Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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December 29, 2010


According to CNN, several hospitals are attempting to enact a “no photos/video during the birthing process” policy. The hospitals claim it’s a liability issue while budding after-birth videographers insist it’s an attempt to avoid proof of liability in cases of negligence. The majority of those who responded to the network poll on the subject felt they had every right to photograph and/or videotape the blessed event. In other words, in a result that surprised no one, most people don’t like to be told “No”. For my part, I’m with the hospitals on this one. If this regulation can spare just one friend, family member, or unwitting dinner party guest the horror of sitting through Nick and Trudy’s three minute clip of The Miracle of Life, it’ll have been worth it. ”Okay, okay. There’s the head. It’s cresting! And…there’s the baby! Oh, and there’s the after-birth…and the poop. Alrighty, who wants some dessert with their coffee?”

A lot of people don’t ask me “Joe, what sites do you like to check out online when you’re trying to avoid writing a script?”. Well, besides the usual suspects (http://www.theonion.com/, http://www.cracked.com/ and, of course, http://www.maxim.com/amg/GIRLS/Girls+of+Maxim), these are a few of the lesser-known but often funny, usually hilarious, always entertaining sites I like to visit. Take note, not only are they NSFW (Not Safe For Work), they’re NSFHIYHTLWSWTCWACFAFHPCOTV (Not Safe For Home If You Happen To Live With Someone Who Changes The Channel Whenever A Commercial For A Feminine Hygiene Product Comes On TV).

http://www.filthyrichmond.com/: Blogger Jocelyn Testes-Harder (heh) offers up an, er, earthy taste of life in Richmond, Virginia. Her posts are a treasure trove of brilliant insights offering refreshingly unique takes on everything from motherhood to today’s hottest topics, like a recent entry on the controversial new airport screening procedures in which she comes down squarely on the side of the TSA (“Honestly, get over yourselves! The feel of those big curious hands are a small price to pay for our national security!”). The comments she receives are almost as funny as the site itself.

http://www.keepinitleal.blogspot.com/: ”Where profundity has unprotected sex with profanity.” Oooh, bad girl. And an opinionated bad girl at that. Her last entry titled “I’ve decided I hate married people” should give you some indication. As should her recent “**** I learned this Christmas” that included such revelations as ” Similar to egg nogg, breast milk is full of sugar” and “Some dogs speak Spanish”. Re: the latter. Duh!

http://thehotlibrarian.blogspot.com/: A recent discovery, this is another blog that pulls no punches. Don’t believe me? From an October 27th, 2010 entry: “I ate all the orange and yellow Starbursts. AND WHY DID I DO THAT. I still have Smarties but I think the sugar is eating away the roof of my mouth and I should probably stop with those. I guess this isn’t a people problem as much as it is a candy problem. Unless we count “me” as the problem and we won’t be doing that unless we (you) want swift punches to the jaw.”

Finally, today’s entry is dedicated to blog regular Shirt ‘n ‘Tie. Many thanks. Mom was thrilled to receive best holiday wishes from Maeve Binchy. Now if you can only get Barbara Delinsky to swing by for coffee and biscotti, she’s prepared to adopt you.

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December 30, 2010

Photos: Recipe, Mijune Pak, Jelly


As you all know, I make it a point to read every comment posted by readers to this blog (unless they start off something along the lines of “You ruined my precious Stargate, you Stargate ruiner!” or are written by someone name Mel in which case I hit the trash button immediately), partly out of a desire to learn what’s on your minds, partly out of a need to know the salacious details of your personal lives, but mostly because I’m building a file on everyone so I can eventually hit you up over the course of my next road trip. Motels add up! Anyway, I appreciate everyone who takes the time to speak up, chime in, critique, or praise. Like, say, VIP Casino who writes what I hereby declare “the comment of the month”:

“I should say. while reading what I just read, you seem to be an fantastic author! Really, you use very good grammar, proper use of pronunciations, proper everything! I might additionally like to add and say that I think you pin pointed my style of writing as well which I love! What I also admire about your blog is that you give an opportunity for a larger variety of an audience to unravel the immense storyline of your writings. And with that, I believe you will definitely continue succeeding in flourishing an exceptionally very well written piece Another page I read today with proper grammar was [Edit. Please re-check this, VIP Casino Player. The link you provided took me to a hardcore pornographic site dedicated to big bossy women. Thanks.]“

What a heartfelt post. Please use it as a guide for your future comments.

