Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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It's a new comic book series written by Mallozzi. Issue #2 just came out.

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February 13, 2012

Photos: Carl Binder, framed photo, Dark Matter, Hero at Large (1980)


Hmmmm. Coincidentally, the day after I discuss Alex Levine’s transparent attempt to land a role/directing gig on a potential Dark Matter series (Based on the comic book series of the same name. Check it out!) which, coincidentally, came the day after I discussed Ivon Bartok’s equally obvious attempt to get himself cast, I received an email from my buddy Carl Binder. Attached was the above photo and the accompanying message: “FYI – I have lots of experience. I played Elwood P. Dowd in my high school’s production of Harvey.” And who can forget his turn as Dr. Jennifer Keller’s creepy uncle in the the framed photo that appeared in an episode of Stargate: Atlantis?

If we wig him, I think he might make a pretty good Two Katana-san. What do you think, Das?

Today, as promised, I turn this blog over to our guest blogger, Cookie Monster, as he hosts the next installment in our continuing Supermovie of the Week club. Over to you, monster...

Kwestion #1: When is superhero movie NOT superhero movie?

Answer #1: When hero in movie NOT have any superpowers.

Kwestion #2: So why monster watching dis movie?

Answer #2: Becuz somebody (ie Joe) tell him to watch for Supermovie of de Week Club.

Kwestion #3: What de deal with Bert Convy hair?

Answer #3: No answer to dat one.

Boy, me not happy after watching superhero movie wit no aktual superhero. Not been dis disappointed since Striptease (too much tease and not enuf strip for dis monster). Anyway, Hero At Large does best it can wit not much. Like in most superhero stories, start off wit sad sack pathetic loser charakter so can show contrast wit him later as spektacular hero. Qwick! What profeshun most pathetic and loseriest? Coin counter at laundromat? Nope, more pathetic. High school band brass instrument spit valve cleaner? Nope, more loseriest. Struggling aktor? Bingo!

Our progato potago protagonuss lead guy is out of work aktor who have to take job dressing up like charakter from superhero movie (that aktually look like a superhero movie) called Captain Avenger. He show up at theater where he sign autograffs and get ridikuled. At one point, gets so bad dat even Kevin Bacon make fun of him. Kevin Bacon!

Turn out he just one of mebbe 50 out of work aktors dat dress up like Captain Avenger and do signings. Dey get bussed around. Bus ride scene deliver film best out of contekst line from other Captain Avenger: “I screamed. I’m not tuff. Not in de ass!”.

But our lead guy in luck. On way home, he stop off at convenients store and it get robbed. He jump out in his Captain Avenger costume and save de dey, chasing away bad guys (who mebbe nekst time remember what Gonzo always say: “Never bring a knife to a gun robbery”).

Suddenly, Captain Avenger all over de newz. Our guy famous! He start to hit on girl who live in same apartment building. She played by Anne Archer who try her best to look sexy wit 1980?s hairstyle. She say no, not interested. He persistent, don’t take no for answer, and show up at her place of work. Nowadays, dis behavior cause legal problems (like for Count who do 6 munths community service and have to write letter of apology to Bette Midler), but 30 years ago a-okay and, in fakt, work out great becuz soon dey are dating!

He stop more bad guyz. Soon, whole city have Captain Avenger fever!

Office of Mayor say he good for re-elektion campane, find him and say he have to keep being hero. Dey stage subway robbery and he save de day. At dis point, monster have trouble wit suspenshun of disbelief. If robber try to rob me on subway and he down on ground, monster jump in for payback, maybe stomp on robber head or get in monster patented grape shot, but nobody do anyting. Hard to believe.

But den, at big press conferunce, robber reveal as aktor. Just like Captain Avenger. Crowd angry. Boo Captain Avenger!

Pimp try to ruff him up! All seem lost...

But den a wunderful ting happen. Apartment building on fire! Families lose everyting! Kid in danger of burning alive! So lucky! Firemen on de scene decide to call it a night (Dunno. Mebbe fire TOO hot.) but Captain Avenger arrive on scene.

He trow kid to safety. He on ledge, ready to jump. Den – exploshun! Captain Avenger gone! Where he go?! Bystanderz do irresponusble ting and go into creaky burning apartment building. Save him and prove dat everyone can be not speshul, just like Captian Avenger, if dey just try hard enuff.

Da end.

Verdikt: Dis not a superhero. Is a movie disguized as superhero movie. So meta!

Rating: 3 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Please diskuss!

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LOL, I like the cookie-monster movie review, but never realized that cookie-monster talk like he have jamaican accent mon

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February 14, 2012

Video: Superman II trailer

Photos: Valentine's dinner and gifts, Rapini, Aspen


I asked Akemi where she wanted to go for Valentine’s dinner? She informed me that she’d prefer to eat at home. And so, inspired by the occasion (and a recipe from Gordon Ramsay), I made beans for dinner – supplemented by a couple of schnitzels. Romantic, no?

And, of course, the Valentine gifts...

I’m pleased to report that my sister’s dog, Aspen, is on the mend following a couple of nights at the animal hospital.

Turns out he had E.coli. I didn’t think dogs could get E.Coli but, apparently, they can – especially if they consume tainted chicken strips from China. If you’re Canadian, you can be forgiven for not having been warned. Presumably, the gang at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency have better things to do.

http://goneforawalk.wordpress.com/20...rd-of-warning/

Not so the FDA that issued the following:

http://www.fda.gov/AnimalVeterinary/.../ucm280586.htm

Read the labels, folks!

