Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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September 17, 2011

Photos: Maximus, Lulu, Jelly, Joe's mom, Akemi, pie and pasta, Joe's cousins Paul and Marco, Joe's uncle Vic, friends from Italy, Joe Mallozzi, Jake, Erika Logan, Joe's sister, present


A full day today. Let the pictures tell the story…

Some of you have asked how all the dogs are getting along. Well, I’m happy to report: “Great!”. We adopted a go-slow approach, introducing members of my gang one at a time, starting best behaved to worst...

Anyway, yes, my dogs get along well with mom’s dogs and cat. That being said, I don’t think Felix and Caramel are that enthusiastic about having guests. They’re like the long-time members of a country club that’s opened its doors to riff-raff out-of-towners. They prefer to spend much of their days upstairs on mom’s bed, leaving my gang the run of the downstairs. And Baby cat.

Last night, Akemi stayed up late to assist mom in making pie and pasta...

Today was a family reunion of sorts as I got together with my cousins Paul and Marco (and uncle Vic) who I haven’t seen in almost seven years!

We were so stuffed that Sis ended up canceling our dinner reservations.

Okay, equally big day tomorrow. Off to get some sleep. But first...

Today’s entry is dedicated to birthday gals Debra and Penny, and Daryl and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter who will be tasting bitter defeat at the claws of my fearsome Snow Monkeys tomorrow (and Monday night).

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September 18, 2011

Photos: Lulu, Bubba, Joe's aunt Jeanette, Akemi, Joe Mallozzi, Joe's sister, Daisy, dinner


I’m not the only who’s enjoying the time off. My dogs seem to be having a grand old time at mom’s place, making the most of her comfy couches...

Today, we headed east to pay a visit to my Auntie Jeanette. At 93, she’s still as chatty as ever. I remember, back when my grandmother was still alive (my grandmother who lived to 112 by the way), my aunt used to pick up her meds for her. One day, when she went by the pharmacy for a pick-up, the pharmacist handed her the meds and started giving her very specific instructions: “Now, when you take these pills, you have to take them with food – “

“Oh, they’re not for me,”my aunt informed him. ”They’re for my mother.”

“Sure they are,”said the pharmacist, no doubt assuming my elderly aunt had lost her mind. ”They’re for your mother…”


We had dinner reservations at my fave Montreal restaurant, Au Pied de Cochon. But we got downtown early to hit a few places: Fouvrac (where I picked up some maple chocolate), Rhubarbe (a little pasty shop where we enjoyed a buttery mille-feuille), and Point G (where I had a terrific pistachio macaron – and bought a half dozen for good measure).

And then, it was dinner time!

I was really looking forward to the Pouding de Chomeur for dessert – only to be told it wasn’t on the menu. Apparently, the restaurant uses their own maple syrup for the dish and, since they were out of their own maple syrup, they elected not to take it off the menu. Very disappointing. Their pecan pie for 2 was fine, but their lemon meringue tart was another pleasant surprise.

And tomorrow, we’re Toronto-bound. A big week lies ahead: Jelly goes in for her stem cell booster, Maximus goes in for his anti-cancer vaccine, and we bid a fond see-you-later to Carl who wraps up his Toronto stint on Friday.

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September 19, 2011

Photos: Snow monkeys, dogs and cats


I can lie awake in bed for hours, waiting to fall asleep, but put me in a meeting and I can doze off in no time at all. In addition to meetings, I’ve found that other snoozy-worthy environments include the back seat of a bus, during a late afternoon viewing of a mix, and any dinner outing at which someone feels the need to open up about a recent relationship gone wrong. And, after today, I’m going to add “while driving from Montreal to Toronto” to that list. Fortunately, the staccato burst of shoulder gravel impacting the underside of my SUV was enough to rouse me from my deep slumber. And, at one point, I was actually considering driving cross-country back to Vancouver!

A pretty good weekend for my Snow Monkeys (seeking supremacy in the R.I.P. Stargate fantasy football league). Despite some monster stats from the likes of Adrian Peterson, Jahvid Best, and Ryan Fitzpatrick (who I started over Romo, thank you very much), it looks like we’re going down to the wire. We’re down 20 points (thanks to Miles Austin and Michael Turner) but have an opportunity to wrack up some points in tonight’s Monday night tussle. He’s got Giant RB Ahmad Bradshaw. I counter with Rams RB Cadillac Williams (a late waiver wire addition when I heard Jackson went down) and Giants #1 WR Hakeem Nicks. It’s gonna be close! Our friend (and former Stargate Special Features Producer) Ivon Bartok faces a similar scenario. His team, The Running Dead, need Mike Sims-Walker to come up big and get the 20 points required to pull of a week 2 win. Wish us luck!

Some snaps from the weekend...

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September 20, 2011

Photos: Tara Yelland, portrait, Emma, Robert Morse


Today, I turn this blog over to my east coast arch-nemesis, Tara Yelland for her much-anticipated Q&A. Tomorrow, I hit the mailbag to answer your questions. Hopefully.

Over to Tara…

TY: A note on the portrait: I’m not sure all of you fully realized this, but I drew that thing WITH MY EYES CLOSED! Try it! You’ll see that it’s not easy! And I did a pretty darned good job, I’d say. And yes, while Joe may not technically be bald, I do think of him as a bald man.

LisaR writes: “1) Where did you get the outfit in the second picture?”

TY:Mostly from an amazing costume shop–coincidentally, called “Amazing Party and Costume”. The skirt and tights are from American Apparel.

“2) What is Joe’s most interesting quality??”

TY: I really can’t believe that he manages to write a blog every day. That’s dedication! I hope you’re all appreciative.

Michael writes: “You seem to have a wicked sense of humor, so any stories or jokes you’d be willing to share for a laugh?”

TY: No.

PBmom writes: “1. I saw on IMDB you were in the series Odyssey 5– good show — another show cancelled before its time. Are you a fan of science fiction?”

TY: Not particularly. It’s not a genre that I’ve ever really embraced. I do enjoy the idea of dressing up in costumes and going to fan-expos though. And, to be completely honest with you all, I’ve never seen a single frame of Stargate. Maybe when Transporter ends and I’m unemployed again, I’ll have a marathon viewing session.

“2. What is a typical day like for you?”

TY: I drink a lot of coffee, I eat a lot of cheese, I walk around set and chat like I’m at a cocktail party…and very occasionally, I do some standing in.

“3. Is Joe funny?”

TY: Yes. I mean, not intentionally though…

“4. Do you have pets?”

TY: Yes, a dog named Emma. She’s out of her mind, but lovely.

“5. What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you in your life? (Also Birdy’s question, “What was your first job in the industry?”)”