While I’ve got your attention, how about helping me decipher one of my mother’s recipe. I’ll start you off. The word at the top is coniglio (Italian for rabbit). The rest is in English and shouldn’t be too hard to figure out (provided you’re a pharmacist). First three people to piece it together get dessert on me the next time they’re in town!

Simple, no?

Speaking of desserts, I was at Bella Gelateria the other night and the place was PACKED. No surprise, I suppose, given that James serves up the best hand-crafted gelato in Vancouver. Anyway, while sampling my way through that evening’s line-up, I made the acquaintance of fellow foodie and daily blogger Mijune Pak who was manning the counter, slinging a couple of her very own unique flavors: Maple Cinnamon Creme Brulee and Honey Graham Cracker.

In my case, a scoop of each. Both excellent. Mijune’s Christmas flavors will be around until January 8th – or until supplies last – so head on over to Bella Gelateria (1001 West Cordova Street) and check them out. And, if you’re interested in all things foodly, you can also check out Mijune’s site: http://www.followmefoodie.com/.

I conclude today’s blog with a picture of my pug, Jelly, sitting on a duck.

No. Really.

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December 31, 2010

Photos: SGU pics and concept art


Who knows what the future holds? I certainly don’t – unless we’re talking about the back half of Stargate: Universe’s second season in which case, yes, I do know what the future holds. And to all of you looking forward to those final ten episodes, here’s a little sneak peek at what lies ahead for the Destiny crew...

Happy New Year!

[KEK]

I wonder if the Epilogue spoiler was intentional. I'm guessing yes.

[Egle01]

I wonder if the Epilogue spoiler was intentional. I'm guessing yes.

Every now and then I ask myself if I really needed to look at that (as in any hidden spoiler, intentional or not).

2.5 is looking sooo cool.

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January 1, 2011

Photos: Carl Binder, Jelly


So, today twitter was all, well, atwitter with talk of Katy Perry. It seems her husband, Russell Brand, snapped a picture of his wife as she waking up, then posted it on his twitter account. Soon after – no doubt at angry wifey’s behest – the unflattering photo was removed. But too late! The first-thing-in-the-morning snap of Katy (who is apparently is NEVER photographed without make-up) was out there and making the internet rounds. Opinion on the photo is decidedly mixed.

For my part, I think she looks just fine. But you decide.

Check her out – Katy Perry in her unglammed-up glory...

Okay, granted, she has looked better but still, I think there’s a lot to be said for natural beauty.

So what did you all do today? I celebrated the new year by feeling generally unwell, emailing practically everyone I know, watching a The Next Iron Chef marathon, reading the first 160 pages of The Girl Who Played with Fire (which I’m enjoying a lot more than the first book in the Millennium Trilogy), and making some slow-braised short ribs with creamy parsnip mash. Also checked out the first two episodes of a new anime series (well, new for me anyway), Baccano! The first episode easily gets the award for The Most Confusing Opener in Anime History, but the pieces begin to fall into place in episode two. So far, I like what I’ve seen. I would’ve checked it out a lot sooner if not for the truly horrendous English-language trailer Funimation put out. And, speaking of terrible decisions involving English-language dubs, blog regular yumenoko informs me that VIZ has elected to dub rather than subtitle the big screen version of Gantz. Hopefully, the DVD will offer up a Japanese language option as I’m really looking forward to checking this one out. Of course, I was really looking forward to checking out Assault Girls and, well, that didn’t exactly pan out.

Thanks to everyone who helped decipher mom’s rabbit recipe. Special thanks to winners Chy Clayton, fiannafritz, and Alexander of Houston.


Some mailbag:

cat4444 writes: “Who’s Volker proposing to?”

Answer: Brody. Who else?

2cats writes: “Fate. Every time I use that word a very curious audio/visual mnemonic pops up. Thanks to Stargate, I always think of the scene where Nem asks Daniel Jackson, “What fate Omaroca?””

Answer: Oooooh. I always thought the line was “What fate Almond Roca?”.

