Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

[sillyscipia]

Jack: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?
Owen: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
Jack: My God, what a brilliant idea!
Owen: I know.
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Jack: Ianto, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.
Ianto: No! I'm gonna look like a f*g!
Jack: Maybe, but you'll look like a f*g in a uniform.
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Ianto: Oh god, I pierced the toast!
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I just HAD to continue with The Birdcage! Aaaand maybe you can guest what this lot is from!

Jack: I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.
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Owen: Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles.
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Jack: Who's with me?
Ianto: I.
Gwen: I.
Toshiko: I.
Owen: I think you're nuts.

Finding Nemo! funny movie. And Owen going "Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles." is the funniest ever.

[Allestian]

Oh dear...you lot have indeed been busy...



I use this following after putting it at the start of a video.

Jack: Ianto? What are you doing?
Ianto: Making a video of us lot.
Jack: You're not going to...
Ianto: What happens in the Hub stays in the Hub.
Jack: Good. What's that say???
Ianto: Warning. This video may contain flashing.
Jack: Sounds like my kind of film.
Owen: Mine too.

[JJSNgadget]

DOCTOR: "Oh yum, a fruit basket. Aaah pears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Donna, save me!!!!!!!!!!"
DONNA: "Oh what are you on about now you barmy Martian?"

[Madeleine]

RTD: "I've changed my mind; here comes the shippiness"

[Kady]

Ianto: I wish i knew how to quid you!

well someone had to do it!!
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Jack: You pair of deuces lookin' for work, I suggest you get your scrawny asses in here pronto.
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Gwen: You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. You guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose.
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Ianto: Jack, I swear...
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......Well, someone had to mention Brokeback mountain!!

[JJSNgadget]

man, i'd give you a green just for your siggy, but it won't let me.

I feel kind of sad, I can't sign the petition.

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OWEN: "You can stick a Torchwood badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it."
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DOCTOR: *teaching Jack to drive Tardis* "The thing is, it's a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever..."Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I nuclear power sta--I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I'm gonna swap some cogs around! and, it has exactly the same top speed as Henry the Eighth."
JACK: "I guess it's a good things this is a time machine, then."
DOCTOR: "Exactly."
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The Tardis hurls through the vortex. A voice shouting, "I AM A DRIVING GOD!"
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JACK: "Imagine watching the entire French air force crash into a fireworks factory. That's how much of a laugh Torchwood is."
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DOCTOR: "It's a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian barbecue, a Viennese waltz, and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas, all rolled into one...it's fantastic!"
DONNA: O_o *blink, blink* "TAKE ME HOME, NOW!"
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JACK: "Hey, can we run a car on poo?"
*hours later*
TOSH: "Oh my, the people poo is beating the cow poo!"
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TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Dialling."
JACK: "I haven't told you what to dial yet... Dial number."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER:" The number please?"
JACK: "01785."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "0785."
JACK: "No, you missed the one."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Pardon?"
JACK: "You missed the one."
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "The number is deleted, please continue."
JACK: "See what I mean?"
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "202."
JACK: "Where did that come from?"
TORCHWOOD COMPUTER: "Pardon?"
JACK: "Tosh!!!!!! Help."

[Reefgirl]

Someone's been watching Top Gear

Donna: Is that a Skoda Octavia?
Doctor: Umm...It's one of my favourite things

[Kady]

Someone's been watching Top Gear

Donna: Is that a Skoda Octavia?
Doctor: Umm...It's one of my favourite things

Imagine The Stig driving the Tardis? *snicker*

[JJSNgadget]

Imagine The Stig driving the Tardis? *snicker*

Some say that his hair has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called The Doctor.
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Spoiler:

DOCTOR: *about Rose* "The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a -fast- bouncy castle!"

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JACK: *while driving* "Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you, that's the killer."
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[Allestian]

Some say that his hair has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called The Doctor.

*Drops to the floor laughing*

OMG!!!

I'll never be the same again...

This one is based on a conversation I had with the local pizza place tonight...

Ianto: I'd like to order a pizza.
Pizza guy: Okay.
Ianto: Do you deliver?
Pizza guy: Not for a year now...last delivery girl went out and never came back.
(Ianto coughs nervously)
Ianto: Okay, I want to pick it up, how long will that take?
Pizza guy: I dunno...ten minutes?
Ianto: Okay. I'd like a large stuffed crust...
Pizza guy: No stuffed crust. Only Italian and Deep Pan...
Ianto: Okay...deep pan...
Pizza guy: Only got Italian.
Ianto: Fine I'll take the Italian before that one goes. Half and half.
Pizza guy: Fair does, what do you want?
Ianto: Margerita and Meat Feast.
Pizza guy: No meat feast.
(Ianto hangs up)
Ianto: Honestly...I'll make it myself...Here Myfanwy, nice Myfanwy, look at what Uncle Ianto's got for you...
FLAP! FLAP! BANG!!!

[JJSNgadget]

I added some stuff to that last post of mine.
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The hair, it is apooft.

[Allestian]

Could you imagine Jeremy Clarkson test driving the SUV.

(Please acknowledge that I know nought about cars apart from the basics of driving them)

JC: Power steering, left side handbrake, radio, CD player, MP3 insert, mobile phone on the front, two computer systems, broadband wireless, CRIMINT on the back seat. This isn't a car. It's my Christmas list on wheels...

[JJSNgadget]

Could you imagine Jeremy Clarkson test driving the SUV.

(Please acknowledge that I know nought about cars apart from the basics of driving them)

JC: Power steering, left side handbrake, radio, CD player, MP3 insert, mobile phone on the front, two computer systems, broadband wireless, CRIMINT on the back seat. This isn't a car. It's my Christmas list on wheels...

Hamster: And you can issue a ticket for James when he goes too slow.

[Reefgirl]

[Allestian]

Hamster: And you can issue a ticket for James when he goes too slow.

Oooooh very good...



Doctor: James I need you to press that button, turn those switches, and hold that lever...and QUICKLY!!! Otherwise the universe will explode.
(Moments later...BOOM!!!)
James: This button???