Favorite Farscape Quotes

[ShaViva]

From The Locket:

"Damn, baby ah miss you already. Who else'm ah gonna tell this crap to?"

Old John brushes the tears away and leans over to kiss Old Aeryn.

"Ah love you."

He touches her hair and then notices her locket - so he picks it up and opens it. And as he recalls Aeryn’s words "Take a look inside. You'll see his image. The only love of my life" he sees that it contains an image of him.

And then Old John cries.

[rushy]

My favourite scene.
(At Katratzi, John is walks into the Peace Conference Room)
Staleek:...but we have a guest who should make those peace talks even more amusing.
(Everyone stare at Crichton)
Grayza:John Crichton...
Crichton:...and partner. What do we miss?
Staleek:You've taken a great risk coming here. Why shouldn't I have you seized right now?
Crichton:Well, maybe this.
(Crichton takes out a bomb attached to him)
Ahkna:What's that?
Crichton:Metonium core. Trinium shell. That's like translated?
Staleek:A fission bomb(at least that's what I thought it sounded like)!
(Guards raise their guns)
StaleekUT THOSE DOWN!!!
(Guards go away)
Crichton:Nice threads. You must be the Emperor.
(Staleek nods)
Crichton:Now, before anybody decides to get clever, you should know I have multiple deadman sensors from every culture on my ship, and a few cultures I haven't heard of.
(Grayza sits down)
Crichton:My heart stops, we all go boom. My heart speeds up, it's boom again. Too hot, too cold, too happy, too sad, thirsty, hungry, bored, it's Johnny (didn't know what) time. Boom, boom, boom. And you try your little psychic trick, ka-boom. Now I'm pushing up Dayglo daisies.
Ahkna:Why do I doubt that?
Crichton:Because you lack imagination.
Staleek:What do you want?
Crichton:What do I want? What do I want? I... have not been chasing my *** trying to pull up chunks of my brain. I... have not been sneaking fembnuts and (didn't know what) into the places I live.
(Crichton points at Staleek)
Crichton:You want something!
(Crichton points at Ahkna)
Crichton:You... you want... what's inside my head. You want what I know about wormholes. Because I...
(Crichton climbs on the table and starts making huge steps)
Crichton:...can leap tall galaxies in a single bow! I can scorch planets with a wave of my hand! And you, and you, and you, you can't do jack.
Grayza:That's not true.
Crichton:Oh, really? You command the stars to do your bidding? I know you can't. And you can't. And you can't. And you won't. But I have...
(Aeryn smiles)
Staleek:Then why are you here?
Crichton:Because I am American. What does an American want?
(and so it goes onward. Sorry about mispronounciations. I just love this scene. Consider this Crichton and the original Crichton from Season 1. A big difference)

[rockstarsister]

"I got great eyes they're better than 20/20 and they're blue!"

"Taylen you've seen then both naked perhaps you can tell us who's bigger"

[Ulkesh47]

This is pretty much my definitive list of favorite Farscape quotes.

I, E.T.
Rygel: Mud is... mud! You can't breathe in it, you can't move in it. It holds you, it grabs you, it sucks you down! You wanna know about mud? I know about mud!
John: The guy knows mud.

PK Tech Girl
Aeryn: On - the ground - NOW!!!

John: They spit fire? How come nobody tells me this stuff?? How come nobody tells me they spit fire???

Nerve
John: Danger. Danger, Will Robinson. Beware the chair.

Crackers Don't Matter
John: NOBODY has pizza with margaritas!

Out of their Minds
John in Aeryn: You want to SEE the pavement pizza?

Look at the Princess: I Do, I Think
Basically the entire scene where John escapes from Braca!

A Clockwork Nebari
John: Crap, man... I can drool with the best of 'em, dude!

Suns and Lovers
Stark: Yes. I'm an expert on dying... I'm just not an expert on you dying.

Self-Inflicted Wounds: Wait for the Wheel
Stark: Dead. All of us, dead. My love, dead. My dreams, dead. You dead. Me dead. You dead, me dead, you dead, me dead, you dead, me dead! Your list is short, and unworthy of entree to this ship of horror; tortured by demons you can never know, mocked by love that will never be! Oh, you want to cry, young creature? I will show you something that will make you cry forever!

... Different Destinations
Jool: Bullfrell!

Thanks for Sharing
John: Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.

John: You've been lying to your daddy, boy, and you know you shouldn't lie to your daddy. It's gonna stop. Who's your daddy? C'mon, you know who your daddy is. Who's your daddy? D'Argo, tell him who his daddy is.
D'Argo: I'm your daddy.

Lava's a Many Splendored Thing
D'Argo: Same dren, different planet.

John: This is unbelievable! Can't cook, won't bathe, and now she's narcoleptic! She's triple threat Grandma!

Natural Election
D'Argo: John, I'm going to tell you something I've never actually put into words before... I LOVE shooting things.

We're so Screwed: Hot to Katratzi
Staleek: Your safety guaranteed, in just a few arns.
John: Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows, how are you gonna guarantee my safety?

John: It's beer o'clock, where the hell is my riot?

We're so Screwed: La Bomba
Noranti: Who's Stark?
Rygel: Another lunatic with the wrong number of eyes.

