things you would not want to hear on the SGC's intercom

[puddlejumperOZ]

Sir, to what do we owe this pleasure,?
Sam I must strongly protest in the strongest possible terms, my profound opposition to a newly instituted practise which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and coordinated discharge of the function of Earth within her boundries of the Milkyway Galaxy and the the Universe at large.
You mean you've lost your keys?
Um, er .....yes.

[HAL2100]

"A fissure in the space/time continuum has formed in Major Carter's quarters. Her undergarments are being sucked into alternate realities and are threatening the continued existence of the Universe itself."

[Mimzy]

: Maybe I DO...want to be a french fry.

[timstro59]

we have now entered a phase through which we can access the subspace field of a star to use it to focus huge amounts in energy into a singular point in space, that is contained in a energy field matrix, through which we have access to the required amount of energy to access the subspace layer that the gates work on and we can create wormholes to move planets, but in order to do so safely we have to set up field generators all over the planet and connect them all with subspace relays, then we have to set up a reverse-engineered version of the weather controller to keep the weather from becoming unstable, we will need the cooparation of every nation on the planet as well the cooperation of the tokra and the jaffa nation. we have to set up naquadah mining operation throughout the galaxy to get the materials nessecary to build the devices and to power up a newly designed mk 4 generator. then we setup construction sites all over the planet to build the generators. the purpose of all this will be to in the worst possible emergency we will be able to move the planet to a safer planetary system. any questions?
I got one.
WHAT?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?
all i heard was matrix, and i found those movies very confusing.
you stole my line.
i know.

[timstro59]

*this is not seen, but heard over the intercom*
i just got one question for you, do you feel lucky, well do ya*voice trails into background*
jack, don't let teal'c watch those movies again
i think its kind of funny.
its brainwashing him.
*comes into range of the broken intercom* my brain is squeaky clean.
do you see what we mean?
okay no more movies while on base.

[Mimzy]

: Oooohhh....Spiderman, Spiderma--
*gunshot*

[puddlejumperOZ]

Farts
Farts
Farts
Faaaarrrrrrrts
Faaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttss
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttssssssssss
Oh I see, schools in...........boys

[marilynrose]

Has anyone seen my Spiderman comics?
Not here
No I have not Colonel Mitchell
Sorry Cameron, no
Um er....nope not here *quicky hides*

[Mimzy]

: Has anyone seen my Nickypoo?!
: I...uh...no...
: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?!
: Nothing! I was just saying I hadn't seen--
*muffled screams*
*kapow*
*slap*
*kick*

[marilynrose]

^^^^^
I believe we should implement what I have studied here on Earth culture, that which is known as taking industrial action.
Teal'c you're talking about a 'strike', man that's mutiny in the military
Though I'm quite sure you're correct Colonel Mitchell, nonetheless this 'strike' action needs to be taken
Why would we do that muscles
Yes Teal'c, this is most unlike you
They have removed Cocopops from the cafeteria breakfast menu
Oh then, T, I agree, this is madness. They can't deprive the troops of essentials in a time of war
No they can't, I with you.
Me too, this is disgraceful
Indeed

[Mimzy]

: Hi, there!
: ...
: I have just met you and I love you!
: Um, I've known you for 2 years...but if you love me, I guess that doesn't matter...

[marilynrose]

hello anyone here?
No
Ok then I'll just sit here and wait
Sir this is the ladies shower room
Oh I thought it was the briefing room....
Well then be breif sir and get out
Going.....*takes a sly look over his shoulder*
SIR!
Yep I'm gone....*uses Sodan cloak*

[Mimzy]

: BURP
: BURRRRRRRRRRRRP
: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP
: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

[jmoz]

: Oooohhh....Spiderman, Spiderma--
*gunshot*

O'Neill, what are you doing with that pig?
Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does...

[Mimzy]

: Look! It's Harry Potter!
: That's not funny!