TY: I was a precocious 19 year-old, on set of Odyssey 5 as a background performer (extra). My role for the day was as a dead body in the morgue. I had spent about an hour with the special fx makeup team, getting a bad-ass autopsy scar put on my chest. Finally, it’s time to go to set– I’m given a spot on a gurney with a sheet pulled over my head. We do a rehearsal; the lead actor, Peter Weller–otherwise known as Robocop– comes over to my gurney, looks under the sheet at me, and continues on his way. We’re ready to shoot the scene, they call “rolling”… and suddenly the sheet is pulled back and Peter Weller is standing over me. He says, “hey, wanna be my personal assistant?”. I said, “Uhhhhh…”. I look over Peter’s shoulder and Greg, the AD, is nodding enthusiastically. I said, “what does that entail?”, and he said “it’s real easy… just phone calls and faxes”. I’m dumbfounded. Their shouting on set…clearly waiting on the lead actor to stop talking to me, so I said “can we talk about this after?”. He considered this for a moment, then said “sure”, and threw the blanket back over my face.

Now, I’m no dummy. I was highly suspicious that this man was offering me a job on the basis of appearance alone. So, like any good 19 year old, I called my mom. She said to go for it. So, I went over and told Peter that I would take the job. He walked me over to the producer and said that I was going to be his new assistant. The producer, Adam, took one look at me and said “no way”. But Peter got his way, naturally, and I started the next day.

I am happy to tell you that I had the time of my life for 3 months as Peter’s assistant. We got along very well and my fears of being groped on set were needless–in fact, he was very protective of me. Peter is a lovely, intelligent, and funny man. I ended up attending his wedding in Positano, Italy–he married a beautiful, sweet, Southern lady named Sheri.

Peter, who not only starred in Odyssey 5, but directed several episodes, gave me my very first on screen acting role. I played a nurse and had one line. I was terrified and lousy, but it got me in the union.

“6. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?”

TY: Mint chocolate chip, Neapolitan…

“7. What are some of the songs in a current playlist on your IPod/MP3 player?”

TY: From a current playlist:

1-Rolling in the Deep -Adele

2-Good Night – RZA

3-Auditorium – Mos Def

4-You Got Me – The Roots ft. Erykah Badu

5-Shadowboxin’ – GZA

6-Street Lights – Kanye

7-Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine

8-On the Vista – Blakroc

9-I’ve Been Loving You Too Long – Otis Redding

10-Superwoman – Stevie Wonder

Penny writes: “Celebrating my 30th birthday what’s the one thing I should do in the next year?”

TY: Something that terrifies and excites you.

BillieO writes: “WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DREAM ROLE AT THIS POINT IN YOUR CAREER?”

TY: Well, I’m glad you asked. Now that Joe has a bit more free time, he has given me his word–I think, if I’m not mistaken, he may have even swore on his mother’s life–that he will devote his attentions to completing the pilot episode of The Untitled Tara Yelland Project; it will be a fast-paced, sexy, action-adventure/comedy. Look for it in fall of 2012.

In all seriousness, my dream is to just work. Be it commercials, bad MOWs, or infomercials– I’m the actress for you! There’s my pitch. My agent would be proud. Also, I would like to do more comedic roles.

Patrick Considine writes: “1. What is the best thing about Joe?”

TY: He never fails to make me laugh. Also, he was very kind to all of the crew members on set; he bothered to learn our names, and refrained from calling us “peons” and kicking us as he passed by…he only did that the first week, then Paul made him to stop.

“2. What is the worst thing about Joe?”

TY: The menacing way he tells me he’s going to cut me.

“7. What is one thing you could change about yourself/your life/the world?”

TY: I wish I didn’t have asthma.

Ponytail writes: “1. Have you gotten to borrow the Audi yet and take it home for the weekend?”

TY: No, and I would be terrified to drive that thing. It’s like a misbehaving robot. There’s so many buttons and features. I drive a 2005 Chevy Aveo and I’m quite pleased with its ability to take me from point A to point B.

“2. Why do you think Joe calls you Lemur-eyes?”

TY: This Sunday, I was with my boyfriend in Kensington Market and we stopped for coffee at this little place. And on the wall was a drawing of a lemur drinking coffee! So of course, I thought I have to take a picture of this for Joe. As evidenced by this photo, I look exactly like a lemur…we both have big eyes…hence the nickname.

“3. Did you have any nicknames for Joe?”

TY: I don’t know… Joe? Have I ever given you a nickname? How about Joey McBald? Are you guys sure he’s not bald?

“4. Do you have a favorite Transporter: The Series episode yet?”

TY: Yes, episode 103 – “Sharks”. It’s my favorite episode because I’m in it, playing the sexy Helene…not that I’m biased or anything.

“5. Joe once said you ate 3+ pieces of blueberry pie – more than any of the crew guys. What do you eat to keep so trim?”

TY: The thing that you all need to realize about Joe is that he’s a liar. Well, that’s a strong word…he’s an exaggerator, who tells you a fabricated version of the truth (i.e. liar). I had one piece of pie, and I was forced to eat it. He threatened to fire me if I didn’t eat the pie and pretend to enjoy it. Tyrant…

“6. Who is your favorite cast or crew member?”

TY: Well that’s tough. There are a lot of fun people on set. My stand in partner, Robert, deserves an honorable mention. He makes me laugh and puts up with me, even when I’m cranky.

“7. Do you have a favorite Steampunk writer?”

TY: Not at all. The photos that Joe posted were from a friend’s wedding that had a steampunk theme. I had never even heard of it prior to that. I do enjoy the style though.

“8. Did Joe “not-Paul” ever get on your nerves? What was he doing?”

TY: Oh, sure. He talks incessantly. When Joe was on set, he would seek me out so that he could natter away about nothing in particular, holding me captive like a prisoner, while I was trying to pay attention to the monitors. The A.D.s, whose job it is to keep the set quiet, would shoot me dirty looks and shush *ME* because they can’t tell the producer to keep it down. Joe, being aware of this, would just talk louder. Tyrant.

SiSi writes: “1. Do you like to read? If so, what are some of your favorite books/authors?”

TY: Yes, I do. A fun fact about Tara Yelland–I have an M.A. in English (literary criticism) from UofT. My favourite books, in no particular order: The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger, Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters – J.D. Salinger, The Sound and the Fury – William Faulkner, The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway, The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Invisible Man – Ralph Ellison, A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole. The last book I read was Tina Fey’s autobiography, Bossypants; it was very funny and offers some interesting insights into being a woman in the entertainment industry, as well as being a “boss”.

“2. What TV show(s) would you most like to guest star on?”

TY: Mad Men or Game of Thrones.

“3. What do you enjoy most and least about being a stand-in?”

TY: I enjoy meeting talented, creative, funny people…and I enjoy having a job that feeds me at work– if I had to feed myself, I would probably starve. There’s a great many things I dislike about being a stand in, but what I like the least is the the lack of expectations and challenges placed upon me. It’s too easy to become bored and complacent…I’m sure many people could say this of their jobs. On the best of days, I think: “wow, I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this”. On the worst of days, I think: “they’re not paying me enough to endure this”.

Birdy writes: “3) Was there ever anything besides acting you considered doing for living?”

TY: If I were creative, interesting, or clever, I would be a writer.

“5) What is your favourite dish?”