In an effort to get Jelly, my eldest pug with the bad hips, some exercise, I have to resort to bribery when we’re out for walks…

Hey, speaking of dogs, my sister directed me to this little story. All politics aside, this guy seems like a complete douche:

Fox News’ Lanny Davis: Why Romney’s Dog on Car Roof Story Makes Him Unfit to be President

Hey, in Cookie Monster’s rush to finish off his last movie review, he forgot to mention next week’s selection for our Supermovie of the Week Club: Superman II.

There are bunch of versions floating around so, to make things simple, let’s go with the glorious 127 minute version readily available on iTunes!

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February 15, 2012

Photos: Tara Yelland, chocolate-covered macarons, the beds at the Imperial Hotel, Baniku, Doughnut Plant doughnuts, Aloha Table, High School of the Dead, Laduree, Toshi Yoroizuka, 49 – Black Pepper chocolate bar from the 100% Chocolate Cafe, the chicken sashimi at Sato Yosuke


So, the day after the day after I call Carl Binder out for posting a pic of himself holding a copy of the second issue of my comic book series, Dark Matter, in a transparent attempt to get himself cast in a potential Dark Matter television series, which came the day after I called out Alex Levine for doing the same thing, which came a day after I called out Ivon Bartok for doing the same thing, I received the following photo from my old Toronto nemesis Tara Yelland:

She wastes to time in getting right to the point, offering up the following refreshingly honest/annoying message to accompany the pic: “I’ve got the first two issues of Dark Matter! I haven’t read either yet. As you know, I’m a terribly busy person with much to do, but I will get to it the instant my hectic schedule lets up! But, more importantly, I would also like to throw one of my many floppy hats into the proverbial casting ring. I think I would be perfect for the role of the dark matter. Talk it over with ol’ blue eyes…”

‘Ol blue eyes? The dark matter? Hectic schedule?! Last time I checked, she was furiously uploading pictures of her recent nail work to the internet.

If you don’t already make it a habit, I urge you to check out Tara’s blog (here: tarayelland), partly as an opportunity to pry into her personal life but mostly for the occasional funny remark I leave in the comment section.

Having been back about a week now, I’ve finally taken the opportunity to sit down and review my recent 11+ day culinary pilgrimage to Tokyo. There was a lot to like this year (quite frankly, there always is a lot to like, which is why I keep going back) with many favorites coming through and some new places impressing as well. There were also plenty of surprises, good and bad. Today, I’d like to review by presenting a list of my Top 10 Disappointments from my last Tokyo trip (we’ll cover the pleasant surprises as part of tomorrow’s entry). In no particular order…

THE DISAPPOINTMENTS

10) Chocolate-covered macarons

It combines two of my favorite things. How could this not work? Well, for starters, in all cases sampled, the chocolate thoroughly overwhelmed the macaron. From a textural standpoint, it was a bit of a mess, lacking both the chocolate snap and macaron airiness you’d expect from the components individually. Two great tastes that DO NOT go well together.

9) The beds at the Imperial Hotel

The Imperial Hotel offers fantastic service, great restaurants, and an unbeatable location – but the beds! The mattress I slept on fell somewhere between firm and REALLY FIRM, resulting in a less-than-restful night’s sleep. Some morning’s, I woke up so sore I suspected Akemi had been walking on my back while I was sleeping.

8) Baniku

I wasn’t expecting to like horse, but I was surprised by the extent to which I didn’t like it. Chewy, hard to swallow – an all-around unpleasant experience.

7) Doughnut Plant doughnuts

Damn. After salivating over them on the Food Network and having Akemi talk them up incessantly in Vancouver, I finally had the opportunity to try Doughnut Plant doughnuts. The verdict? Meh.

6) Aloha Table

One of the great things about Tokyo is that you don’t have to go out to a high-end restaurant to enjoy a great meal. You can eat well at everywhere from family-run hole-in-the-wall restaurants to burger joints to ramen-yas to chain eateries. Well, almost everywhere. Scratch Aloha Table off your list quite possibly the very, very worst of what the normally dependable Tokyo food scene has to offer.

Horrendous.

5) High School of the Dead

I’m including this on the list because, even though I finished watching the first season here in Vancouver, I discovered and started watching the series back in Japan. This one really annoys me because the series had sooooo much promise. The premise of a bunch of high school students struggling against the zombie horde has so much potential. The anime is visually appealing, chock full of action, suspense, interesting characters and, unfortunately, heaps of fan service – gratuitous panty shots, enormous jiggling breasts in low cut outfits, ridiculous over-the-top girl on girl slap and tickle scenes – that singlehandedly undermine all of High School of the Dead’s stronger elements. Every time it gets going in terms of character or suspense or action, the producers feel the need to introduce some silly, juvenile sex romp humor, thoroughly undermining everything they’ve accomplished to that point. What kills me is that this series could have been so much better minus the T&A. What a disappointment.

4) Laduree

The service was disinterested and the dessert I had, the Mont Blanc, uninspired. Worse still, the macarons were unimpressive, significantly paling in comparison to the macarons offered by other confectionary heavyweights like Pierre Herme and Jean-Paul Hevin.

3) Toshi Yoroizuka

I realize this might be considered sacrilege on the part of certain Japanese dessert aficionados, but I’m putting revered Toshi Yoroizuka on this list. The three desserts I tried on my visit, while admittedly beautiful, weren’t that remarkable in terms of flavor. Chalk it up to the day or the time or the fact that none of their feature desserts were available. I’m certainly willing to go back and give this place another try.

