Stargate Destiny- New Series Out the 17th of January

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

I finished reading the pilot. The very last two or three pages of it were okay, good for character development. Nice banter between Jonas and Tenyris, which leaves a good impression on me - I'd like to see more of it. I think it's going to get better. However, as for the Malecathi - well, let's put it this way. As I read the battle scenes with them, I felt like I could have gotten more out of playing Star Wars BattleFront II. They need to be drastically improved. But... I think this has a chance. Final grade on the first episode, ***.

[Elite Anubis Guard]

So far this is the only episode with specific and detailed camera movement, which...since this ISNT TO BE FILMED, Geoff find it important for the readers to know how the camera would move, effectively making him the director of photography.

As for the enemy. They need to be dangerous, we don't want another Wraith issue on our hands.

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

Dangerous, yes. Not more Wraith, no. But you see, when I had plans a long time ago for my own novelized virtual series, the enemy was the Patrician Empire - comprised of the descendants of the Ancients. Having lost the direction they once had, they came to the conclusion that the universe was finite - and so unraveled all of their philosophy and morals. Your enemy, the Malecathi. "Dur, spaceship. Attack!" Or at least, that's what it feels like. We need substance in an enemy. I know that there probably is, but the substance in the enemy needs to be explored in the first episode, at least a little.

[lionel_pendergast_rocks]

Well, do know that we have a LOT of backstory on the Malecathi, a lot of which is hard to have come out in one episode. I wanted the pilot to not have a whole lot of face to face encounters with the enemy because by the end, I had wanted our characters to not really know a whole lot about them.

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

But it seemed like from the start, they already knew exactly how to battle them, and the enemy didn't feel like a threat. You need to make the enemy intimidating.
Ah, and Thrull sounds too much like Kull.

[Elite Anubis Guard]

Well...the Destiny took out the Malecathi first. More Malecathi come to try and fight the ship that killed their Swarm fighters...which is hardly "Duh, shoot ship". It's responding to a threat, we aren't talking about bible aliens here.

And the Malecathi do indeed have alot of backstory, which as pointed out. Obviously wouldn't come out in the first episode. We never learnt about certain aspects of the Draque in the Horizon pilot. Things take time.

And as for the remaining Ancients. Don't we so quick to throw stuff like that out, since we will be dealing with that issue..in about a month.

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

I just hope that it wouldn't be too similar to what I'm doing - despite the fact that I started working on "Eternia" before I had even heard of Destiny, our plots may be considered the same by some.

[ThePope]

I just hope that it wouldn't be too similar to what I'm doing - despite the fact that I started working on "Eternia" before I had even heard of Destiny, our plots may be considered the same by some.

Eternia?! never herd of that one!!

[Elite Anubis Guard]

Somehow I doubt it will be the same. Nothing to do with finite size or anything.

Geoff should be re-editing it again. I will point out something. The released version was actually only the second draft, we didn't have to time to go through it some more before the release date and we didn't wanna push back.

[Lt. Colonel Ryu Gaia]

Pushing it back a week probably wouldn't have hurt, to be honest with you.
Well, just take my advice: O'Niell says "How'd you like your own spaceship?"
The enemy becomes more intimate and we encounter them sooner. There needs to be a sense of urgency, and make the team interaction begin a bit earlier so that we can relate to the characters better. Also, don't make Tenyris know that three Malecathi ships are coming. He doesn't know that unless he recieved a warning by means of transmission from a planet attacked by all three, and then he doesn't know why three are coming at once.
Well, those are just my suggestions for a re-write. Don't have to use them, but I think that it would make the episode better if you did.

[Aris Boch]

I understand that you've got a very definite vision of the show right down to the camera angles and you just wanted to get that across. My only problem with it was that I found it a little harder to get through it. It did seem to bog it down a bit. It was good for a pilot episode. You managed to get a pretty suspenseful action finale and you got everything that needed to be done done. Now you're free to work with some characters with great potential and hopefully tell some great stories.

[captainpash]

I will read eps two, and three, but please can you do a little less camera work.

[Elite Anubis Guard]

1x03 doesn't have as such detailed camera movement, only a couple.

[lionel_pendergast_rocks]

Yes, I've been going over 103, trying to remove what i think is unnecessary camera stuff.

[mentalmichael]

Well I've just finished the pilot, and I'm reasonably impressed. The characters are good, and any fanfiction or virtual series depends on the strength of the characters. The camera work didn't bother me tbh. My only complaint is that this is once again a "ohh look the ancients went somewhere" story. So far we've had that in Sg-1 series 9, Atlantis, Horizon, and now this. But really that's only the backstory, and it is handy for explaining why there are stargates everywhere. I look foward to the next instalment.