Things they would never ever ever say

[wormhole93]

Teal'c: Somewheeere, over the stargate, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewheeeere, over the stargate, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come truuuue.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the Goa'uld are far
Behiiiind meeee.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the Al'kesh tops.
That's where you'll fiiiind meee.
Somewheeere, over the stargate, Ha'taks fly.
Ships fly over the stargate,
Why then-- oh, why can't I?
If happy little Gliders fly beyond the stargate,
Why, oh why can't I?

[Pharaoh Atem]

Hammond- i'm joing the NID
Jack simpsons suck
Sam how does the wormhole work again
Jonas. i forgot my car keys
Teal'c can i have some milk or beer
Daniel the hell with everything let those people die it the right thing to do.

[chyron]

Vala: I think that I'm a cat person.

Everyone clears throats and looks away doing everything to avoid making eye contact with her.

[Tiret]

Carter: I can't get enough of shopping! Oooo...just look at that necklace! But it's way out of my price range! Do you think we could sneak it out of the store?
Vala: Oh, Carter, you mustn't! That would be stealing!

Daniel: I wanna blow something up. Got any C4?
Teal'c: I do not, Daniel Jackson. I do know of something that you may wish to blow up.
Daniel: What?
Teal'c: Your collection of books.
Daniel: Wow, oh yeah! That'll work great! Thanks, Teal'c! [runs off in a hurry]

Carter: Oh, Jack! I just love you! Can't we get married soon?
O'Neill: Sorry, Sam. The thing is...I've got my eye on someone else now.
Carter: What!? Who?
O'Neill: Vala Mal Duran.
Daniel: NOOO!!! She's MINE!
Vala: Oh dear! You mustn't all fight over me...it's all just too much!
Carter: I'll KILL YOU! You..... [advancing on Vala]
Vala: I think I'm going to faint!
Daniel: Don't worry Vala! I'll protect you!
O'Neill: Not as well as I can!

[jazz!]

Jack: I'm back!
- I caught a Fish!
- Hey, I'm being serious here!

Carter: Oh, screw you Martouf! screw you Orlin! screw you Pete! screw you Jack! In fact, I give-up, screw you Men!

Shep: How do you use this thing again?
McKay: Sheesh! For the last time: Point and shoot!

Beckett: It's "Wear a Kilt to Work Day", what do you think?

Siler: Please don't shoot me!

Jaffa Guard #332: Jaffa Stop, I mean - Kree!

Jack & Sam: They said WHAT on Gateworld?

[mother-goose]

SAM: (looking at some sort of new devicey thing), what in gods name is this for?

JACK: stop shooting, STOP SHOOTING, GOD NO DONT BLOW THAT UP!!

[chyron]

Carter: I can't get enough of shopping! Oooo...just look at that necklace! But it's way out of my price range! Do you think we could sneak it out of the store?

Oh wait, I forgot that I've got a P-90 right here in my purse.

Daniel: I wanna blow something up. Got any C4?
Teal'c: I do not, Daniel Jackson. I do know of something that you may wish to blow up.
Daniel: What?
Teal'c: Your collection of books.
Daniel: Wow, oh yeah! That'll work great! Thanks, Teal'c! [runs off in a hurry]

Here let's start with Farhenheit(sp?) 451.

Carter: Oh, Jack! I just love you! Can't we get married soon?
O'Neill: Sorry, Sam. The thing is...I've got my eye on someone else now.
Carter: What!? Who?

I'm pregnant with your baby
Carter (to herself): Or is it Rodney's?

[Ascended Times.2]

Caldwell: "Engage Warp drives!"
Shep, Rodney, Weir, Teyla and Ronan: "WHAT!?"
Caldwelll: "Oh, sorry, wrong show..."

Rodney: "I absolutely, positively, swear my life on it, couldn't describe it enough, HATE BLONDS!"
Carter: "Yaaay! Go Mckay, go Mckay, go Mckay!"
O'Neill: "Mitchell, you're a better me and than I could ever be!"
Mitchell: "Shut the *Censored* up dude."

