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HONOR--An Atlantis scientist meets the Wraiths. Up close.

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    #61
    great chapters!! I did get a little lost with the 5 yr latter section, i reread it but still had some trouble. I didnt think i could like the comander any more but after the diolg you give him..... all i can say is i want more, alot more!!
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      #62
      Originally posted by Laura Dove View Post
      The more you write, the more I love your story. The wraith commander is so fascinating -- alien and mysterious. The only criticism I have is that I found it a bit confusing to follow what happened when during the 5 years ellipsis, but other than that, your writing is as amazing as always.
      Merci (sorry, no squiggle under the 'c') beaucoup! I am having great creative fun with the Wraith and the whole story.

      As for the 5 years... yeah, I re-read it and it does get confusing, true. It replaces a much, much longer episode that I decided to take out since it was not about the Wraith and ended up with Sheppard, Tey'la, etc. and that was not my story.

      I might go back to it and rewrite it. But, it's not hte most important part, other than to say that for these five years, the Commander's hive was out of sight, etc.

      Originally posted by MCH View Post
      As you can see I didn't go away........ like your comment on the Wraith and their worshippers.

      The Worshippers give their life and skills to the Wraith, who take it with no feelings or thanks with one hand and return it with the other- the Gift of Life.

      But it is a gift that stops them being fully human, they belong totually to the Wraith, heart soul and mind. They cannot imagine a life without the Wraith, I expect they did not go willing from the hive. So life for the Commander worshippers meant they didn't want to survive. To them the worse punishment was to be banished.

      Spoiler:
      Tyre in Broken Ties. He found it hard outside the hive


      Moria,
      Spoiler:
      she does live but she can only survive by serving first Atlantis, then Elena on her return as she would if she was on the hive. She knows that Elena knows the Commander name. That means power to Elena.
      As Todd said to Shepherd in Common Ground I think Shepherd was more like a Wraith than he knows. Maybe Todds observation applies to Elena.


      Woo hoo the storm is about to break..... Thank you for two more amazing chapters. MCH
      As always you ask just the right, perfect questions. Also, it tells me that I am conveying--by intent or chance--the right message.

      Yes, the Worshippers cannot really live outside the Wraiths' world. You will see about Moira. Nothing dramatic, but will enforce what you are thinking; which is what I was thinking when writing this.

      As for Elena--yes, she does think like a Wraith, that is why she earned the Commander's respect. Now... you do realize that it is not really Elena who thinks like a Wraith, but the writer who writes her character, dialogue and story. So... who thinks like a Wraith? Mwahahahaha.

      Just kidding.

      Characters to take a life of their own and Elena certainly has. But none has taken more a life of his own than the Commander.

      OK, guys! give him a name! Atilla? Noooooooooooooooooooooo...

      Originally posted by naamiaiset View Post
      ^ they've said it all, and again, I love the descriptions you used.

      this part is priceless:
      Spoiler:
      “I would like to bring two of my scientists with me. Unarmed.”

      “You are going to leave your feeding hands behind?”


      Thank you again!

      Yeah, I was laughing when I wrote that. It just popped in my head.

      Originally posted by masterling View Post
      great chapters!! I did get a little lost with the 5 yr latter section, i reread it but still had some trouble. I didnt think i could like the comander any more but after the diolg you give him..... all i can say is i want more, alot more!!
      Yes, the five year marathon is troublesome. See my answer to Laura how that came to be. And this is a re-write. It was even more confusing. My style of writing is more linear than that, so this kind of 'in the 5000 years since the pyramids were built' kind of thing throws me off. Sigh...


      Anyway, I am working on the last bit. I think you'll like the interaction between the WRaith and the Commander. Well, I hope I won't disappoint. Uh... didn't Rhys say something like that? Oh dear.
      HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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        #63
        Originally posted by Traveler64 View Post
        But none has taken more a life of his own than the Commander.

        OK, guys! give him a name! Atilla? Noooooooooooooooooooooo...
        how about 'taivas'? it means blue and since you've used blue to describe him/his hive ship, I think it fits.
        Last edited by naamiaiset; 01 August 2008, 06:46 AM.

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          #64
          I think it should just be the commander. So much detail and work went into describing his name, i wouldnt want to take away from that.
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            #65
            Traveler64
            Characters to take a life of their own and Elena certainly has. But none has taken more a life of his own than the Commander.

            OK, guys! give him a name! Atilla? Noooooooooooooooooooooo...

            Thank you again!

            Yeah, I was laughing when I wrote that. It just popped in my head.

            Sigh...
            I'm glad you said you where laughing about the name cos your idea is a non-starter a definate Noooooooooooooo......

            Can you answer a question?

            Spoiler:

            Your not going to
            Spoiler:
            kill the commander off
            Please tell me your not going too????


            This commander is a smooth sauve tricky son of a b*t*h, like James Bond and his shaken but not stirred Martini's, that the Commander can shake and stirs me any time.

