Finally found it! I was going to be lazy, but you spurred me on to just find the fic myself. It was in the save Weir thread, which explains why I couldn't find it, despite going through the last few pages, d'oh. *facepalm*
Originally posted by Anuna
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I know the feeling. I'm trying to went some of those emotions too...
Speaking of venting, here is my contribution to poetry and fan fiction week. It's pretty short and it's inspired by several things: JF's interview where he said he'll be doing more listening than talking in S4 and Vixen's comment about John taking Elizabeth's role as the person who listens to others.
I don't know how good is this because it just rushed out of me. I hope you'll like it.
Title: Stars
Genre: angst/Sheppard's POV
Spoilers: I hint on something that happens in "Adrift"
Hope you enjoyed. *sigh*
Speaking of venting, here is my contribution to poetry and fan fiction week. It's pretty short and it's inspired by several things: JF's interview where he said he'll be doing more listening than talking in S4 and Vixen's comment about John taking Elizabeth's role as the person who listens to others.
I don't know how good is this because it just rushed out of me. I hope you'll like it.
Title: Stars
Genre: angst/Sheppard's POV
Spoilers: I hint on something that happens in "Adrift"
Spoiler:
Stars
I stare at the stars a lot lately.
They are small and cold and far away. Just like you. And when I think of you those small lights remind me of the light in your eyes.
It was you who brought me here. That coin I tossed only confirmed what my heart already knew, but I wouldn’t listen. It was a new chance.
I thought back then that finally life was fair. Now I’m not sure.
You of all people don’t deserve this. Not you, Elizabeth. Not you.
Because you were the one who listened. Among so many things you did, this is what I miss the most. You listened to all of us, you always cared, and you gave us all the importance and chances we maybe didn’t deserve. I would be first in the line among those who didn’t… Who will be there to give you that second chance?
Sometimes I hate you and it tears me apart. Because it was you who told me to go, and I knew you were right. You always were. No matter how many times I turn it around in my head… you were right. You saved us and I was the one to be helpless. I was helpless and you knew how much I hate it.
Now I stare at the stars. I wonder if those are same stars you can see. I try not to wonder if you are able or allowed to watch them. I hope you are. And I hope … I hope… these stars see you and watch over you.
I used to talk so often, so much. There were so many things to say, or at least I thought so before. Now all those things… so many of them… seem pointless. Unimportant. I left the most important things unsaid.
But somehow… somehow… I hope you knew. You listened to me always, even in times I thought I wasn’t saying anything… or trying not to speak. You knew me so well. You knew I would listen; I would obey you this time.
Now I am silent. You made me humble. I listen instead to talk, and for the first time it seems that I hear what people say. You opened my eyes and ears. I find myself trying to remember things you told me… and the things I didn’t hear back then. Maybe, if I had another chance… just one more chance I would hear them now.
It is what you taught me. It is what you left me with. This is your legacy. And suddenly, stars aren’t cold as I realize you are not gone. Not from me. You are still here, inside of me. It is your voice that I keep listening to when other people talk. Your voice that tells me to give them a chance. Even when it comes to Rodney. It is what helps me hear them; all of them.
I hope those stars watch over you. I hope they bring me to you – so I could listen to you once more. That’s all I’m praying for.
I stare at the stars a lot lately.
They are small and cold and far away. Just like you. And when I think of you those small lights remind me of the light in your eyes.
It was you who brought me here. That coin I tossed only confirmed what my heart already knew, but I wouldn’t listen. It was a new chance.
I thought back then that finally life was fair. Now I’m not sure.
You of all people don’t deserve this. Not you, Elizabeth. Not you.
Because you were the one who listened. Among so many things you did, this is what I miss the most. You listened to all of us, you always cared, and you gave us all the importance and chances we maybe didn’t deserve. I would be first in the line among those who didn’t… Who will be there to give you that second chance?
Sometimes I hate you and it tears me apart. Because it was you who told me to go, and I knew you were right. You always were. No matter how many times I turn it around in my head… you were right. You saved us and I was the one to be helpless. I was helpless and you knew how much I hate it.
Now I stare at the stars. I wonder if those are same stars you can see. I try not to wonder if you are able or allowed to watch them. I hope you are. And I hope … I hope… these stars see you and watch over you.
I used to talk so often, so much. There were so many things to say, or at least I thought so before. Now all those things… so many of them… seem pointless. Unimportant. I left the most important things unsaid.
But somehow… somehow… I hope you knew. You listened to me always, even in times I thought I wasn’t saying anything… or trying not to speak. You knew me so well. You knew I would listen; I would obey you this time.
Now I am silent. You made me humble. I listen instead to talk, and for the first time it seems that I hear what people say. You opened my eyes and ears. I find myself trying to remember things you told me… and the things I didn’t hear back then. Maybe, if I had another chance… just one more chance I would hear them now.
It is what you taught me. It is what you left me with. This is your legacy. And suddenly, stars aren’t cold as I realize you are not gone. Not from me. You are still here, inside of me. It is your voice that I keep listening to when other people talk. Your voice that tells me to give them a chance. Even when it comes to Rodney. It is what helps me hear them; all of them.
I hope those stars watch over you. I hope they bring me to you – so I could listen to you once more. That’s all I’m praying for.
Hope you enjoyed. *sigh*
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