2) 49 – Black Pepper chocolate bar from the 100% Chocolate Cafe

I love the idea of offering 56 flavors of chocolate bars ranging from classic single origins to wilder creations like wasabi and maple, so I was all sorts of intrigued to try their Black Pepper chocolate. Alas, it proved overwhelmingly cloying with no discernible black pepper kick.

1) The chicken sashimi at Sato Yosuke

I was feeling adventurous so I decided to take Akemi’s friend, Nanako, up on her suggestion and ordered the chicken sashimi. It was a little tough and a little chewy, a fair cry from the near-ethereal consistency Nanako had trumpeted. She blamed the fact that it wasn’t actually sashimi but served tataki style. Still, given that we were eating at a place supposedly known for its chicken, I was expecting better.

So, there you go. Sometimes, Tokyo aint all sunshine and Sawada sushi.

Tomorrow, I offer up a list of my Top 10 Pleasant Surprises from my last Tokyo trip!

Today’s entry is dedicated to kathode and her awesome/spot-on/hilarious Hero At Large review. Check the February 13th comment section!

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February 16, 2012

Videos: Martin Gero - A Road to a Dream

Photos: Martin Gero, Hattendo cream buns, Lindo purple and golden potato cakes, Henri Le Roux white chocolate/matcha bar, Ikura (salmon roe) at Sushi Sawada, The Kobe Kitano Hotel/igrekplus Bakery’s white chocolate brûlée cup, Pizza Seirinkan, Dim sum at Fook Lam Moon, Wasabi seaweed (side) served with the tonkatsu at Wako in the Shinjuku Isetan, the yuzu chocolate at Le Chocolat de H., Berserk on the big screen


Quelle surprise! The day after my Toronto nemesis, Tara Yelland, makes a bid to be cast in the potential Dark Matter television series (based on the comic book of the same name) by posing with a copy of the first issue, which came two days after Carl Binder did pretty much the same thing, which came a day after Alex Levine did the same thing, which came a day after Ivon Bartok did the same thing, which came a day after I opened this blog up to casting suggestions for the potential Dark Matter television series, I received an email from our old friend Martin Gero who wrote: “I haven’t had time to do the Q&A yet. Cause I’ve been busy reading both the print and iPad versions of Dark Matter.” and included the above pic as proof. And, quite obviously, as a not-so-gentle reminder of his acting roots. Yep, it’s true. After writing and exec. producing on Stargate: Atlantis, co-writing, directing, and producing the feature film Young People ****ing, writing and producing on HBO’s Bored To Death, and now writing and exec. producing The L.A. Complex, the Golden Boy has set his sight on far loftier goals. It’s no secret where his true passion lies...

Hey, speaking of Dark Matter, my Toronto arch-rival, Tara Yelland, offers a (spoiler-laden) review of the first two issues over at her blog, here: Dark Matter. Check it out. Then peruse some of the other entries that deal with things like highly illegal birthday gifts (The Best Gift), bizarre personal factoids (The Facts), her creepy Winners encounters (Your Kids Will Break Your Heart), and her even creepier tribute to The Shining (A Tribute to the Shining).

So, yesterday, I gave you a list of my Top Ten Disappointments (in no particular order) from my recent Tokyo trip. Today, I offer you the flip side and give you a list of my Top Ten Pleasant Surprises (in no particular order) from the same trip. Keep in mind, these are surprises, so meals at places like Nodaiwa and Ishikawa don’t make the list simply because I was expecting them to be as excellent as they were!

10) Hattendo cream buns!

I happened across this little stand in the Akihabara subway station and, after some consideration, decided to try one of the chocolate cream buns. Then, another. Then a matcha (green tea version). Then a six pack of various flavors! Sweet, creamy, alternately dense and airy, they were a remarkable discovery. I felt like that archeologist who discovered the remnants of Noah’s Ark on Mount Etna!

9) Lindo purple and golden potato cakes

I shouldn’t try the free food items at Japanese department stores because, half the time, I end up buying what I sample. Like, in this case, these wonderful sweet potato cakes that tasted like a cross between cake and ice cream. I’ve never had anything quite like them – and wager I won’t again until the next time I hit Shinjuku Isetan.

8) Henri Le Roux white chocolate/matcha bar

I’ve tried match (green tea) chocolates from many chocolatiers, but none have attained the level of Henri Le Roux’s smooth, creamy, melt-in-your mouth white chocolate and matcha version.

7) Ikura (salmon roe) at Sushi Sawada

Sushi don’t get any better than this. I love taking first-timers to Sawada because the meal is always an adventure – entertaining, informative, and, of course, delicious. Sawada-san serves up an incredibly wide variety of offerings: two types of sea urchin (purple and the famed variety from just north of Hokkaido, (tuna) toro aburi with the texture of marbled wagyu, enormous kuruma ebi, and the finest ikura I’ve ever had.

6) The Kobe Kitano Hotel/igrekplus Bakery’s white chocolate brûlée cup.

An original creation for the Salon du Chocolat. I’m not a fan of strawberries so I decided to order something else. Fortunately, my friend Keiko did order it and was kind enough to allow me a taste - or two (okay, three). Japan is really the only place where my “no fruit with dessert” rule goes out the window simply because their fruit is always so sweet and always so good (a far cry from the sweet and/or sour product you’ll find at your local supermarket). Loved the the brûlée. Loved the cotton candy crown. Loved the liquid chocolate that is poured over top. And, yes, loved the strawberries!