Vala: "Here, have everything I just stole, infact, have my concelaed weapons aswell!"
Wraith#2833: "Jaffa, Kree!"
Jaffa #246: "MMM....Human..."

[Cpn. Chris(tine) Bowman]

Radek: I'm dropping physics and taking up surfing!

Rodney: ARRRGH! DIE YOU FILTHY SCUM! DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Liz: I don't like you! You're a mean poopy-head!

[mother-goose]

Vala: Oh god there are too many men in this place!

[jazz!]

Replicator #121: We come in peace, Take Us To Your Leader!
Daniel: Don't listen to it! It's lying......*Danny goes Rambo* ARRrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!!

Oma: Lets get it straight, you choose to die, I ascend you! Kappish!


( for some reason Col.Sumner is holding Dr.Weir prisoner )

Sumner: Call to John.
Weir: (struggling) No...
Sumner: I know this hurts... (crunching, moans) Call to John... Call to John now.
Weir: *yells obscenities*

T2

[mother-goose]

Oma: You AGAIN????

[jazz!]

The metting of the Goa'uld System Lords in the episode Summit

Yu: Snap!
Baal: What is this!!! I thought we were playing "Go Fish"?
Osiris: Blackjack!, oh wait.

[jannagalaxy]

Oooh! I've got to try this!

Jack - You know what Carter, they should cancel the simpsons! Homer is so boring....D'oh!...come on! How lame is that!?! And I can't believe they made a must silliest song ever...."Follow the yellow brick road..." Unbelieveable!

Sam:- (after been told that Earth is under attack and they need her help.) You men! I'm not your mama, I'm not going to fight every battle for you! Now you go up to that bully and tell them..."YOU DON'T FRIGHTEN ME!" now go on do it!
The Men:- Yes Ma'am

Daniel:- (answering the telephone and needing to jot something down but can't find any paper) What was that Jack? You want me to order dinner.....what do you want?...Pizza?...What kind?....Wait...let me write this down.....(picks up a big book with anicet egyptian writing on it....it says "Book of The Dead" ....opens it up and writes on the inside cover) Right, you want a pizza with everything on it....but not sea food....and a coke....what does Teal'c want?.....three of the samething.....what about Sam? The same....ok....got that....and what was that last part Jack? I missed it....Sam wants a diet coke...ok...I'll get them now.

Teal'c:- Teal'c:- (well to Teal’c) You talk to much!

Hammond:- Colonel O'Neill, I agree with Senator Kinsey, you're all incompetitant fools! and you're all fired! But he said that I'm also one of the fools so I'm fired as well.

Jonas:- (after being asked if he watched what the susspiccous man was doing) Ah....what?....Was I supposed to be watching him?....I was watching golf on the tv in the corner...then I fell asleep.

Fraiser:- (after being caught) What???!! He was like this when you brought him in! He didn't have any eye-brows! (see razor in hand) No! This isn't a razor....it's a new type of needle.

Harriman:- (after getting SG1's transmission) Sorry, you've dialled incorrectly. This is Chulak! Kree Kree.....urm...Kree!

Mitchell:- I don't want to be apart of SG1 anymore....it's so boring....I want to be reassigned to Mcmerdo!

Landry:- Jack help me!

Vala:- Yes, you're right....I'm a total tarty girl....and I just want men all the time...I want boys boys boys....I admit it....I'm very shallow!

John:- (to a wraith female) Wanna go on a date?

Elizabeth:-Give them all the guns and ammo they need and if they won't help us get our people back...then nuke them!!!

Carson:- I wish I could get a kiss like that everyday!

Ford:- The drugs don't work! Enzyme very bad! Children don't touch it!

Teyla:- Steve (the wraith) and I are in love and are getting married!

Rodney:- I've got no idea how to fix this. Sorry, but I'm totally 150% useless at this sort of thing....go and ask Radek, he's more intelligent than me. If failing that, ask Sam Carter; she's blond and a woman! They are the most intelligent kind of people in the universe!

Ronan:- Let's have the wraith over for dinner. Lets have a party, I'll tell the after dinner jokes!

[jazz!]

Dr. Fraiser: A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!