TY: The first conversation I ever had with Joe was about food. He asked me to recommend a good restaurant in Toronto and I immediately informed him that he was asking the wrong person. I am not a foodie. In fact, I don’t even care about food. I like things plain–no fancy weirdness in my food, thanks. So favorite dish? Pizza.

“6) Do you actually know how hot you look in a leather jacket?”

TY: I try my best.

Tam Dixon writes: “Dog or cat person? Where are you from? Where would you like to live most?”

TY: Cat person, but current dog owner. I am from Toronto. I would like to live in New York City…or some sort of tropical island paradise.

Noelm writes: “Now that Joe is losing you as nemesis, what qualities would you advise him to look for in a new nemesis?”

TY: Joe is not losing me. I will haunt his life for years to come. Don’t forget: The Untitled Tara Yelland Project, coming fall of 2012.

“What is involved in being a stand-in?”

TY: Set ups can take a long time, so rather than have the actors lose their energy waiting around, they use stand ins. We watch the actors rehearse the scene and remember what they do, and then we work with the camera and lighting departments to set the shot in place of the actors.

“What would you like to be doing professionally five years from now?”

TY: Consistently working as an actor.

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September 21, 2011

Photo: Dog


“Tastes like old taxi driver.” - Akemi on the gazpacho we had at Origin

“Tastes like Santa Claus’s socks.” – Akemi on foie gras.

While in Toronto, we were visiting my elderly aunt when the conversation turned to cell phone plans. Mom, miffed, suggested my sister and I change the topic of conversation to something my Auntie Jeanette could talk about too. We were at a loss. Finally, my aunt: “Let’s talk about coffins.”

An awkward lull and then Akemi piped up: “I like cappuccino!”

“Not coffee,”I informed her. ”Coffins.”

Akemi: “What difference?”

Today broke down thusly:

8:00 – 9:00 – Wake up, check my fantasy football waiver wire pick-ups (dropped the disgraceful Cadillac Williams for Dexter McCluster, fumblesome Greg Salas for Tennesse’s Nate Washington, and ineffective Marshawn Lynch for Miami’s Daniel Thomas), shower, walk the dogs, feed the dogs, go over some of the documents for Akemi’s sponsorship. I can’t believe how many forms we need to fill out. I’m convinced our lawyer didn’t tell us for fear we would be discouraged by the veritable mountain of applications, bio requests, and questionnaires.

9:00 – 10:00: Photocopy personal info, print up rare dated photos of Akemi and me (thank goodness for her facebook friends) and then date and offer details on exactly where we were, what we were doing, and who we were doing it with.

Stopped by the gas station to check my tire pressure because the tire pressure warning light went off in my car. Pressure looks okay, but I topped off the tires anyway. Warning light still on. It wouldn’t concern me so much if I didn’t have to drive all the way to Guelph and back tomorrow for Maximus’s anti-cancer vaccine.

Went (ran) to the optometrist and picked up Akemi’s contact lenses. Boring old two-weeks, no violets or teals or those ones that make your pupils enormous.

10:30 – Drop off Jelly at the vet’s for her stem cell treatment. I find it amazing that Peyton Manning has to go all the way to Europe to get a similar treatment while our dogs can get theirs here in North America. With terrific results. My 12 year old pug went from being unable to walk to run-wobbling down carpeted corridors. Thank you, Vet-Stem (Vet-Stem | Dog Arthritis Stem Cell Therapy | Horse Tendon Ligament).

11:00 – Accompany Akemi to her medical (another sponsorship-related hoop). She was extremely nervous about having her blood drawn. Beyond the curtain, I could hear her conversation with the concerned nurse -

Akemi: Will it hurt?

Nurse: I’m not going to lie to you. It may a bit. (Okay make a fist)

Akemi: (unintelligible fretting)

Nurse: Have you heard the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Akemi: Ah. I know Yogi Bear!

1:00 – Down the wire, then a mad dash back downtown for a meeting at the Space offices. They kind of reminded me of the Nickelodeon offices. A nice sit down with Rebecca DiPasquali. They’ve got a lot of interesting shows poised to go. On my out, we ran into Ajay Fry, co-host of the fabulous InnerSPACE. Told him how much I enjoyed the show and thanked him and the gang for doing such a great job of supporting the Stargate franchise for many years.

2:00 – Drop off documents with the lawyer. There, I’m informed that the fingerprint check I endured last week should have actually been for Akemi. On the bright side, I apparently don’t have a criminal record.

2:30 – Meet blog regular Penny for some hot chocolate and chocolates. She’s very sweet. Akemi: “I like her a lot!”.

4:00 -Back home, on the phone with my agents and various other interested parties.

4:30 – Pick up Jelly from the vet clinic. Have to say, we’ll really miss Dr. Juan Elduayen, one of the most knowledgeable and compassionate vets to ever treat my dogs. Thanks to Juan and the rest of the gang at The Front Street Animal Hospital (including Cynthia, Chelsey and hospital mascot Ollie).

Left the vet clinic to discover I got a ticket. And, it was raining.

5:30 – Walk the other three dogs. Following Lulu’s lead, Maximus has adopted the annoying habit of stopping and staring at people until they pay attention to him. Last night, we walk by a couple in the middle of a heated argument. Maximus stops and stares up at the angry blond with his big, soulful eyes. I give him a tug. He responds by lying down, not taking his eyes off the woman until she notices him. The couple stop arguing and spend the next ten minutes fawning over Maximus – and Lulu who quickly seizes the opportunity to shoehorn her way in there as well.

Get waylaid by a surprise phone call on our way to pick up dinner. Akemi grows increasingly miffed as I offer a long line of “No comments”. Finally, we head inside and order oxtail, jerk chicken, and plantain.

6:00 – 6:30 – Dinner. Turn down a crazy trade offer that would have seen me give up Roddy White and Jahvid Best for Jordy Nelson and Shonn Greene. I mean, come on!

7:00 – Start working on my blog.

7:57: Start fielding your mailbag questions.


Dr. D writes: “Have you done or thought about doing a Q&A on Dark Matter?”

Answer: I’ll definitely be doing a Q&A in support of my comic book series Dark Matter (for Dark Horse) after the first issue comes out in January. My editor, Patrick Thorpe, informs me the solicitation for the first issue will appear in the November Previews. Watch for it!

Dr. D also writes: “Do you use or know of any computer programs that help with organizing ideas for writing stories?

Answer: I use a simple beat sheet or outline to organize my story ideas. Other writes I know prefer to use index cards. Sorry, don’t know of any software programs that would help in this regard.

Airelle writes: “Joe how was Max’s dr visit? Is all your packing just about done? Is Akemi excited to go back to Van?”

Answer: Maximus heads in for his next anti-cancer vaccine tomorrow. Far from finished packing. And, yes, Akemi is very excited to head back to Van. First stop: Bella Gelateria.

BMc writes: “Joe, is the outline for the Tara Yelland Project done yet?”

Answer: No way. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill network pilot. This is the Tara Yelland Project! Not something I can just dash off in a couple of months.

kabra writes: “I’m back, well never really left, I had been periodically reading your blog, just been so stressed and too busy to reply to anything, BUT now I have quit my abusive job!!!”