5) Pizza Seirinkan

Who would have known that the world’s best pizza can be found in Naka-Meguro at a place called Pizza Seirinkan. Your choices are simple: Margherita or Marinara. But, really, when the pizza is this good, you don’t need any other choices. It’s simple but delicious and, if you’re going to go, make sure you get there early. Once they run out of pizza, they close up shop for the day.

4) Dim sum at Fook Lam Moon

When Akemi told me she wanted to go for dim sum, I was less than enthused. I mean, how good could dim sum be – even in Tokyo? As it turns out, VERY good. We ended up going to Fook Lam Moon in Ginza where we enjoyed a fantastic meal that covered all the usual suspects: barbecued pork, siu long bao, turnip cakes, and sticky rice purses. I’ve been to the original, in Hong Kong, and have to say that the Tokyo branch beats it handily.

3) Wasabi seaweed (side) served with the tonkatsu at Wako in the Shinjuku Isetan

I mean how typical of dining out in Tokyo. I discover one of my Top 10 Pleasant Surprises at, of all places, a chain tonkatsu restaurant in a department store. And it’s a side dish that accompanies the main! Unlike the neon green version that many North American Japan serve you (purchasable in handy squeeze containers), the wasabi you’re served in Japan is fresh, tasty, and possessed of a borderline sweetness. In this seaweed dish, it was incredible – and actually blew away both the Iberico and Kurobuta pork!

2) The yuzu chocolate at Le Chocolat de H.

More craziness abounds! Turns out my favorite chocolate on this trip was actually a fruit/chocolate combo, a creation of leading Japanese pastry chef and chocolatier Hironobu Tsujiguchi. Sublime. His banana chocolate is also something else.

1) Berserk on the big screen!

“Who goes to the movies while they’re on vacation?”you may ask. Well, I do if it turns out my visit to Tokyo happens to coincide with the release of a feature based on one of my favorite anime series of all time: Berserk. It wasn’t subtitled and most of the dialogue went over my head but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the hell out of Berserk: Golden Age I (Egg of the Supreme King).

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February 17, 2012

Photos: Dark Matter, the Tan Tan noodles, dinner at L’Abbatoir


So, the day after Golden Boy Martin Gero sends me a pic of himself posing with copies of my comic book series, Dark Matter, in an obvious bid for a role in the potential Dark Matter television series, which came a day after my Toronto arch-nemesis, Tara Yelland, did pretty much the same thing, which came two days after Carl Binder’s did the same thing, which came the day after Alex Levine did the same thing, which came the day after Ivon Bartok started it all – I received an email from former Stargate script coordinator (and former roomie) Lawren Bancroft-Wilson. No photos of him posing with copies of the comic book however. Instead, Lawren elected to take another route. In the email titled “Sycophant I am not…Thespian I am.”, he writes:

“Okay after seeing everyone so transparently vie for a spot on what will become an obvious classic of the science fiction genre I would like to throw my hat in the ring with something a little more convincing than just proof that I bought a copy of Dark Matter (of which i bought issue 1 and 2 online for my ipad, i’ll ask you to please NOT sign my ipad screen however).

Obviously a photo of Carl, Alex, Ivon, Martin, or Tara holding the issue and smiling (or whatever that expression on Carl’s face is) doesn’t have much traction in the difficult world of casting. Sure Ivon as the precocious kid (using some Benjamin Button VFX) is a given. Alex as the analytical android oblivious of cultural niceties and therefore always putting his foot in his mouth seems the role he was destined to play (I see him doing it as a cross between Bob Newhart and 3CPO). Martin as the handsome guest star. Tara, well she’ll just have to find the time to READ the comics before we assign her a role (although you’ve kind of written us into a corner with the lack a gender diversity, I can already see the studio’s diversity department having a problem with this). Carl…. well most of the characters seem crabby so he can have his pick. But for a well trained thespian like myself I think there are only two clear roles. And as you will see below I have the physicality and sincerity to pull both off.”

The email concludes with: “ My agent awaits your call….Lawren”.

So, what do you think? I’ll give him points for originality. But I’ll have to dock him points for the “lack of gender diversity” criticism and suggested casting of Ivon as “the kid” since the kid is a girl – something he would have discovered had he READ THE SECOND ISSUE!

I’ve decided that I’m going to cook at home more this year. I’ll focus on fresh fish and veggies; start my mornings with oatmeal and a fruit shake. I’m limiting my dine-outs to one a week. On average. Which means that, after this weekend, I’m not allowed to go to a restaurant until mid-June...

One of the food items I didn’t get to sample while I was in Toko was ramen (because, of course, I was too busy sampling everything else). And so, the other day, when Akemi and I had a hankering, we headed over to our favorite ramen-ya, Menya (401 West Broadway). Akemi had her usual soba while I went with the sesame-based spicy Tan Tan noodle topped with shredded pork and onions (I ordered garlic chips as well).

Then, last night, I met my friend Jacqueline for dinner at a restaurant that received all sorts of great attention in 2011 (while I was out of town for the year doing…whatever): L’Abbatoir (217 Carrall Street, Gastown). We had a great meal. How great? I dare say “Tokyo level great!”.

Thanks for the feedback on the second issue of Dark Matter!

An early entry tonight as we’re off for an early dinner with Ivon Bartok! We’ll be going to a place that, some say, serves the best sushi in Vancouver. You can expect a full report tomorrow.