Patricia Lee writes: “Oh My… I just noticed the picture behind James Robbins of Ming Na and it shows her as “aged”… does that mean we will be seeing someone dreams or a flash forward?”

Answer: Hmm. I wonder…

Tammy Dixon writes: “Love the pictures, Mr. M.! Why do we have to wait until April!!!!!!!!!?”

Answer: Do we? I haven’t heard anything about when those last ten episodes will air.

Blaishon writes: “On another note, have you thought about finding an alternate method to count the viewers?”

Answer: Alas, I’m not the one doing the counting. I would love to find an alternate method.

steph writes: “Do you have any resolutions for the new year?”

Answer: Yes. I’m going to be less patient and more confrontational in 2011.

LoneThread writes: “I know downloads are what killed the show, I had a look on the most popular torrent sites and found out that in total each episode was downloaded by over 4 million people. And this is just from a small fraction of torrent sites.”

Answer: Them’s a heck of a lot of downloads.

hal ehlrich writes: “Also I thought that you were going to have some sort of major news last week. Any idea when that may be coming and could you possibly let us know what it may be about?”

Answer: It’s about the future of the franchise and, alas, I’ve yet to receive news of any developments. Heading into the office on Tuesday to watch the Day 1 Mix of The Hunt, so I may learn something then. Or not.

Matthias writes: “I think, if you would talking with the angry fans respectfully, they would listen.”

Answer: Actually, I have invited their criticism in the past and had a respectful dialogue with them on this blog – something they ultimately chose to abandon in favor of petty insults. So, tried that. Didn’t work out.

Annie from Freemantle writes: “Who’s Mel?”

Answer: See previous question.

Sue Jackson writes: “I can’t help notice the doggie diapers. Does Jelly wear those? Is she having accidents? How is she recovering?”

Answer: She was having accidents in the house due to her inability to squat so, yes, those diapers were for her. Fortunately, she’s been much better since the back surgery, squatting with gay abandon and saving her bathroom breaks for the backyard.

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January 2, 2011

Photos: Slow-cooked pulled pork, sweet potato and goat cheese tamales, Rob Cooper, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Ivon Bartok


Whoa! It’s as if every hypochondria-inspiring ailment I’ve suffered over the past ten years has decided to team up and hit me over the course of the past forty-eight hours. Headaches, stomach issues, trouble sleeping, fatigue, shoulder problems, lower back pain, and my feet are killing me. Time to transfer my consciousness into a younger, sleeker model. What? The technology hasn’t been invented yet? Bulls h i t. If they can make an app that allows you to identify a song just by humming a few bars into your phone, then back-up cloned bodies shouldn’t be that big a leap.

Sigh. I told myself that if and when Stargate ever ended, I would take the year off to recharge. Travel. Read. Spend time with the dogs. Maybe work on a few personal projects in no great hurry. When I moved to Vancouver eleven years ago to work on Stargate, I didn’t exactly love the city. In fact, I was looking forward to heading back to Montreal when the series was expected to end with its fifth and final season. But things change and, eleven years later, Vancouver is home. It’s a great dog city, boasts an eclectic mix of terrific restaurants, its summers are gorgeous and its winters are – while far from ideal – a hell of a lot less cold than what I grew up with. So now the prospect of leaving it has me reconsidering my priorities. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been very fortunate in that I’ve never wanted for work over the course of my career. I’ve gone from job to job to job with no downtime inbetween. The prospect of taking time off is very tempting, but the reality of this industry is that you’re only as good as your last job. And, well, if your last job was reading back issues of The Avengers while grazing on barbecue chicken pizza, you can be sure you’re not going to impress many. On the other hand, being in demand impresses. As does actually having a job. So, if an opportunity comes along, you’d be crazy to pass it up. Or would you? Do you go with the sure thing and uproot your life to start over somewhere else, or do you say “Screw it!”, crack open those Marvel Masterworks and Domino’s deliveries and gamble on something less… disruptive?

Who knows? Maybe it won’t come to that. In this business, things have a way of happening very quickly – and unhappening just as quickly. Perhaps – and in a best case scenario – things will take care of themselves and I won’t have to make a decision. But, if things pan out the way they seem to be, then I will have to make that decision. And fast.