            MCH


            MCH
            Last edited by MCH; 01 August 2008, 03:36 PM.
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            Thanks to DS for my siggy

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              #66
              Originally posted by MCH View Post
              Traveler64


              I'm glad you said you where laughing about the name cos your idea is a non-starter a definate Noooooooooooooo......

              Can you answer a question?

              Spoiler:

              Your not going to
              Spoiler:
              kill the commander off
              Please tell me your not going too????


              MCH
              Spoiler:
              HE BETTER NOT GET WACKED!! SGA writers do enough of that. Hopefully it is not contagious!!!
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                #67
                traveler's already said the commander will live when I told her not to turn in to the TPTB.

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                  #68
                  Excellent chapters T64

                  Just read them, and I really really really want to see how the queen turns out! You've got me sitting here cooking up scenarios and possibilities in my head Ah well, I'll just have to wait for the next installments to have them put to rest!

                  Spoiler:
                  But I can't help feeling that maybe our wonderful heroine did not just have samples taken, but samples implanted. Could something have been done to make her more wraithy then just the name giving? Resulting in her feelings of loneliness - which is how a lone wraith would feel away from his hive? See! Cooking up scenarios!


                  Happy writing
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                    #69
                    Originally posted by naamiaiset View Post
                    how about 'taivas'? it means blue and since you've used blue to describe him/his hive ship, I think it fits.
                    I do like the name of Taivas. There's something medieval about it. It is... Wraith-like.

                    Originally posted by masterling View Post
                    I think it should just be the commander. So much detail and work went into describing his name, i wouldnt want to take away from that.
                    Yeah, I see what you mean. I was getting tired of calling him 'commander.' But, as far as the story itself is concerned, he'll stay the Commander.

                    Originally posted by MCH View Post
                    Traveler64


                    I'm glad you said you where laughing about the name cos your idea is a non-starter a definate Noooooooooooooo......

                    Can you answer a question?

                    Spoiler:

                    Your not going to
                    Spoiler:
                    kill the commander off
                    Please tell me your not going too????


                    This commander is a smooth sauve tricky son of a b*t*h, like James Bond and his shaken but not stirred Martini's, that the Commander can shake and stirs me any time.

                    MCH


                    MCH
                    In answer to your question--an unequivocal NO.

                    Originally posted by masterling View Post
                    Spoiler:
                    HE BETTER NOT GET WACKED!! SGA writers do enough of that. Hopefully it is not contagious!!!
                    The Commander lives.

                    Originally posted by naamiaiset View Post
                    traveler's already said the commander will live when I told her not to turn in to the TPTB.
                    I keep my word. Just like a Wraith.

                    But, seriously, I am not going to kill him. That would be too simple. That's where I really part ways with the writers of SGA.

                    Actually, I have a feeling that I've parted ways quite a bit.
                    HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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                      #70
                      Originally posted by toomuchcaf View Post
                      Excellent chapters T64

                      Just read them, and I really really really want to see how the queen turns out! You've got me sitting here cooking up scenarios and possibilities in my head Ah well, I'll just have to wait for the next installments to have them put to rest!

                      Spoiler:
                      But I can't help feeling that maybe our wonderful heroine did not just have samples taken, but samples implanted. Could something have been done to make her more wraithy then just the name giving? Resulting in her feelings of loneliness - which is how a lone wraith would feel away from his hive? See! Cooking up scenarios!


                      Happy writing
                      Thank you for your compliments! They do get me going to write more. It's all humming in my head, and I got to put it down now. Today I was so into it that I missed my freeway exit... Not good.

                      Yes, there are many scenarios. My job is to find one that is a surprise. I am soooooooooo wicked.

                      But,

                      Spoiler:
                      As for what the Commander left within Elena--that is a very interesting observation. I mean... yes, he did leave something. A bond was formed.
                      HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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                        #71
                        OOooooh, now I think I'll take that as a compliment.

                        On the other hand, I am not constrained by producers, ratings and someone else's ideas on where the story should go. The way the screen writers have to do things is very, very constraining and it is frustrating. Mallozzi himself mentioned at one time, with wistful envy, the life of the writer of novels where creativity flows in solitude and peace.

                        The grass on the other side is always greener, I guess.
                        HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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                          #72
                          Off to watch SGA!

                          Will be back.
                          HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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                            #73
                            im glad to hear others get so wrapped up in there thoughts that sometimes the auto pilot doesn’t always work well. there’s nothing worse than being on the interstate completely lost in thought when all of a sudden ya realize "S***, that was my exit!" Its amazing i (make that a we) haven’t wrecked!! (or have we???)
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                              #74
                              Originally posted by masterling View Post
                              im glad to hear others get so wrapped up in there thoughts that sometimes the auto pilot doesn’t always work well. there’s nothing worse than being on the interstate completely lost in thought when all of a sudden ya realize "S***, that was my exit!" Its amazing i (make that a we) haven’t wrecked!! (or have we???)
                              No, we have not wrecked. But, I've done this too many times already, it's getting to be twilight zone.

                              Back to SGA. Commercials over.
                              HONOR. A story. http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...22#post8549622

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                                #75
                                enjoy the show, let me know what ya think. seen it and am anxious to her what others think
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