Answer: Congrats (I hope)! Life’s Too Short!

Mike Ferguson writes: “The reason I’m writing is because I recently graduated and am looking to take my next step. I would appreciate any advice you might have for someone wanting to get into the television industry. I have considered moving to be in a better location for work, but was curious about which city might be the best place ‘to be’, in your opinion. LA, Vancouver, or somewhere else?”

Answer: Best location? LA by far. Head down, get an agent, start making connections.

Mike Ferguson writes: “I recall you mentioning that writing for animation was a good way to get into the writing scene, but I’m not sure where to start.”

Answer: Do a little research. Check out some Saturday morning television and take note of the production studios. Contact them about writing opportunities on their various shows. Have some writing samples standing by and ready to show.

Duptiang. writes: “The food looks great, but sounds so different. It is not something I would knowingly order, except the macaroons. Ever think of setting up some sort of food tour?”

Answer: Would love to lead a Vancouver (or Tokyo) food tour. Who’s in?


8:14 – Head down to the gym after being guilted by Akemi, realize Survivor is on and gripe about missing it, head back to the gas station and check the air pressure in all four tires, notice the tire pressure warning light is still on (Akemi: “Maybe if we drive like this tomorrow we will be passed away.”), walk all four dogs at once.

9:36 – Resume answering mailbag questions...


Lloyd67 writes: “Do you know what the staff are doing Stargate since the end of the series?”

Answer: Some. Writer/Exec. Producer Carl Binder is finishing work on Transporter. Exec. Producers Brad Wright and Robert Cooper are back on the west coast, working on their own projects. Writer/Supervising Producer Alan McCullough is about to start a gig on Lost Girl. Alex Levine is working on Flashpoint. Martin Gero and Jewel Staite are working on Highland Gardens.

Penny writes: “What will Carl be up to after Friday? Is he heading also to Vancouver or elsewhere?”

Answer: Carl is homeward bound – not BC but California.

Sylvia writes: “Great story about the meds. and Auntie Jeanette looks much more spry than I do and I’m quite a bit younger. hmmmm. And, what is the secret of her youth and energy?”

Answer: Eating sensibly, walking every day, and bathing in the blood of twenty virgins.

JeffW writes: “So how did the Snowmonkies do?”

Answer: Sadly, my Snow Monkeys lost. Their record now stands at 1-1. We bounce back this weekend against the Autodrafts.

DP writes: “Have you tried buckeyes yet?”

Answer: Not yet. It’s on my list of things to do along with my quarterly tax installment and “be a better person”.

Duptiang. writes: “Joe, I remember watching the out takes for from Morpheous from the DVD. It was a fine spooky show. Claudia is a fabulously and funny actress. I loved her off handed dark comic work in Farscape. However, I never understood the design with the Chem Suits. The head piece just seemed to be poor design, to include the internal lights. I would have thought they would have washed out the vision of the actors.”

Answer: Those internal lights were an issue throughout the franchise run. While they didn’t make sense dramatically, they did serve a purpose from a production standpoint: illuminating our actors’ faces and in some cases countering the wash-out effects of the reflective exterior lights. And we weren’t the only ones guilty of this. You’ll notice similar interior lights in many movie space and hazmat suits.

Nancy Bienville writes: “Then I find out The Stargate Series has been completely canceled…?With that being said, and putting my emotions on the shelf for a minute, I want to thank you and everyone who worked on the show to make it what it was…..”

Answer: Much appreciated.

maggiemayday writes: “Oooh, cufflinks. Do they give you super-powers?”

Answer: Not sure. I plan to test my flying ability this weekend. Wish me luck!

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September 22, 2011

Photos: Maximus, cappuccino, doughnuts


Today, we took Maximus for his last visit to University of Guelph’s small animal hospital. He finished up his radiation treatments two weeks ago and, this morning, he was in for one of his last anti-cancer vaccines. While the initial results of the radiation treatment were encouraging in that we saw a shrinkage in the mass of the tumor, ensuing treatments had little effect and, eventually, the tumor returned to it’s original size suggesting a particularly aggressive melanoma. According to the radiation oncologist, our best shot now is that the anti-cancer vaccine encourages his immune system to fight the cancer. Positive results would manifest themselves in 2-3 months after the initial vaccine – which was two months ago.

When we get back to Vancouver, I’ll take him to a holistic vet and see what they can recommend for my little guy.


Mailbag:

kabra writes: “Does she see us Westerners as an odd sort? What was her biggest adjustment?”

Answer: Funnily enough, her biggest adjustment was the customer service here in North America. Let’s just say it’s a little less professional here than it is in Japan. One of the things she found particular odd was the post-purchase exchange. She would say “Thank you” and the salesperson would respond “You’re welcome”. In Japan, she would say “Thank you” and the salesperson would say “Thank you” back. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why people were saying “You’re welcome”, as if they were doing her a favor, when, in fact, she was the one helping them out by shopping at their store. I explained that the employee mindset is very different here than it is in Japan. In Japan, employees consider themselves part of the company they work for, so they ARE thankful for your business. In North America, employees are hired guns with no real loyalty to the company they work for, so they couldn’t care less whether you shop there or not – unless, of course, they’re swinging some sort of commission on the sale.

archersangel writes: “i support an akemi Q&A too, but maybe start her off slow with 1 or 2 questions first.”

Answer: I floated the idea today and she loved it. I also suggested we do a regular Ask Akemi advice column to get her unique Japanese take on matters of burning interest to the readers of this blog. She said she’d think about it.

James Runciman writes: “Joe, i’m a moderator for alvaro’s comicboards (www.comicboards.com)?and i was wondering if you’d like to do a q+a for us if your interested?”

Answer: Sure. How to proceed?

James Runciman also writes: “i was also wondering what other project you’d like to eventually go on to??what kind of influences would you say you’ve had for dark matter?”

Answer: Future projects? Not sure. Paul and I are entertaining several possibilities. Ideally, however, we’d love to do our own show – preferably Dark Matter which launches in comic book form in January and which we’ll be going out to pitch as a television series soon after. As for influences for Dark Matter? Hmmm. Tough to say.

Jasper writes: “1.) Do you walk around with a notebook allday to make notes for your blog/writing assignments?”

Answer: Nope, it’s all in my head. Which is why I get it wrong half the time.

“2.a) you mentioned that you have a Home Theatre, Did you build it your self or did you have a company working on it??2.b)Can you show us some pix/ tech spec’s of the room?2.c)what are tech spec’s of the room and equipment”

Answer: I hired a company to build it. Pics and specs will have to wait until I’m back in Vancouver.

“3.a)Do you have a 3D projector and what do you think of the 3D revolution that is going on.?3.b)Do you think that ,in time tv shows will be broadcasted in 3D, that it will add something extra for you as writer to keep in mind while writing the stories?”

Answer: Honestly? I think it’s a fad. 3D productions are nothing new, only the technology and experienced has changed.

iom666 writes: “Oh medical exam ?? so that means you’re the sponsor for Akemi’s permanent residency permit ?”

