GABIT attendees thread

[EH-T]

I am so with you on this one. (Rant in spoilers so folk can avoid.)

Spoiler:

My sister has never been able to come to terms with fandom of any kind. Our mother was a Mario Lanza fan who helped to run his fan club. Remember, this was in the days before the internet, but she had pen-pals all over the world. She had rhumatoid arthritis and was housebound most of the time. That club was her escape, and kept her 'alive'. She was very aware that her obsession would not be appreciated by her family, and kept her activities with it to the day time, and ran her house as best she could given her disabilities. I personally never suffered through this, and was pleased that she had this diversion to help her through the years of pain she bore. My sister, who is 8 years my senior, never complained to me, but I don't know if she felt in any way deprived.

She is learning to live with my obsession with Stargate and RDA. I know she doesn't like the time taken up with GABIT, and I am aware that she does resent it. I am getting very strong vibes from her about my forthcoming sojourn to Canada in August. Three weeks on the other side of the Atlantic is going to be quite a trial for her. I try not to feel guilty, but it's hard. I have my life to live. She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.

My point, in this lengthy rant, is that some folks have a very narrow view of what it is to really get involved in something - anything. My sister has never (in her adult life) been 'into' anything (although as a teenager she would follow Doris Day's fashions and hairstyles very closely, being a natural platinum blonde). Her life has revolved around work and her husband (they have no kids - their choice). Holidays were always spent in very few venues in the UK. In retirement, she spends a lot of time in her garden and on her hobbies of photography and painting. I, and my kids, are all she has as a family, and she has very few friends. The internet terrifies her and she won't have anything to do with it. (Our Mum would have LOVED it!) She is tied to her way of life and I am 'out there' giving it all I can and living it all I can, and trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. (And succeeding to a degree!)

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

You go girl!

[Erin13]

I am so with you on this one. (Rant in spoilers so folk can avoid.)

Spoiler:

My sister has never been able to come to terms with fandom of any kind. Our mother was a Mario Lanza fan who helped to run his fan club. Remember, this was in the days before the internet, but she had pen-pals all over the world. She had rhumatoid arthritis and was housebound most of the time. That club was her escape, and kept her 'alive'. She was very aware that her obsession would not be appreciated by her family, and kept her activities with it to the day time, and ran her house as best she could given her disabilities. I personally never suffered through this, and was pleased that she had this diversion to help her through the years of pain she bore. My sister, who is 8 years my senior, never complained to me, but I don't know if she felt in any way deprived.

She is learning to live with my obsession with Stargate and RDA. I know she doesn't like the time taken up with GABIT, and I am aware that she does resent it. I am getting very strong vibes from her about my forthcoming sojourn to Canada in August. Three weeks on the other side of the Atlantic is going to be quite a trial for her. I try not to feel guilty, but it's hard. I have my life to live. She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.

My point, in this lengthy rant, is that some folks have a very narrow view of what it is to really get involved in something - anything. My sister has never (in her adult life) been 'into' anything (although as a teenager she would follow Doris Day's fashions and hairstyles very closely, being a natural platinum blonde). Her life has revolved around work and her husband (they have no kids - their choice). Holidays were always spent in very few venues in the UK. In retirement, she spends a lot of time in her garden and on her hobbies of photography and painting. I, and my kids, are all she has as a family, and she has very few friends. The internet terrifies her and she won't have anything to do with it. (Our Mum would have LOVED it!) She is tied to her way of life and I am 'out there' giving it all I can and living it all I can, and trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. (And succeeding to a degree!)

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

Good for you Mumsey!!!

Spoiler:

I've gotten a bit of sibling guilt from my brother. He gave me a bunch of grief over going to AT3 and I was so shocked. He's a singer and was a professional dancer when he was younger and has been all over the world and I've always been 100% supportive of his choices (financially and emotionally) but since I have had some health issues he felt that my money would be better spent looking for more help in that area not jotting off to London after an actress. We're speaking now but only because he apologized a week or so ago. Wait till I tell him I'm going to Vacouver to see RDA.... haha We've always been really close. We'll see how that goes over.

[scifithinker]

...and in other news: my mother is now officially hooked on Stargate. Next step, get her hooked on the awesomeness that is Amanda! Then I convince her to plan our trip to the UK to coincide with AT4 ... and ames is good to go! LOL - I know, not asking for much there, eh? Yeah ... but a girl can dream!