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February 18, 2012

Video: Jelly

Photos: Dinner, lunch


We took the dogs out for a walk today, taking advantage of a brief window of sunniness in an otherwise rainy day. Jelly surprised by completing an entire walk around the block. Bribes were required in the form of dog treats every twenty feet or so but still very impressive.

So, I’m trying out Crunchyroll, a site that allows you to stream anime (and various other Asian entertainment), usually within 24 hours of its airing in Japan. I haven’t had to make use of the 24 hour turn-around service as Akemi and I have been concentrating on old episodes of Gintama (two a night before bedtime). We’re on episode 50 and apparently have another 197+ to go! We both love the show and, while 50% of the humor goes over my head, it’s great to have Akemi there to explain the subtle (and usually not so subtle) pop references and cultural in-jokes. So far, the only problem with Crunchyroll has been the lack of recent (as in 2011) titles. High School of the Dead, Steins;Gate, We Still Don’t Know the Name of the Flower We Saw That Day, and Puella Magica Madoka are nowhere to be found.

In addition to improving my Japanese language listening skills (by watching silly anime), I’m also working on my Japanese writing skills. I set aside an hour of every day to translate a page of the manga I purchased while in Tokyo (Baby, Please Kill Me). It was slow, frustrating going for the first few days in which I had to look up every damn symbol but, as I’ve progressed, I’ve gotten quicker – at hiragana anyway. Katakana is still a bit of a mystery to me. As are the odd kanji symbols that pepper the text.

Not exactly smooth sailing on the horror script front but I managed to negotiate a creative hurdle these last few days and am back on track to finish up a first draft for months end (as I promised Ivon). I’ve hit page 73 and all hell has broken loose! Once I’m done, I’ll send a copy to Ivon and Paul, discuss, rewrite, and then start brainstorming the teaser Ivon is going to shoot. Creepy.

Hey, guess who might be going to Comic Con in July? Okay, beside most everyone else in the film, television, and comics? And their fans? Yes, me. I was discussing the possibility of doing a Dark Matter signing with my story editor at Dark Horse. If plans solidify, will let you know. If you were making alternate vacation plans, it’s time to change ‘em! Book a flight for San Diego and swing by and say hi in July. We can talk food, Dark Matter and Stargate after which I’ll leave a heartfelt message on the inside cover of your copy of Dark Matter #1 (ie. Please don’t walk off with my pen like the last fan who visited this booth. Sincerely, Joseph Mallozzi).

Great sushi dinner last night compliments of the ever affable Ivon R. Bartok.

And then today, Akemi truly outdid herself, preparing a very Japanese lunch:

Black cod marinated in kasu (sake lees), sake , mirin and saikyo miso for five days, then roasted and broiled. Miso soup with ****ake mushrooms, kasu, and yuba. Sticky rice with roasted onions, dry shrimp, ****ake mushrooms, kurobuta pork, and ginger. Grilled Chinese sausage. A kumquat compote made of kumquats, a touch of sugar and honey, water, and ice wine. Sweet, oven-roasted garlic. And genmai tea.

We’re heading out tonight with Rob, Ivon and co. and even though we’re going to one of my favorite Italian restaurants, Don Francesco better be delivering its A game tonight because lunch is going to be very hard to beat.

Why You Should Eat Dessert for Breakfast

Today’s entry is dedicated to birthday gal Julie Aloha!

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February 19, 2012

Photo: Fat Dragon


How did I miss this? Apparently, the gang behind Refuel, Campagnolo, and Campagnolo Roma are poised to open a new restaurant (see, this is what I get for eating at home more). Fat Dragon will be a “Chinese BBQ joint” that will be open for business…well, I’m not sure when exactly. But for all the other details, check out the story here: DINER: Campagnolo Crew To Open “The Fat Dragon”, A Chinese BBQ Joint On The DTES : Scout Magazine and here: Straight.com.

Speaking of eating out – I went out for dinner last night with Rob, his wife, Toby, his wife, Ivon (flying solo on this evening), and Akemi. We went to Don Francesco, one of a handful of reliable Italian restaurants that I can always depend on to get their pasta right – aka al dente. After being let down by one of my Italian standby’s a couple of weeks ago, I was looking forward to a good plate of pasta – only to be let down yet again. Akemi’s fettuccine was overcooked and my squash agnolotti so strong of garlic (and you’re talking to an Italian who loves his garlic) that I had to triple brush my teeth and break out the mouthwash as soon as I got home. The spaghetti carbonara was good but, alas, not enough to redeem a disappointing meal.

Not feeling 100% today and yet, despite being a little under the weather, I managed to hit the 80 page mark of my horror script. As I told Ivon, I just need a couple of more scares, maybe another grisly demise, and it’ll be smoooooth sailing. That end of February deadline looking very doable.

A gentle reminder that our Superfilm of the Week discussion group convenes tomorrow when our guest blogger, Cookie Monster, weighs in on this week’s selection: Superman II!

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February 20, 2012

Video: Superman II scene

Photos: Superman II


Superman II is great movie for kidz! Rotten, notty kidz who you want to punish but not allowed to spank, so dis torturus movie next best ting. Superman II also perfekt for kidz becuz it mostly make no sense and kidz won’t care – just like people who make dis steaming pile of crap.

Superman II start wit flashback to sentence of tree bad guyz from Superman I to flippy prison. Den go to opening creditz. Den go to Clark Kent having trouble getting thru office door. Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Clark find out dat terroristz have bomb on Eiffel Tower. It been newz for 12 hours but for some reason Clark not know. 12 hours?!! How possible?! Mebbe was up all night drinking Grover Wallbangers (replace vodka with Nyquil, TM Grover). At dis point, monster ask “But he superman! Why so inept? Make no sense!” Den monster realize it becuz writer need Lois Lane to be in Paris alredy! But – ! Shhhshhhshhh.

