I was inspired by TRexx's "Twas the Night Before Christmas" parody, so I dug a bunch of Star Trek Christmas Carols, some are rather blase, some are rather funny and clever and some are downright hilarious, enjoy......
Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of ''Let It Snow'')
Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go--
Make it so, make it so, make it so!
William Riker: (to the tune of ''Deck the Halls'')
Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Give Me Quark's for Christmas: (Sung to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas.")
Give me Quark's for Christmas.
And book a holosuite.
A tidy sum
Of latinum
Pays all! Hey! Ain't that neat?
Give me Quark's for Christmas.
And not that lame Club Med.
A drink with Morn
And some holo-porn
Goes right to my large forehead.
Christmas Eve you'll find me
Hoping to shout "Dab...bo!"
Yes! We all go to Quark's for Christmas time,
Even the Ghost of Ben Sisko!
Q Ride: (Sung to the tune of "Sleigh Ride.")
Just hear my fingers snapping
While a mortal yapping
Stands by.
It all goes so absurdly.
Well, hasn't he heard he
Will die?
Hey, do you know my IQ?
Well, I deny you'll
Arrive.
At just how astounding's
The number 2000
And five.
The Continuum is one big long and winding road.
With the wave of a hand I can turn all of Man into a horny toad.
I know when I pop into your bed
You don't want my advice.
But if you'd ever met R, S, or T
You'd know all we Q are nice!
With all those Trekkers I'm pleasing
When I show once a season
Or two.
The Nielsons would be in heaven
With a show just with Seven
And Q!
Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!
Jean-Luc.
Will Riker's a kook.
Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!
Kathryn.
Ditch young Harry Kim.
You're staking your ships
On those drips,
When you could both by my dear friends!
I don't see how your race is surviving
The suffering and dying
You do.
It's all just so much better
As my favorite letter:
The Q.
Captain Kirk is Beaming to Town: (sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")
You want a good fight
To set the world right?
Are you an alien babe who's free for the night?
Captain Kirk is beaming to town.
With his officer Spock
And Montgomery Scott,
Dr. McCoy
(He's a doctor, not a toy!)
Captain Kirk is beaming to town.
He faced off the "real" Klingons
Who looked more like ourselves.
He beat them on the head real good
And sneered, "Are you Klingons or Christmas elves?"
Oh, you all better live
By the Prime Directive!
With his phasers on stun
He knows best for everyone.
Captain Kirk is beaming to town
Yes, Captain Kirk is beaming...to town!
Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of ''God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'')
I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day--
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!
Data: (to the tune of ''Jingle Bells'')
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh--
or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term ''fun,''
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the--
yes, sir.
Data, The Fast-Fingered Android: (sing to the tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" -- for Will)
Data, the Fast-Fingered Android,
Was sort of like Pinocchio.
He longed to be a "real" boy,
Not a walking Nintendo.
All of the rest of Starfleet,
Treated him just like a slave.
Like he was some Hal computer,
They'd taunt him with, "Good morning, Dave."
Then upon the Enterprise
Jean-Luc came to say,
"Data, with your fingers fast,
Come work with us and save the day!"
Now all of the crews in Starfleet
Wish they had an android too!
Data, the fast-fingered android,
You can't love us, but we love you!
Worf: (to be to the tune of ''White Christmas'')
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they've hidden,
But this one didn't,
And I'm using him as bait.
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame--
And I hope you're wishing me the same!
I have a few more I might post up tomorrow.....
Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of ''Let It Snow'')
Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go--
Make it so, make it so, make it so!
William Riker: (to the tune of ''Deck the Halls'')
Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Give Me Quark's for Christmas: (Sung to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas.")
Give me Quark's for Christmas.
And book a holosuite.
A tidy sum
Of latinum
Pays all! Hey! Ain't that neat?
Give me Quark's for Christmas.
And not that lame Club Med.
A drink with Morn
And some holo-porn
Goes right to my large forehead.
Christmas Eve you'll find me
Hoping to shout "Dab...bo!"
Yes! We all go to Quark's for Christmas time,
Even the Ghost of Ben Sisko!
Q Ride: (Sung to the tune of "Sleigh Ride.")
Just hear my fingers snapping
While a mortal yapping
Stands by.
It all goes so absurdly.
Well, hasn't he heard he
Will die?
Hey, do you know my IQ?
Well, I deny you'll
Arrive.
At just how astounding's
The number 2000
And five.
The Continuum is one big long and winding road.
With the wave of a hand I can turn all of Man into a horny toad.
I know when I pop into your bed
You don't want my advice.
But if you'd ever met R, S, or T
You'd know all we Q are nice!
With all those Trekkers I'm pleasing
When I show once a season
Or two.
The Nielsons would be in heaven
With a show just with Seven
And Q!
Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!
Jean-Luc.
Will Riker's a kook.
Listen up! Listen up! Listen up!
Kathryn.
Ditch young Harry Kim.
You're staking your ships
On those drips,
When you could both by my dear friends!
I don't see how your race is surviving
The suffering and dying
You do.
It's all just so much better
As my favorite letter:
The Q.
Captain Kirk is Beaming to Town: (sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")
You want a good fight
To set the world right?
Are you an alien babe who's free for the night?
Captain Kirk is beaming to town.
With his officer Spock
And Montgomery Scott,
Dr. McCoy
(He's a doctor, not a toy!)
Captain Kirk is beaming to town.
He faced off the "real" Klingons
Who looked more like ourselves.
He beat them on the head real good
And sneered, "Are you Klingons or Christmas elves?"
Oh, you all better live
By the Prime Directive!
With his phasers on stun
He knows best for everyone.
Captain Kirk is beaming to town
Yes, Captain Kirk is beaming...to town!
Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of ''God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'')
I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day--
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!
Data: (to the tune of ''Jingle Bells'')
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh--
or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term ''fun,''
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the--
yes, sir.
Data, The Fast-Fingered Android: (sing to the tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" -- for Will)
Data, the Fast-Fingered Android,
Was sort of like Pinocchio.
He longed to be a "real" boy,
Not a walking Nintendo.
All of the rest of Starfleet,
Treated him just like a slave.
Like he was some Hal computer,
They'd taunt him with, "Good morning, Dave."
Then upon the Enterprise
Jean-Luc came to say,
"Data, with your fingers fast,
Come work with us and save the day!"
Now all of the crews in Starfleet
Wish they had an android too!
Data, the fast-fingered android,
You can't love us, but we love you!
Worf: (to be to the tune of ''White Christmas'')
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they've hidden,
But this one didn't,
And I'm using him as bait.
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame--
And I hope you're wishing me the same!
I have a few more I might post up tomorrow.....
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