Ruemelin, Trevor


A masterpiece, no? I commissioned it from my Toronto pal, Tara Yelland, who sent me the following email the day after my birthday:

“I had no idea it was your birthday yesterday! Happy Birthday! You don’t look a day over 52. Hope it was a good one! As a gift, I will draw you a picture of anything you request.”

Anything? Well, I thought it would be obvious but, just in case, I was very specific:

“I’d like you to draw me a picture of a snowman marrying a bear in outer space. There should be a stunning space battle going on somewhere in the background.”

Well, this morning I finally received my birthday gift. And, I have to say, I’m pretty damn impressed. No half-ass sketch for me. Instead, check out the glorious colors, the fiery combat in the BG and, best of all, the added bonus cameo of yours truly (Spaceman Joe) presiding over the cosmic nuptials. The pic was accompanied by the following heartfelt message:

“Here, as requested, is a drawing of a bear marrying a snowman in space with a fantastical battle happening in the background. You’ll notice I bothered to include you in the scenario–officiating the wedding, of course. I figure this is ultimately how you’ll end up anyway. I would be happy to sell the original print to you for a reasonable price.”

How I’ll end up anyway? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Above is a clip of some cast members (Brian, Jamil, and David) watching the finished version of my favorite Stargate: Universe episode, Time, for the first time. Love the reactions.

See, these are the moments I miss – the camaraderie, the excitement, the pride for a job well done. Hopefully, there’ll be plenty more of that in the not too distant future – but, for the near future, I’m considering a couple of alternate pursuits. There’s the Dark Matter comic book series that launches January 11, 2012 (Joe Mallozzi And Paul Mullie Release Dark Matter In January) but, before I head out and start pitching and taking meetings ahead of my next t.v. gig, I thought it might be nice to do something different like, say, write a novel. I know, I know. My last foray into prose fiction, the short story “Downfall” I wrote for the superhero-themed anthology, Masked (edited by Lou Anders) took me the better part of nine months to write. But I feel that with that experience under my belt, I could write a novel a lot quicker and with a lot less agonizing over the details. Ideally. But maybe not. Regardless, the more I think about it, the more I’m liking the idea of a challenge – specifically, the challenge of sitting down and dedicating 2-3 hours a day, starting November, to writing my first novel. That’s the plan anyway. Just outlining right now. The real work begins in 11 days!

Oh, and to those of you asking, I was not eulogizing Trevor in yesterday’s blog entry. I was just wishing him all the best as he has parted ways with the production ahead of the birth of his first child, Euphemia (see past blog entries for the Name Trevor’s Baby Contest details). Apparently, he received quite the send off. Alexander sent me a candid pic of Trevor’s last day...

The pic made me all nostalgic for earlier times when I too had an assistant to verbally berate, paper cut, and pummel with rolled up rewrites of rewrites of rewritten scripts.

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October 21, 2011

Video: Birthday clip

Photos: La Brasserie, Akemi, chicken sandwich, Ivon Bartok, Kaboom Box, burger, Coma Food, Jay, burrito, Joe Mallozzi, Ursu BBQ Taco, Bulgogi Taco, Mom’s Grilled Cheese


Let me set the next clip up for you. I was working on Stargate and it was my birthday. I made it very clear that I didn’t want anyone in the office to do ANYTHING for me and that included: the purchasing of gifts, the presenting of cake, the singing of Happy Birthday – or any variations thereof. After lunch, I noticed people milling about the kitchen. A bad sign. So I retreated to my office and shut the door, locking it just to be sure. Seconds later, I received a call from my assistant, Ashleigh. I ignored it. She tried again. Again, I ignored it. Another call – this time from Carl. Sneaky, sneaky. I ignored that too. Not to be dissuaded, they marched down to my office and knocked. I ignored them. So Ashleigh used the master key to open the door and let everyone in.

BTW – This clip and the one I posted yesterday of the first screening of SGU’s Time come compliments of Lawren Bancroft-Wilson.

