Thoughts concerning my faith.
I was talking to someone in another thread and we got to the subject of my faith. One person ended up saying that it made him sad that so many people feel the need to believe in a god...
I've been thinking about that, and I've come to a few points that I'd like to share.
I thought about why. Why would it make someone sad that I'm comforted by the fact that I know there's a greater purpose to life... something much bigger than each individual, bigger than myself and my own little existence? I figured that it was because believing in a higher being was my way of not taking responsibility for my own life. A way of making excuses for the unknown and unexplainable, because I just can't comprehend or handle it by myself.
I won't claim to know for sure that that is how this particular person feels, or that many other people who don't believe in any god feel this way, but after thinking about it, that was the only explanation I could come up with. That some atheists believe that anyone who does believe in a higher power are just weak and insecure with life, and that is why we "invented" this higher power to trust our lives to and explain all the mysteries that surround us.
Say for the sake of argument that there is no God. Am I just believing in Him because I, like many others, are insecure and weak? I don't know. I suppose it's possible. What I do know is that, while believing in God does make me feel much more secure and content with my life, that isn't all it does.
You see, when I was younger, I didn't really completely "know" God existed. I just listened to what my parents said and thought that, if that is what they tell me then it must be true. I didn't think about God very often, even though I did pray and go to church every Sunday. The fact that God existed was just that; a fact. Nothing more. It didn't really mean anything real important to me. Every now and then, I would have spiritual experiences and feel His love and peace, but afterwards I wouldn't give it much thought. I guess I was just your average Christian kid.
I was an average kid in most respects. I enjoying all the things that any kid does and understood, to a point, that I was very lucky and blessed. However, also like other kids I could be very selfish. When I got in trouble, I was the victim and everyone else was just WRONG, plain and simple. I would continue arguing and fighting until the other person or persons involved understood that they were wrong and I was right, which... naturally didn't always happen. *winks* There were times -- more often than I liked -- where I would get so angry and so stubborn that all I could feel at that moment was rage burning in my heart. Instead of resolving it, I'd just let myself stay angry, because resolving it generally involved admitting my imperfections. I would just wait until I got distracted from my fury and went on with my life.
What does all this have to do with what my faith does for me? Don't worry, I'm getting to that...
Eventually, I grew up a bit. Not maturely, just physically. I did start to realize that my attitude and selfishness had consequences, but I was far from overcoming it (not that I have completely even now...). After a while I got to the age where I began to think more as an individual and was able to begin to question what I had been taught and raised to think and believe.
After a bought of depression (partially due to getting very sick and not knowing why or how, and through which my faith was the only thing that kept me from killing myself...), I went back to being a pretty much normal teen. I had matured in the sense that I was able to control my selfishness more, and a lot of my childhood thoughts and feelings had changed and/or gone completely. But, I was still Christian and still believed in God, not because I knew it and felt it for myself yet, but because it was simply what I was still used to being and doing.
That changed after a few years. I did end up questioning my faith. It was in my later-mid-teens and influenced by what I heard other people saying. Was there really a God? If so, then why didn't He show Himself better? Why did I feel so... empty and alone? I heard a few atheists say that anyone who believed in God was just ignorant. Where was the evidence that such a being existed, after all? Then came that arrogance again. I'm not ignorant! I'm just as intelligent as the next person! More so, even! So... what if they're right? ........... I don't want people to think badly of me..... so...... maybe I shouldn't believe in God. I mean, where is the evidence? I don't see it anywhere... what these people are saying makes sense to me.
That was what one part of me was saying, at least.
The other part was trying to remind myself that I have the evidence already. I have experienced and felt His loving presence.
But have I really? Maybe it was just some sort of chemical imbalance...
How could that wonderful feeling be wrong when it had felt so very right?
Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions and false hope. Maybe it was "just a random happy feeling".
But that made the feelings feel so.... empty and meaningless. Deep in my heart I knew it was something bigger, but my very human need to be liked also felt very strong... I kept going back and forth in my mind, like in those cartoons where there's a little angel on one of someone's shoulders and a little demon on the other, both trying to influence the person to see their point of view.
