Stargate Atlantis - Allies

[Aragon101]

Might want to make a table of contents though linking to the chapters and whatnot because I don't want to go through every page.

Go to the ff.net version jmoz http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2274943/Garrowan

it's easier to read and all there

[Stewart5]

You got there just before me, Sam. Cheers

[Stewart5]

Also, thanks for the input guys. It's good to have both positive and negative feedback to work from

[puddlejumperOZ]

At the moment Stewart, you're getting more than me, so that's gotta say something

[jmoz]

Ok, finished it. It goes up to chapter 10 yea?

Spoiler:

With Macara and company being knocked out by wraith grenade?

Anyways, sorry for some things I say henceforth.

Jeez, nary a tear for all the fallen comrades he knew firsthand personally, but a tear for a ship? The Janet ship, a person who he only knows of secondhand through reports. They laugh about more Americans dying than British? With the General Hammond bit. They laugh at that?

Yeah, the angel introduction bit was pretty cool even though you haven't completely even introduced us to them. Liking that suspense. I have some ideas I'd bounce off of you if you really want to hear it. Macara and company seem to have this wolf pack mentality where they care for their own and only their own. It's not at all dissimilar to the Wraith, where they care for their own and only their own. Hard to see who has the moral upper hand with that outside of the feeding need. Sorry hard to explain what I'm trying to say.

One other thing I can't say without being completely blunt and perhaps offensive: Don't let your patriotism for your countries borderline on overzealousness/hubris. You make them seem so much more competent frequently. What are sailors doing in space?

Bit easier to read cause have gotten used to your sorta style.

[puddlejumperOZ]

Ok, finished it. It goes up to chapter 10 yea?

Mine or Stewarts? Betcha not even reading mine

Spoiler:

With Macara and company being knocked out by wraith grenade?

Anyways, sorry for some things I say henceforth.

Jeez, nary a tear for all the fallen comrades he knew firsthand personally, but a tear for a ship? The Janet ship, a person who he only knows of secondhand through reports. They laugh about more Americans dying than British? With the General Hammond bit. They laugh at that?

Yeah, the angel introduction bit was pretty cool even though you haven't completely even introduced us to them. Liking that suspense. I have some ideas I'd bounce off of you if you really want to hear it. Macara and company seem to have this wolf pack mentality where they care for their own and only their own. It's not at all dissimilar to the Wraith, where they care for their own and only their own. Hard to see who has the moral upper hand with that outside of the feeding need. Sorry hard to explain what I'm trying to say.

One other thing I can't say without being completely blunt and perhaps offensive: Don't let your patriotism for your countries borderline on overzealousness/hubris. You make them seem so much more competent frequently. What are sailors doing in space?

Bit easier to read cause have gotten used to your sorta style.

That question is easy to answer. First of all I will say why not? But you only have to look at BSG, the whole crew was navy. Now in Stewarts context, as with mine, we are just attending to realism. If you have a fleet of ships in space, it would most likely be run by the Navy, but both of us have made our fleets multi-service, as it should be.

[jmoz]

I'm getting to it, forget what was the last chapter that I've read. No one read mine except I think Aragon halfway, I thought it was a decent story despite unprofessional appearance. But can't be objective about one's own work.

I don't understand, Navy specializes in naval warfare, fluid mechanics. I would think Air Force would mostly be in charge since they're mostly about space mechanics. Yes, you can argue air is also fluid mechanics, but air force would be more suited since that's their forte.

Yea, noticed the crossovers. Hope this doesn't become explosive.

[Aragon101]

I'm getting to it, forget what was the last chapter that I've read. No one read mine, I thought it was a decent story despite unprofessional appearance. But can't be objective about one's own work.

I don't understand, Navy specializes in naval warfare, fluid mechanics. I would think Air Force would mostly be in charge since they're mostly about space mechanics. Yes, you can argue air is also fluid mechanics, but air force would be more suited since that's their forte.

Yea, noticed the crossovers. Hope this doesn't become explosive.

Since you ask...

Spoiler:

The look of the fic, and the way you summarize everything all at once was too much of a jolt. The premise that Earth gets sucked into another dimension or something was pretty out there too.

I honestly found it shocking that you had written "Manifestations" (which got my vote last time BTW) after reading your other fic. Write more in teh style of Manifestations whether it be drama or action or a blend and i assure you you'll get readers.

I still haven't read that far yet Garrrow so i'll tell you when i do (likely a few days, work tomorrow and saturday

[puddlejumperOZ]

I'm getting to it, forget what was the last chapter that I've read. No one read mine except I think Aragon halfway, I thought it was a decent story despite unprofessional appearance. But can't be objective about one's own work.

I don't understand, Navy specializes in naval warfare, fluid mechanics. I would think Air Force would mostly be in charge since they're mostly about space mechanics. Yes, you can argue air is also fluid mechanics, but air force would be more suited since that's their forte.

Yea, noticed the crossovers. Hope this doesn't become explosive.

I have a thing for that so I don't forget. I review the last chapter of someones story I read, and when I go back, even if it's a week later, I can see where I was> So where is your tale?

