Fanfic Writers' Virtual Water Cooler

[Whytewytch]

Nap...? Nap...!
I wouldn't dare take a nap. As I have been told that I snore...

It would be kinda funny, though, if you snored through the movie. Assuming you made it from the theater alive, that is.

[Starfist]

It would be kinda funny, though, if you snored through the movie. Assuming you made it from the theater alive, that is.

I do not have a 'death wish'. Knowing Twihards I wouldn't make it as far as the lobby...
And to cap it all... My sisters are both 'Twihards'. So I have to be very, very careful what I say about the franchise.

[SF_and_Coffee]

Princess has been reading too much 50 shades...........

ANY of that disaster is too much...

[LT. COL. John Sheppard]

Just a test run, i wanna see how it fares, opinions welcome please

Spoiler:

The country 10 thousand miles away
We are not about to send American boys 9 or 10 thousand miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves.
-Lyndon B. Johnson

“what a load, if LBJ meant that, I wouldn’t be here.” The thunder cracks and rain pours down as the boys of Whiskey Company patrol through the relentless jungles of Vietnam. “How much further major?!?” The thunder cracked once more, much louder this time. “About 3 clicks fly.”

I woke back up in Saigon, im always in Saigon I dreamed about getting back out there, back to my boys. I still hear the Hueys fly over in my dreams and out here, we call them the sinatra’s of the ‘nam. After three tours im used to the symphony of the ‘nam, Hueys flying, Charlie shooting, American boys dying. Everytime I went out I thought I would be the American boy dying. I figure I must have sinned horribly for the devil to keep me alive out here.

I remember getting the call, the generals wanted me at tan son nhut. Bring, bring. The shower stops, a large well built, scared man walks out armed with nothing but a towel and a bottle of Rum, he answers the phone. “ye *hic* yes?” “Is this Major Leileghy Watson?” “whos asking?” “2nd Lieutenant Jehu, I have a man here who wants to see you Major” “Come see for yourself, there is an escort on its way, be ready by 0600 Major” The Lieutenant hangs up. Watson mumbles to himself “typical Vietnam, no rest, all work” and proceeds to get ready. A horn honks and Watson walks out of his room, leaving it unlocked. It begins to rain outside, “just my luck.” “Major?” a man approaches Watson. “You the escort?” Watson says with a hint of sarcasm. “Yes sir” another man exits the driver’s side, “Major if you would, get in.”
Watson and the first man make small talk and the driver turns around, slamming on the break, “Major, Bill, shut it, im trying to drive.” Watsons eyes widened and he began to talk to the driver. “You haven’t been out there have you?.” “Out there?” “In the ****.” The car feel silent, Bill looked at Watson and Watson stared at the driver, waiting for an answer “well?” “SIR, NO SIR!” Watson and Bill gave eachother a look, signalling not to speak for the rest of the ride. They pulled in at the Nhut, a Captain was waiting outside a small Operations Hut. Watson got out and shoke Bill’s hand, he walked up to the Captain and saluted, “Major?” “yes” “this way please” the Captain led Watson into the hut. “This is General Cormac” “Major” Cormac shoke his hand “General.” “Sit, sit please” “thank you sir” Watson took a seat and was handed a Dossier. Watson looked at the Dossier and looked back up, with a surprised voice he asked “sir?” “Read it Watson.” He opened the Dossier:

Lieutenant Colonel: Wundo, Jerad A
117th Airborne, Bravo Company, 12th Squad
Wisconsin, USA

“Sir?” “The man has taken a squad into Laos, I believe you know them.” Cormac hands a photo to Watson, “Whiskey?” the Captain walks back in “uh yes, yes sir.” Watson struggles to swallow his drink “what, what do you want me to do?” “Eliminate Wundo, and the squad.” Sweat travels down Watsons Brow “and how do I get to Laos and Kill a Colonel and a Squad?” The Captains clears his throat “ahem” “you will be given a PBR and accompanied by a Green Beret team.” Cormac stands up, “now Watson, there is a huey waiting for you outside, if there is nothing else” Cormac pauses. “uh no, no sir.” The Captain lights his cigarette “this mission doesn’t exist Colonel, remember that, if you speak about it you will be in the firing line.” “Yes, I understand.” Watson Salutes “well then Watson, your chariot awaits, the Huey will take you to the Air Cavalry where the PBR is waiting, good luck.” Cormac shakes his hand and Watson walks out.