The last time I left the states, it was to go to Rome with my church choir. (We sang high Mass at St. Peter's, a full concert at St. Ignatius and at an audience with the Pope!) Mom doesn't sing, but she went with me. I was so glad she was there. It was such a powerful shared experience, and not just for religious reasons. So I would absolutely recommend going with your mom if she's willing.

Good for you Mumsey!!!

Spoiler:

I've gotten a bit of sibling guilt from my brother. He gave me a bunch of grief over going to AT3 and I was so shocked. He's a singer and was a professional dancer when he was younger and has been all over the world and I've always been 100% supportive of his choices (financially and emotionally) but since I have had some health issues he felt that my money would be better spent looking for more help in that area not jotting off to London after an actress. We're speaking now but only because he apologized a week or so ago. Wait till I tell him I'm going to Vancouver to see RDA.... haha We've always been really close. We'll see how that goes over.

I have health issues too. In fact, I collapsed from low blood sugar in front of the hotel desk at check in, and I don't consider diabetes to be my major health problem. If I waited until all my health bills were paid, I would never actually live my life.

BTW, major thanks go out to Suse and Laura who rescued me from my low blood sugar, which was my own darn fault for not paying attention to when and what I was eating.

[Kliggins]

I am so with you on this one. (Rant in spoilers so folk can avoid.)

Spoiler:

My sister has never been able to come to terms with fandom of any kind. Our mother was a Mario Lanza fan who helped to run his fan club. Remember, this was in the days before the internet, but she had pen-pals all over the world. She had rhumatoid arthritis and was housebound most of the time. That club was her escape, and kept her 'alive'. She was very aware that her obsession would not be appreciated by her family, and kept her activities with it to the day time, and ran her house as best she could given her disabilities. I personally never suffered through this, and was pleased that she had this diversion to help her through the years of pain she bore. My sister, who is 8 years my senior, never complained to me, but I don't know if she felt in any way deprived.

She is learning to live with my obsession with Stargate and RDA. I know she doesn't like the time taken up with GABIT, and I am aware that she does resent it. I am getting very strong vibes from her about my forthcoming sojourn to Canada in August. Three weeks on the other side of the Atlantic is going to be quite a trial for her. I try not to feel guilty, but it's hard. I have my life to live. She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.

My point, in this lengthy rant, is that some folks have a very narrow view of what it is to really get involved in something - anything. My sister has never (in her adult life) been 'into' anything (although as a teenager she would follow Doris Day's fashions and hairstyles very closely, being a natural platinum blonde). Her life has revolved around work and her husband (they have no kids - their choice). Holidays were always spent in very few venues in the UK. In retirement, she spends a lot of time in her garden and on her hobbies of photography and painting. I, and my kids, are all she has as a family, and she has very few friends. The internet terrifies her and she won't have anything to do with it. (Our Mum would have LOVED it!) She is tied to her way of life and I am 'out there' giving it all I can and living it all I can, and trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. (And succeeding to a degree!)

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

Go Mumsey Go!!!

[Erin13]

I have health issues too. In fact, I collapsed from low blood sugar in front of the hotel desk at check in, and I don't consider diabetes to be my major health problem. If I waited until all my health bills were paid, I would never actually live my life.

BTW, major thanks go out to Suse and Laura who rescued me from my low blood sugar, which was my own darn fault for not paying attention to when and what I was eating.

I agree, if I waited for medical or other bills to be paid to go on my trip(s) I'd never go ANYWHERE!!!

[suse]

To Chelle and Jenni,

Sometimes it's hard to make the decision to do something strictly for yourself. It feels selfish (even though it isn't) to want to enjoy something you really really want to do - for yourself, and yourself alone - and it's harder if your partner doesn't want to join you. HOWEVER. In any relationship and family life it's the richness that you bring to it from being individuals and having individual interests as well as joint interests. We come to a family, to a partnership as separate entities and join together to form a unit. The parts of the unit are still unique though. And it is the uniqueness of the individual parts which enhances the sum of the whole. ]In other words, stay as unique as you are - enjoy different things as individuals - and enjoy other things as partners. There doesn't have to be an "either/or" scenario.

Julia
G4

Units are more than marital. Not that I'm implying Juia was implying they can't be. They can include other family, work, church, almost anything.

When I decided to go to AT3 I felt terrible for deciding to spend a ton (to me) of money to go 'galavanting' off to England when I knew the money would more sensibly spent on other things.