Notes on the video:

0:07 – My co-workers cry “Speech! Speech!”. This is payback for the numerous times I’ve done the same thing, calling out for a speech – not because I want to hear one, but because it makes the moment all that more awkward for the birthday individual.

0:14-0:17 – My speech: “Thank you for doing exactly the opposite of what I requested for my birthday.”

0:54 – “Take a picture of the crappy cake.” A reference to a blog post in which I criticized the quality of the office birthday cakes.

1:10 – Ashleigh never did get around to cleaning my desk. I had to do it myself!

1:33 – Ashleigh’s excuse for just walking in “You were sitting there. I could see you.” sounds perfectly acceptable if not for the fact that the blinds were drawn, meaning she would have had to peer through the tiny opening between the slats. Creepy!

Speaking of creepy Ashleigh, she was unable to join us today for round #2 of The Great Vancouver Food Truck Tour. Lawren was also conspicuously absent, claiming he had to be somewhere (L.A.). Fortunately, Akemi had nowhere else to be and we were joined by professional eater Ivon R. Bartok for the occasion.

It was rainy and cold, but that didn’t deter us from hitting another five food trucks!

First stop: La Brasserie (not to be confused with La Brasserie 2 which we hit last Friday).

Like its sister food truck, La Brasserie offers only one menu item -

A chicken sandwich with gravy and crispy onions. A terrific start to the tour. A little messy but quite tasty and the crispy onions offered a wonderful textural contrast.

Ivon paced himself, only eating roughly half of everything. After all, speedo season is right around the corner.

Second stop: Kaboom Box

Heard a lot of good things about this truck and we weren’t disappointed. I was tempted to get the oyster po’boy but, ultimately, went for the more unique menu item...

The venison burger served with greens and a sweet honey mustard. Game meat is tricky to prepare as it tends to dry out quickly, but the venison was moist and tender, the honey mustard a nice compliment to the savory grill flavor. Akemi was reluctant to try it at first but ended up by finishing it off.

Third stop: Coma Food.

Next up was Coma Food, a place that offers a contemporary spin on Korean cuisine. As we awaited our order, we were served complimentary Korean miso soup (very good although I only got to finish half of mine before Akemi helped herself). We chatted with the truck’s owner, Jay, a transplanted L.A. native who gave us the lowdown on his fresh ingredients including his home made marinade. No pre-packaged offerings here.

We had the spicy pork burrito and it was probably the best thing I had all day. Sweet and spicy with a nice crunch. What I at first took to be egg turned out to be tofu. Although he really liked the burrito, Ivon wasn’t a big fan of the tofu (“There’s no reason to add tofu to anything.”) but Akemi loved it. For my part, I didn’t mind it as it simply took on the flavor of the accompanying elements.

I’m already planning a return visit to check out the Bulgogi Burger.

Fourth stop: Ursu BBQ Taco

Another contemporary spin on Korean cuisine!

The Bulgogi Taco. I ordered spicy and it delivered a really nice kick. A little messy, but quite good.

Fifth stop: Mom’s Grilled Cheese

The busiest of the food trucks we visited on the day. The inclement weather did nothing to discourage customers, most of whom were clearly regulars.

Unfortunately, I forgot to get pics of the menu items. I had the Jackson 3, a triple cheese, triple decker creation of sourdough, melted triple cream brie, boursin, and gruyere. And, for dessert, the Fat Elvis: peanut butter and banana with smoked sea salt on white bread.

The Jackson 3 was good but I felt the sandwich missed the bite that, say, a cheddar could offer, meaning I’ll have to go back for the straight cheddar version. A customer beside us seemed to be enjoying hers immensely. The Fat Elvis, alas, didn’t really impress. I commend them for using all natural peanut butter instead of the sweetened versions but, as Ivon pointed out, the sandwich could have benefited from a little honey.

Yet another successful food truck tour. That’s ten trucks down, approximately forty more to go!

Ivon and I spitballed ideas for a new show. We’re taking a few days to think about it, then reconvening next week to discuss! Very exciting. We’ll tell you all about it. Eventually.

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October 22, 2011

Photos: Steve, Jodi, dinner, Jacqueline, Ivon, Sara, snow monkey


Recent dinners:

Transylvania Flavor with Steve, Jodi, Akemi, and Gemma...

