things you would not want to hear on the SGC's intercom

[HAL2100]

stargate: $50.00
tel'tak: $5,000.00
Asgard computer core: $300,000.00
Ancient repository: $1,000,000.00
finding a symbiote in your toilet: priceless
for the fun things there is mastercard, for everything else your pretty much on your own.

he found a symbiote in his toilet?
indeed.

Spoiler:

For the guess of ^.
it is madagascar.

Been there done that.
http://forum.gateworld.net/showthread.php?p=462245

[jmoz]

Jack, I need you to *bleep* the *bleep*.
Oh, would you stop with the *bleep* button.
Quit being a *bleep*.
Just cause you don't want to hear what I want you to do doesn't mean you don't have to do it.

Do what again, sir?

I want you to *bleep*. Oh you son of a *bleep*.

[GSRgategirl923]

"Off With His Head!"
Alright, who let the crazy red-head in here?

[timstro59]

"Off With His Head!"
Alright, who let the crazy red-head in here?

me: i did, sorry 'bout that.
*gets p90*
me: *runs through an outgoing wormhole*

[timstro59]

*stargate open with an incoming wormhole*
*radio signal comes through but is only static at first*
I'll try and clear it up a little.
*shes pushes a few buttons, and she radio clears up, then a strange voice comes over the radio*
:radio: yes, i would like 10 extra-large pizzas delivered to the address i will send you at the end of the message.
what do you want on your pizzas.
radio: I'll take half of them as meat lovers and the other half as cheese with extra cheese.
landry:*not into radio: he cant be serious.
radio: payment will be a fully functional alkesh.
walter: reviving coordinates.
*they send the pizzas through the gate and get the coordinates for the planet with the alkesh*
*sg-1 is sent through the gate to get the alkesh*
*on the alkesh* that was the strangest trade i have ever made.

[Mimzy]

Nikola: HELP! That crazy woman is trying to decapitate me!
Red Queen: OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
: GET AWAY FROM MY NICKYPOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jmoz]

Yoda: Much...you ask of me.
I was just asking you for the time.

[Mimzy]

Alice: Oh, dear. It looks like there's going to be another war.
Red Queen/Queen of Hearts: OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!
: NO!!!

[timstro59]

me: *points at red queen* off with her head!!!
gladly.*points p90, fires, and the red queen's head starts rolling around the floor*
red queen: this is great!!!*obvious sarcasm, then she starts complaining nonstop*
intercom: incoming wormhole!!
me: theres an idea.*picks up red queens head, goes to the gateroom, and throws the red queens head into the unstable vortex*
why didn't i think of that?
because your a blonde.
*kicks in the bad spot.*

[Mimzy]

: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I love you...
: *slap*
AAAAAAAAAGH!

[HAL2100]

"Effective immediately, all off-world-missions will be strictly limited to one magazine of rounds. Make every shot count."

[Mimzy]

: What did you do? He didn't want this!
: What did we do? What did he tell you?
: Both of you, calm down!
: Nothing! Nothing!
: *laughs*
: *SLAP*
: OW! Oh, Dios mio...*roaring noises*
: Look at the doggie!
: He's not a doggie; he's a chupacabra! I'm running!
: I will help you!
: What can you do?
: I will change into a chupacabra too!!
: Good idea!
: *barking noises*
: OMG chupacabra fight!

[timstro59]

me: *running through base while screaming nonsence* adfsuagkjsdlbuidfaghsdh!!
doctors: *chasing me through base, then one stops and eyes a zat* can i borrow that. *he gets the zat and runs to cut me off.
me:*still running* gfdspghjulujsfdp
doctor:*the one with the zat comes around the cournor and zaps me, and i go down, stunned(literally)*
doctor 2:lets get him out of here.*they drag me out of base*
security guard: hey wheres my zat? *chases doctors*
*walks into hall* WTF WAS THAT!!!

[puddlejumperOZ]

It's a quantum leap of faith Sir, to actually replicate the same and varied circumstances parallel to and in conjunction with, the facts that were previously undiscovered at the moment of their unvaried and unseen extrapolation that led us to acquire the affoermentioned evidance, hencforth with that undischarged at the moment of their expiration.
What are you sayin' Sam?
We can't save the world today Sir, sorry.

[timstro59]

It's a quantum leap of faith Sir, to actually replicate the same and varied circumstances parallel to and in conjunction with, the facts that were previously undiscovered at the moment of their unvaried and unseen extrapolation that led us to acquire the affoermentioned evidance, hencforth with that undischarged at the moment of their expiration.
What are you sayin' Sam?
We can't save the world today Sir, sorry.

sam , you do know the radio is on? *akward silence* don't you?
*screams of epic proportions are heard in the background*
*then a huge flash of light and loud boom*
*then the booming stops and the light goes away*
*steps out of bathroom* i do believe that we have just narrowly avoided disaster yet again.
indeed.