Favorite/Not So Favorite Stargate Quotes !

[Thoth]

"In the middle of my back swing!" Window of Opportunity

No harm having two of them

[Thoth]

"Two fries short of a happy meal. Wacko!" WOO

Airman opens a door which smacks into Teal'c
Airman: "Oh! Sorry sir"
Teal'c: "you have said that many times. Perhaps next time I will not be so forgiving"

Next time:
Airman: "Oh! Sorry sir"
Teal'c throws Airman back into room, closes door and walks off. WOO

That was such a funny episode!

[Crazedwraith]

Jack: Lucy! I'm hoome!
Teal'c: I'm not lucy.

and the bit after no one quotes but i like:
Jack: Just let me out! I'm fine!
Teal'c: I can be sure! You refered to me as "Lucy"

Also see my sig.

From the other guys:
O'Neill:Oh look! He's got Coombs with him!!

I'm sure there are more but i can't think of any.

[the_fours]

one i just came up with

o'niell: oh well i expected the other shoe to drop eventually
thor: we can only hope this is the last footwear to fall

i forgot how funny that was

[eemc2trpr]

O'Neill: "C'mon, get me out of here. Tell ya what, let me put it nicely. Get me the hell out of here!"
Hammond: "If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at."

[Kal-El]

My favourite quotes are numerous, but here's a couple of all time faves:

"It may come as a shock to you, but against popular belief, Earth is NOT the centre of the universe"
"Remember what happened the last time we trusted this...woman"
"Way to go junior"
"That is such an arrogant...I can't believe you said that"
"It was your stupid idea"

I can't think of anymore at the moment, but...Well there are a lot.

[Asgard-VA]

From "Failsafe" as the asteroid is getting dangerously close to earth and Jack is urging Carter to act:

O'Neil: "Carter, I can see my house!"

-------
From Bloodlines:

O'Neil: "We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it."

Bra'tac: "No. The bridge is too heavily guarded."

-------
From Evoulution (part 1)

O'Neil: "Since when does plan A ever work."

[KokiriChild]

Can't remember the episode name, either in season 1 or 2, where teal'c gets infected with... something and ends up running from the SGC because his body's being turned into a cocoon, and that 12 year old girl with a water pistol finds him... I can't remember the exact quote verbatim, but roughly:

Teal'c: I've brought you a new weapon. I hear this one has increased range and greater firepower
Girl: Ahh, coool! Come play with me!
Daniel: We'd love to but we--- *gets squirted by girl who runs away, he turns to teal'c* You know, maybe we shouldn't have given her the gun...
Teal'c *putting on shades and brandishing a SuperSoka 4000* How else would she defend herself Daniel Jackson?

Oh, and the one from "Rite of Passage" (s5pt1)

Hammond: So how can she doe that [make chess pieces levitate]?
O'Neill: Magnets!!!
*all look at O'Neill in amazement*
O'Neill: Each one of those pieces has a little magnet in the bottom of it to hold them on the board when you're driving so they don't rattle off, anyway, everyone one of them magnets has an electircal field round it... and that's how she was able to manipulate it... magnets...

*general look of disbeliefe/shock from hammond and the rest*

O'Neill: They do look like horses!

[Skydiver]

my absolute favorite, keeps ending up on my computer

it's flashing green, green is good
no
bad?
bad
how bad?
very, very bad
DAD!!!!!

sam and daniel from serpents venom

my absolutely hated quote 'space monkey'

and only because it's so horribly, massively and tremendously overused in fic

[Crazedwraith]

from "Bane"

Allie: Don't Sweat it.
Teal'c: I cannot stop it.
***
Teal'c: I have brought you a new weapon one with increased range and firepower.
Allie:Kewl! *squirts teal'c and runs off*
Daniel: Maybe we shouldn't have loaded it for her.
Teal'c: but how else would she defend herself. *puts on sunglasses, squirt daniel and runs after Allie!*
***

[KokiriChild]

from "Bane"

Allie: Don't Sweat it.
Teal'c: I cannot stop it.
***
Teal'c: I have brought you a new weapon one with increased range and firepower.
Allie:Kewl! *squirts teal'c and runs off*
Daniel: Maybe we shouldn't have loaded it for her.
Teal'c: but how else would she defend herself. *puts on sunglasses, squirt daniel and runs after Allie!*
***

Yeah, that's my favourite! Hahaha, I knew it was something like that!

And a newly added favourite after rewatching 1.04 - The Broca Divide:

Teal'c: *opens the window on O'Neill's cell* Col. O'Neill?
O'Neill: Lucy, I'm home!
Teal'c: *does eyebrow thing* ... I am not "Lucy"...

[Thoth]

Maybourne: The quickest way to a court martial is by striking an officer.
Jack: Oh, I'm not going to strike you, I'm gonna shoot you.

Felger: Think. What would Col. O'neill do if he was here
Other guy: Do you want me to shoot you?

In the middle of my back swing!

Not a quote but...
In Window of Orportunity, Jack has just finished his time loop.
During it he kissed Sam.
Daniel: During the loop did you ever think about doing something crazy... like there would be no consequences
Jack smiles and looks down at his oatmeal.
Daniel: well?
Jack looks up and stares at Sam with a glissful glint in his eyes and a slight smile on his face.

Ah, memories...

(sorry if my posts aren't word for word)

[Baal]

Daniel: The next Goa'uld is Yu.
Jack: Me?
Daniel: Yu is the name of the Goa'uld.

LOL, that one's the most funniest to me!

[Sir Ruff]

Felger: Think. What would Col. O'neill do if he was here
Other guy: Do you want me to shoot you?

Isn't it he'd want me to shoot you?

[shelsfc]

Weir: I understand that time is short

Jack: Actually it's all relative Ma'am. Carter could explain it better if we had more time...