Things You Wouldn't Want To Hear in the Tardis or in the Torchwood Hub

[JJSNgadget]

who's Russel Brand?


IANTO: "You've got no arms!"
OWEN: "A flesh wound"
JACK: "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

[Kady]

who's Russel Brand?


IANTO: "You've got no arms!"
OWEN: "A flesh wound"
JACK: "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

he's an English TV presenter (soon to appear in the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") who looks like a poor man's Johnny Depp, circa Pirates of the Carribean, and who is a bit of a casanova!!

[nx01a]

The character looks like a gigolo, at least from the trailer.

[wise one]

jack harkness: captain jack harkness

jack sparrows: captains jack sparrows, please to meet you

(harkness smiles as they both shake hands)

jack sparrows: rum?

harkness: dont mind if i do

sparrows: hang on whats that on your back?

harkness: its a hand in a jar, whats that??

sparrows: well captain..(staggers round to pick it up) i got a jar of dirt

after jack and jack are drunk

sparrows: i got a jar of dirt, i got a jar of dirt...

then he falls over...

Jack Harkness: I've got a gooey hand, I've got a gooey hand...

Jack Sparrow: "What you do in your spare time, mate, is none of my business..."

*Jack Harkness is eating peanuts*
*Jack Sparrow shoots him in the back of the head*
Jack Sparrow: My peanuts.
*Jack Harkness gets up*
Jack Harkness: My peanuts.
Jack Sparrow: Didn't I just shoot you, mate?

Jack Harkness: "Depends...what did you shoot me with???"

Jack Sparrow: Pistol. See? *holds it up*
Jack Harkness: That thing is old. Let's get you something better. *takes Sparrow to pick out a gun*

*Claps hands*

Let's see if I can do this:

(To the tune of lovely bunch of coconuts)

JS: "Gracious Jack, what a load of alien guns..."
JH: "Yup, you got it. If you see one, then just let me know."
(Dum, dum, dum)
JS: "Blue ones."
JH: "Green ones."
JS: "One that's just like a keg..."

That is beyond bad - I am soooo sorry.

*snickers* Nice, Ally.

Both: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
Jack Sparrow: We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Both: Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Jack Harkness: We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Both: Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!

lol i love these pirates of the caribbean gags lol green!!

[Rain nah]

The Doctor [to random companion]: It's NOT a vibrator!!!!

Random Companion in response to The Doctor:
well it couldn't hurt anything to try it like that could it?

[nx01a]

Oh noooooo you didn't!!!!
Doctor [to random companion]: Sorry. It doesn't work on deadlock seals.

[Rain nah]

Oh noooooo you didn't!!!!
Doctor [to random companion]: Sorry. It doesn't work on deadlock seals.

Random Companion:
It's NOT a deadlock seal, it's a chastity belt and I want it off NOW!!

[JJSNgadget]

Random Companion:
It's NOT a deadlock seal, it's a chasity belt and I want it off NOW!!

OMG I was thinking the same thing.

The Doctor and The Master swordfighting over a fair maiden wearing a chastity belt.

[AvatarIII]

*set early S2*
*ianto overhears*
Jack: Hey Owen, have my test results come back yet?
Owen: Yes, they have, it's bad but i don't see why you have to worry right?
Jack: We'll see *reads results*, hmmm so i can't die, but i can carry HIV, thats good to know
Ianto:

[JJSNgadget]

*set early S2*
*ianto overhears*
Jack: Hey Owen, have my test results come back yet?
Owen: Yes, they have, it's bad but i don't see why you have to worry right?
Jack: We'll see *reads results*, hmmm so i can't die, but i can carry HIV, thats good to know
Ianto:

IANTO: "Hmmmm." *is thinking hard* "Aha."
*Jack enters*
JACK: "Hey, how's it hanging?"
*Ianto shoots Jack in head*
OWEN: "Omg!!!!"
*Jack wakes up*
JACK: "What did you do that for?"
IANTO: "To cure your HIV, duh. You do want to have sex with me again, don't you?"

[JJSNgadget]

Torchwood Hub: It's not bigger on the inside, Caerdydd's just smaller on the outside.

[nx01a]

"Yours is 13 1/2 feet long, Doctor?! Really?! It is not!"

[sillyscipia]

Owen: I got a new cat!
Jack: Why didn't you tell us you were getting a sex change, Owen?

[Rain nah]

Owen: I got a new cat!
Jack: Why didn't you tell us you were getting a sex change, Owen?

Owen: Oh ha ha Jack, but anyway, my pussy's name is Tosh...
Toshi:WHAT???!
*everyone else snickers behind their hands*

[sillyscipia]

Owen: Oh ha ha Jack, but anyway, my pussy's name is Tosh...
Toshi:WHAT???!
*everyone else snickers behind their hands*

Gwen: Well since we're talking about pets, i've got a dog. She's a beautiful golden retriever named...
Owen: What?
Gwen: Owen.