When I spoke with my sis I was shocked when she said to go and have fun, that doing something that was good for my soul wasn't a bad thing. That I shouldn't squelch part of myself to try to conform to what I thought others expected of me. By the end of that conversation ( and this paragraph) I was in tears.

So, yes. There are things to consider. But doing something good for *your* soul isn't a bad thing. In the end it's your decision. In partnership with your hubs. Either way, don't make a decision you think you might regret. (((Chelle))

suse

[scifithinker]

I count my trip to London as one of the highlights of my life. For that, I think it was well worth it.

[Skydiver]

I'm another lone con goer who has had a blast both times...it is a lot of fun walking up to random people in the confidence that there is at least one topic you can both talk for hours on.

I need alone time too. After sue and i got to london and got checked into the hotel, i walked to mcd's for an ice cream cone and a diet coke, and then walked down to the road the holiday inn was on, and back.

silly at 930 at night to go walking by my self, but i needed alone time.

nothing wrong with a little withdrawl. it's a way to destress.

[scifithinker]

Planning and reassurance is the key. if hubby is worried about how he'll cope try and find out what he's worried about. is it the cooking? the cleaning? keeping the kids schedule? You should make some lists and have a plan for him. cook like crazy and have meals in the freezer all labeled up with re-heat instructions and stuff. Do all the laundry in sight so they have clean clothes for the time you are away. show them how to use the washer ( if they don't already know!) Leave instructions.

Accept that the house will probably be a mess when you get back. tell hubby that's okay but it would be nice if it wasn't. take some of the pressure off him. This is a great bonding oppotunity for him to be with the kids and either way he will gain a new apreciation of everything that you do.

Talk to your kids too, this is probably a big thing for them too cos mummy is going sooooo far away for a while. You obviously do so much in thier lives that it could be unsettleing. but it's an adventure for all of you. You for the travelling and them to gain a little bit of independance. Show them on a map where you are going. Be open about it. show them how excited you are about going and how excited you will be to come back and tell them all about it. Make that clear, you are coming back... kids can get the wrong idea sometimes.

If you have family locally, a parent or sibling then enlist thier help as a back up, they don't need to be you and step in, but in case hubby needs a babysitter at short notice, make some plans for him. But really hun, he should be fine. It's a long ways off and they will all be a year older by them too.

Don't give up on your dreams. We all need to do things for ourselves occasionally. It doesn't mean we are selfish. it just shows we value ourselves, which means we become better people for those around us.

hugs
Becks

And here's a different perspective from a single woman with no kids:
Chelle, your kids are what, 11 and 15 now? Your husband is certainly a big boy. Not a one of them can't do without you for a while. Nobody died and made you cook, cleaner and servant. It'll be good for them to see how much you do to make their lives run more smoothly. Of course they'll miss you. You'll miss them too. But you've been talking about going to AT4 for almost a year now, so I hope you do go.

To Chelle and Jenni,

On a strictly personal level and not as a G4, a few words for you in what you think is your dilemmma.

Sometimes it's hard to make the decision to do something strictly for yourself. It feels selfish (even though it isn't) to want to enjoy something you really really want to do - for yourself, and yourself alone - and it's harder if your partner doesn't want to join you. HOWEVER. In any relationship and family life it's the richness that you bring to it from being individuals and having individual interests as well as joint interests. We come to a family, to a partnership as separate entities and join together to form a unit. The parts of the unit are still unique though. And it is the uniqueness of the individual parts which enhances the sum of the whole. In other words, stay as unique as you are - enjoy different things as individuals - and enjoy other things as partners. There doesn't have to be an "either/or" scenario.

Being a mum makes the decision to do something for yourself even harder. I know. I've been there. But take my advice (and experience) - do it. It can only bring good in the end. Your family will benefit from the experiences you will tell them about. You will feel stronger as a person because you've paid attention to the "me". If you don't follow your dreams then you end up resenting the fact that you haven't, and resentment isn't pretty.

So take it from a mother, a wife, and a woman who has stood where you stood on several, several occasions and swallowed hard and took the plunge (and never ever once regretted it) - if it's the trip you want then save hard for the trip, take the trip, and fulfil what you are dreaming about.

The life we have isn't a rehearsal. We have to grab it and live it to it's full potential.

Julia
G4

So eloquent. So true.

