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And indeed you don't, but if you keep watching WW and get to season 7, episode 16, you will find out
Thanks
Um, they could be a while
I seriously need to get my PS mojo working again, there's a HUGE number approaching............. if I keep quiet for a while you'll know I'm putting off getting there yet
OK girls, my turn to need the collective awesome advice of the Woohoos on the thorny topic of men
Spoilered for length and rambliness and for being really self-involved
Spoiler:
I have an ex (not the one that sideswiped me in a good way a few weeks ago, another one) who is making a nuisance of himself. We broke up over four years ago, and it was incredibly not an amicable split - in fact, I was very glad to be shot of him and spent quite a few months hating his guts. We'd been together for a few years, were very serious at the time, lived together - for quite a while I thought that that was it, he was the one for me. But let's just say the scales dropped from my eyes and it all went to hell in a handbasket. Not that I was perfect and blameless, it just basically all fell apart for a whole variety of reasons, but mostly from my point of view came down to the fact that I wasn't happy and didn't really like him any more. You know, that's life, you win some, you lose some Anyway, I didn't hear from him for a couple of years, and certainly didn't try to get back in touch myself (he moved away not long after we broke up, which made that easier). Then randomly out of the blue, he texted me and actually apologised for the way it ended. It was a bit of a shock at the time, because I hadn't given him a thought in quite a while, had happily moved on with my life, and because I thought he was happily far away hating my guts right back. I thought about it for a while, and accepted the apology, mostly because I didn't want him to think I was bearing any grudges. After that, he texted periodically and then last year, friended me on Facebook, which again I accepted mostly so as not to give the impression I was bearing a grudge. He didn't message much after that, and I thought that was all OK - it's not like all my facebook friends are people I'm particularly close to, and I could mostly ignore him. Then yesterday I got a message from him, saying he's planning on coming down to Oxford sometime soon to stay with another friend, and did I want to meet up to 'catch up'. So now I don't know what to do - I don't particularly either want to see him again or really see the point in doing so - we're not going to be friends ever, because I still don't really like him all that much, to be honest, and as far as I'm concerned, what's past is past. I don't bear him any resentment for what happened when we broke up or for our relationship - it was my mistake as much as anything he did, not that I regret it, and I learnt from it and have been a happier person since we broke up. But I'm not sure how to tell him I don't want to see him without it all becoming a whole big thing, and all along since he got back in touch I've been trying not to do that, because as I say, I don't want to give him the impression that I care that much one way or another! Maybe that's a stupid pride thing, or maybe it's a defence thing because it hurt a lot at the time. I guess I just feel annoyed that by his determination to get back in touch and to be all friendly, he's forcing me to reopen that chapter of my life that I'd closed off. But I don't really want to tell him that either! Anyway, to make things worse, I hadn't replied to his message, obviously, while I thought about what to say and whether I agreed or not, and then just now he's texted me asking whether I got the message and saying it would be really good to see me again! So now I kind of feel backed into a corner and I don't know whether to say yes and have to see him again but hopefully avoid all the potential emotional crap, or say no and then if so how do I explain it? And mostly I just don't get why he's pushing this? Why is he so desperate to be friends again? So what do I do? Any advice would be very welcome
OK so that was even longer and more self-involved than I thought it would be
Oh, what a day! I've been calling restaurants/hotels all day, trying to set up our Thanksgiving dinner! Oi! It is so much simpler to just buy a turkey and whatnot. But, Mom still doesn't feel well, so we're eating out! I hope I can get a nice place lined up!