Bao Bei with Jacqueline...

Bistrot Bistro with Ivon and Sara...

I spent the greater part of the afternoon organizing my library, ultimately coming to the conclusion that I may have way too many books and not enough shelf space.

Also started fleshing out some ideas for the show(s) I’ll be developing with Ivon. Akemi is VERY excited, for obvious reasons.

As tempted as I am to take part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), especially since it coincides with the start of work on my planned novel(s), I think it would be preferable to work at my own pace. I know, I know. NaNoWriMo offers terrific motivation in the form of a deadline but I honestly think the emphasis on quantity over quality would prove detrimental to the finished product, especially considering I’m toying with the idea of writing not one but two novels. Unlike my writing partner, Paul, who can only concentrate on one project at a time, I prefer to jump back and forth between projects. If I get bogged down on one, there’s nothing more energizing than taking a break to jump on to another. And then there’s the fact that I’ve been toying with two ideas for novels, one in the SF genre, the other in the fantasy genre. Hey, chances are I may not get around to finishing either, but I’m feeling increasingly up to the double challenge.

Signed off on a few more pencil pages of Dark Matter’s third issue. Artist Garry Brown continues to amaze. I promised my editor, Patrick Thorpe, that I’d write the copy for the advance solicitation of issue #4 by next Friday. So somebody remind me!

Tomorrow’s R.I.P. Stargate fantasy football game of the day sees my Snow Monkeys beat up on Ivon Bartok’s Running Dead. ’tsgonna be ugly!

GO SNOW MONKEYS!!!

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October 23, 2011

Videos: Stargate Atlantis behind the scenes

Photos: Snow monkey, Akemi


A couple of more clips from the vault – behind the scenes on Stargate: Atlantis’s Midway. Andy Mikita directs the wraith...

I’m pleased to report my Snow Monkeys kicked the crap out of Ivon Bartok’s The Running Dead in fantasy football action today, climbing into a three-way tie for second place in the R.I.P. Stargate League.

Let’s celebrate with some mailbag!


Mailbag:

D writes: “What were the “planet-builders”going to be like?”

Answer: Although we had a general idea of who/what the planet-builders were (incredibly powerful aliens capable of generating living worlds – obviously) we were still months away from discussing and detailing their background and purpose (beside their grand scale scientific research). Just prior to the cancellation, Brad was pitching out a story in which Destiny would finally encounter the planet-builders. Unfortunately, we never got the chance to develop the story.

Tam Dixon writes: “You seem to be full of energy. How do you get settled down enough to sleep? Max and Jelly doing ok?”

Answer: Reading for about an hour or two prior to turning in really helps me unwind – often despite the subject matter. For instance, at present I’m reading Stephen King’s Dreamcatchers, a terrific page-turner. As for the dogs – they’re well. The older dogs have slowed down considerably of late but are doing alright. Maximus is a whole new dog since coming back to Vancouver!

Paloosa writes: “Will you be trying to develop TV series, or even delve into feature films?”

Answer: Ideally, would love to set up an original series. Eventually. Am talking to a few individuals/production entities about developing some established properties. Also have also talked to a couple of studios about show running opportunities on future projects. Regardless of what, exactly, my next job will be – I’m not interested in starting anything until 2012. Taking the rest of the year off.

Paloosa also writes: “And I too was wondering about Paul. Is he still in Toronto? Is he working on other projects as well?”

Answer: Paul is enjoying his time off and will be returning to Vancouver in a couple of weeks. When it comes to work: wherever I goes, he goes – and vice versa.

noellam writes: “Does your new show idea have anything to do with food?”

Answer: We’re discussing a number of show ideas and, yes, a few of them have a lot to do with food.

Akemi writes: “I ate a lot and put on a weight. “

Answer: I’ll say. Check out these before and after pics from our Food Truck Tour.

!!!

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October 24, 2011

Videos: SGA's Vegas, SGU's Air Part 1, Lulu


Robert Cooper directs Bob Picardo and David Hewlett in a scene from SGA’s Vegas...

