Things they would never ever ever say

[the fifth man]

"Teal'c, why are you wearing a dress??"

"Just trying something new, Daniel Jackson."

[ascendedancient42]

Teal'c: Downs a huge glass of milk, wipes his mouth and smiles, "Milk, it does a Jaffa good."

[Elles]

Well screw you Simon, you f****** as@ !%le!

[Lilith]

Jack saying something in ancient to Daniel
Daniel: Uh no...
Sam: What'd he say?
Daniel: "Are you my mummy?"

[Pharaoh Atem]

Jack saying something in ancient to Daniel
Daniel: Uh no...
Sam: What'd he say?
Daniel: "Are you my mummy?"

or whos your daddy

[Horris Nell]

On a ship that needs to be fixed;

O'Neill: Can you fix it Carter?
Carter: Uh.....no. Hehe.

(She would never "lie" to the team.)

[the fifth man]

Teal'c - Breaking into song : "I feel pretty, oh so pretty....."

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Teal'c - Breaking into song : "I feel pretty, oh so pretty....."

Mitchell: (continuing) "I feel so pretty, witty, and wonderfully gay..."

[ladysarah]

Rodney: Why Carter, you’re so much smarter then I am and I respect your intelligence.

Carter: Rodney, you hot stud, I suddenly realise my hidden love for you, so hidden I didn’t realise it until now, take me, I want to have your highly intelligent genius children. Marry me and I’ll quit my career and become a housewife and help you win your noble.

Sheppard: I will now become celibate. Clear my mind of desires and learn to channel the force.

Beckett: Why do I keep doing trauma surgery? I’m a geneticist, perhaps I should employ a good surgeon who has experience in battle field work.

[Syera]

Walter Harriman: Samantha Carter, will you marry me?

[John-a-holic]

Sheppard-"There's nothing we can do."
Teyla-"We could do a lot. It'd just be the last thing we ever do."

[the fifth man]

Thor - "You know, you stupid humans can just kiss my little grey behind, ok?"

[Morgasshk]

Thor: "wtf? Are there ANY short humans? This is getting ridiculous, my nose is level with your as.ses and McKay keeps farting! Argh!"

General Hammond: "Jack, May the force be with you"

Teyla: "Cameron! Use the Force! (Schwartz? Fork? )

Jack: "hey, it's cool, I saw this on SG1 the other day, Carter, grab the Stargate and dump it in the sun, trust me, you'll figure it out in time."

General Hammond: "Seriously, major carter, you PROMISE you can't see a reflection in my head?"

Martouf: (in the ep with converging Stargate streams and lot of SG1's) -"Well sam, you know how when I died, and told you to go F**k yourself? Well, now you literally can! "

(lol, apologies if this is too much, mods feel free to edit if necessary...)

[Unorthodox]

General Landry - "Cameron, you have my permission to...ah...'conversate' with Vala. Just as long as I get the tape when your done."

Thor - "O'niell, I need to get laid."
Jack - "Sure, buddy. Carter? Thor needs ya up here."

Teal'c - "Daniel Jackson has the great ability of flatulance, one of which I can only hope to aspire to." *takes sniff of the air* "However, this one seems to..." *Teal'c falls to the ground, along with everyone else.*
Daniel - "Oops...maybe Burrito Friday's aren't exactly a great idea..."
Walter - "Oh Daniel, that smells SOOOO HOT!!!"

[dreid]

Sheppard: "I thought she was interesting and nice to talk to. Then she got all scary and thought that I was comming on to her. Doesn't she understand about friendship without the shipping?"

Wier: "Maybe I do need to date?"

Jack: "Weir or an Ancient? Hmm. I just can't choose. Here's a thought, when did I ever say that I wanted either of them. No wonder my friends are all over the galaxy."