[selene0789]

Just a test run, i wanna see how it fares, opinions welcome please

Spoiler:

The country 10 thousand miles away
We are not about to send American boys 9 or 10 thousand miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves.
-Lyndon B. Johnson
“what a load, if LBJ meant that, I wouldn’t be here.” The thunder cracks and rain pours down as the boys of Whiskey Company patrol through the relentless jungles of Vietnam. “How much further major?!?” The thunder cracked once more, much louder this time. “About 3 clicks fly.”
I woke back up in Saigon, im always in Saigon I dreamed about getting back out there, back to my boys. I still hear the Hueys fly over in my dreams and out here, we call them the sinatra’s of the ‘nam. After three tours im used to the symphony of the ‘nam, Hueys flying, Charlie shooting, American boys dying. Everytime I went out I thought I would be the American boy dying. I figure I must have sinned horribly for the devil to keep me alive out here.
I remember getting the call, the generals wanted me at tan son nhut. Bring, bring. The shower stops, a large well built, scared man walks out armed with nothing but a towel and a bottle of Rum, he answers the phone. “ye *hic* yes?” “Is this Major Leileghy Watson?” “whos asking?” “2nd Lieutenant Jehu, I have a man here who wants to see you Major” “Come see for yourself, there is an escort on its way, be ready by 0600 Major” The Lieutenant hangs up. Watson mumbles to himself “typical Vietnam, no rest, all work” and proceeds to get ready. A horn honks and Watson walks out of his room, leaving it unlocked. It begins to rain outside, “just my luck.” “Major?” a man approaches Watson. “You the escort?” Watson says with a hint of sarcasm. “Yes sir” another man exits the driver’s side, “Major if you would, get in.”
Watson and the first man make small talk and the driver turns around, slamming on the break, “Major, Bill, shut it, im trying to drive.” Watsons eyes widened and he began to talk to the driver. “You haven’t been out there have you?.” “Out there?” “In the ****.” The car feel silent, Bill looked at Watson and Watson stared at the driver, waiting for an answer “well?” “SIR, NO SIR!” Watson and Bill gave eachother a look, signalling not to speak for the rest of the ride. They pulled in at the Nhut, a Captain was waiting outside a small Operations Hut. Watson got out and shoke Bill’s hand, he walked up to the Captain and saluted, “Major?” “yes” “this way please” the Captain led Watson into the hut. “This is General Cormac” “Major” Cormac shoke his hand “General.” “Sit, sit please” “thank you sir” Watson took a seat and was handed a Dossier. Watson looked at the Dossier and looked back up, with a surprised voice he asked “sir?” “Read it Watson.” He opened the Dossier:
Lieutenant Colonel: Wundo, Jerad A
117th Airborne, Bravo Company, 12th Squad
Wisconsin, USA
“Sir?” “The man has taken a squad into Laos, I believe you know them.” Cormac hands a photo to Watson, “Whiskey?” the Captain walks back in “uh yes, yes sir.” Watson struggles to swallow his drink “what, what do you want me to do?” “Eliminate Wundo, and the squad.” Sweat travels down Watsons Brow “and how do I get to Laos and Kill a Colonel and a Squad?” The Captains clears his throat “ahem” “you will be given a PBR and accompanied by a Green Beret team.” Cormac stands up, “now Watson, there is a huey waiting for you outside, if there is nothing else” Cormac pauses. “uh no, no sir.” The Captain lights his cigarette “this mission doesn’t exist Colonel, remember that, if you speak about it you will be in the firing line.” “Yes, I understand.” Watson Salutes “well then Watson, your chariot awaits, the Huey will take you to the Air Cavalry where the PBR is waiting, good luck.” Cormac shakes his hand and Watson walks out.

Could you add some indents and spacing between paragraphs? Trying to read it as is makes my eyes cross.

[LT. COL. John Sheppard]

Could you add some indents and spacing between paragraphs? Trying to read it as is makes my eyes cross.

yea sorry bout that, i just copied it right out of word there was spaces there so i asumed they'd be copied to

[selene0789]

yea sorry bout that, i just copied it right out of word there was spaces there so i asumed they'd be copied to

I took a look. Here are my thoughts:

Spoiler:

At first glance, the most glaring issue is punctuation. There's a lot of commas that create lots of run-on sentences, which would better with periods that would create multiple sentences out of that single run-on. Also, you shift between past and present tenses, which confuses me further. You also switch between first and third person Point of View. All of these things combine into a very difficult read, but don't get discouraged. These are simple fixes.

That said, I'm not sure how the quote from Lyndon B. Johnson is meant to be incorporated into the story. Is it a preface sort of thing, like on Criminal Minds episodes? Or did someone tell Watson that when he was a kid, and it stuck with him through the years until he was in the middle of torrential downpour, and it sprang to mind like a long-belated I-told-you-so?

One of the things I learned in a writing class recently is that it's very dangerous to start a story with someone waking up in bed. It's even more dangerous to start a story with someone waking up in bed-- in the first person POV. It gives the reader no context through which to identify with the protagonist. Here it's especially true. For the first half, I have no idea who he is or why he's in Saigon. I don't know why he's dreaming of Lyndon B. Johnson.

Wait. Is the first-person character in the beginning the person who become Watson in the third-person POV? That's what I got out of it, so if not, you probably need some more clarification as well.