And a scene of the evacuation of the Icarus base from SGU’s Air I...

And video of puppy Lulu. This was her very first day with us and the pugs...

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October 25, 2011

Videos: SGU's Air Part 1 behind the scenes

Photos: Dark Matter


I received the almost-finished first issue of Dark Matter today and to say that I am pleased would be to understate. I am very, VERY happy. Great work on the part of artist Garry Brown, colorist Ryan Hill, letterer Richard Starkings and Comicraft, editor Patrick Thorpe, and the rest of the gang at Dark Horse. After reading (and re-reading) issue #1 , I went over issue #2 and made some minor dialogue tweaks and suggestions. It’s been interesting seeing the characters come alive in ways I’m not accustomed to. No actors delivering the lines, giving human form to the voices on paper, but the different personalities resonate in an altogether different way. Here, there’s more room for interpretation – which I love. As the story develops, it’ll be interesting to see which of the four man, two women crew readers connect with. They’re a unique (occasionally quirky) bunch, each with their own fascinating backstory, and I can’t wait for you to get to know them.

In time.

Of course, that’s provided they make it past the first issue.

A couple of Dark Matter-related web articles I happened across.

The first, a quickie interview I did for James Runciman at Alvaro’s ComicBoards...

http://www.comicboards.com/mallozzi.php

Another, from a blog regular weighing in on his prospective new comic book habit...

http://gordon.dewis.ca/2011/10/25/co...seph-mallozzi/

Follow Gordon’s lead and head on down to your local comic shop and reserve your multiple copies (one for reading, one for packing away in mint condition, and several for giving away. The perfect gift for your literate friends and family members. Hell, even the illiterate ones will enjoy the pictures!).

Let’s cap off today’s blog entries with a couple of behind the scenes videos from Stargate: Universe’s premiere episode, Air I. Director Andy Mikita directs...

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October 26, 2011

Videos: Shadow swordplay, Grim Night trailer

Photos: Mike, snow monkey, dinner


A few videos that caught my attention today. First up – you’ve heard of shadow boxing? How about shadow swordplay? Very cool.

Next up is a trailer for a script – yes, a script! – that was just snapped up by Universal Pictures. This was a first sale for writers Brandon Bestenheider & Allen Bey who co-wrote Grim Night. It tells the horrific tale of one night every year in which humanity must defend itself from the ominous “Grim”. Bestenheider and Bey helped the pitch along by investing a little time, money, and energy to put together this nifty/creepy teaser-trailer.

What’s so brilliant about this game plan is that it satisfies the biggest network/studio concern at the script stage: how is THIS going to work? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received script notes based on someone imagining the worst possible execution of an idea. As Rob used to say: “You’re imagining the bad version. We’ll do the good one.” And an effective teaser trailer goes a long way toward giving your audience a firm sense of what they can expect. It’s the sizzle. Now, all you have to do is deliver a great steak!

Speaking of which – had lunch with Ivon today to discuss some of our series ideas. We’ve got 3-4 terrific notions that need to be fleshed out and incorporated into a proper pitch package. After that all we have to do is approach our potential partners, get them onboard, and it’ll be smoooooooooooth sailing.

Hey, look at who I ran into the other day -

It’s my buddy Mike, formerly of Stargate, presently of the R.I.P Stargate fantasy football league Tim’s Dreamgirl who currently holds a record of 3-4 and is sitting one game out of the final playoff spot. I like Mike and hope his team makes the playoffs. But, I like my team, The Snow Monkeys, more and they face a huge challenge this weekend when they go up against the undefeated I have no imagination. Despite the fact that it looks like Jahvid Best will be out for another week and that Peterson and Thomas are injured, I smell upset!

GO SNOW MONKEYS!!!

Tonight’s dinner...