So have we talked you past all those reasons why you shouldn't go yet?

[Skydiver]

my family doesn't quite get my fandom thing. I tend to downplay it. I dont' wear stargate shirts or anything, and my actor photos are hanging on one corner in the room, or in an album. Usually, when i go to a con, i'm going to meet friends. My squees over the actors are private squees or amongst my online friends.

that's one thing i like about cons...i can be 'normal' there and simply enjoy myself and not feel like the 'odd geek that nerds out over a tv show'

[rderoch]

To Chelle and Jenni,

On a strictly personal level and not as a G4, a few words for you in what you think is your dilemmma.

Sometimes it's hard to make the decision to do something strictly for yourself. It feels selfish (even though it isn't) to want to enjoy something you really really want to do - for yourself, and yourself alone - and it's harder if your partner doesn't want to join you. HOWEVER. In any relationship and family life it's the richness that you bring to it from being individuals and having individual interests as well as joint interests. We come to a family, to a partnership as separate entities and join together to form a unit. The parts of the unit are still unique though. And it is the uniqueness of the individual parts which enhances the sum of the whole. In other words, stay as unique as you are - enjoy different things as individuals - and enjoy other things as partners. There doesn't have to be an "either/or" scenario.

Being a mum makes the decision to do something for yourself even harder. I know. I've been there. But take my advice (and experience) - do it. It can only bring good in the end. Your family will benefit from the experiences you will tell them about. You will feel stronger as a person because you've paid attention to the "me". If you don't follow your dreams then you end up resenting the fact that you haven't, and resentment isn't pretty.

So take it from a mother, a wife, and a woman who has stood where you stood on several, several occasions and swallowed hard and took the plunge (and never ever once regretted it) - if it's the trip you want then save hard for the trip, take the trip, and fulfil what you are dreaming about.

The life we have isn't a rehearsal. We have to grab it and live it to it's full potential.

Julia
G4

How do you always manage to say exactly what's in our heads? Get out of there! It's getting crowded.

[LilFerret]

I'm exactly the same mousie my family think I'm nuts for liking Amanda the way I do, their words are "She's only an actress how important and inspiring can she be to you?"

Luckily (or unluckily, I suppose) my family isn't large (Mom, Dad, Grandma, and a Sister with kids) and although I love them all, we're not THAT close. I visit my parents and my Grandma regularly (we visited Saturday, in fact), and although they know why I went to Europe in the first place, I don't go into details with them. Nor do they know how deep my love for Amanda truly runs (hey, most of you guys don't even know. But I don't plan on going anywhere, so you'll figure it out in time. ) they really didn't even understand who she was until I said she was an actress on SG.

It's different being on my own now, and married. I've never been super independent (having been a CLINGY child) but I've been through two marriages (on the second now) and I think they've figured out that my life is my own. As long as I don't complain to them about bills, they couldn't care less how I spend my money. And my mother can't stand when I mention one thing more than a couple times in multiple conversations, so I avoid mentioning SG.

So take it from a mother, a wife, and a woman who has stood where you stood on several, several occasions and swallowed hard and took the plunge (and never ever once regretted it) - if it's the trip you want then save hard for the trip, take the trip, and fulfil what you are dreaming about.

The life we have isn't a rehearsal. We have to grab it and live it to it's full potential.

Julia
G4

That's a lot of good advise, Julia. I've started to realize now that no matter how much I try to relax, I am going to feel unhappy and overburdened in a life of 40hr work weeks if I don't do things for myself, and have something to look forward to. I get home from work and head straight to the computer. My husband works nights but gets home around 9:30pm. I know he can't stand my time on the computer, but I also know he realizes that is where my friends are. In here *taps monitor*. I know I'm a terrible wife. I truly am. I don't enjoy spending time with my husband unless we're traveling, or doing something I love to do. Luckily he was the one who introduced me to Stargate, and he loves the show and the conventions. The only reason he's considering not going to London is to save money, and so that he can spend more time with my best friend Deneen and her husband in Vancouver (we met on a Stargate board in 2006). Otherwise he'd love to go both to London AND AT4 itself.

I have few friends who I still keep in contact with who AREN'T SG fans. Not because I don't like them, but because I have come to the conclusion that life is too short to waste it holding on to people you have nothing in common with. I used to DREAD my friend calling me to find out when we could hang out because I wanted to make excuses not to go. I wanted to be home, here, where I could not feel WEIRD about loving Amanda Tapping, or wanting to talk about S/J (not on this thread, but you get my meaning.)