Answer: That’s the plan.

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September 23, 2011

Photos: Carl Binder, Alexander M. Ruemelin, Martin Gero, Jennifer Johnson, Mike Banas, Joe Mallozzi, Akemi, Andy Mikita, the gang, Trevor, Prairie Girl Bakery


A terrific send-off dinner last night as we all gathered at Babur Restaurant for Carl Binder’s farewell feast. The attendees included Carl Binder (writer, Exec. Producer, SGA and SGU), Martin Gero (writer, Exec. Producer, SGA), Jewel Staite (aka Dr. Jennifer Keller, SGA), Andy Mikita (Director, SG-1, SGA, and SGU), Mike Banas P.I. (ace editor, SGA and SGU), Jennifer Johnson (Associate Producer, SG-1, SGA, and SGU), Chelan Simmons (Mara, SGA’s The Tower) in addition to some Transporter people: Sarah Benab (Public Relations, The Transporter), Alexander M. Ruemelin (writer, Exec. Producer, Show Runner, The Transporter), and Trevor Finn (Exec. Producer’s Assistant, Transporter).

They left the ordering up to me and, of course, I ended up getting WAAAAY to much food. And, as a result, I ended up eating WAAAAY to much. However, when I wasn’t concentrating on my meal, I did have some great conversations with friends, new and old.

We said our goodbyes outside the hotel. When Akemi told Carl “I”ll miss you.”, she was practically in tears. He’s become a favorite of hers over these past few months, now only second only to Bubba.

Another goodbye dinner of sorts tonight. Followed by a goodbye lunch tomorrow, then another goodbye dinner, and a goodbye dim sum on Sunday.

So, the other day I went through the trouble of getting fingerprinted as part of this sponsorship thing I’m doing for Akemi. As it turned out, it wasn’t my prints they needed. It was hers. When Akemi asked why, I informed her it was to cross-check the existing criminal database to ensure she wasn’t one of these crazed black widow femme fatales who hook up with trusting gaijin and then murder them in their sleep or while on one of those celebrity cruises. I watched her very carefully when I explained this and, so far as I could see, she neither flinched nor looked nervous. Innocent or cool professional? Guess we’ll find out.

On the way back, we happened by a tiny little shop called Prairie Girl Bakery (Prairie Girl Bakery – Toronto’s best cupcake – featuring Mini …). We picked up a half-dozen mini cupcakes (for their superior icing to cake ratio) and elected to sample one before heading out. And then another. And another. And another. By the time we were done, we WERE DONE. All of them. We should have simply saved the cost of the box and requested the staff hand feed us instead.

The website proclaims it “Toronto’s Best Cupcake”. Well, being a veteran of the Vancouver and Montreal cupcake-eating scene, I would go so far as to call them “Canada’s best cupcake”. We tried a variety: vanilla bean butter icing with toasted coconut, lemon butter icing, chocolate cream cheese icing, peanut butter icing, Rebecca’s red velvet cupcake with classic cream cheese icing, and, the weekly special, chocolate with pumpkin pie spices and cinnamon butter icing. They were all great, but the toasted coconut, peanut butter, and red velvet stood out in particular. My only quibble was that the lemon butter icing wasn’t lemony enough.

Anyway, once we were done, we prepared to head out. But not before picking up two more – a fantastic carrot cake with classic cream cheese icing for Akemi, and another chocolate-peanut butter for me. As we were leaving, we said goodbye to the gals behind the counter and told them we’d see them tomorrow. They left, perhaps assuming we were kidding.

Of course, I should be mindful of past experience and not overdue it. Today, while we were out running errands, Akemi asked me – as she’s wont to do when we’re out walking – to tell her an interesting story. I told her about the summer camp I attended way back in my youth. Every day, the campers could take advantage of something called “tuck” which essentially amounted to a 30 minute opportunity for confectionary excess. For exactly a half an hour after lunch, we could purchase any of a variety of sweets from a specific shop. After the half hour was up, it was back to the drudgery of sing-alongs, nature walks, and the lake’s leech-infested waters. On my first day, I’d enjoyed an ice cream sandwich. Enjoyed it so much, in fact, that it was all I could think of in the intervening hours between tuck sessions. The next day, I enjoyed another ice cream sandwich – and went back for a second, only to discover I’d exceeded my 30 minute window of opportunity. Well, I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. The following day, I knew that one ice cream sandwich would not suffice. So I bought a few extras. I was feeling fairly sated after the second one but started on the third anyway. By the time I got to the fourth, I was pretty full – but the ice cream was melting and I couldn’t let it go to waste. I tried to give away my fifth sandwich. There were no takers. So I ate it as well. I haven’t had an ice cream sandwich since.

So, my question for you guys is: What makes you sick? What food item did you so overdo, at some point in your past, that you can barely stomach it today?

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September 24, 2011

Photos: Mega, Gary, dinner, Joe Mallozzi, Akemi


Last night, we were out for yet another goodbye dinner – this time, with my buddy Mega from across the hall. Well, across the hall when I was working on Transporter. During my stay on the production, Mega never failed to put a smile on my face, offer an understanding ear, or filch one of the figs from my morning bento boxes. Her hubby, Gary, joined us for the occasion...

Gary used to work in the food industry and is an equally passionate foodie. Apparently, they spent the previous night perusing the Buca menu in preparation. We started with a charcuterie platter (which included decadent whipped lardo), a cheese trio with accompaniments, and some sausage-stuffed deep-fried olives. Yes, you heard correctly. Then, it was on to the headliners...

Have been enjoying your responses to my “What makes you sick?” query in yesterday’s blog entry. Lots of interesting (quease-inducing) answers. Keep ‘em coming!

Probably a later blog entry tomorrow as I’ll be on west coast time. So don’t worry!

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September 25, 2011

Photos: Akemi, dinner, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Chef Jane, snow monkey


Dinner last night...

Tonight’s dinner...

Back on the west coast tonight, then back to the east coast tomorrow morning!

Pleased to report that, while their General Manager was flying the friendly skies, the Snow Monkeys clawed their way to a 2-1 recrod following a close shave 0.64 victory over the Autodrafts. Bamboo leaves for everyone!

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September 26, 2011

Photos: Alexander M. Ruemelin, Sarah, dinner, Akemi

As far as years go, I’ve had better. Admittedly, it’s been a rough 2011 for me and, while there’s a lot I WON’T miss about Toronto, there are a few things I will. At the very top of the list, is these two -

Meeting and getting to know Sarah and Alexander has been THE best thing about my time here in Toronto. In a future blog entry, I’ll go into great detail about how, going into this recent job, I fully expected NOT to get along with Alex – only to be impressed by his talent and then completely won over by his “unique” personality. But, for today, since it’s getting late and I still have packing to do, I leave you with pics of tonight’s outing. Dinner at Buca...

Akemi and I are going to miss these two – but hopefully not for too long. There’s a guest room awaiting them in Vancouver.

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September 27, 2011

Photos: Alexander M. Ruemelin, award, James Coleridge, Joe Mallozzi


“Who’s Michael Vick?”asked Akemi.