In Paris, Lois trick stoopidest policeman in de world (yep, he in France) and sneak up Eiffel Tower. Get on elevator…wit bomb dat terroristz akcidentally set off wit countdown. Akcidentally? At dis point, monster ask: “What terroristz plan? Don’t want to set off bomb? Den why have? Plan to escape? How?” Shhhshhhhshhh. Superman fly in, save annoying Lois (boo! boo!) and fly elevator into space where it blow up. BUT…

Nooklear blast wave free bad guyz from flippy prison fantom zone. At dis point, monster ask” Whaaaat?! What flippy prison doing so close to Earth? If superman dad, Clorox, sending superman to Earth, why send bad guyz in same direktion? It make no sense!!!” Shhhshhhshhh. Bad guys free, kick some moon ass, play hackysack wit astronot, and wreck paper mache shuttle dat look like it made by grade 2 artz and craftz class. Back at Mishun Control, Cliff Clavin don’t know whatz up.

In federal prison, meanwile, guard see Lex and dummy henchman playing chess in cell. He say someting to dem and dey look at him and continue playing, den guard realize not really dem but hologram of dem! Trick! At dis point, monster say: “Waitaminute! If only hologram, why dey turn and look at guard when he talk to dem? NOT MAKE SENSE!” Shhhshhhshhh. Lex escape wit help of woman he try to kill in last movie (shhshhhshhh) and get away in slow-moving hot air balloon (shhhshhhshhh).

Meanwile, Clark and Lois at Niagra Falls as undercover newlywedz. Opportoonity for more hyuk hyuks. Superman save annoying little boy and almost steal some hot dogz (but sound editor add sound effekt of him dropping change – on other hot dogz). Lois tink Clark really Superman so jump into water to prove it. She almost die but he save her witout turning into Superman. Den, ten minute later in hotel room, he tell her anyway.

Meanwile, Lex Luthor fly hot air balloon all de way to North Pole and find fortress of saltitude. How he find it? Shhhshhhshhh.

Superman fly Lois to fortress of saltitude but Lex long gone. Meanwile, bad guyz land in small town, beat up hillbilliez. Where Superman? Oh, he busy...

Bad guyz beat up army and qwestion flamboyunt general. Where Superman?!!! Still, busy...

Bad guyz crash white house. Where Superman?!!! Getting busy!

Superman find out from hologram of mother dat he can make himself human if he step into speshul chamber. Process irreversable! So he do it….for love! Wha-wha-whhhat? What about love for adopted planet and people depending on him? Why have to give up being Superman to date skank Lois? Monster not understand! Shhhshhhshhh.

So, Superman just normal guy now. He have no more powerz. Den realize dat now have no way to get back to civilizashun becuz can’t fly so he and Lois starve to death.

Da End!

Me wish!!! Dey go to truck stop near station of saltitude (!). Shhhhshhhshhh. Wimpy Clark get beat up by bully. Den hear dat bad guyz taken over world! Superman Clark feel stoopid. Soooo stooopid, in fakt, dat he decide to walk back to the fortress of saltitude in his suit and dress shoez. Why he not die?! Shhhshhhshhh.

Lois go back to Metropolis. Bad guyz show up wit Lex Luthor (who serve no purpose in dis movie). Dey treaten Lois. Dey fight Superman and smash up city. Oh, yeah. Did monster forget to mention? Superman have power back. How? Process dat take away his power is irreversable! His mom SAY it irreversable! So how he got dem back?!!! HOW?!!!!

SHHSHHHHSHHHH!

Bad guys use superbreath to blow tings over: cars, people, toupee, ice cream cone, guy in phone booth who keep talking, guy on roller skates. More nyuk nyuk nyuks.

Superman run away. Bad guyz follow him back to fortress of saltitude. Dey bring Lex and Lois wit dem. Why? Shhhshhhhshhhh! Face off. Den, stoopidest ting in Superman movies so far happen. Stoopider den all tings dat don’t make sene in dis movie. Stoopider den Superman fly around de planet to turn back time and undo everyting dat happen at end of first movie. DIS happen...

Huh? Since when Superman able to do dat wit S? Shhhshhhshhh.

Fight! Bad guyz suddenly have power of teleportashun. Look like Superman too but only hologramz. In one of movie many, MANY lame momentz, break in de aktion for Superman to tell Luthor about “lose power” chamber. Luthor tell bad guyz and dey make Superman go in. When he come out, he still superstrong but bad guyz power is lost. He reverse process so dat only person in chamber safe! At dis point, monster say: “Waaaaait a minute! When he do process first time, big red light flash and look painful! But when he do it to bad guyz, no red light and dey not feel a ting!” Huh?!! Shhhshhhshhhh. Superman beat dem up and dey fall. Die? He save dem? Who knows? Who cares?!

Back at Metropolis, Lois sad for some reason. Clark kiss her and make her forget everyting. MAKE HER FORGET?!! Since when does Superman have power to make people forget?!!! Shhhshhhshhhh!

Den, just to show he not lose all his petty humanity, Superman back to North Pole truck stop and beat up bully.