People constantly ask when we're having kids. I used to say "soon!" but that's a lie. I'll have kids when I am done needing to be selfish, and when I've seen the world. I'd already been to Mexico and New Zealand, but due to Stargate I have now been to Canada, London, Austria, Holland, Croatia, Slovenia, and Italy.

And I wouldn't change a moment for the world.

it is a lot of fun walking up to random people in the confidence that there is at least one topic you can both talk for hours on.

As outgoing as I am on here, and with people I know...I am EXTREMELY shy meeting people for the first time. Maybe I don't show it, but it terrifies me.

Spoiler:

She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

*adores you* *hugs*

I count my trip to London as one of the highlights of my life. For that, I think it was well worth it.

I think AT3 was one of the first times in the recent years where I truly felt like I was where I was supposed to be.

[starflight]

Funny story from AT3. Gabit was selling badges with various "Sam sayings" on them. Proceeds to the hearing dogs. The morning after the auction I was looking through the basket and decided to buy one that said "What's a girl to do?" Starflight happened by right at that moment and said "You're going to keep your purchase this time, right? You should keep something for yourself!" Whenever I saw her thereafter she kept asking if I still had my badge! (Still do by the way)

EH-T, LOL...Glad to hear it!

[Tittamiire]

I am so with you on this one. (Rant in spoilers so folk can avoid.)

Spoiler:

My sister has never been able to come to terms with fandom of any kind. Our mother was a Mario Lanza fan who helped to run his fan club. Remember, this was in the days before the internet, but she had pen-pals all over the world. She had rhumatoid arthritis and was housebound most of the time. That club was her escape, and kept her 'alive'. She was very aware that her obsession would not be appreciated by her family, and kept her activities with it to the day time, and ran her house as best she could given her disabilities. I personally never suffered through this, and was pleased that she had this diversion to help her through the years of pain she bore. My sister, who is 8 years my senior, never complained to me, but I don't know if she felt in any way deprived.

She is learning to live with my obsession with Stargate and RDA. I know she doesn't like the time taken up with GABIT, and I am aware that she does resent it. I am getting very strong vibes from her about my forthcoming sojourn to Canada in August. Three weeks on the other side of the Atlantic is going to be quite a trial for her. I try not to feel guilty, but it's hard. I have my life to live. She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.

My point, in this lengthy rant, is that some folks have a very narrow view of what it is to really get involved in something - anything. My sister has never (in her adult life) been 'into' anything (although as a teenager she would follow Doris Day's fashions and hairstyles very closely, being a natural platinum blonde). Her life has revolved around work and her husband (they have no kids - their choice). Holidays were always spent in very few venues in the UK. In retirement, she spends a lot of time in her garden and on her hobbies of photography and painting. I, and my kids, are all she has as a family, and she has very few friends. The internet terrifies her and she won't have anything to do with it. (Our Mum would have LOVED it!) She is tied to her way of life and I am 'out there' giving it all I can and living it all I can, and trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. (And succeeding to a degree!)

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

Go Mumsey very eloquently put...one of my brothers is similar in that the thing he is most 'into' is being a good adult, boyfriend and teacher. I often don't get him and he often doesn't get me, but we accept each other.

I need alone time too. After sue and i got to london and got checked into the hotel, i walked to mcd's for an ice cream cone and a diet coke, and then walked down to the road the holiday inn was on, and back.

silly at 930 at night to go walking by my self, but i needed alone time.

nothing wrong with a little withdrawl. it's a way to destress.

Yup...thankfully the friend travelling there with me is well aware of this and is quite happy with me ignoring her for a bit every day when she stays with me lol.

People constantly ask when we're having kids. I used to say "soon!" but that's a lie. I'll have kids when I am done needing to be selfish, and when I've seen the world. I'd already been to Mexico and New Zealand, but due to Stargate I have now been to Canada, London, Austria, Holland, Croatia, Slovenia, and Italy.

I get asked when I am going to get a proper job...or a career or simply settle down. Some people I answer 'one more winter' too if I just want them to go away, but most people I say 'soon, maybe one more winter, maybe longer I don't know. Whenever I feel done.' which isn't very precise, but is honest. I'm not done being a bum yet and bouncing around. Saying that, I am a bum who is never ever late with her rent or any bills and my only debt is my student loan lol...I'm a responsible bum.