“A guy who killed a lot of dogs,”I replied. And then, almost as an after-thought: “He also plays football.”

And, lately, not very well. Turns out dog-killer has regressed to his original mediocre/selfish game play. And, of course, it’s all the fault of the refs, according to Vick. He did so much whining in his last post-game interview, you’d think he’d been body-slammed and electrocuted. Boo hoo hoo.

In celebration of my Snow Monkeys 2-1 start to this fantasy football season (and the fact that their next opponent will be the winless Reagan’s Raiders who, delightfully, used their #1 draft choice to grab Michael Vick), I’m thinking of hosting a little football screening this Sunday. My fellow league GM’s are invited over for the day – or up until my Snow Monkeys start losing.

Yes, that’s right. I’m finally back in beautiful Van. Flew out Sunday with my buddy Steve and two dogs (Maximus and Bubba), stayed the night, flew back Monday morning, stayed the night, then flew back out today with Akemi and the other two dogs (Jelly and Lulu). All four were incredibly well-behaved. Although I’d originally planned to bring Maximus in on the second trip, I bumped him up a couple of days because I feared it was his last days. He’d stopped eating and I wanted to make sure he got the chance to enjoy the familiar surroundings of home one last time. Happily, he started eating again (although, like everything else since his diagnosis, it’s slow going) and he seems in better spirits.

And that’s it. I think. To be honest, I didn’t announce my plans because, the way things have been going, I wouldn’t have been surprised to have been surprised by the news I wasn’t going anywhere. Even though I’m back home, I’m not wholly convinced I’m here to stay. All I can say is it’s been a very, very, very weird year and I’m not taking anything for granted.

We’re happy to be back. The dogs seems very happy to be back. And our old buddy, James, from Bella Gelataria – the greatest gelato place in existence – was very happy to have us back. We dropped by tonight after dinner (real sushi after seven months!) and enjoyed three flavors: a decadent dark chocolate and brownie, a buttery salted caramel, and a nutty nocciola. How good is the gelato here? REAALLY good. You’ll just have to trust me. Or, even better, check it out yourself the next time you’re in town. Owner James Coleridge trained at the Italian Culinary Institute and then did his advanced masters training at Carpigiani’s Gelato University. Yes, you heard correctly. There’s a Gelato University! And I wasted all those years getting a Bachelors degree in Political Science and History and Masters in English Lit.

Next year, James represents Canada at the World Cup of Gelato.

So I’d like to settle back into my routine: working out, cooking, and reading. I checked out about a half dozen books over the last couple of weeks, several of which failed to impress, others that proved so disappointing I didn’t even bother finishing them. I am, however, enjoying the hell out of Helen Simonson’s Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand. Anyone else read it?

Am thinking of shifting some focus to the new fall season but, to be honest, kept up on the new shows. I feel like I was abducted by aliens and held in their inter-dimensional fortress for the past seven months, away from loved ones, the comforts of home, and the new fall t.v. previews. Is there a new show out there that you, my dear readers, would recommend? Let me know.

Finally, today’s blog entry is dedicated to the German bad-ass whose pic leads this day’s ramble, the determined and talented Alexander M. Ruemelin, a guy who shepherded The Transporter t.v. series through its infancy and, when all is said and done, will have spent two full years of his life bringing it to the small screen. So let’s stop a second to give credit where credit’s due – for the unflagging dedication, long hours, and countless rewrites. Viel Respekt!

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September 28, 2011

Photos: Dogs, Dark Matter


So, the fact that I’m back in Vancouver sooner than expected surprised a few people – perhaps no one more than my buddy Lawren who was housesitting for me during my exile and was fully expecting me back in December at the earliest. My speedy return means he’ll have to find alternate accommodations but, like I told him, he needn’t rush. I have the extra room and he’s free to stay as long as he likes. It’s actually nice to have someone around to handle sundry duties like addressing technical issues with my projector or cleaning up the poop-studded backyard. Also, the house now full of personalized touches that offer insight into his character (and, alternately, the darkness of his soul). My office has been transformed into mission control, boasting three wide screen monitors on swivel mounts as well as bewildering equipment with multicolored lights that sounds like a portable air conditioner on its last legs. There are three bottles of fine Scotch in the wok kitchen alongside a bottle of flavored Bison Grass Vodka in the wok kitchen, and an almost empty bottle of tonic water in the fridge. Also, I discovered what I think is a didgeridoo in my umbrella stand.

The dogs seem to be equally happy to be back in familiar surroundings. Maximus has resumed eating again and seemed downright lively today during his afternoon walk. Some pics of the two oldsters...

First on my to-do list is completing the documents necessary for my sponsorship of Akemi. In addition to the two dozen things we’ve already done (fingerprinting, medical check, photo documentation, etc.) I also have to supply a recent notice of assessment, three statements outlining the genuine nature of our relationship, and declarations from people who have personal knowledge of our relationship which, come to think of it, is all of you. Once that’s done, I can finally redirect focus to that unfinished pilot I’ve been meaning to get around to.

Received some more of Garry Brown’s inks for issue #2 of Dark Matter, my comic book series coming out in January 2012. I’m loving the artwork. If you guys are nice, I’ll give you a sneak peek of what’s in the works as part of tomorrow’s blog entry. In the meantime, here’s another look at Garry’s early version of the cover for issue #1 -

What do you think? Pretty cool, no?


Mailbag:

2cats writes: “So, when are you peeking in on ReFuel?”

Answer: Actually, I was there on Sunday night with Lawren (see my Sunday entry) and then back again today for lunch with Akemi. We shared the sweet walla walla onion risotto, an heirloom tomato salad, some terrific corn with jalapeno butter, and an incredibly tender octopus and chicory salad.

Fiori writes: “‘Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand’ was wonderful; it reminded me of one of my favorite books — ‘The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society’ by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows.”

Answer: On your recommendation, I’ll be sure to pick it up. I’m loving the characters in this book, especially the Major who is at turns stodgy, befuddled, and wholly charming.

Lou Zucaro writes: “A few weeks back, I went to dinner at Top Chef season 4 winner Stephanie Izard’s home for a charity event. Jessica brought gelato for dessert and they made some really great little gelato sundaes for us.

If you have any interest in the food that Stephanie / her team / Jessica made for us, you can read about it here:

http://blog.yumbly.com/2011/09/supper-at-stephs/“

Answer: I am SOOOOO jealous. As you may (or may not) know, Akemi and I are HUGE fans of Top Chef and loved the season 4 showdown between Stephanie and Richard Blais (and the third chef whose name I can’t recall). I also love goat! Very jealous.

DP writes: “Does he have time between rewrites to read our encouragement?”

Answer: Oh, I have no doubt Alexander drops by on occasion.

Jean writes: “Hi from all of us at Prairie Girl Bakery for your declaration that Prairie Girl makes “Canada’s Best Cupcake”- – thanks for that!?We loved your visit and hope to see you again soon.?The PGB team”

Answer: Damn, I’ll miss you guys – even though I discovered Prairie Girl Bakery in the last week of my stay. Like Buca Restaurant, it’s one of those places I’m really going to miss – along with our neighbors at the Soho, The Silver Snail, and Jamaican food.

