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Things they wouldn't want to hear during Atlantis' weekly update.

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    #91
    Originally posted by chyron View Post
    The entire wraith fleet is descending upon Atlantis...the Odyssey has been disabled and is drifting toward a dwarf star...the Asgard have been lost...the end is near...Landry dials in...

    Weir: Sir, we're almost ready to begin evacuating the city....Rodney has devised a plan to obliterate the city - The Wraith will never find Earth...If we don't make it back, Its been an honor SIR
    Landry: Dr. Weir, I think its a bit early for goodbyes...We've just received word that your one-eyed monster lurking in your pants, waiting to spring forth at all who startle it will come to your rescue
    FYI - I had been harrassing a buddy of mine and liked the 'one-eyed monster' phrase so much that I copied it from an IM to save it. I accidently pasted it into the post. I left it there because I thought it hilarious that the phrase would just happen to fit the post...the post that I intended is below....


    ---INTENDED POST---
    The entire wraith fleet is descending upon Atlantis...the Odyssey has been disabled and is drifting toward a dwarf star...the Asgard have been lost...the end is near...Landry dials in...

    Weir: Sir, we're almost ready to begin evacuating the city....Rodney has devised a plan to obliterate the city - The Wraith will never find Earth...If we don't make it back, Its been an honor SIR
    Landry: Dr. Weir, I think its a bit early for goodbyes...We've just received word that Captain Peter Quincy Taggart and the NSEA Protector are on the way, they should arrive any minute...oh and let Colonel Sheppherd know that he'll be working closing with specialist Lieutenant Tawny Madison...
    "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

    I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

    Comment

      #92
      Landry: The Ori have infected Earth with a deadly virus that only kills coffee plants....You're going to have to make do with what you have, You're own your own...The President has declared martial law and secured all remaining suppiles of coffee...The Marines and National Guard have surrounded Starbucks...Pray for us, the end is near...
      "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

      I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

      Comment

        #93
        landry: hello? anyone there?
        shepperd: yeah?
        landry: shepperd?
        shep: aye man wassup?
        landry: are you drunk man?!
        shep: nah we found wierd plants on a planet and tasted some, turned out to be cann- canna-...
        landry: CANNABIS?!
        shep: aye thats the one
        landry: you bunch of potheads...
        sigpic

        I'm not dead. Yet.

        Comment

          #94
          Landry: Great news! It took nearly 6 months of intensive negotiations, but we've managed to get Ashlee Simpson for your Christmas party.
          "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

          I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

          Comment

            #95
            Landry: We've got very bad news. As if the Ori weren't enough...its difficult to talk about....The bugs have wiped out one of our cities...
            Sheppherd:No...which one...
            Dr. Weir: Buenos Aires, Johnny...they wiped out Buenos Aires
            Landry:The Air Marshal has declared war on the bugs...We're going to wipe out Klendathu
            "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

            I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

            Comment

              #96
              Wier: Urgent update, stop playing that sims game shep sent, its real.
              Walter: F***, your serious? you mean theres a planet out there full of girls that are in love with me?
              Shep: Yep, stopping sucks doesnt it? *reminesis*
              Their white flags are no match to our guns!!

              Comment

                #97
                Off-Camera Announcer (boxing-annoucer like): "Ladies and Gentlement! The moment that you've all been waiting for!....Direct! from the Pegasus Galaxy...John Sheppherd presents 'G.L.O.W.!' - The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling'..."
                "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                Comment

                  #98
                  (A Special Holiday Version of Things They wouldn't Want to Hear...)