Happily, the only decision I had to make today was “Pulled pork or tamales?” and, in the end, it was not decision at all as I decided to have both:

Yep, that’s right. Rob Cooper is back in town. We met for lunch on Thursday (spicy Thai!) and today he hosted an NFL get-together. Also in attendance...

We kicked back, ate, watched the games, and bemoaned the dearth of CIA and hitman-centered film and television projects. Juuuust kidding. It would seem there are enough of those to last us ‘TIL THE END OF TIME!

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January 3, 2011

Photos: Dinner, Peter Kelamis, Rob Cooper, Andy Mikita, Ivon Bartok, Patrick Gilmore


Well, damn. Now I seem to be experiencing an allergic reaction to…something? Also, my iPhone stopped working, flashing up a “No SIM card installed” error message, forcing me to swing by my cell phone provider and have the chip replaced. In better news, I received an email from our friend and tireless editor, Lou Anders, who informs me that the Hugo Awards are now open for nominations. Episodes of Stargate: Universe that aired in the 2010 calendar year are eligible in the Best Dramatic Presentation (Short Form) category. My story, “Downfall”, that appeared in the Masked anthology of superhero fiction is also eligible in the Best Novella category (“Awarded for a science fiction or fantasy story of between seventeen thousand five hundred (17,500) and forty thousand (40,000) words.” Apparently, “Downfall” clocks in at a robust 18,181 words!). Also eligible is Lou Anders in the Best Editor (Short Form) category. If there’s an episode of SGU you want to see honored, if you enjoyed “Downfall” and want to give me an early, early 2011 Christmas present, or would like to support Lou, then head on over and vote.

And how, exactly, DO you vote? Well I’m glad you asked. Mosey on over to this site (http://www.renovationsf.org/hugo-intro.php) where all will be explained.

Over the next few days, I’ll be going over the list of contenders in the various categories after which I will give you all the heads up on who else is eligible for what.

Coincidentally, I’m putting together a list of My Top 10 Favorite 2010 Reads that I hope to post as tomorrow’s blog entry. I’m not limiting myself to works published in 2010. Instead, any book I read in 2010, regardless of publication date, is eligible. If you were asked to offer up a similar list, what would top you Favorites 2010 Reads?

A reminder that you have a couple of weeks to finish our January Book of the Month Club pick, The Iron Hunt. Discussion begins the week of January 17th with author Marjorie M. Liu who, I’m willing to bet, will come over and kick your ass if you’re not ready. So be ready!

Sorry for the late(ish) post. I was out to dinner with the boys...

Back in the office tomorrow to watch that Day 1 Mix of The Hunt. And do a little office cleaning.

[GATEGOD]

I can't tell if he's optimistic or pessimistic on SG's future ^-^

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January 4, 2011

Photos: Joe Mallozzi, stuff, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Lisa, Ivon Bartok, Carl Binder


I got a call from my writing partner, Paul, today who told me that he was going through some of the items in his home office when he came across a couple of books I’d lent him. ”Guess I’ll just give these to Joe when I go back to work,”he thought. And then realized: “Wait. There IS no work to go back to!”. Well, yes and no. And yes. And, as it turned out on this day – no. I went in today because Kerry, our Post-Production Coordinator, prior to heading off on her vacation, made it a point to remind me that I had to watch the Day 1 Mix of my episode, The Hunt, by January 5th. That’s tomorrow.

Thus, I got in at little after 9:30 this morning to a very scaled-down production office. Just David manning the phones. The girls from accounting were in, as was Producer John G. Lenic. And, of course, the incomparable Lawren Bancroft-Wilson was holding down the fort in the writing department. I asked him to contact Post and let them know I was ready to watch that mix. What mix? Why, the mix Kerry told me I needed to watch by January 5th. ”Oh, that wasn’t supposed to deliver until tomorrow,”Associate Producer Jennifer Johnson informed me. ”Originally. But it’s been pushed to Monday.”

Well, since I was there, I decided to redirect my focus to some early, early Spring cleaning. Back in SG-1′s fourth season, when I first joined the franchise, I started decorating my office with Simpsons figures. They would invariably draw the attention of curious tour guests, small children, and Richard Dean Anderson, any of whom could be found in my office on any given day, playing with my collection. When Paul and I took over as Show Runners for Atlantis’s fourth season, I packed away the Simpsons figures in favor of resin and cold cast porcelain statues of various comic book villains – something more thematically in keeping with my new role. Given present circumstances, I thought it would be a good idea to just go ahead and pack ‘em up and opt for another theme (say, pug paraphernalia) if and when Stargate does come back in some form in 2011.