Dis movie stink worse den Grover gym bag after Jazzercise! Director of first movie, Richard Donner, leave halfway through and replaced by Richard Lester who suppozedly to blame for stoopid nyuk nyuk humor. Fans say “Get Richard Donner verzun! Much better!”. But monster don’t tink so. For two reazons…

1. In Donner verzun, bad guyz escape from fantom zone not caused by terroristz bomb but by nooklear bomb at end of first movie. BUT STILL DON’T MAKE SENSE! What flippy prison doing so close to Earth? If superman dad, Clorox, sending Superman to Earth, why send bad guyz in same direktion? It make no sense!!!” Shhhshhhshhh.

2. At end of Donner verzun, Superman fix de problem = by using de old “fly around de planet backward and turn back time ” trick. AGAIN!!! If Richard Donner get his way, every Superman movie end wit Superman going back in time and undoing everyting!

After watch Superman II, monster so mad he trow movie out window and trash Bert and Ernie frozen yogurt stand. Den get bill for movie from rental store so trash Mr. Hooper’s old store. DEN find out dere’s a Superman III and IV and get REALLY mad! But naybors call cops and monster arrested before he do any real damage.

Verdikt: Me want to track down every online reviewer dat recommend dis movie and kick dem in de grapes.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Please diskuss.

[Jumper_One]

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February 21, 2012

Videos: Condorman trailer, Superman III trailer

Photo: Banana


So, looking ahead to next week’s installment of the Supermovie of the Week Club, I’ve got some good news and some bad news for Cookie Monster. The good news is the movie I’d originally selected for next week, Condorman (1981) looks more like a spy flick and one of those non-superhero superhero movies Cookie was complaining about with Hero At Large. I can sympathize (not empathize since I won’t be sitting through the movies my self), so I’m willing to skip Condorman. Now, comes the bad news. If we skip Condorman, the next movie up is Superman III (1981).

Hard to make the call. So leave it up to you guys and gals. Should we skip the suspiciously non-superpowered-looking Condorman and go straight to the hilarity of Superman III? Cast your vote before Friday morning.

To help you decide, a little taste of what Cookie Monster may have toe endure can look forward to. This:

Or this:

Wow. They both have so much to offer in terms of, uh, review material – meaning that, at the end of the day, no matter which film is chosen, we all win.

With the exception of Cookie Monster.

By the way, Cookie asked me to thank those of you who took the time to weigh in with your thoughts and reviews of Superman II. Kathode, gforce, thornyrose, monster would like to know if you any of you would care to take over his reviewer duties?

Finally finished a first draft of my horror script. I’m going to go over it the next couple of days, tweak it a little, make a few additions, tighten up a few scenes, and then send it Ivon and Paul’s way. After that, we shoot the trailer, shop the package in L.A. and then it’ll be smoooooooooooth sailing.

Apologies for the late blog entry. I was out for drinks with some old Stargate buddies: Ivon, Lawren, and Kerry (with a y) McDowall. This Thursday, we’ll be doing a Game of Thrones matinee. What should I make? Rack of elk? Stuffed boar?

Apparently, Akemi wasn’t pleased with my late return home tonight. I discovered the following message on my morning banana:

Congrats to antisocialbutterflie. Great to hear about your pup’s rebound.

And condolences to Jeff W. on the sudden passing of your friend.

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February 22, 2012

Videos: Superhero movie trailers


Wow. Not even 24 hours have passed since you all started casting your ballots for the next installment in our Supermovie of the Week Club and Condorman has already built a commanding lead. If this trend continues through Friday morning then that makes Cookie Monster double-screwed because he’ll have to screen and review both Condorman next Monday and Superman III the week after. To make matters worse (for him), blog regular Kathode is suggesting we include yet another film in our burgeoning line-up: the 1980 Super Fuzz. Writes Kathode:

“This guy has actual superpowers, not just gadgets. And the trailer’s pretty hilarious. And, you know, you’ll feel you haven’t done proper justice to the superhero film canon if you skip over this one. (Timeline-wise, its proper place is right now, after Superman II and before Condorman.) Cookie would love it! “

No, no. I’m pretty certain Cookie would hate it. But that’s beside the point. The reason I was going to skip Super Fuzz, despite it clearly focusing on a hero with superpowers, is that, despite the American actors and location, I consider this a foreign film (Poliziotto Superpiù) and, thus, ineligible for consideration. I mean, we could open it up to foreign entries but, if we do so, stand forewarned that we’ll be screening and discussing superhero movies from Mexico -

Japan -

Hong Kong -

Japan -

Thailand -

(Did I mention) Japan -

Russia -

Hmmmm. Any of these movies look to be infinitely more entertaining than Superman II (III and IV). As for Super Fuzz, a U.S./Italian co-production -

Thoughts? Dare we do this to Cookie Monster? At this rate, even at one supermovie a week, the fact that we’re watching them chronologically means we won’t get around to watching the new Avengers movie until late 2013!

Hey, speaking of Superman II, I’ve received a couple of impassioned defenses of the movie, most recently from none other than Patrick Gilmore (SGU’s Dale Volker) who dropped me an email the other day. He wrote:

“I can’t keep silent. If you give Superman 2 only 1 1/2 stars, what the hell are you gunna give 3, or The Quest for peace for that matter!?!”

I wrote back: “Hey, it’s not up to me. Cookie Monster writes his own reviews. Oooh. Richard Pryor skiing down the side of a building in a pink tablecloth cape. Can’t wait!”

To which he replied: “Cookie Monster needs to lay off the sugar. Superman 2 is the best of the series. Superman makes a cameo in that Richard Pryor movie, right?”

Not sure. Well, there’s only one way to find out…and we will, eventually.

