Things they would never ever ever say

[Lilith]

Sheppard? I just wanted to say that last night was wonderful!

What are you talking about?

Um... Elizabeth? That was me.

Damn!

: Um Teyla, about last night... You see, I was really, really drunk and....
: Wait a minute Ronan. What are you talking about? I was on the mainland last night.
: You were?! Oh S***! Well then who the hell did I f*** last night??
*meanwhile*
: Well when I woke up this morning, my butt was hurting really bad.
: What did you do last night?
: I don't remember... But there was a lot of booze involved and Ronan was there.....

[Unorthodox]

Ronan, what are ya' doin'?
Meditatin', biznatch.
*puts hand on hip and waves other hand* Oh no girl! You just did Not!
Damn right I did, biznatch.
*sighs* You're so hot when you talk like that :hearts:

[Cherriey]

McKay: The love of my life is chocolate covered celery.

[Lokii]

Carter: Jack who????

[Elles]

: Um Teyla, about last night... You see, I was really, really drunk and....
: Wait a minute Ronan. What are you talking about? I was on the mainland last night.
: You were?! Oh S***! Well then who the hell did I f*** last night??
*meanwhile*
: Well when I woke up this morning, my butt was hurting really bad.
: What did you do last night?
: I don't remember... But there was a lot of booze involved and Ronan was there.....

: Oh wait, sudden memory here...
*cheesy flashback music*
*Sheppard wakes up next to Ronan*
: Ronan
: Sheppard
: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[Cherriey]

Ronan: I'm sick of these dreds. Time for a haircut!

[Admiral Mappalazarou]

This isn't really what the characters would never say, it's more like a storyline that would neva eva happen.


Cast: Ronon Dex
Michael (wraith guy)




Jerry Springer: Today on the show we have Ronon Dex who, seemingly enough, hates the wraith. Welcome Ronon, it's a pleasure to have you here.
Thank you, Jerry, it's a pleasure to be here.
Jerry : Now Ronon, tell us why you hate hate the wraith.
The wraith killed my family and everyone I ever knew - they destroyed my life.
Jerry: Well, Ronan. We've got a surprise for you.
Some of my race survived?
Jerry: No - We found the Wraith that ordered the obliteration of your homeworld; Sateda. He's very shy and has taken time away from the Hive to be with us here today, please welcome to the show....Micheal, ladies and gentlemen!
(Giant applause)(Ronon is held down by security as Micheal takes a seat)

Hello Ronon, it's been a while.
(various swear words) I'll (even more swear words) kill you!

[Admiral Mappalazarou]

Wow, Ronon - you're so cool...
I know lol
No seriously, dude
I know lol
Do me
Okay lol

[Elles]

Wow, Ronon - you're so cool...
I know lol
No seriously, dude
I know lol
Do me
Okay lol

Landry: Oh my God! What are you two doing in my office?
Teal'c: We're...
Ronan: Making...
Teal'c: Cake...

[Admiral Mappalazarou]

Ronon? Are u okay?
Hey BABY, Am I happy to see you OR DID I JUST PUT A KANNU IN MY POCKET? DOWN BOY! DOWN!
(sigh)

[Andrew Joshua Talon]

Sir! Sir! I came up with a new way to power the 'Gate!
Okay... You're telling me this, why?
Because I think you'll really, really like it...

LATER...

(A stage has been set up before the Stargate. Various personnel are seated and waiting. Sam emerges)

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present (holds up a bucket of pink goo with wires sticking out of it) the future of power! Hit it, guys!

(The curtain parts. Jack is on guitar. Teal'c is on drums. Mitchell's on the keyboard. Daniel's on bass guitar, while Vala is at the microphone. They start rocking out to "Higher" by Jackie Wilson)

Your love, liftin' me higher! Than I've ever been lifted before!
So keep it up, quench my desire! And I'll be at your side forevermore!

(The pink slime begins to glow. The Stargate activates. The crowd goes wild.)

[Cherriey]

Teal'c: I have the urgent need to poke a fork in my eye.

[Locutus_Of_Borg]

Hammond: I didnt want to be a general! I WANTED TO BE..........A LUMBERJACK, LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE AT THE EDGE OF BRITISH COLUMBIA....so on and so forth

[Locutus_Of_Borg]

Carter:Wanna Go Fishing?
O'Neill:Nah, ive been trying to get this reactor working for months
Daniel:I'm gonna go get drunk and play ping pong
Teal'c: Arh no i'm going to stay here and catch up on my ancient studies research
Hammond:come on dance woooohoooooo
Vala: I'm giving a large donation to the goa'uld in need foundation
Mitchell: Well excuse me but may i enquire what planet we are going to
Jonas: I'll order a salad

[Commander Jumper]

Hammond: I didnt want to be a general! I WANTED TO BE..........A LUMBERJACK, LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE AT THE EDGE OF BRITISH COLUMBIA....so on and so forth

: ohhhhhhhh..............Iiiiiiiiiii'm a lumberJack and I'm ok....I sleep all night and I work all day......
: he just get's sexier by the minute
: I was a lumber Jack
: Yeah you were a LumberJack....he Is a LumberJack