Joan001 writes: “Life sucks sometimes and it would be nice to get into bed and pull the covers over your head for a good year. I’m so tired of the worry myself, but I know that there are people who are going through much worse…”

Answer: Hang in there, Joan! I was, admittedly, pretty damn miserable – but things turned around in spectacular/surprising/annoying fashion. Hopefully things take a far less dramatic but equally satisfying turn for you soon.

dasNdanger writes: “Vick grew up around a culture where dog fighting and killing were the norm.”

Answer: In some cultures, bride burning and female circumcision is considered the norm by some. Doesn’t make it any more acceptable.

dasNdanger also writes: “Then he went to prison. Then he was educated that what he did was wrong, and he has said so many times. “

Answer: Would you expect him to say anything else given the backlash he received and his desire to resume his professional football career?

dasNdanger also writes: “Why? Because, in the end, he only killed dogs.”

Answer: Demonstrating borderline psychotic behavior. Studies of serial killers have shown a history of animal abuse in their early years. Vick didn’t just force dogs to fight to the death. When he was done with them or they proved too weak to continue fighting, he would personally dispatch of them with seeming delight. Body-slamming and electrocuting them were his apparent preferences. I’m sorry. An individual predisposed to such violence isn’t going to be “educated” about the errors of his ways.

dasNdanger also writes: “There is some sort of freaky moral imbalance going on when people have more hate for a football player who killed dogs than they do for a football player (Donte Stallworth) who killed a human being while driving under the influence, or a football player (Rae Carruth) who plotted the murder of his girlfriend.

Answer: Last I heard, both Stallworth and Carruth were in prison and, unlike Vick, I doubt very much they’ll get a chance to resume their careers on the football field.

Dr. D. writes: “Do you think FTL or time travel might become a reality or are you siding with the notion of the faster than light muon neutrinos being a fluke?”

Answer: I am cautiously optimistic.

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September 29, 2011

Photos: Dark Matter


I’ve been surprisingly busy since my return to Vancouver on Tuesday. Not stupid-busy as in months past, but diligently and satisfactorily so. In addition to the various issues that need to be addressed on the home front, there are the various potential and upcoming projects I finally have the time to get around to. On the flight over, I read four scripts – three possible future show runner-related ventures (one script in particular thoroughly wowed) and a horror feature from our old buddy Robert C. Cooper, a positively chilling tale based on a true story. And, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know to what I’m referring. Eventually. Lots of wonderfully spooky moments and a final scene that will positively give you nightmares. I also have a couple of my own scripts I really should get around to finishing, but my priority right now – on the professional front – is Dark Matter, the comic book series I’m working on for Dark Horse Comics along with artist Garry Brown and my editor, Patrick Thorpe. At this point, the hard part has been completed (on my end anyway). I’ve delivered scripts for the first four issues and now, it’s a matter of sitting back and watching the characters and story come to life, from pencils to layouts to inks to color. Truly amazing stuff.

Love Garry’s style and his interpretation of the characters: guileless ONE, no-nonsense TWO, bad-ass THREE, staid FOUR, ebullient FIVE, and compassionate SIX. Oh, and our surprise guest.

I just did the solicitation copy for issue #3. Patrick informs me that the solicitation for issue #1 will appear in the November installment of Previews and will include a two page color sneak preview of the series. I believe it should be out in the coming weeks (if my local comic book retailer is to be believed), so make a point to swing by your corner comic shop and check it out.

In the meantime, here are some of Garry’s pencils to whet your appetite and give you a sense of the series’ visual style.

Haven’t seen much in the way of SF comic books on the shelves, so I’m hoping audiences are in the mood for something a little different. The plan is to start with the opening four-issue arc that will eventually form the two hour pilot of the television series. Television series? Oh, yeah. Once the comic book launches, Paul and I will be heading to L.A. to pitch the property. Ideally, we’d like to set it up as a t.v. show. Idealier, shooting in Vancouver. Idealiest, involving a lot of the same talented/familiar individuals we worked with on the Stargate franchise.

It WOULD be fun to get the band back together. But, first things first. The first issue of Dark Matter comes out in January of 2012. Pick it up!

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September 30, 2011

Photos: SG-1 Season 10, comics


Okay. Now that things are a little more relaxed, I finally have time to finish up my reminiscing on SG-1?s final season. Although work on the franchise continued with Atlantis and, later, Universe, SG-1 will always hold a special place in my heart – especially those last two seasons. The show’s 9th and 10th year were the most fun I’ve had writing – ever – partly owing to the talent in front of and behind the camera, and partly owing to the upbeat and positive mood that resonated throughout the entire production. Making things all that more gratifying was the input we received from the studio in the form of Senior Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer Charlie Cohen, and from SciFi in the form of the late Nora O’Brien, both incredibly gifted and kind individuals whose support helped ensure Stargate: SG-1 went out on a creative high.

THE PEGASUS PROJECT (1003)

A crossover fan favorite that I constantly get confused with Beachhead, another crossover fan favorite. THIS was the episode in which Mitchell threatens McKay with a lemon – an adlib on the day that seemed altogether weird in dailies but, ultimately, ended up making the final cut. McKay’s citrus allergy was apparently inspired by a staff writer in the show’s early days (before my time anyway) who would always make it a point to proclaim his unique hypersensitivity to anyone who would listen. Whenever they’d go out for lunch, said writer would be very careful to clear all menu items with the server. ”I’m very allergic to citrus,”he would inform them. ”A single drop and I could die!” It wasn’t until the end of the season that they discovered the rib sauce their afflicted co-worker had so enjoyed on his bi-weekly lunches at a local rotisserie joint was, in fact, mostly molasses and lemon juice. And Rodney McKay’s citrus allergy was born.

It was also great to FINALLY get Daniel Jackson to Atlantis. In fact, following SGA’s fourth season, there had even been some talk of having Daniel join the Atlantis crew for its fifth season, an idea we unfortunately had to abandon for financial reasons.

INSIDERS (1005)

Of all the enemies SG-1 faced over the course of their many adventures, Baal remains my favorite. I appreciated his sense of style, his sense of humor, and a megalomania that was at terms outrageous and endearing. Cloning him was probably one of the best ideas we’ve ever had – and by “we” I mean Robert Cooper who pitched out the final clone reveal in an earlier episode. Suddenly, we had the luxury of multiple Baals, a host of new storylines and, in the case of Brad and Robert, endless pun possibilities. Cliff Simon, who played the conniving goa’uld system lord, was always a pleasure to talk with. He’d swing by the writers’ room after his costume fittings and thank us for the work – or, on one occasion, chortle over the “corny lines”. So delighted was he by his character’s comfortable position on Earth that he often pitched out the merits of a possible spin-off centered on – who else? – Baal.

