what wisecrack would jack make if he met a prior?

[hypergate]

Prior: Their will be done.
Jack: You mean the Ori?
Prior: Who else could I mean?
Jack: You guys and your gods.
Prior: You will follow the Ori.
Jack: I can't follow what I can't see.
Prior: The Ori are a way of life.
Jack: My way of life involves a pond, preferably with no fish.
(Prior jams his staff into the ground and it glows)
Jack: Although that blue flashlight staff is tempting. Do they sell them in the gift shop?

[Bragi]

SG-1 and Jack stand in a village on a planet where a Prior has been dispatched. The normal healthy debate has taken place with the standard "we know the Ori aren't gods" deal.

Prior: Surely you must recognize the power of the Ori.
(long pause)
Jack: Daniel, did he just call me Shirley?

Another standard Prior situation:

Prior: Hallowed are the Ori.
Jack: Yes, hallowed are the Ori.
Carter: Sir?
Jack: Just trying to shut him up, Carter <smiles>.

General O'Neill is visiting the SGC and is in the briefing room, there is no Prior present:

Jack: ...And these Priors?
Daniel: Represent the Ori, a race of ascended beings who at one time shared a society with the Ancients. Now at some point a division arose within Alterran, Ancient, society. The Ori began to take a more fundamentalist religious view of things and the Ancients... didn't. Their society was on the verge of civil war when the Ancients decided to flee their home galaxy for ours in order to avoid direct conflict. They've been able to keep our galaxy a secret for millions of years until Vala and I accidentally alerted them to our presence. Now the Ori are dispatching Priors to convert as many people here to Origin as possible so they can sapp their followers here of their power, once the Ori have taken enough power they will come here themselves and attempt to destroy the Ancients.
(A long pause ensues and Jack looks over each member of SG-1.)
Jack: Don't you just love it when he talks fast?

Another textbook SG-1/Prior meeting:

Prior: You are Jack O'Neill and SG-1. Your coming was foretold by the Ori, as was your world's submission to their will.
Jack: Really?
Prior: The Ori see all.
Jack: They didn't happen to foresee next week's lotto numbers, did they?

Or:

Prior: You are Jack O'Neill and SG-1. Your coming was foretold by the Ori, as was your world's submission to their will.
Jack: Really?
Prior: The Ori see all.
Jack: They didn't happen to foresee me shooting you, did they?
(The Prior looks on in curiosity.)
Jack: Carter!
(Carter activates the sonic device, which works. The Prior looks on in disbelief as his powers fail him. Jack takes aim, then Zats the Prior.)
Jack: Use the Force, Luke.
Mitchell: Oooooh...
(Everyone looks at Mitchell.)
Mitchell: I was saving that one, sir.

How it could have gone on P3X-421, the first SGC on Prior contact.

Prior: …as he lay there, dying in the sun, the sands of the desert all around him, Petrus spoke to the rock, not with his lips, but with his mind. And the rock wept tears of fresh water, and his thirst was quenched. Fear not the Ori. Fear the darkness that would conceal the knowledge of the universe. Believe in the truth of all things, and you too may find the path to enlightenment.
Mitchell: And a man has no greater thing under the sun than to eat, drink and be merry. Ecclesiastes. My favorite. My grandma was a bit of a bible thumper...
Jack: Nice work with the quote, Colonel.
Mitchell: Thank you, sir.
(The Prior turns his attention to Jack and Mitchell.)
Prior: I am a Prior of the Ori.
Jack: General Jack O'Neill, United States Air.....
Prior: Your arrival was foreseen.
Jack: ...Force. Is interrupting people a requirement for Priors?

Jack accompanies SG-1 to a world decimated by the Ori.

After surveying the damage.

Jack: Does anyone else miss when it was just the Goa'uld?
(A long pause, no one responds.)
Jack: I'm the only one, then?

Another encounter with a Prior.