I drive a Q7, one big-ass SUV, and it couldn’t contain “my toys” (to quote a couple of my co-workers).

Not pictured: the boxes in the back and passenger seats – or the statues still sitting upstairs in my office. This, of course, will pale in comparison to my book collection. That should necessitate at least three trips.

Anyway, that took me all morning. I didn’t even get to clearing off my desk. Exec. Producers’ Assistant Ashleigh teased us with the possibility that she was a) coming in and b) stopping by that tasty sandwich place in Gastown to pick up lunch. Instead, she elected to stay home and presumably watch Judge Judy, leaving us to fend for ourselves. As a result, I had to eat mediocre Japanese food. AND pick up after myself!

After lunch, I spoke to Brad about the future of the franchise. We discussed “the plan”, Universe mainly, but also talked SG-1 and Atlantis. No word on progress yet but, given the recent holidays, that’s to be expected I suppose. Hopefully, we’ll receive some positive news next week.

Since the New Year rolled in, I’ve been afflicted with a host of mysterious maladies, the latest being an allergic reaction to…something? Given the timing, I’m guessing 2011. Anyway, I’ve been drinking plenty of liquids, avoided dairy, switched my laundry detergent, and avoided all non-cooking reality shows. No dice. I mean, what the friggin’ fudge, man?! I’d planned to go see my doctor today, but he was booked, so I guess I’ll try my luck tomorrow afternoon. Between that and calling someone to fix the automatic garage door opener, looks to be a pretty exciting day. Which means an equally exciting blog post for all of you! Excited?!

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January 5, 2011

Photos: The Heroes by Joe Abercrombie, The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes, The Death of Grass by John Christopher, The Forest of Time and Other Stories by Michael Flynn, Misery by Stephen King, Fool by Christopher Moore, Fear and Trembling by Amelie Nothomb, Revelation Space by Alastair Reynolds, Maus by Art Spiegelman, The Third Bear by Jeff Vandermeer, Jelly


What follows is a list of My Top 10 Reads of 2010. These were books not necessarily published in 2010, but books I actually sat down and read between January 1st and December 31st of last year (excluding Book of the Month Club picks). My faves...

The Heroes, by Joe Abercrombie

I was fortunate enough to receive an advance copy of Joe Abercrombie’s latest foray into nihilistic fantasy and, damn is it great. Set in the same world as his First Law Trilogy, The Heroes charts the progress of several campaigns in the war between the North and the Union. Epic in scope yet delightfully detailed in its tracking of the various players involved, it delivers what we’ve come to expect from Abercrombie: dark humor, multi-faceted characters, blood and battle. The dizzying cast requires careful attention be paid, but patience is rewarded in the form of some beautifully drawn personalities and relationships on both sides of the conflict.

The Somnambulist, by Jonathan Barnes

A washed-up illusionist and his imposing assistant battle to save London from dark forces in Jonathan Barnes’ witty, macabre, and all-out-bizarre novel. There are surprises a plenty in a book in which no one can be trusted, least of all our narrator.

The Death of Grass, by John Christopher

This dystopian classic chronicles the disintegration of order in the wake of a global blight as seen through the eyes of a handful of desperate individuals. Harrowing and shockingly brutal in its depiction of life after the fall and the lengths some people will go to in order to survive.

The Forest of Time and Other Stories, by Michael Flynn

I consider Michael Flynn one of the most underappreciated SF authors writing today. I read and loved two of his novels, The Wreck of the River of Stars and Eifelheim, so took a chance on this collection of short stories and was rewarded with some terrific, thought-provoking tales. One of my favorites involves a doctor who believes he may have found the key to saving his ailing daughter (stricken with accelerated aging) in the form of an elderly woman who may – or may not – be 200 years old. Each entry is followed by a short, insightful afterword that not only sheds light on his writing process, but offers up some great recommendations for further informative, non-fiction reading.