UNINVITED (1005)

Sadly, this episode will be remembered not for the fun dialogue between host Landry and his unwilling cabin guest Mitchell, or the off-world op involving the rest of the team, but the unintentionally hilarious creature that is revealed at episode’s end. Ooof. As far as CG monsters go, it doesn’t get much goofier than the things that comes staggering out of the woods after being shot and expires in spectacular “Ugh, ya got me!” fashion. Without a doubt, the hammiest performance by a computer-generated alien in Stargate history.

I was going to roll right into 200 (not coincidentally, our 200th episode) when I realized I had a lot to say on that particular entry and decided it deserves it’s own dedicated post. So, my memories of that episode will have to wait.

Swung by my local comic shop today and picked up this -

…this -

…and this -

Will be jumping on them once I’ve finished the immensely enjoyable Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand.

So, what are you all reading (beside this blog)?

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October 1, 2011

Photos: SG-1's 200, snow monkeys


SG-1 was about to attain the loftiest of broadcast heights – its 200th episode – and we wanted to do something special. Something unique. Something everyone on the production would enjoy as much as the longtime fans watching at home. The initial idea pitched out was something called “Remember When…”, trip down memory lane in which our characters’ reflections would form the frames of the varied flashbacks to outrageous missions. While everyone loved the idea of the outrageous missions, the premise of the episode felt too diffuse. We wanted an actual story that would form the heart of the episode. After much discussion, we elected to pay tribute to the franchise by referencing our last milestone – episode 100 – abd bringing back Martin Lloyd and the show within a show, Wormhole X-Treme. But the fun we poked at the franchise through that spoof production was nothing compared to what we had in store for 200...

We finally meet the furlings!

Sort of. Even though it never really happened and we end up getting them killed in the end.

Back in the show’s fourth season, not long after joining the production, I was summoned to Exec. Producer Robert Cooper’s office. He was doing his pass on our first script, Scorched Earth, and needed something from me: the name of an alien race. When pressed, he admitted naming alien races was not his forte and, as evidence, offered up “the Furlings”. I have to admit that whenever I heard the name, I always imagined a cosmic version of the Care Bears, giggling and snuggling their way through various adventures. As evidently, did everyone else on the production. The fans, however, were all sorts of curious and nary a week would go by without a fan or two posting a message board request for a glimpse of the elusive beings. As time wore on, those requests continued and, at one point, Brad suggested an episode in which we actually did get to meet them: a race of gaunt, towering, hairless, grey-skinned creatures. But that idea was quashed and the production went on its merry way, choosing to keep the race a mystery. But with 200 came the opportunity to honor those fan requests, and the viewers at home finally got to see those lovable furry creatures who turned out to be a cross between an ewok and a deranged koala.

And then we SG-1 went and got their planet blown up.

Of course, we quickly reveal that the incident never actually happened and it was part of a pitch for a revival of the defunct Wormhole X-Treme t.v. series, a show that last an inglorious three episodes before being cancelled. But thanks to an impressive second life on dvd (following in the footsteps of Family Guy and Futurama) the show is being revived – and General O’Neill, in a desire to maintain a cover of plausible deniability for the Stargate program (and, let’s face it, screw with his old teammates) charges SG-1 with the task of creatively contributing to the production.

Mitchell takes on the living dead.

Every once in a while, actor Ben Browder would drop by the offices to pitch out an action sequence for his character – so I thought it appropriate that, given the opportunity, his character would pitch out an action sequence for – uh – his character. And, really, nothing says action like zombie hordes. Just ask fans of The Walking Dead. This sequence also allowed us the rare opportunity of witnessing Harriman getting his head eaten. Double bonus!

MItchell’s idea is shot down and Martin gets on the phone with a representative of the studio. He is clearly frustrated and Mitchell asks: “Studio executives, huh?” Martin responds: “What? Oh, no Charlie? He’s a great guy. He’s the only one I trust.” This was a reference to longtime MGM Exec. and Stargate supporter Charlie Cohen, one of the smartest, kindest studios executives I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. As much as he was a fan of the show, we at the production were fans of Charlie.

Martin is outraged because they lost their lead. How, he wonders, can they do the show without their lead. ”You just bring in a character to replace him,”suggested Mitchell – an obvious reference to the introduction of Cam Mitchell which followed soon after the departure of longtime SG-1 lead Jack O’Neill. Carter then goes on throw out some alternate ideas for keeping the lead alive: “Well, you could have the other characters refer to him all the time. Maybe, get him on the phone once in a while.” Yep. Been there; done that during SG-1?s seventh and eighth seasons. And then, someone references that time O’Neill was invisible…

The idea of doing an Invisible O’Neill segment was actually a joke I threw out. That ended up making the script. That happened a lot in this episode. As with all the segments, we went off and wrote them individually, and then everyone weighed in and they were tweaked. There’s one beat in this segment that wasn’t part of my original draft, the moment in which Carter catches O’Neill spying on her in the shower. I thought it was a little…oh…creepy.

Anyway, the Invisible O’Neill idea was embraced because we wanted Richard Dean Anderson to come back and do a cameo on this all-important episode, but didn’t know if he’d be able to work an appearance. So, we figured we’d get the next best thing: his voice. As it turned out, he was able to swing the appearance, making 200 all that more special.

The Getaway

Martin then pitches out a tale of high adventure, placing our heroes (SG-1) in an impossible position – and then simply cutting to them escaping through the gate. This was a tip of the hat to the many fans outraged by a similar scenario in a past episode (don’t remember the name) in which our heroes (SG-1) are surrounded by Lucian Alliance soldiers only to effect some miraculous unseen escape. During the ensuing argument over the merits of the pitch, Martin attempts to come up with a reasonable window of time for the team to reach the gate and dial. Ten seconds is too short and thirty seconds is too round a number. He decides on 38! Which, coincidentally, is the same number (of minutes) a stargate can stay open.

Timing is, of course, everything, and nothing says action like a ticking clock. Which prompts the following gem from Martin: “Trust me, jeopardy plus ticking clock is box office. It’s the E equals M C squared of the entertainment world. Ask any executive.” Indeed. If there were two notes we received more than any other during Stargate’s long run, they were: “More jeopardy!” and “We need a ticking clock!”. Having a character race a timer to defuse a bomb? Didn’t get much better than that.

They’re off to see the wizard!

Next to The Simpsons, The Wizard of Oz was probably the most referenced piece of pop culture over SG-1?s decade-long run. The fans certainly took notice and which resulted in one particularly memorable piece of artwork being sent to studio – it depicted the original team as the cinematic classic’s adventurous foursome. So, I suppose, it made perfect sense to reference the show referencing by including a little Wizard of Oz sequence in the episode as well.

Mitchell’s line: “Now, how can something work perfectly fine for ten years, then all of a sudden, it doesn’t work anymore?” was an in-story reference to the gate suddenly stopping operations – and, interestingly enough, could have been interpreted as a comment on the the show’s cancellation.

Okay, that’s enough for today. I’ve got a caponata to make and, time permitting, some kasu ice cream. Ivon, Lawren, and Rob are over tomorrow for some football – and, of course, to cheer on my Snow Monkeys.