As outgoing as I am on here, and with people I know...I am EXTREMELY shy meeting people for the first time. Maybe I don't show it, but it terrifies me.

I can relate to the shyness. I'm not often a shy person, but sometimes it'll sneak up on me and I have a slight (very slight, most don't notice it) stutter too that just blossoms when I am nervous and tired. I try not to let that stop me though. I took up rock climbing because I was afraid of heights...talking to random strangers because I'm shy isn't too much of a step.

[Chelle DB]

Spoiler:

chelle
at the end you have to do what you feel is right, but i will say this...my sis and my bro in law have a good marriage...and part of that i think is because they know to take time apart. He does stuff without her, she does stuff without him. he'll take the baby while she runs, she'll take the baby and let him hang with the guys.
sometimes a relationship needs a little time out.
AGain, you gotta do what you feel is right and what the both of you can live with, but 'separation makes the heart grow fonder' is a cliche for a reason

Chelle, I have a hubby who is sooooo not into stargate it's unbelieveable. He has never been to a convention ( even one of ours). But we have a good solid relationship and we each do things for ourselves. We don't have kids to worry about but we do have a dog... which is sometimes worse ( more difficult to find a baby sitter!)
Planning and reassurance is the key. if hubby is worried about how he'll cope try and find out what he's worried about. is it the cooking? the cleaning? keeping the kids schedule? You should make some lists and have a plan for him. cook like crazy and have meals in the freezer all labeled up with re-heat instructions and stuff. Do all the laundry in sight so they have clean clothes for the time you are away. show them how to use the washer ( if they don't already know!) Leave instructions.
Accept that the house will probably be a mess when you get back. tell hubby that's okay but it would be nice if it wasn't. take some of the pressure off him. This is a great bonding oppotunity for him to be with the kids and either way he will gain a new apreciation of everything that you do.
Talk to your kids too, this is probably a big thing for them too cos mummy is going sooooo far away for a while. You obviously do so much in thier lives that it could be unsettleing. but it's an adventure for all of you. You for the travelling and them to gain a little bit of independance. Show them on a map where you are going. Be open about it. show them how excited you are about going and how excited you will be to come back and tell them all about it. Make that clear, you are coming back... kids can get the wrong idea sometimes.
If you have family locally, a parent or sibling then enlist thier help as a back up, they don't need to be you and step in, but in case hubby needs a babysitter at short notice, make some plans for him. But really hun, he should be fine. It's a long ways off and they will all be a year older by them too.
Don't give up on your dreams. We all need to do things for ourselves occasionally. It doesn't mean we are selfish. it just shows we value ourselves, which means we become better people for those around us.
hugs
Becks

To Chelle and Jenni,
On a strictly personal level and not as a G4, a few words for you in what you think is your dilemmma.
Sometimes it's hard to make the decision to do something strictly for yourself. It feels selfish (even though it isn't) to want to enjoy something you really really want to do - for yourself, and yourself alone - and it's harder if your partner doesn't want to join you. HOWEVER. In any relationship and family life it's the richness that you bring to it from being individuals and having individual interests as well as joint interests. We come to a family, to a partnership as separate entities and join together to form a unit. The parts of the unit are still unique though. And it is the uniqueness of the individual parts which enhances the sum of the whole. In other words, stay as unique as you are - enjoy different things as individuals - and enjoy other things as partners. There doesn't have to be an "either/or" scenario.
Being a mum makes the decision to do something for yourself even harder. I know. I've been there. But take my advice (and experience) - do it. It can only bring good in the end. Your family will benefit from the experiences you will tell them about. You will feel stronger as a person because you've paid attention to the "me". If you don't follow your dreams then you end up resenting the fact that you haven't, and resentment isn't pretty.
So take it from a mother, a wife, and a woman who has stood where you stood on several, several occasions and swallowed hard and took the plunge (and never ever once regretted it) - if it's the trip you want then save hard for the trip, take the trip, and fulfil what you are dreaming about.
The life we have isn't a rehearsal. We have to grab it and live it to it's full potential.
Julia
G4

I am so with you on this one. (Rant in spoilers so folk can avoid.)