Except this was no light matter, it felt very serious. The angel was glorious and clad in golden armor, yet rather on the quiet side... The demon was... dark, and somewhat scary but... pleasing and easy-going at the same time. There were times when the demon would look much nicer and very convincing, making rationalizations that felt good, while the angel was just repeating the same things over and over and just seemed annoyingly stubborn. Sometimes I'd tell the angel to just GO AWAY and leave me alone, but without actually giving in to the demon. Instead, I'd just push them both away and distract myself with my actual real life LIFE, for gosh sake.
But while I wasn't thinking about God or the "little angel and demon", my life continued feeling empty and meaningless. I had friends, I had a great family who I loved and got along with well, things where going pretty good in my life.
So, why did I feel so empty?
At the time, I wouldn't have told you it was a bad feeling. To tell you the truth, it was somewhat... nice. I felt... free. I didn't have to worry about God, or sin, or eternal consequences; I could just be me and do what I wanted.
However, not only was there something just... missing, but I still had that selfishness. It wasn't as strong as it had been, and I was able to control it much better, but it was still there, making me feel that anger again, and making me want to "look good" and feel good in front of other people.
Then, I simply decided to continue believing in God. I didn't have any miraculous tranformation or mind-opening experience, I just made the decision. Why? ..... I wasn't completely sure. I guess I just figured that if I felt better and more complete when knowing and believing in God, then why the heck not? Who cares what other people think, anyway? Who cares if it made me "ignorant"? It just seemed like the right choice.
For a while, I still felt empty. Something still wasn't right. Sometimes I thought that if I still don't feel right now that I've decided to have faith, then what was the point? I had to put effort into believing, so if nothing good came out of it, why bother? Because of that my faith was pretty shaky for the next few years. But I kept going. I continued praying and trying to be a good Christian. Something just made me... I didn't really understand it, it just was.
Eventually, I did get something out of it, though. It took much longer than I wanted, but it did come. I had lost most of my friends and not only was I still sick, but I had gotten much, much worse. My life sucked. Well, it felt like it sometimes. Yet... I was starting to feel happier and more complete again. If anything, more so than ever before. But... how? My life was still the same as it was. Things were still going from bad to worse. But, somehow it didn't matter. I had hope, and meaning.
Now, how does this imply anything other than God giving my life meaning and fulfillment -- which, for the sake of argument, could be due to my own moral and emotional weakness and not because God is the truth and the meaning to life?
Because something else had changed along with a renewed sense of meaning and fulfillment. Knowing and believing in God isn't just my safety net solely for my own comfort, it's the knowledge that there is something to life and Someone so great and mighty and holy that puts my own mere existence into perspective. Not only does the world not revolved around me, but I am practically nothing in the ultimate grand scheme of things. Yet, I am something. While I am no more important than the next person, or the next person, or the person after that, or even the person after THAT (lol), I am still very, very important.
So, my belief in God doesn't only give me meaning and fulfillment in life, it gives me humility and respect for others. I am a bright person and with enough will and devotion I can do great things in this world; I am as important as anyone else, and am capable of becoming a wonderful and powerful person, BUT I am still a human being. I still have emotions and failings that make it nearly impossible for me to stand out from the rest of humanity. That is, without help. I am nothing in the grand scheme of things without the grace of God.
God is Love. True faith in Him is humility. Also love and respect for others as well as yourself.
But most of all, it's love of Him and the knowledge that we are nothing compared to His greatness; yet, by His loving grace, we are each given the chance to, not only be great in this world, but have the honor of spending the rest of eternity in His truly awesome presence in the ultimate paradise.
Does any of this prove God's existence? Heck, no. What it shows, is that whether or not any of us are capable of being a great person without divine intervention, having that faith as made it much, much easier and more fulfilling for many, many of us.
The main point of this whole thing being: why is this a bad thing? Why should we stop having this faith, even if there really was no God? Because it shows a weakness in us? A flaw in human nature?
If it makes us better people for it, if this "flaw" in our nature gives us the humility we need to properly respect each other and the rest of the universe, then why should I care? If it shows a weakness in my own abilities as a decent human being, then so be it. At least I know that, while I'm nowhere near perfect, I am a better person for it.
So please, don't feel sad or disappointed that I have faith. If you'd rather think less of me for it, then that's your right. All I ask is that you either respect me along with my faith, or just ignore me and pay me no mind...