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October 27, 2011

Photos: Cookie Monster, Sesame street zombies


Since returning to Vancouver, I’ve been surprisingly busy – much busier than I expected. In addition to reorganizing my library, filing eight months’ worth of mail, and completing Akemi’s sponsorship documents, I’ve been catching up on my reading and looking ahead to several projects (outlining and writing the novels, approvals on the Dark Matter comic book, finishing up a pilot script, plotting and writing a feature, researching and writing a historical mini-series). And then, of course, there’s this blog which takes up a surprising amount of my time given that I haven’t missed a daily entry in almost five years.

Ultimately, something’s gotta give – if only temporarily – and I’m afraid it’s going to have to be this blog.

In order to relieve some of the pressure and free myself up to tackle the 101 other things I need to do, I’ve decided to hand things off to the occasional guest blogger. But not just any guest blogger. I want someone intelligent, well-spoken, armed with wit, clever ideas, and an ability to entertain.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anyone that met the aforementioned criteria so I just settled for whoever had the time and was willing to do it for minimal compensation.

And so, today, I hand the reins over to a longtime friend of this blog: Cookie Monster...

Tanks to Joe for grate introduksun. And box of Chips Ahoy! Me very honored, but dis not first time here. Some of monster’s memmorable visits inklood:

Dis one: February 24, 2008: Baron Destructo and Cookie Monster’s Oscar Picks

Dis one: February 9, 2008: Cookie Monster reviews There Will Be Blood, Baron Destructo reviews The Illusionist, while I consider two fan-Fueled feasts.

Dis one: February 6, 2008: Cookie Monster reviews Snakes on a Plane, Baron Destructo reviews No Country for Old Men

And correspondenz with spammers here: Cookie Monster – James Wiliams here: Cookie Monster – Jennifer here: Cookie Monster – John Max here: Cookie Monster – Lee Ann and here: Cookie Monster – Miss Florance Michael.

Today, me do review of first few episodes of Walking Dead.

(http://zombiemashup.com/2010/05/sesa...er-quarantine/)

Backstory for dose not watch show: Zombees eat people like tasty double-chocolit cookies wit sugar sprinkles. Nom nom nom!

Episode 1 (and 2) sinopsis: Group get stuk in traffik. Zombees walk by. Little gurl gets lost. Dey look for her.

Two hour premiere move slower den zombee wit bum knee. Group get stuk in traffik. Dey put old hat man on lookout dooty. Big misteak. Eyesight so bad he not notice HORDE of zombees sneaking up on him! WTF (What da Fudgee-O?)! How dat possible?!!! Anyway, dey hide under carz – ekcept one guy who decide to walk around, rub up against pointy car part, and cut hisself very bad. Bleeding! But saved by rednek who hide him under dead(er) zombee (who hopefully not cross-contamunate guy’s open wound but sssh sssh sssh). Coast seem clear but I say to Oscar sitting beside me “Look out for zombee stragglerz!” Little gurl not look out and chased into woodz. Sherriff go after her, save her, den lose her, den look for her, den go back, den talk, den talk some more, den look for her. Meanwile, everybody else talk. And talk some more. For some reason, Sherriff say okay for son to go out in woodz and help. Monster tink: “Hey, dangerous. But mebbe fadder nose best.” Fadder not nose best. Boy shot looking at deer. Oh boy.

Episode 3 sinopsis: Sherriff bring shot boy to farmhouse where doctor is. Wait for operashun while others go get medikal equipment. And wait.

Sherriff take boy to farmhouse. Doctor sez good news: deer shot first, slow bullet down so not hurt boy more badly. Doctor sez bad news: bullet stuck in boy and not go through. Monster sez: can’t have boat ways! Slow bullet or fast bullet better? Witch iz it?! Meanwile, other group walk threw woods. Blond wit terruble periferal vizion not notice walking beside strolling zombee and almost eaten. Everybody go back to farmhouse and talk except guy wit fever and old hat man who stay behind. And talk. Wife argue wit Sherriff best frend. Want to keep relayshunship sekret, but monster wonder how everyone else not know? If wife and Sherriff friend thot Sherriff dead, den why hid relayshunship before? Anyway, find church. Sherriff chat wit zombie Jesus. Meanwile, Sherriff friend and kid-shooter get medikal supplies. Someting almost happen…den episode end.