Misery, by Stephen King

My favorite Stephen King book. Taut, suspenseful, and thoroughly engaging, one of those novels it actually pains you to set aside. It’s no surprise that this one speaks to me. Having dealt with Stargate fandom over the course of my many years with the franchise, I’ve come across my fair share of cockadoodie Annie Wilkes types. Scary as hell. And one of those rare instances where the movie adaptation rocked as well.

Fool, by Christopher Moore.

In 2010, I finally discovered Christopher Moore. What took me so long?! Well, Fool was the perfect book to get me started. It’s a ribald retelling of King Lear from the point of view of the court jester, an incorrigible rogue who proves endearing to some and positively infuriating to others as he navigates the salty, stormy seas of palace intrigue. The funniest book I read last year.

Fear and Trembling, by Amelie Nothomb

This one came recommended to me by my old Tokyo travel buddy, Stefan, and I can see why it would have appealed to him. The daughter of former ambassadors to Japan, Amelie returns to the country of her childhood to take a job at the prestigious Yumimoto company. Unfortunately for Amelie, those fond childhood memories are in sharp contrast to her awkward, amusing, occasionally nightmarish lesson in Japanese corporate culture. The fact that it’s an autobiographic experience makes it all the more effective.

Revelation Space, by Alastair Reynolds

Reynolds packs this novel with so many big, mind-boggling, uber-cool ideas that you almost feel the need to come up for air every thirty pages or so. I never understood the attraction of space opera until I read this novel. Brilliant.

Maus, by Art Spiegelman

Spiegelman interviewed his father, Vladek, a Holocaust survivor, then told his story in graphic novel form. It’s a harrowing, heart-rending tale possessed of warmth and occasional humor that conveys so much in so many surprising ways.

The Third Bear, by Jeff Vandermeer

Vandermeer, one of the pioneers of New Weird fiction, doesn’t pull any narrative punches here. The Third Bear delivers a selection of short stories sure to enthrall, entertain, and engender all sorts of nightmares long after these outrageously inventive tales have been read.

Hmmmm. Someone I know may be looking for a good home for their french bulldog. I know, I know. I’ve got my hands full. Still, I do have the room and I hate the thought of that poor little guy ending up who-knows-where. I know at least one pug who’d love the company...

For about an hour anyway.

Well, can’t say I’m feeling better today. Just – different. My stomach issues have subsided, I’ve more or less conquered my insomnia, and while those seemed allergy symptoms haven’t disappeared, they have lessened somewhat. Now, I’ve moved on to my next mystery ailment = slight dizziness. Yes, doctor’s appointment tomorrow!

[RealmOfX]

Just a note for anyone interested in the international ratings for SGU, pay no attention to the figures given in the comments section on 4 Jan because they are hopelessly wrong. Check the ratings thread here on GW for the correct ones http://forum.gateworld.net/showthrea...1#post12224405

[RJLCyberPunk]

Meh just buy the DVDs or watch reruns, far better than to read spoilers about a dead franchise anyway...

[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...d-the-mailbag/

January 6, 2011

Photos: Joe's sister’s chameleon: Buffy the Cricket Slayer, Joe's mom


Last night, I eschewed the tried and true remedy I’ve always used to cure past maladies (a.k.a. ignoring the pesky ailment until it eventually tires of trying to win my attention and redirects its focus onto some other poor sap) in favor of the speedy solutions of the internet age. After about fifteen minutes googling my symptoms, I’d narrowed down my mystery illness to blood poisoning, circulatory issues, or a hilarious difficult to pronounce albeit deadly virus. Anyway, needless to say my insomnia was back. Today, I finally got to the bottom of things by going to see my doctor. Thankfully, no diagnosis of any of the aforementioned conditions. Instead, he didn’t know what was wrong with me either. Whew, what a relief.

He figures its stress-related and suggested Claritan. And some blood tests. And a full physical.

In two weeks.

Hey, how long is too long for a Christmas tree to remain up after the holidays have ended? I mean, it’s obviously something I’ll get around to, but I’ve got other things to do and it’s not really hurting anyone sitting there all festive and such. The same could be said for my giant plastic Halloween pumpkin, but my sister wasn’t buying it. Guess it’ll join the tree and the creepy dancing gift-giving grandma back in the garage. Eventually.

Today’s entry is dedicated to the memory of my sister’s chameleon, Buffy the Cricket Slayer...