The Peacekeeper Wars
John: You wanna see it? The thing you've been chasing my ass all over the universe for? Torturing me, my wife, my friends for? Formidable weapon. You wanna see it?
Scorpius: Yes.
John: Beg.
Scorpius: I beg you.
John: That's not good enough. Say please.
Scorpius: Please.
John: Pretty please.
Scorpius: Pretty please.
John: With a cherry on top.
Scorpius: With a cherry on top.
John: Happy birthday. Now get out of my sight.

Rygel: If it is the largest black hole then it's a death worthy of a Dominar!

[maneth]

Premiere:
John to Rygel in a squeaky voice: You fart helium?

[Morgania]

Natural Election
D'Argo: John, I'm going to tell you something I've never actually put into words before... I LOVE shooting things.

The way he leads up to it makes it so much funnier too.

[Thunderstorm]

Doctor Chuck Jones wrote the book on these situations.

--Revenging Angel

[maneth]

Thank God It's Friday, Again

Aeryn Sun: She gives me a woody.
[John stares at her]
Aeryn Sun: Woody. It's a human saying. I've heard you say it often. When you don't trust someone or they make you nervous, they give you...
John Crichton: Willies. She gives you the willies.



John Crichton: Oh, yeah. I think I've seen this one. Mel Gibson, Tina Turner, cage match.
Dominar Rygel XVI: What?
John Crichton: Oh, don't worry. Nobody saw the third one, anyway.

That one's mainly funny because Virginia Hey was in Mad Max 2...

[rushy]

"I scream, you scream we all scream for ice cream!"

John:They don't get it, Scorpy, they don't get how crazy they are.
Scorpius hallucination:You're right, John. They don't get it. They don't get it because... because they stole the crackers.


(Every member of the crew except Crichton is tied up. Aeryn wakes up)
John:Look everybody, sunshine's awake! RENALDO!!!! Even to a fresh wound! Hahaha...

[rushy]

John:We aren't gonna go crackers will we?
Green eyed monster.
Loved it's sign to Crackers don't matter.

[Selkhet]

I am going to just quote you guys. There are just too many to choose. You guys have done a lot. So I am picking a few from your list.

Premiere:
John to Rygel in a squeaky voice: You fart helium?

I remember laughing so hard the first time I watched that episode.

Aeryn Sun: She gives me a woody.
[John stares at her]
Aeryn Sun: Woody. It's a human saying. I've heard you say it often. When you don't trust someone or they make you nervous, they give you...
John Crichton: Willies. She gives you the willies.

Classic Farscape humor. Good stuff.

Crichton, "I'm starting to look at Plan C."
Aeryn, "Which is?"
Crichton, "Forget the whole thing and run like hell before they kill us."

Love that quote. Vintage Crichton humor.

Jool: "You know, we don't have weapons on our planet; we don't have violence; we don't have war!"
Chiana: (Smacking Jool hard)
Jool: "What the frell?!" (and smacks Chiana back, equally hard)
Chiana: (landing another blow): "See! Violence. You'll get the hang of it." - Eat Me

Chiana is frelling hillarious!!!

Aeryn, "I had this life. I liked it. It had rules, I followed the rules, and that made everything right. And then you come along and you frell everything up. You strange human with...arrogence, stubbornness..."
Crichton, "...dumb..."
Aeryn, "Let me finish! You saw the recording and you didn't say a word. You are like a plague, John Crichton, and you have ruined my life. And yet, I just...keep coming back."

Great line between Aeryn and John.

Rygel, "Mother always said I'd die from incompetence. I finally know what she meant. That's why we keep people like you chained in the first place!"

One of my favorites. Gotta love Rygel. Another is when he says he is no ones puppet.
God I loved that line.

[rosey_angel]

Aeryn "Sebaceans once had a god called... Djancaz-Bru. Six worlds prayed to her. They... built her temples... conquered planets. And yet one day she still... rode off and destroyed all six worlds. And when the last warrior was dying, he... he said... 'We gave you everything. Why did you destroy us?' And she looked down upon him and she whispered... 'Because I can.' "

Noranti "But I did kill others. By my actions, I have taken innocent lives."
Rygel "Welcome to Moya,"

Rygel "In my time as Dominar, some of my actions resulted in the deaths of the undeserving. Even when the cause is just, it's a hard thing to accept."

some of my fave quotes from Fetel Attraction 1: We're So Screwed. excellent name, btw haha

[Thunderstorm]

A few from Green Eyed Monster

CRICHTON: (to Talyn) Open the door, you souless, tinheaded, adolescent pig!


CRICHTON: Yes it's new, it's improved it's the Finger of Friendship, $19.95! But wait kids, there's more!


STARK: They're a frelling shipping hazard. Our ships energy fields make us... 'electromagnetic candy'.
RYGEL: I've never heard anyone say that!
STARK: That's because they're all dead!

[maneth]

Crichton: Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head!
--Thanks for sharing

[rosey_angel]

In PKW when Stark has run off and Moya landed herself at the bottom of the ocean. I love this line because it works on both levels:
Stark: "We're in awfully deep aren't we, D'Argo?"



D'Argo: I saw the most amazing thing before I almost died
Chiana: What...a vision,light, ansestors?
D'Argo: No...I saw a big wall of water then the ground as my nose was scapping along the floor