Thank you.
((Please read post below...))
I've been thinking about that, and I've come to a few points that I'd like to share.
I thought about why. Why would it make someone sad that I'm comforted by the fact that I know there's a greater purpose to life... something much bigger than each individual, bigger than myself and my own little existence? I figured that it was because believing in a higher being was my way of not taking responsibility for my own life. A way of making excuses for the unknown and unexplainable, because I just can't comprehend or handle it by myself.
I won't claim to know for sure that that is how this particular person feels, or that many other people who don't believe in any god feel this way, but after thinking about it, that was the only explanation I could come up with. That some atheists believe that anyone who does believe in a higher power are just weak and insecure with life, and that is why we "invented" this higher power to trust our lives to and explain all the mysteries that surround us.
Say for the sake of argument that there is no God. Am I just believing in Him because I, like many others, are insecure and weak? I don't know. I suppose it's possible. What I do know is that, while believing in God does make me feel much more secure and content with my life, that isn't all it does.
You see, when I was younger, I didn't really completely "know" God existed. I just listened to what my parents said and thought that, if that is what they tell me then it must be true. I didn't think about God very often, even though I did pray and go to church every Sunday. The fact that God existed was just that; a fact. Nothing more. It didn't really mean anything real important to me. Every now and then, I would have spiritual experiences and feel His love and peace, but afterwards I wouldn't give it much thought. I guess I was just your average Christian kid.
I was an average kid in most respects. I enjoying all the things that any kid does and understood, to a point, that I was very lucky and blessed. However, also like other kids I could be very selfish. When I got in trouble, I was the victim and everyone else was just WRONG, plain and simple. I would continue arguing and fighting until the other person or persons involved understood that they were wrong and I was right, which... naturally didn't always happen. *winks* There were times -- more often than I liked -- where I would get so angry and so stubborn that all I could feel at that moment was rage burning in my heart. Instead of resolving it, I'd just let myself stay angry, because resolving it generally involved admitting my imperfections. I would just wait until I got distracted from my fury and went on with my life.
What does all this have to do with what my faith does for me? Don't worry, I'm getting to that...
Eventually, I grew up a bit. Not maturely, just physically. I did start to realize that my attitude and selfishness had consequences, but I was far from overcoming it (not that I have completely even now...). After a while I got to the age where I began to think more as an individual and was able to begin to question what I had been taught and raised to think and believe.
After a bought of depression (partially due to getting very sick and not knowing why or how, and through which my faith was the only thing that kept me from killing myself...), I went back to being a pretty much normal teen. I had matured in the sense that I was able to control my selfishness more, and a lot of my childhood thoughts and feelings had changed and/or gone completely. But, I was still Christian and still believed in God, not because I knew it and felt it for myself yet, but because it was simply what I was still used to being and doing.
That changed after a few years. I did end up questioning my faith. It was in my later-mid-teens and influenced by what I heard other people saying. Was there really a God? If so, then why didn't He show Himself better? Why did I feel so... empty and alone? I heard a few atheists say that anyone who believed in God was just ignorant. Where was the evidence that such a being existed, after all? Then came that arrogance again. I'm not ignorant! I'm just as intelligent as the next person! More so, even! So... what if they're right? ........... I don't want people to think badly of me..... so...... maybe I shouldn't believe in God. I mean, where is the evidence? I don't see it anywhere... what these people are saying makes sense to me.
That was what one part of me was saying, at least.
The other part was trying to remind myself that I have the evidence already. I have experienced and felt His loving presence.
But have I really? Maybe it was just some sort of chemical imbalance...
How could that wonderful feeling be wrong when it had felt so very right?
Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions and false hope. Maybe it was "just a random happy feeling".
But that made the feelings feel so.... empty and meaningless. Deep in my heart I knew it was something bigger, but my very human need to be liked also felt very strong... I kept going back and forth in my mind, like in those cartoons where there's a little angel on one of someone's shoulders and a little demon on the other, both trying to influence the person to see their point of view.
Except this was no light matter, it felt very serious. The angel was glorious and clad in golden armor, yet rather on the quiet side... The demon was... dark, and somewhat scary but... pleasing and easy-going at the same time. There were times when the demon would look much nicer and very convincing, making rationalizations that felt good, while the angel was just repeating the same things over and over and just seemed annoyingly stubborn. Sometimes I'd tell the angel to just GO AWAY and leave me alone, but without actually giving in to the demon. Instead, I'd just push them both away and distract myself with my actual real life LIFE, for gosh sake.