Mailbag:

Ponytail writes: “It was pretty cool of your mom to come visit you. Especially since she had broken her leg just last year. I guess she has gone home now? Did she have any advise for you? Don’t you have any more pictures of her visit?”

Answer: Sure. Here’s a shot of her relaxing with the kids.

As for advice – she’s a mother! She had plenty.

Arctic Goddess writes: “I’ve been very impressed with Space Channel’s support of the show so far. Does MGM or Bridge have an agreement with Space, or are they just being great Sci-Fy fans?”

Answer: They’re just being a great broadcaster. They’ve gone all out to promote the show and have produced THE BEST teaser-trailers out there. Check ‘em out http://www.spacecast.com/Stargate-Universe.aspx

SyFySucks writes: “Can’t say I’m that surprised by the cancelation. When the President of the network, Mark Stern, can’t even be bothered to mention the show on his twitter, you know the shows days are numbered. The move to Tuesday nights and lack of promotion was the last in a series of moves designed to sabotage the franchise.”

Answer: First of all, Dave Howe is the President of SyFy. Mark Stern is the Executive Vice President of Original Programming for the Network. Second, while in retrospect the moves did hurt the show, I don’t think there was any malicious intent. In fact, while risky, I saw the logic in trying to move the show to Tuesday nights where, hopefully, viewers would be less likely to record (Friday is the most heavily DVR’d night of the week) and more likely to watch live.

DeanGrr writes: “You’ve talked in the past about the need for ratings and DVD/download sales to renew a show, but is it possible to do a direct approach (similar to Sanctuary), and say, produce a pilot and then ask for online donations, while MGM still holds ownership.”

Answer: Sorry, this isn’t an option.

DeanGrr also writes: “You’ve probably answered this before, but was the Atlantis finale Enemy at the Gate meant to be a 2-parter that got compressed into 1 show (i.e. would you do things differently if you could go back?).”

Answer: No, Enemy at the Gate was always planned as a single episode. If there was anything I would have done differently, it would have been to seed the notion of the wormhole drive earlier in the season. It was a technology intended for the movie that we saw the opportunity to set up in the series – but would have felt more “organic” had it been introduced sooner.

Major D. Davis writes: “Hey Joe.. I know your busy… so no rush, but I sent you an email (im assuming you still have the same email).”

Answer: Sorry. Didn’t receive it.

Chris writes: “I don’t mean to be rude and keep on asking you but seriously….Stargate Worlds the mmorpg game…whats going to happen?”

Answer: Haven’t a clue. Sorry.

Shannon writes: “I am curious now after your statement on the King book – what is the freakiest experience you’ve had with a fan?”

Answer: The vast majority of fans I’ve met have been very, very nice people. The weirdoes who tend to talk **** on the internet are uniformly gutless in person.

Shannon also writes: “Have you ever read anything by Connie Willis?”

Answer: Yep. To Say Nothing of the Dog, Fire Watch and Doomsday Book. Blackout is sitting on my to-read pile.

Cody writes: “Out of curiosity… could your stomach and other issues be a result of unconscious stress.”

Answer: Probably. But it looks like things are going to sort themselves out.

osirisoflight writes: “I borrowed Masked from my local library recently and just finished reading Downfall. It was a great story and i thoroughly enjoyed it. However, I know there is supposed to be something significant about the box that smelled like jasmine and sandalwood but i just can’t figure it out. Can you explain?”

Answer: I sent you an email with an explanation of the final twist/revelation. Shhhh. Spoiler alert!

Thornyrose writes: “I’m no doctor, but I’m going to prescribe two things. No more House episodes for the next 6 months, and no googling medical symptoms for the next 3. We already know you have a reasonably active imagination, or you wouldn’t be in the line of work you are in.”

Answer: Ha. I sent off an email last night in which I effectively summed up that same sentiment: “I’m a hypochondriac, have chosen a career that forces me to be very imaginative, AND I watch a lot of House. The dreaded trifecta.

Mirth Mistress writes: “Chris Kimball of Cook’s Illustrated fame wrote Fannie’s Last Supper chronicling his 2 year saga of recreating a 12 course Victorian dinner from the Fannie Farmer Cookbook…”

Answer: Ooh, sounds like a book I’d like to read. And meal I’d like to eat.

