Favorite SG1 Quotes

[Eye Of Ra]

Joe: Dr. Jackson, can I just say, thank goodness you're back. Not that Jonas was a bad guy, but after all you've been through together you belong here with SG-1.

Jackson: Thank you. Jack?

O'Neill:He's a barber.

Jackson: Broke into your house?

O'Neill: Yeah.

Jackson: Second week in a row.

O'Neill: Mm hm.

Jackson: Alarm.

O'Neill: I'm thinking dog.

Joe: You could try locking your front door.

[Mack_1]

200 (Invisible Jack; we see just a coffee cup in the air and Teal'c walking alone)

O'Neill: "I can sneak around all I want, totally undetected. I give us the element of surprise. The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self."

Teal'c: "I assume I am staring at you stoically."

O'Neill: "Not buying it, eh?"

Teal'c: "No. You are most transparent, O'Neill."

O'Neill: "Oh, I get it. Good one."

Teal'c: "I can see right through you."

O'Neill: "Don't push it."

[LtColCarter]

Oma: Order what you want.

Jackson: Okay, I'll have the truth with a side order of clarity, please.

[Eye Of Ra]

Carter: It turns out we made a mistake. A big one.
O'Neill: Which one? We made a few.
Carter: Our alliance with the Aschen.
O'Neill: Oh, that. Not working out, is it? Gosh, I wish I'd seen that coming. Oh, wait…I did see that coming

[Fan-e-Gate]

Fragile Balance

Daniel: What's goin' on?
Young Jack: Daniel!
Daniel: Sounds like him. At least the loud, grating part.

Janet: There is a tiny abnormality, but for all intents and purposes, it's him.
Daniel: Tiny abnormality, like the fact he's suddenly quite a few years younger than he's supposed to be?

Teal'c: Do you not experience increased health and vitality?
Young Jack: My *vitality* was just fine, thank you.

Teal'c: [looking in O'Neill's refrigerator] Are you conducting some sort of scientific experiment, O'Neill?
Young Jack: Hey, come one, that salsa's still good!

Jack: How long was I asleep?
Sam: Seven days.
Jack: That's a record.

Jack: I just woke up, haven't had coffee, let alone a pee in seven days, and I find out you stole my ass and made a... mini me!

[Eye Of Ra]

O'Neill: How many times have I told you? Don't get caught by the bad guys

[Martina Magnus]

Doctor: Well, he's not human.
Jack O'Neill: Ya think?

[Mack_1]

From Unending


Vala Mal Doran: [to Daniel, after few weeks on the Odyssey] I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm taking you with me.

[Eye Of Ra]

Mitchell: Weapons to maximum.
Marks: Sir?
Mitchell: It's a joke, Marks. Make it go

[LtColCarter]

Col. O'Neill: Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.

Capt. Carter: Theoretical astrophysicist.

Col. O'Neill: Which means?

Gen. Hammond: Which means she's smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.

[Eye Of Ra]

O'Neill: Listen, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
Kawalsky: We're friends.
O'Neill: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo

[Martina Magnus]

O'Neill: Listen, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
Kawalsky: We're friends.
O'Neill: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo

I love this one

[Eye Of Ra]

Teal'c: Chicago. The windy city. Home of the Black Hawks, the Bulls and the White Sox.
O'Neill: Don't forget the Cubs

[Martina Magnus]

Jack has just finished kel'no'reem.

JACK IN TEALC: Whoa, Sweet. Teal'c? [He gets up] What are you doing?

Teal'c/Jack looks up; he has a pair of scissors in his hands and is looking in the mirror.

TEALC IN JACK: If I am to remain in this body, I must shave my head.

JACK IN TEALC: You're making a joke, right?

TEALC IN JACK: I am not joking.

JACK IN TEALC: Teal'c, you will not shave my head.

TEALC IN JACK: It is presently my head, O'Neill.

JACK IN TEALC: Teal'c, this is temporary.

TEALC IN JACK: And if it is not?

JACK IN TEALC: Just give them a chance to find Daniel, okay? Teal'c, I'm going to see General Hammond, promise me, you won't touch, the head, until I get back.

[Eye Of Ra]

Jack has just finished kel'no'reem.

JACK IN TEALC: Whoa, Sweet. Teal'c? [He gets up] What are you doing?

Teal'c/Jack looks up; he has a pair of scissors in his hands and is looking in the mirror.

TEALC IN JACK: If I am to remain in this body, I must shave my head.

JACK IN TEALC: You're making a joke, right?

TEALC IN JACK: I am not joking.

JACK IN TEALC: Teal'c, you will not shave my head.

TEALC IN JACK: It is presently my head, O'Neill.

JACK IN TEALC: Teal'c, this is temporary.

TEALC IN JACK: And if it is not?

JACK IN TEALC: Just give them a chance to find Daniel, okay? Teal'c, I'm going to see General Hammond, promise me, you won't touch, the head, until I get back.

O'Neill: So help me. If I wake up, and I'm singing soprano