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February 23, 2012

Photos: Alexander M. Ruemelin, Sarah Benab, Western Saloon Berlin, banana message


You’ll never guess who I heard from yesterday. Late last night I received an email – Oh. As a matter of fact it was. How did you – ? Oh, you read the title of today’s entry? And noticed the above pic. Well, yes. My old Toronto cohorts, Alexander M. Ruemelin and Sarah Benab, dropped me an email from Jolly Olde Berlin. Alex is back on his home turf and, apparently, loving it. He’s settled in and enjoying the view out his window, happily counting down the days to the end of March when tourist season begins. Says Alex: “I always know that spring is in the air when the first Dixieland Jazz Boat glides past my building and I find myself hurling obscenities at the retirees on deck. Home sweet home.”

Apparently, he’s taking a well-earned break, sparring with his old boxing trainer, bemoaning the fact that he can’t buy a pick-up truck in Berlin, and doing a little disco bowling for which he earned Berlin’s most prestigious sporting trophy -

I mentioned/threatened that Akemi and I were considering visiting them. Well aware of my love of fine dining, he promised to treat me to dinner at his favorite upscale eatery:

http://www.western-saloon.de/

I think they also offer a fried salad.

Carl would be sooooooo jealous.

I also heard from Tara after I posted a pic of one of Akemi’s banana messages.

Tara wrote: “Akemi’s banana made me laugh–she’s very funny. Alistair never writes on my food. Also, we never have food.”

When I offered to send her some fruit with my own special messages, she was quick to respond: “Yes, I want fruit! But I want Akemi to write the messages, not you. She’s got the real talent. “

Well funny she should mention talent because, in one of her recent blog entries (Voiceover Artist Ordinaire!) Tara actually posts her demo for voice work. It contains about a half dozen spots, all very good – but I think I could do better. And will. I’ll be recording my own versions of Tara’s ad work and will be posting it along with Tara’s original voice demo – for your consideration. And the consideration of future potential employers. I’m toying with idea of a second career as the spokesperson for some upscale product like the McLobster or Clearasil Gold.


Mini mailbag:

Angelus writes: “I’ve been watching a lot of Atlantis on Blu-ray lately (Almost at mid season 5) and I noticed something kinda funny. Did you know that Rodney Mckay starts a LOT of his lines with the word “look”. Was this done deliberately, Maybe to mimmick Teal’cs “indeed” or did nobody notice but me?”

Answer: It’s funny, but I never noticed until Martin Gero pointed out to us while watching dailies one afternoon. I suppose it is like Teal’c saying “Indeed” or me saying “Basically” about two dozen times a pitch session/interview.

Ponytail writes: “Joe, the Texas Rangers have a new pitcher this year. He is Japan’s favorite son, pitching ace Yu Darvish. Have you or Akemi heard of him?”

Answer: I haven’t. I asked Akemi. She informed me she has – and then proceeded to offer me the unsolicited sordid details of the poor guy’s recent divorce.

mike mcginnis writes: “Will you be doing a trip doen memory lane with Stargate Atlantis like you did with SG-1. Ive been rewatching all the episodes and would like your opinion on them.”

Answer: Thinking about it.

[dipsofjazz]

I can't wait to hear Joe's voice demo.

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February 24, 2012

Photos: Patrick Gilmore, Ivon Bartok, vietnamese sandwiches, dessert, Akemi, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Daikon with yuzu and sansho, Condorman


My french bulldog Lulu has a crush on my buddy Ivon Bartok. It’s pretty damn obvious the way she throws herself at him whenever he comes visit, sitting on his lap, sneezing in his face, lying down beside him and lovingly passing gas. Yesterday morning, I told her that Ivon would be coming to visit, just to see her reaction. ”Lulu!”I called, immediately getting her attention. ”Do you know who’s coming today?” A curious cock of her head. ”Ivon! Ivon’s coming.” At which point she vomited. I kid you not. At the send of his name, she yakked up a mouthful of partially digested kibble. Talk about butterflies in your stomach!

In addition to Ivon, we were joined by Lawren Bancroft-Wilson and Patrick Gilmore for a marathon session of Game of Thrones. I’ve read the books (well, all except the last one which I’ve yet to get around to), loved them, and looked forward to the series I’d heard so much about. In keeping with the whole fantasy, swords and sorcery theme, I made Vietnamese sandwiches for lunch.

I marinated some kurobuta pork and boneless chicken thighs for a full day, then seared them off and finished them in the oven. The run-through sandwich I prepared the night before was undone by the tough buns I picked up from COBS Bread that afternoon, so I picked up buns from my local Safeway instead and they proved far superior. And, oh yeah, fresh. Also, my jaw didn’t hurt trying to chew them.

We only got through three episodes before we had to call it a day on account of Ivon having a hockey game. We’ll reconvene and watch another three this weekend- hopefully. So far, I’m enjoying the show although, for some reason, I seem to remember Jaime Lannister being a lot more likable in the books. Yes? No? Anyway, it looks great, is very engaging, and Peter Dinklage is terrific as my favorite character, Tyrion.

So, what fantasy series would you like to see get the big mini-series treatment?

Oh, and since I’m showing off my latest culinary creations, I would be remiss if I didn’t include Akemi’s -

Well, it pains me to say it (and, I’m sure, it pains Cookie Monster, our guest reviewer even more to hear it) but Condorman received more votes than Superman III in our impromptu poll. This means that, next Monday’s selection for our Supermovie of the Week Club will be Condorman – followed by Superman III the following week.