That's all I can tell you at the moment, since you provided us with such a small snippet of what clearly seems to be a larger story. And again, don't be discouraged, or take my critique as a personal attack. I only mentioned all that I did because it's the only way anyone improves. I wouldn't be doing you, myself, or anyone else any favors by keeping quiet.

I'm interested to see what might follow. Will eventually be turned into a Stargate fic? Because that would be awesome.

[SaraBahama]

heh heh

frodo.jpg

[Princess Awinita]

heh heh

Thank goodness for small favores

[selene0789]

I have a question. I'm writing a fic that I anticipate using flashbacks with. But as I go about doing it, I realize that some of it may be a little skewed.

Is it a no-no to tell a story using flashbacks of a character who has since died?

Maybe flashbacks is the wrong term to use when trying to describe my plot device. It's not a flashback per se, but rather a jumping between past and present. I'm not trying to tell it as a single person telling her version past events to an audience. It's meant to be a literal merge of past and present in story telling.

But am I allowed to use the POV of a now-dead person?

Now that I'm trying to ask this question, I'm starting think it's an idea that will only work if I pull it off. How bizarre is that? Sometimes it's frustrating being an author-- I think too much.

[Princess Awinita]

I have a question. I'm writing a fic that I anticipate using flashbacks with. But as I go about doing it, I realize that some of it may be a little skewed.

Is it a no-no to tell a story using flashbacks of a character who has since died?

Maybe flashbacks is the wrong term to use when trying to describe my plot device. It's not a flashback per se, but rather a jumping between past and present. I'm not trying to tell it as a single person telling her version past events to an audience. It's meant to be a literal merge of past and present in story telling.

But am I allowed to use the POV of a now-dead person?

Now that I'm trying to ask this question, I'm starting think it's an idea that will only work if I pull it off. How bizarre is that? Sometimes it's frustrating being an author-- I think too much.

In all cases, my personal answer is YES, a resounding YES, some writiers have done the same thing and entered the mind of a dead character, and went over things, appointments they meant to go to, people they intended to vist, etc. so yes, it is a good thing to use the POV of a dead character if you want, make it real and inticing enough and you might not just hook in the reader, but also want to really get detailed on what the dead one might have been doing uop to the pointof dying, or what they could have done afterwards. {or maybe what they're doing in the afterlife at the moment}

Its all up to you!!

[SaraBahama]

I have a question. I'm writing a fic that I anticipate using flashbacks with. But as I go about doing it, I realize that some of it may be a little skewed.

Is it a no-no to tell a story using flashbacks of a character who has since died?

Maybe flashbacks is the wrong term to use when trying to describe my plot device. It's not a flashback per se, but rather a jumping between past and present. I'm not trying to tell it as a single person telling her version past events to an audience. It's meant to be a literal merge of past and present in story telling.

But am I allowed to use the POV of a now-dead person?

Now that I'm trying to ask this question, I'm starting think it's an idea that will only work if I pull it off. How bizarre is that? Sometimes it's frustrating being an author-- I think too much.

Clive Cussler does it all the time as an intro chapter to his novels (uses a character POV of a character that dies or fades to obscurity after the first chapter), and all authors have POV of characters who die in the course of the story. I hope that helps: I'm not sure I answered the specific question, though.

[SaraBahama]

I am struggling with the idea of taking in another furbaby:

george.jpg

The problem is that I have a 12 year old anxious female cat who may love it or hate it...rather a 'Schrodinger's cat' situation of my own. I just have to open the box, in a manner of speaking.

[SF_and_Coffee]

I have a question. I'm writing a fic that I anticipate using flashbacks with. But as I go about doing it, I realize that some of it may be a little skewed.

Is it a no-no to tell a story using flashbacks of a character who has since died?

Maybe flashbacks is the wrong term to use when trying to describe my plot device. It's not a flashback per se, but rather a jumping between past and present. I'm not trying to tell it as a single person telling her version past events to an audience. It's meant to be a literal merge of past and present in story telling.

But am I allowed to use the POV of a now-dead person?

Now that I'm trying to ask this question, I'm starting think it's an idea that will only work if I pull it off. How bizarre is that? Sometimes it's frustrating being an author-- I think too much.

Well, Flora did this in her fanfic stories about Colonel Frank Cromwell. Of course, I later came along and decided he hadn't actually died at the end of A Matter of Time. But her stories worked just fine even given the idea that he'd been killed when he fell into the malfunctioning wormhole.

[Amara D'Angeli]

I am struggling with the idea of taking in another furbaby:

[ATTACH=CONFIG]36208[/ATTACH]

The problem is that I have a 12 year old anxious female cat who may love it or hate it...rather a 'Schrodinger's cat' situation of my own. I just have to open the box, in a manner of speaking.

Well, that would certainly be a very cute addition to your family!