things you would not want to hear on the Atlantis intercom

[JJSNgadget]

Hey guyz. Due to the lovely run of songs featured on this thread, I have created the Stargate Karaoke thread. A place where the teams of Atlantis and SG-1 can serenade each other.

It is here.

[sillyscipia]

Attention, everyone! Kavanaugh is looking for a significant other. The first people on his list are Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay, Ronon Dex, and Radek Zelenka. That is all.
*John, Ronon, Rodney, and Radek all jump off a balcony*

[FN-P90]

Unknown: The white zone is for the use of imediate loading and unloading for passengers only, please do not park in the white zone.

[Specter177]

Unknown Male: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Unknown Female: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Unknown Male: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.

Unknown Female: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.

Unknown Male: The red zone has always been for loading.

Unknown Female: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.

Unknown Male: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone **** again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.

Unknown Female: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

Unknown Male: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

[FN-P90]

Unknown Male: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Unknown Female: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.

Unknown Male: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.

Unknown Female: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.

Unknown Male: The red zone has always been for loading.

Unknown Female: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.

Unknown Male: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone **** again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.

Unknown Female: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

Unknown Male: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.

I love air plane

[Mimzy]

*dishes out mental greens*

: OMG A TRIBBLE!!
: *slaps forehead*
: Um, Rodney, I think that's a ra--
*loud bang*
: I killed it.
: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU KILLED THE TRIBBLE!
: What the hell?
& : Don't ask.

[Specter177]

Female announcer: Col. Sheperd, white courtesy phone. Col. John Sheperd, white courtesy phone.
Female announcer: [Sheperd picks up the red phone] No, the white phone.
Female announcer: Col. Sheperd, white courtesy phone. Col. John Sheperd, white courtesy phone.
Col. Sheperd: [to announcer] I GOT IT!

[JJSNgadget]

Unknown caller: "Yeah, I'm calling for Amanda Huggenkiss."
Kavanaugh: *yelling* "Hey, everyone, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss."

[Princess Awinita]

Female announcer: Col. Sheperd, white courtesy phone. Col. John Sheperd, white courtesy phone.
Female announcer: [Sheperd picks up the red phone] No, the white phone.
Female announcer: Col. Sheperd, white courtesy phone. Col. John Sheperd, white courtesy phone.
Col. Sheperd: [to announcer] I GOT IT!

[McKay, Zelenka, Teyla and Keller are in the cockpit of the Jumper, while Jack, and Daniel are in a room with a radio, Kav is called on the phone]
Jack: (on phone) How much longer Kav?
Kavenaugh: (opening a microwave) About two more minutes chief!
Daniel: Two more minutes? They must be miles off course
JacK: don't worry, they are on intruments.
[cut to the four in the plane playing a small four man bass band in the cockpit in a very joval mood]

[Specter177]

[McKay, Zelenka, Teyla and Keller are in the cockpit of the jumper, while Jack, and Daniel are in a room with a radio, Kav is called on the phone]
Jack: (on phone) How much longer Kav?
Kavenaugh: (opening a microwave) About two more minutes chief!
Daniel: Two more minutes? They must be miles off course
Jack: don't worry, they are on intruments.
[cut to the four in the plane playing a small four man bass band in the cockpit in a very joval mood]

Fixed it for you.

Chuck: [plugging the ZPM back in] Just kidding.

[Princess Awinita]

Fixed it for you.

Chuck: [plugging the ZPM back in] Just kidding.

Thanks (I edited it in) and HAHAHAHAHAHA

McKay: [viewing control panel of the Jumper] Brakes, gas, hight, width, rinse spin, dry......

[a6346]

Anouncer: 'I would just like to inform everyone that there has been an accident offworld and that Rodney mckay has been cloned and there is now several hundred rodney's heading for atlantis.

Anouncer: 'This bit your realy going to love Daedalus is in orbit and only has space for 50 people and its on first come first serve basis so everyone over to the south peir and i've sealed the armories so no funnny business'

[a6346]

Weir: 'Huh thats wierd, The closer it gets the more it looks like a wraith hive.'

[ebethman]

CHUCK: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww, what a cute little...AAAAAARAARAARARRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Specter177]

CARTER: There! Look!
RONON: What does it say?
SHEPERD: What language is that?
CARTER: McKay! You are a scholar.
MCKAY: It's Ancient!
SHEPERD: Of course! Joseph of the Ancients!
RONON: 'Course!
CARTER: What does it say?
MCKAY: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of the Ancients. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the ZPM in the
Outpost of aaaaaagggh'.
CARTER: What?
MCKAY: '...The Outpost of aaaaaagggh'.
ZELENKA: What is that?
MCKAY: He must have died while carving it.
RONON: Oh, come on!
MCKAY: Well, that's what it says.
CARTER: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!
MCKAY: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
SHEPERD: Perhaps he was dictating.
CARTER: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
MCKAY: No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'.
RONON: Aaaauugggh.
CARTER: Aaaaaggh.
ZELENKA: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?
SHEPERD: Where's that?
ZELENKA: France, I think.
RONON: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?
CARTER: No, that's 'Saint Ives'.
RONON: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.
SOLDIERS: Iiiiives.
ZELENKA: Oooohoohohooo!
RONON: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.
ZELENKA: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm.
RONON: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!
ZELENKA: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!
CARTER: Oooh!
SHEPERD: My God!
[dramatic chord]
[roar]
MCKAY: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!
[Black Beast of Aaauugh eats MCKAY]
ZELENKA: That's it! That's it!
CARTER: Run away!
SOLDIERS: Run away!


GENII GUARD: Allo! Who is eet?
CARTER: It is Col. Carter, and these are my Soldiers from Atlantis. Who's outpost is this?
GENII GUARD: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
CARTER: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by our superiors with an important quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for a ZPM.
GENII GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
CARTER: What?
SHEPERD: He says they've already got one!
CARTER: Are you sure he's got one?
GENII GUARD: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)
GENII GUARDS: [chuckling]
CARTER: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
GENII GUARD: Of course not! You are Lantian types-a!
CARTER: Well, what are you, then?
GENII GUARD: I'm Genii! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly colonel-a?!
SHEPERD: What are you doing here?
GENII GUARD: Mind your own business!
CARTER: If you will not show us the ZPM, we shall take your outpost by force!
GENII GUARD: You don't frighten us, Lantian pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Col Carter, you and all your silly Lantian k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
SHEPERD: What a strange person.
CARTER: Now look here, my good man--
GENII GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a
hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
SHEPERD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
GENII GUARD: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!