things you would not want to hear on the SGC's intercom

[Mickey23]

Attention: Colonel Jack O'Neill is now DEAD.

Noooooooooooo!!!!

[General David Niemi]

Attention: Colonel Jack O'Neill is now DEAD.

Nice.

____________

: Yup.

: Indeed.

: Yup.

: Indeed.

: Yup.

: Indeed.

: Oh will you stop!

: Yup.

: Indeed.

[wilsan]

: You've been at this for hours, why don't you go home and finish it tomorrow.
Your right, I'll go home now this very second.

[Mimzy]

"Would the person who stole Daniel Jackson's glasses please return them to him..."

: I can't see--AAH! *bumps into wall*
: Nice going.
: The world is all so blurry...
: It's like you're going blind.
: Indeed.

[Mickey23]

C'mon. If I win, I get to be in charge of the SGC for the day. If you win, I won't say it anymore.
I don't want to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Mitchell... *sigh* fine...
Ha! Rock smashes scissors! Now that's what I'm talking about!!
Oh. My. God. Best two out of three?...
Whoo hoo, I won again! Now that's what I'm talking about!
*hear two zat blasts*
He cheated.
Jack!
Ok, it was just too annoying to bear anymore, Daniel!

Uh, attention this is Jack O'Neill. Could someone from the morgue please report to the control room?

[the_dark_light]

Uh, attention this is Jack O'Neill. Could someone from the morgue please report to the control room?

Remind me why we never shoot them with the zat three times? A lot less mess that way

[Lilith]

Remind me why we never shoot them with the zat three times? A lot less mess that way

well, we need a body for record purposes. Besides, families hate burying empty caskets.

[Mimzy]

Morgue Person: Hello, I'm from the--HOLY CRAP!
: Yeah, we had a little accident with a...gun-thingy...
: Well, it wasn't really an a--
: SHHH!
Morgue Person: I'm calling the police.

[Lilith]

Morgue Person: Hello, I'm from the--HOLY CRAP!
: Yeah, we had a little accident with a...gun-thingy...
: Well, it wasn't really an a--
: SHHH!
Morgue Person: I'm calling the police.

Why? they can't do anything.
He outranks them.
Morgue Person: Damn. Fine, but no more dead bodies! I'm not processing anymore.
-zats morgue person twice-
*sigh* Walter! Call the Pentagon. We need a new Morgue technician.

[Mimzy]

Attention: Walter has disappeared mysteriously...supposedly it has to do with avoiding getting shot by Colonel O'Neill...

[s09119]

This is getting out of hand, Jack. That's two people dead.
They were just accidents, Daniel, calm down.
Landry: General O'Neill, what's--dear God! Jack!?
Daniel, can I...?
No, you--
Landry: I'm calling for a detainment team!
--nevermind, go ahead.
*Two zat blast sounds*

[Lilith]

[( we're having too much fun with this )]

You done yet?
For now. Where's Walter?
He ran away. He's afraid you'll zat him too. Can I have the zat gun now.
Oh all right! -hands daniel zat-
-walks in- Hi Daniel! Sir.
-zats carter twice-
Daniel?
She was stealing my genius spotlight. Okay, now to clean up the bodies. Are you sure we can't zat them one more time?
No Daniel.
-pouts:
No Daniel.

[s09119]

[ lol yeah we are ]

Just once? I haven't fired it a third time in, gosh, eight years?
Didn't I say "no"?
Alright, alright...
You know, you didn't have to zat Carter.
Why not? You two were never gonna hook up anyways, right?
...
- fires zat once -
Ugh! J--Jack!?
- fires zat again -
Wow, that felt surprisingly good...

[Lilith]

-comes back to life- Jaack!! I so didn't appreciate that!
Wha? How? Huh?
Oh come on Jack! This is me we're talking about! -grabs zat from Jack- Your turn!
-runs away-

[s09119]

Hey, Jackson! What's with the zat?
- notices dead people -
Holy CRAP! Jackson? What!?
Look, Mitchell... I can explain. It was Jack--
Yeah, and Vala's really Dorothy. I'm calling for some guardsmen. Sorry, Jackson--
- raising zat -
I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Cameron.
What? Jackson, calm down.
Sorry.
- fires zat twice -
Greay, now we're both murderers...