Spoiler:

My sister has never been able to come to terms with fandom of any kind. Our mother was a Mario Lanza fan who helped to run his fan club. Remember, this was in the days before the internet, but she had pen-pals all over the world. She had rhumatoid arthritis and was housebound most of the time. That club was her escape, and kept her 'alive'. She was very aware that her obsession would not be appreciated by her family, and kept her activities with it to the day time, and ran her house as best she could given her disabilities. I personally never suffered through this, and was pleased that she had this diversion to help her through the years of pain she bore. My sister, who is 8 years my senior, never complained to me, but I don't know if she felt in any way deprived.
She is learning to live with my obsession with Stargate and RDA. I know she doesn't like the time taken up with GABIT, and I am aware that she does resent it. I am getting very strong vibes from her about my forthcoming sojourn to Canada in August. Three weeks on the other side of the Atlantic is going to be quite a trial for her. I try not to feel guilty, but it's hard. I have my life to live. She still has her husband - mine was lost to me four years ago. Gatecon is going to be hard. He loved going to Vancouver and joining in the con. He would have loved being involved in GABIT.
My point, in this lengthy rant, is that some folks have a very narrow view of what it is to really get involved in something - anything. My sister has never (in her adult life) been 'into' anything (although as a teenager she would follow Doris Day's fashions and hairstyles very closely, being a natural platinum blonde). Her life has revolved around work and her husband (they have no kids - their choice). Holidays were always spent in very few venues in the UK. In retirement, she spends a lot of time in her garden and on her hobbies of photography and painting. I, and my kids, are all she has as a family, and she has very few friends. The internet terrifies her and she won't have anything to do with it. (Our Mum would have LOVED it!) She is tied to her way of life and I am 'out there' giving it all I can and living it all I can, and trying very hard not to feel guilty about it. (And succeeding to a degree!)

Mumsey - not bovvered what others think!

When I spoke with my sis I was shocked when she said to go and have fun, that doing something that was good for my soul wasn't a bad thing. That I shouldn't squelch part of myself to try to conform to what I thought others expected of me. By the end of that conversation ( and this paragraph) I was in tears.
So, yes. There are things to consider. But doing something good for *your* soul isn't a bad thing. In the end it's your decision. In partnership with your hubs. Either way, don't make a decision you think you might regret. (((Chelle))
suse

Oh wow...I never expected this response...wow!!!
Just so you all know...I will be there next year!!
My kids are now 12 and 15.5 years of age and have no qualms about me going...I think the issue with hubby is that he feels he'll have to sacrifice some of his work time to attend to the kids...and he will.
Unfortunately for him, he's been spoiled as I have always picked up the slack with the kids. He has no problem with cooking. He's our cook when we go camping and he makes the best pancakes...so no doubt the kids will be well fed...if not overly!!
As for the cleaning...well that's up for debate. I like my house cleaned just so...he and the kids on the other hand like to just slap it together if you will.
I'm not worried about that though.
When I was pregnant with both babies, I made sure that I had prepared meals to last 2 weeks...I didn't want for him to go hungry while I was in hospital and I didn't want to cook when I came home with the new bundle. But the kids are big enough to help out so no need for that!!!...besides, I broke the freezer so we have no freezer at this stage!
I have to admit...hubby and I are so much closer now than we ever have been in our 15 year marriage...and it just feels like its' getting better all the time. We both have interests apart from each other and do have our time out's. This weekend sees him and Tom off for the bi-annual boys weekend...I have my cons and every 2 years I go away with my girlfriends from school.
So while he may grumble now about the impending trip...I'm not letting him throw a tantrum to try and get me to stay home...being a mum, you learn how to deal with tantrums and the like...so I'm playing it cool!! I am sooo going to be at AT4...and I can't wait to meet all of you there.
Becky...I bet your hubby and mine would get on like a house on fire!
Thank you everyone for your wonderful posts.
Rest assured...I shall be there!!!!!!!! Yay!!

I can't wait!!

I have health issues too. In fact, I collapsed from low blood sugar in front of the hotel desk at check in, and I don't consider diabetes to be my major health problem. If I waited until all my health bills were paid, I would never actually live my life.
BTW, major thanks go out to Suse and Laura who rescued me from my low blood sugar, which was my own darn fault for not paying attention to when and what I was eating.

Oooh...ouch...one of my concerns for AT4 is that I suffer from anxiety and hypertensive episodes and the attacks can come on quite sudden and can be very intense and frightening...I just hope my nerves will hold up! I will be seeing my doctor before I go...just to be sure!!!