Cookie Monster good at two tings: eating cookies and criticizing. If you no can send cookies to monster, den send rekwests for stuff to review. Movie, teevee show or, best of both worlds: COOOOKIEEEEEES!

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October 28, 2011

Photos: Akemi, Ivon Bartok, Rob Cooper, Jodi, Soho Road Naan Kebab, Re-Up BBQ, Finest at Sea, Bun Me Baguette, Joe Mallozzi, Patisserie LeBeau


“Traffic blah blah blah. Dishwasher blah blah blah. Football blah blah blah. Romo Romo Romo.”

- Akemi’s imitation of my conversation with friends – October 28, 2011

A great turnout today for round three of the ongoing Vancouver food truck tour. Joining me on this incredibly rainy day: food truck roving regular Akemi, returning participant Ivon Bartok, and first time foodsters Jodi and Rob.

First stop: Soho Road Naan Kebab

Second stop: Re-Up BBQ

Third stop: Finest at Sea

Fourth stop: Bun Me Baguette

Last stop: Well, we WERE going to go to the Roaming Dragon food truck – but they didn’t bother showing up at their appointed street corner. So, instead, we walked the five blocks down to a waffle place – that no longer existed. Then walked back the five blocks to my car and drove to a waffle place that does exist. On west 2nd street: Patisserie LeBeau.

Holy smokes! Where have you been all my Vancouver life?! In addition to assorted desserts, LeBeau also offers up authentic Belgian waffles. We sampled...

And so ended the third round of our ongoing Great Vancouver Food Truck Tour.

Possibly on the menu next Friday: takoyaki, shish kabob, Philly cheesesteaks, dim sum, and Pan-Asian favorites (provided Roaming Dragon does less roaming and actually shows up).

[Jumper_One]

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October 29, 2011

Photo: Snow monkey


There are times when I feel like I’m dating a Japanese version of Star Trek’s Chekov. Remember how the pesky navigator of the U.S.S. Enterprise would often claim that anything of any note originated in his homeland of Russia? Quadroticale, scotch, the Cheshire Cat, the Garden of Eden! In similar fashion, Akemi is constantly bringing up the Japanese origins of things that are clearly not Japanese. This afternoon, for instant, she was singing “Saru, gorilla, chimpanjee! Saru, gorilla, chimpanjee!” to the tune of the River Kwai March. I hummed a few bars and she threw me a shocked look and asked: “How do you know that song?!” I informed him it was an old (movie) military tune.

“Japanese,”she said.

“No, not Japanese,”I said.

She stared blankly. ”Not Japanese? But words are Japanese.” I had to break it to her that “saru (monkey), gorilla, chimpanjee (chimpanzee) were not, in fact, the lyrics. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, the tune doesn’t even have lyrics. It’s simply whistled.

She seemed dubious. Like last week when she was singing the Japanese version of Old McDonald: “Ichiro-san no oniwa de, Iya iya yo!” Which roughly translates to Mr. Ichiro (san)’s garden…I don’t want to go!”. What, exactly, goes on in Mr. Ichiro’s garden that so fills one with dread is perhaps best left unexplored.

Also, the hymn What a Friend We Have in Jesus is a Japanese graduation day staple while Auld Lang Syne is reserved for major department stores that play the tune to let customers know they’re closing up and it’s time for them to go.

Hunh.

Tomorrow, my Snow Monkeys take on the undefeated I Have No Imagination in fantasy football league play. The projections have them favored by some twenty points and it’s going to be tough given that my RB2, Daniel Thomas, is out. I’m considering starting Romo over Fitzpatrick. What do you think?

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October 30, 2011

Photos: Snow monkey, welcome back gift, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Jelly, Ivon Bartok, Joe Mallozzi, potato cakes, Rob Cooper, Halloween cupcakes


Yeaaaaah!!! Can you believe it?! My Snow Monkeys beat the top-ranked and undefeated team in fantasy football league. By the narrowest margins mind you (one point something) but a win’s a win. Pending scoring adjustments. For now, let’s celebrate!

For the third game of the triple-header Sunday, we headed over to Rob’s place...