                  "There is no Santa Claus"


                  "Santa Claus was en route to Earth. His IDC was valid, but there was a malfunction with the IRIS. We couldn't open it in time. Santa Claus has been disintegrated"


                  "Santa Claus has been kidnapped by Ba'al"


                  "Santa Claus has been taken by a go'auld"


                  "Daniel just uncovered some rather startling information - Santa Claus is and always has been a go'auld, so is the Easter Bunny and :gasps: the Great Pumpkin"


                  "Santa Claus is now a Prior of the Ori"


                  "Santa Claus is the leader of the Ori"


                  "Santa Claus has ascended and as such can't bring presents anymore because it would be considered interferring in the matters of lower beings"


                  "I saw Sam kissing Santa Claus"


                  "I saw Sheppherd kissing Santa Claus"
                  "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                  I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                  Comment

                    #99
                    Originally posted by chyron View Post
                    "I saw Sheppherd kissing Santa Claus"
                    Chaya: WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?
                    Zelenka: Yes...
                    Chaya: I just need to know one thing... did he tickle him to?
                    Zelenka: I think you're better off not-
                    Chaya: No. Tell me, I need to know.
                    Zelenka:
                    Spoiler:
                    Yes.

                    Chaya: NOOOOOOO!!!

                    To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

                    Comment

                      #100
                      Dr. Weir: General Landry, I'm afraid that Colonel Shepherd is unavailable. We've had to evacuate him off planet temporarily.
                      Landry: Why?
                      Dr. Weir: Rodney was experimenting with some nanites. A few got loose and infected a set of hair clippers near-by bringing it to life...
                      Landry (interrupted): Enough said. How's he doing?
                      Dr. Weir: Carson's with him and has him sedated. Traumatized is not the word for it.
                      Last edited by chyron; 25 December 2006, 06:15 AM.
                      "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                      I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                      Comment

                        #101
                        Shepherd: This is Colonel John Shepherd. Atlantis is now under my control. I've wired the city with explosives and I've taken the members of the expedition hostage. My demands are simple. You will meet them or I will execute one member of the expedition on the hour...make that the half hour, there's plenty to go around...when I'm done I'll then destroy Atlantis.
                        Hammond: Very well...what are your demands
                        Shepherd: I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Understand?
                        Hammond: But Colonel...you have a P-90NS the most advanced weapon ever developed by humans...naqudah-plated shell casings, DNA-targeting, a full-spectrum scope with a magnification factor of 10,000, subspace laser guided shooting...What could you possibly need an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle for?
                        Shepherd (shouting): I WANT AN OFFICIAL RED RYDER CARBINE-ACTION TWO HUNDRED-SHOT RANGE MODEL AIR RIFLE!
                        "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                        I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                        Comment

                          #102
                          ALL: what do you mean santa doesnt make trips to atlantis?

                          or

                          Shep:santa is coming to atlantis, hes traveling the entire distance in less than a night. hey, mcay dont you wanna study his hyperdrive? *brandishes his shot gun*
                          Their white flags are no match to our guns!!

                          Comment

                            #103
                            or

                            Weir: Sheppard! I told you to turn off the automated defense system! We just killed Santa Claus!!!
                            McKay: Hey everybody! Rudolph's still alive!
                            *ancient glowing jelly fi-ahem- I mean... drone... kills Rudolph*

                            To see a picture of me in the Miss Teen America pageant, click here.

                            Comment

                              #104
                              Landry: Dr. Weir we've selected a new Chief Medical Officer for you - Dr. Jonathan Crane. He'll be arriving shortly. Oh...and he's also a highly rated F-302 pilot - call sign "Scarecrow".
                              "The Clarke Postulate - One's ability to correctly explain advanced theoretical thermodynamics as applied to string theory within a fictional context is directly related to one's ability to cook the perfect lemon chicken with mushrooms in a nice garlic butter sauce. While some use this unexpected correlation as proof of intelligent design, I believe that its all about the person's choice of mushrooms.

                              I also believe that there is a tear developing in the space-time continuum which if left uncheck will allow Microsoft to become a world power. I suspect that unless we all download Firefox 3 on the same day, thus sealing the tear, that life as we know it may be over and children will have their teddy bears and blankets ripped mercilessly from their arms.

                              Comment

                                #105
                                Wier: This New Years we will be allowing the use of fire crackers, but please no throwing grenades off the central spire, no dropping C4 off of jumpers.
                                Cadman: damn sells are gonna drop now...
                                Their white flags are no match to our guns!!

                                Comment

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