But while I wasn't thinking about God or the "little angel and demon", my life continued feeling empty and meaningless. I had friends, I had a great family who I loved and got along with well, things where going pretty good in my life.
So, why did I feel so empty?
At the time, I wouldn't have told you it was a bad feeling. To tell you the truth, it was somewhat... nice. I felt... free. I didn't have to worry about God, or sin, or eternal consequences; I could just be me and do what I wanted.
However, not only was there something just... missing, but I still had that selfishness. It wasn't as strong as it had been, and I was able to control it much better, but it was still there, making me feel that anger again, and making me want to "look good" and feel good in front of other people.
Then, I simply decided to continue believing in God. I didn't have any miraculous tranformation or mind-opening experience, I just made the decision. Why? ..... I wasn't completely sure. I guess I just figured that if I felt better and more complete when knowing and believing in God, then why the heck not? Who cares what other people think, anyway? Who cares if it made me "ignorant"? It just seemed like the right choice.
For a while, I still felt empty. Something still wasn't right. Sometimes I thought that if I still don't feel right now that I've decided to have faith, then what was the point? I had to put effort into believing, so if nothing good came out of it, why bother? Because of that my faith was pretty shaky for the next few years. But I kept going. I continued praying and trying to be a good Christian. Something just made me... I didn't really understand it, it just was.
Eventually, I did get something out of it, though. It took much longer than I wanted, but it did come. I had lost most of my friends and not only was I still sick, but I had gotten much, much worse. My life sucked. Well, it felt like it sometimes. Yet... I was starting to feel happier and more complete again. If anything, more so than ever before. But... how? My life was still the same as it was. Things were still going from bad to worse. But, somehow it didn't matter. I had hope, and meaning.
Now, how does this imply anything other than God giving my life meaning and fulfillment -- which, for the sake of argument, could be due to my own moral and emotional weakness and not because God is the truth and the meaning to life?
Because something else had changed along with a renewed sense of meaning and fulfillment. Knowing and believing in God isn't just my safety net solely for my own comfort, it's the knowledge that there is something to life and Someone so great and mighty and holy that puts my own mere existence into perspective. Not only does the world not revolved around me, but I am practically nothing in the ultimate grand scheme of things. Yet, I am something. While I am no more important than the next person, or the next person, or the person after that, or even the person after THAT (lol), I am still very, very important.
So, my belief in God doesn't only give me meaning and fulfillment in life, it gives me humility and respect for others. I am a bright person and with enough will and devotion I can do great things in this world; I am as important as anyone else, and am capable of becoming a wonderful and powerful person, BUT I am still a human being. I still have emotions and failings that make it nearly impossible for me to stand out from the rest of humanity. That is, without help. I am nothing in the grand scheme of things without the grace of God.
God is Love. True faith in Him is humility. Also love and respect for others as well as yourself.
But most of all, it's love of Him and the knowledge that we are nothing compared to His greatness; yet, by His loving grace, we are each given the chance to, not only be great in this world, but have the honor of spending the rest of eternity in His truly awesome presence in the ultimate paradise.
Does any of this prove God's existence? Heck, no. What it shows, is that whether or not any of us are capable of being a great person without divine intervention, having that faith as made it much, much easier and more fulfilling for many, many of us.
The main point of this whole thing being: why is this a bad thing? Why should we stop having this faith, even if there really was no God? Because it shows a weakness in us? A flaw in human nature?
If it makes us better people for it, if this "flaw" in our nature gives us the humility we need to properly respect each other and the rest of the universe, then why should I care? If it shows a weakness in my own abilities as a decent human being, then so be it. At least I know that, while I'm nowhere near perfect, I am a better person for it.
So please, don't feel sad or disappointed that I have faith. If you'd rather think less of me for it, then that's your right. All I ask is that you either respect me along with my faith, or just ignore me and pay me no mind...
Thank you.
((Please read post below...))
(I ran out of text space!!!) But, I congratulate everyone who actually stuck it through read all of it! 
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