Prior: The Ori's power cannot be denied. All who do not seek enlightenment and keep the innocent in darkness shall be destroyed! Hallowed are the Ori!
Jack: Ya know, I've heard this all before... Daniel, are you sure these guys don't have snakes in their heads?

/edit-

New one! A Prior decides to make a small demonstration of his power using his staff. Jack is somewhat impressed.

Jack: Teal'c, can your staff do that?
Teal'c: Indeed it cannot, O'Neill.
Jack: Because if it can, and you've been holding out on me all these years...

SG-1 and Jack confront a Prior they have seen before.

Prior: And the souls of their victims knew no peace, until the Ori came and whispered to them: sleep, for the end draws near! And on that day, all will rejoice, when the Ori come and lay them low.
Jack: Oh......... poppy-cock.
Daniel: Did you just say "poppy-cock?"

Back at the SGC briefing room...

Jack: Okay Carter, what do ya got?
Carter: Well General, Dr. Lee and I are working on a way of targeting and neutralizing the Prior's higher brain functions using a field generator emitting fluctuating ultrasonic frequencies.
Jack: I say "make me an anti-Prior gun" and this is what you come up with? Carter...
(The meeting has broken up.)
Daniel: Sam's doing the best she can, Jack.
Jack: I'm not blaming her, Daniel... it's society.
(Later, Jack is on his favorite red phone with his favorite Commander-In-Chief, Daniel peaks his head into Jack's office.)
Jack: No sir, it's not a gun... it's a...
(Jack looks to Daniel.)
Daniel: (Whispering/mouthing) Device.
Jack: Device! Sir...

[RoMUS]

He would probly say somethin like YOU LIKE PIE?

[Pharaoh Atem]

Jack- Daniel is this ..

Daniel -yes

Jack- wow

Carter -what?

Jack- you where right.

Jack- hands money to Daniel.

Daniel - ya and i don't even watch the Simpson's.

Carter - about what?

Teal'c -the old rich guy Monty burns and the prior

Jack -Mr. Burns

Mitchell -I read that you mention the gou'lud and burns in the mission report
when Anubis attacked earth. don't need to tell you how that ended

Jack -was it a good read?

Mitchell- it was OK.

I liked the one when the tok'ra gave you those wrist bands that made you guys like superheros cool file.

Carter -I don't understand.

Jack- me and Daniel had a bet who was uglier
the prior or MR. Burns.

Prior- looks confused.

Daniel - now what?

Jack -turns at Daniel with a little grin on his face.

Jack -turns back around and shots the prior with his P- 90

the prior falls to the ground

Jack -I thought you said that these guys where hard to kill

Carter- lucky shot?

Jack -disappointed.

Jack - teal'c even brought 2 p 90's just in case.

Carter- umm sir

Jack- yes carter.

Carter -teal'c brings 2 P 90's on all missions now

Jack -looks at teal'c

Teal'c- raises his eyebrow

Jack- NICE!!!

[Ancient 1]

Jack: ...And now from the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey's circus, the ORIginal, Flameboy!

[Korean_Turtle87]

I'll give this a shot...

Prior begins preaching from Book of Origin: "In the beginning...
Jack: "Do they all start out the same, how cliche' and you know how I hate cliche's..."

I tried....

i was thinkin more like

Prior: In the Beginning...
Jack: That is so a cliche

[Klems]

1.

Jack: Eh, I've seen worse. *looks back at his team* Carter, remember the... uh big ugly...thing?
Carter: Unas, sir?
Jack: Yeah, that was definitely worse.

2.

Prior: In the beginning...
Jack: Why can't they come up with something more ORIginal?
(sorry Ancient 1, only thing I could come up with)

[Mesenet]

jack: 'one word. cut back on the sunscreen.'

daniel: 'that isn't one word.'

jack: 'details...'


it sucks!