OK girls, my turn to need the collective awesome advice of the Woohoos on the thorny topic of men
Spoilered for length and rambliness and for being really self-involved
Spoiler:
I have an ex (not the one that sideswiped me in a good way a few weeks ago, another one) who is making a nuisance of himself. We broke up over four years ago, and it was incredibly not an amicable split - in fact, I was very glad to be shot of him and spent quite a few months hating his guts. We'd been together for a few years, were very serious at the time, lived together - for quite a while I thought that that was it, he was the one for me. But let's just say the scales dropped from my eyes and it all went to hell in a handbasket. Not that I was perfect and blameless, it just basically all fell apart for a whole variety of reasons, but mostly from my point of view came down to the fact that I wasn't happy and didn't really like him any more. You know, that's life, you win some, you lose some Anyway, I didn't hear from him for a couple of years, and certainly didn't try to get back in touch myself (he moved away not long after we broke up, which made that easier). Then randomly out of the blue, he texted me and actually apologised for the way it ended. It was a bit of a shock at the time, because I hadn't given him a thought in quite a while, had happily moved on with my life, and because I thought he was happily far away hating my guts right back. I thought about it for a while, and accepted the apology, mostly because I didn't want him to think I was bearing any grudges. After that, he texted periodically and then last year, friended me on Facebook, which again I accepted mostly so as not to give the impression I was bearing a grudge. He didn't message much after that, and I thought that was all OK - it's not like all my facebook friends are people I'm particularly close to, and I could mostly ignore him. Then yesterday I got a message from him, saying he's planning on coming down to Oxford sometime soon to stay with another friend, and did I want to meet up to 'catch up'. So now I don't know what to do - I don't particularly either want to see him again or really see the point in doing so - we're not going to be friends ever, because I still don't really like him all that much, to be honest, and as far as I'm concerned, what's past is past. I don't bear him any resentment for what happened when we broke up or for our relationship - it was my mistake as much as anything he did, not that I regret it, and I learnt from it and have been a happier person since we broke up. But I'm not sure how to tell him I don't want to see him without it all becoming a whole big thing, and all along since he got back in touch I've been trying not to do that, because as I say, I don't want to give him the impression that I care that much one way or another! Maybe that's a stupid pride thing, or maybe it's a defence thing because it hurt a lot at the time. I guess I just feel annoyed that by his determination to get back in touch and to be all friendly, he's forcing me to reopen that chapter of my life that I'd closed off. But I don't really want to tell him that either! Anyway, to make things worse, I hadn't replied to his message, obviously, while I thought about what to say and whether I agreed or not, and then just now he's texted me asking whether I got the message and saying it would be really good to see me again! So now I kind of feel backed into a corner and I don't know whether to say yes and have to see him again but hopefully avoid all the potential emotional crap, or say no and then if so how do I explain it? And mostly I just don't get why he's pushing this? Why is he so desperate to be friends again? So what do I do? Any advice would be very welcome
OK so that was even longer and more self-involved than I thought it would be
Ok Josiane, this one is very easy.
On a scale of one to ten, how important is he to you?
On a scale of one to ten, how much do his feelings matter to you?
On a scale of one to ten, how much do you actually care what he thinks of you?
From what you've said, (see bolded) I'm guessing you really don't want anything to do with him. If that's the case, just tell him you don't want to meet up with him. As far as you're concerned he is in the past. And block him on your FB.
Nobody wants to be badly thought of, and none of us really want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I really feel that you should put your own feelings first in this instance. Grit your teeth and tell him no, and don't you dare feel guilty about it. He doesn't have the right to make you feel bad.
Believe me, life is far too short to waste your time on somebody you don't care about and who has hurt you already.
Josi, about your ex. The way I see it you have two options; 1. a white lie. Say "Goshdarnit I just happen to be out of town/very, very busy that weekend and can't meet you". Or 2. The truth. "Much as I am glad we cleared the air, I have moved on from that chapter of my life and feel seeing you again will reopen old wounds. I just don't want to, sorry."
Personally I would go for the second. At the end of the day, worst that can happen is he'll delete you from his friends on FB and is sounds like you don't really care if he does.
Or, what Jumble said.
((((Amanda)))) for the mehism and the sickness bug.
((((Jumble)))) for the mehism too. Wood you be happier if I told you I spent all afternoon playing with Martin? Ok well, playing with my Sims 2 Martin anyway. He's got three ladies on the go you know. Bloody lothario!
*ponders whether making a Sim Jumble for Sim Martin to play with would be too creepy?*
LJ hope you get booked up somewhere soon. We're all talking about booking up for Christmas this year. Personally I'd just as soon a cancel the whole thing and stay in bed.
Josi, just tell him no. You aren't required to give him a reason/excuse. You don't want to meet up with him. Period. Just because you don't hold resentment toward him doesn't mean you have to be his best friend. You are well within your Powerful Woman rights to tell him he's pushing too hard and to back the *naughty word* off.
*huggles Jumble and Cags and LJ* You gals are the bestest
You're all totally right, and I'm so annoyed that I've let him get to me about this. I just wish he'd back the *naughty word* off and I guess I was just being cowardly by hoping that the passive path of least resistance would work and he'd give up. But looks like no, so I guess I have to bite the bullet and tell him so
*huggles Jumble and Cags and LJ* You gals are the bestest
You're all totally right, and I'm so annoyed that I've let him get to me about this. I just wish he'd back the *naughty word* off and I guess I was just being cowardly by hoping that the passive path of least resistance would work and he'd give up. But looks like no, so I guess I have to bite the bullet and tell him so
You could always punch him in the nose, a la Sam. Or, I guess you could say, "I'm sorry. I can't. My tall, brawny, hunky boyfriend wouldn't like it. He gets so jealous sometimes..." Heehee Seriously, I hate conflict, so if I could see any other way out of this, I'd tell you.
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