The whole thing is theoretically, serving and command of a large Spaceship meant for war, is more Navy than Air Force. Especially with command, Air Force officers never get that kind of experience, commanding a large vessel of war. Yes they are good pilots, but then so are the Navy, in fact during Veitnam, the Navy flew more missions than the Air Force, and in GW1 it was about 50/05.

[jmoz]

Gotcha, aircraft carrier and naval cruisers sort are the command centers of a lot of overseas operations. I don't know where it is. I can't find it, it's not on the second page of this, must have been deleted.

Spoiler:

Yea, that planetary gate was a bit much but it was mostly for a wtf factor. I would have scratched it if I had know of the events to succeed it. It really doesn't add to the story. I don't have the time to write in prose nor the patience. And school and whatnot.

[puddlejumperOZ]

I might still have the link for it though, most of my reading goes on a USB drive

[Stewart5]

Ok, finished it. It goes up to chapter 10 yea?

Spoiler:

With Macara and company being knocked out by wraith grenade?

Anyways, sorry for some things I say henceforth.

Jeez, nary a tear for all the fallen comrades he knew firsthand personally, but a tear for a ship? The Janet ship, a person who he only knows of secondhand through reports. They laugh about more Americans dying than British? With the General Hammond bit. They laugh at that?

Yeah, the angel introduction bit was pretty cool even though you haven't completely even introduced us to them. Liking that suspense. I have some ideas I'd bounce off of you if you really want to hear it. Macara and company seem to have this wolf pack mentality where they care for their own and only their own. It's not at all dissimilar to the Wraith, where they care for their own and only their own. Hard to see who has the moral upper hand with that outside of the feeding need. Sorry hard to explain what I'm trying to say.

One other thing I can't say without being completely blunt and perhaps offensive: Don't let your patriotism for your countries borderline on overzealousness/hubris. You make them seem so much more competent frequently. What are sailors doing in space?

Bit easier to read cause have gotten used to your sorta style.

Hopefully without being rude to PJ, that entire section with the Frasier was written by he, inlcuding the tear section.

I had them laugh at US casualties? When?

Also, the whole point of the anti-US sentiment, is the fact that throughout the story, those opinions change. That is one of the points in Allies. The pack mentality is deliberate. You are NOT meant to like Macara at first. Troops will always stick with their own unless 'out siders; can prove themselves. A main point of Allies is to show how fractious it can be. And, as they go along and the story evolves, you see more integration, more common ground where they cooperate because they want to, not just because they have to. That make sense?

Also, as you read along, there will be times when the Brits show their own incompetence and cause some bad situations. Trust me Jmoz, there is change. THere is warming and comradeship in it. The bit with the stun grenade is simply the end of Arc 1.

Thanks for reading on though. Will post more on FF.net soon.

[jmoz]

The laughing I think was the part where they're trapped by Lucian Alliance and they said they'll be late for dinner. Reread that bit and to me, it just sorta seems wrong. Was that a training exercise?

Yea, I get it a little. But wolf pack mentality is not usually right in the landscape of high moral ground. But I understand if you're using that as a stepping ground for conflict and storytelling in the future. Just hope its not BSG related though...but you can do what you want. Nice enough read though, don't know if you continued it but didn't see more on ff.

[Stewart5]

The laughing I think was the part where they're trapped by Lucian Alliance and they said they'll be late for dinner. Reread that bit and to me, it just sorta seems wrong. Was that a training exercise?

Ah, right. It was meant to be a training exercise, but they got jumped by the Alliance. THey aren't laughing so much, as just being a little blase' (sp). I know several Royal Marines, and they do have an air of, not arrogance, but confidence in their abilities. That's the sort of thing they come out with when they get a contact they don't think is too risky. I'm fairly certian I didn't make any reference to a bunch of Americans dying and the Brits laughing about it. If you quote it I'd be grateful, so I can change it.

Yea, I get it a little. But wolf pack mentality is not usually right in the landscape of high moral ground. But I understand if you're using that as a stepping ground for conflict and storytelling in the future. Just hope its not BSG related though...but you can do what you want. Nice enough read though, don't know if you continued it but didn't see more on ff.

It is continued. I've posted the next two chapters on FF.net in Arc 2. It has 120,000 words so far, Jmoz, so unfortunately you are no where near finished .
I know what you mean about the moral high ground - it's hard to see them as the good guys when they can't get on with their own allies. But that's the way it is in real life until forces have actually spent time fighting together and proving themselves. And the story evolves, as I said, to have them get along more, and the British contingent become more integrated. YOu still get some arrogant ******s, but they become fewer, and the officers become more friendly in the laters Arcs. Honest guvnor

[jmoz]

My mistake, I misread. But the laughing is weird still, but ok humor, I'll go along.

Jesus Christ man, 120,000 words? Maybe you should invest your time in making your own world and fiction. I'll read it eventually.

Yea, I've noticed the arrogance. Hopefully they'll grow out of it. And you make a point of your own. You seem to explore only that kind of person and quality for the most part, arrogance. Have some diversity. Maybe a new rookie fresh out of school with no experience and have him grow out of cowardice. And maybe some exploration/archeology/etc. bits rather than mostly battles. One thing I've read somewhere is don't put the character in your shoes, put yourself in a character's shoes. But each to their own.