*misses jack*

Still too new to get a green gun that works (that or I haven't figured it out yet) - that's a decent Jack wisecrack

[DrGemini2405]

Prior: (reads from the Book of Origin)
Jack: Oh, if this is another romance novel, heads are going to roll

Prior: (reads from BoO)
Jack: We have people like you back on Earth - they're called Evangelists

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: What's for dinner?

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: so the cops knew internal affairs had set them up?!

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: we have a book like that back home - it's called the Bible

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: Have you considered becoming a Jehovah's Witness?

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: (batman tune) nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ori

Prior: (A/A)
Jack: so, what time d'ya finish tonight?

oh, I miss O'Neill...

[Cassiopeia]

Ori: "Hallowed are the Ori."
Jack: "There are no fish in my pond."

____________________

(At a briefing)
Jack: "So these Hairy guys..."
Daniel: "Ori."
Jack: "Whatever!"

____________________


Ori: "Hallowed are the Ori."
Jack (quietly to himself): "Hallow Ori...."
Daniel: "Jack...!"
Jack: "Sorry..."


____________________


Ori:"...And all those who do not follow the path of Origin will be destroyed...."
Jack (looking around for nearest anti-Ori weapon): "Yada..."


____________________


Ori: "..And the Ori are all-knowing...."
Jack: "Whoa, hold it there big fella. Teal'c, tell him that Jaffa joke of yours..."
Teal'c raises one eyebrow and then proceeds to tell his Jaffa joke about the Serpent guard, Horus guard and Sekesh guard, finishing with the punchline and a guffaw of laughter.
Jack and the Prior exchange a look.
Jack (to Teal'c): "See, even HE doesn't get it and he's supposed to be all-knowing."


_____________________


Ori: "In the beginning..."
Jack: "Excuse me. Could you just bottom line this for me? I don't want to miss the Simpsons..."

[ancientaction]

Prior: In the beginning...
Jack: Wait a second, do we really need to hear the beginning.
Prior: The Ori are the beginning.
Jack: What's the end... Iro?
Prior: Your humor does not amuse the Ori.
Jack: Well, they made you. That proves they have a sense of humor.
(Ominous laughter comes from no where)
Prior: What have I done to displease you?
(Ominous voice): The one called Jack has amused us, we no longer need you.
The prior walks away and goes through the gate.
Jack: You can come out now.
Daniel: I can't believe they fell for that.
Jack: Anyone ever tell you that you'd make quite an actor.

LOL

[da_hippie]

Prior: Come...Join the Ori.
Jack: Will there be beer?

[Tealcfan]

prior: the ori are all knowing
Jack: do they know why there is no fish in my pond?

[lazerbrain]

Prior: In the beginning . . .
Jack: Hey, buddy. Think we might be able to hurry this up. Carter and I have a thing . . . and duh . . . you don't want to get on her bad side.

[lazerbrain]

Jack- Daniel is this ..

Daniel -yes

Jack- wow

Carter -what?

Jack- you where right

jack- hands money to Daniel

Daniel -ya and i don't even watch the Simpson's

Carter - about what

teal'c -the old rich guy Monty and the prior

jack -Burns

Mitchell -i read that you mention the gou'lud and burns in the mission report
when Anubis attacked earth. don't need to tell you how that ended

Jack -was it a good read?

Mitchell- it was OK

i liked the one when the tok'ra gave you those wrist bands cool file

carter -i don't understand

me and Daniel had a bet who was uglier
the prior or Monty Burns

prior- looks confused

Daniel - now what

jack -turns at Daniel with a little grin on his face

jack -turns back around and shots the prior with his p 90

the prior falls to the ground

jack -i thought you said that these guys where hard to kill

carter- lucky shot?

jack -disappointed

jack - teal'c even brought 2 p 90's just in case

carter- umm sir

jack- yes carter

carter -teal'c brings 2 p 90's on all missions now

jack -looks at teal'c

teal'c- raises his eyebrow

jack- NICE!!!

This is good stuff!!!