Marjorie Roden writes: “With some of the ideas that I’ve been bouncing around with other fans, it’s included going into co-production with other networks (Canada’s Space or CTV perhaps?)…”

Answer: I’m certain the studio is pursuing any and all options. We would, of course, love to continue our relationship with Canada’s Space Channel.

[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...eir-own-blood/

January 7, 2011


“You lost weight!”marveled my co-worker.

“Actually, I’ve been sick.”

“It looks great on you!”she enthused.

Well, rather than wait two weeks for my scheduled physical, I opted to head down to the clinic first thing this morning to submit my blood samples. I ducked out of the rain and into the building at a little after 9:00 a.m., managing to slip into the only working elevator before the doors could rattle shut on me. I hit “4″ then, suddenly struck by an uneasy feeling that someone was watching me, I glanced over – and caught a heavy set woman watching me. Well, “watching” isn’t the right word. ”Eyeing me as if I’d just eaten her baby” would be more appropriate. I offered a wan, non-committal smile and turned away, enough to dissuade further conversation, but not enough to lose her from my peripheral vision in the event she came at me with a steak knife.

“Where are you going?”she asked.

I glanced down at the only number lit up on the board. 4. There was an awkward pause. I silently cursed the world’s slowest elevator and said: “Four.”

“Is that the dentist?”

“I”m not sure,”I said. I briefly considered telling her I was on my way to the clinic because I’d been feeling under the weather of late and had, just that morning, considered the possibility that my body was reacting to house dust and, thus, had made it a point to vacuum the vents when I got home. But decided against it.

“I’m going to see the dentist,”she said, head bowed, eyes boring through me like a serial killer’s power drill.

“Oh, yeah?

“To get my teeth cleaned.”

“Yun huh.”

“I wonder if he’s on the third floor.”

Without so much as a split second’s hesitation, I hit “3″. Just in time. The doors slid open.

“Here ya go!”I said, maybe a little too enthusiastically, holding the door open with one hand and motioning her “Apres vous” with the other.

She stepped out into the hallway and stopped, glanced left, then right, then addressing the wall or some imaginary friend: “I wonder if it’s the…”

My finger was already pressed firmly down on the “Door Close” button. I heard “fourth” as the elevator shuddered and a muffled “floor” as it started its laborious ascent.

As it turned out, there WAS a dentist on the fourth floor. Actually, several. And one clinic. I figured I’d be the first one in but there were already two people in the waiting room. And, I later learned, two people already in the back surrendering whatever life liquid their doctor had requsted. So I ended up waiting for half an hour which I spent pretending to read but secretly trying to guess what those other patients were being tested for. Cholesterol. Glucose. Rabies?

Finally, it was my turn. I was ushered into the back and told to roll up a sleeve of my choice. I went left and, as the nurse tightened the rubber hose around my arm, I felt very much like Popeye Doyle in The French Connection. I chattered on about ambidextrous people and how Theodore Roosevelt could purportedly write completely different things with both hands simultaneously, all the while keeping my eyes straight ahead and, oh so casually, well clear of the procedure. Not that I’m squeamish, mind you. I just generally consider it bad luck for someone to see copious amounts of their own blood.

Finally, she slapped on a band-aid and stepped away. I asked if I was taking a glucose test and she told me it would be covered by the blood sample. Done and done, I thought and, much relieved, grabbed my jacket and started to head out.

Not so fast.

“Here.” She handed me a clear plastic bottle and directed me to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I came unprepared. Actually, not true. Just the opposite. The instructions I’d received had specified “nothing to eat or drink for ten hours before testing”. Noting my hesitation, she disappeared around a corner, then reappeared moments later with a glass of water. I always find these sample requests confusing. The specimen container they give you is always too big and I’m never exactly sure how much they’ll need. Too little and I’d probably risk not giving them enough and having to come back for another round. Too much and it might seem like I was showing off. Anyway, I eventually fulfilled my obligation and headed out, relieved that part of the worst was over.

Presumably, if the results are calamitous, I won’t have to wait until my scheduled end of the month appointment to receive the bad news.

Oh, and add “twitchy eyelids” to my list of symptoms.

Okay, I’m off to vacuum my vents.