Attitude towards others in this forum...

[caty]

I'm not sure if any thread of this kind exists already, if I post it in the right sub-forum or if I'm allowed to open a thread like this.

If any of the above applies, mods, be free to move or close this thread!

I want to talk about the general attitude in this forum, because I just heard from another person who used to post here frequently that she is leaving this forum because pf personal attacks via PM or in the threads in general.

Now, I don't want to mention any names, but there are others who truly don't feel comfortable here anymore and think about leaving because of the same reason.

Can't we just honor other people's opinions and stop judging them or attack them personally?

I haven't been around for too long here, but I don't get it! Grown ups should really be able to discuss with each other without getting personal.

This isn't gonna be a fun place for very much longer if this keeps up!

[gatelover12]

Age doth not imply maturity.

[jonno]

Can't we just honor other people's opinions and stop judging them or attack them personally?

We should be able to, shouldn't we?

I've been lucky in that i've only really been involved in one huge argument (and since then we've made up, and haven't had issues since).

I do find it frustrating when a perfectly innocent thread descends into chaos, and I'm left in the middle trying to act as peacemaker, asking people if they can't just respect each others opinions.

I think the problem has been the massive changes in Season 9 have polarised fans into groups, and once that started, the groups spread out into other areas, leaving many areas of the forum riddled in angst.

This has unfortunately meant the place is a lot less friendly than it was when I first joined up, and throughout last summer. I can hope however, that once the season finale's air over the summer that things will calm down and get back to being fairly happy and friendly.

I suggest you read this thread if you haven't already, taking particular note of this womans mission. I think, as do many others in that thread that this is what we should be striving for in the next year.

Remember - first and foremost, we come to this place to have fun!

[walterIsTheMan]

Age doth not imply maturity.

Exactly, not just age but experience as well. I got a nasty PM once from a senior member of this forum (by senior I mean length on forum/post count, not age). Those are the kind of people you would expect better behavior from.

Also it seems to me that the mods have a tendency to be more lenient the more posts someone has or the more time on the forum they have. I know recently several people of greater post count than myself were being rather rude and even spreading lies about me, but the mods let it go. Yet I've seen new members start a "so and so sucks thread" or a "i hate this thread" and the mods are always there to jump right on it. Perhaps it's a political thing, i.e. it would look bad if the mods have to penalize the senior members. I'm not trying to bad talk the mods, they do a good job, it just seems that many people, the mods included, seem to think their is a direct correlation between someone's experience and their maturity, and there sometimes isn't.

EDIT - Theres something else I want to add. I think that we all think we're giving each other attitude when a lot of times we're not. It's one of the biggest drawbacks of communicating on forums - no audio or video. You can't tell if someone is saying something nice or mean, if they're being sarcastic or honest. Then it ends up starting a fight. Person A says something to Person B. Person B interprets what they said as "mean" (even though had Person A said it out loud it wouldn't have been mean at all) and responds rudely. Then an argument gets going.

[ShadowMaat]

an't we just honor other people's opinions and stop judging them or attack them personally?

From what I've seen around here, caty, I'd have to say HELL NO!

What has Gateworld fandom taught me?

* If you have anything "bad" to say about the show, you aren't a real fan and should STFU.
* If you post in an anti thread or have anything negative to say, then folks are perfectly justified in attacking you personally because you aren't a real fan and have no business being here.
* If you don't like something, STFU. You aren't a real fan.
* Unless you have something nice to say, you aren't entitled to have an opionion. STFU.

[MarshAngel]

I think the general attitude in this forum and probably many others is a direct reflection on how people would treat each other generally. It might not be what we want to hear, but maybe we really are this mean, naturally.

In real life we temper what we say because the response to it is immediate, visible, and impactful. But on a forum you get away with saying a lot of things you wouldn't say and treating people in a way you wouldn't if you were seeing them face to face because the consequences are comparatively minimal.

People don't have the right to be a jackass when their membership is a privilege and not a given, but it's unavoidable that someone will be. There must always be a villain. It'd probably be best if we all determined that we didn't want to be that person but it seems there are people who revel in it.

[rarocks24]

I hope Shadow is exaggerating...

But yeah, I won't deny that some of that stuff goes on here, and I admit myself I've said something...once...that offended some people, and will make no excuse for myself for saying such, and if I could personally apologize to them, I most definitely would.

People don't think about what they say, they act on impulses, and they take in mind prejudice. People should be more respectful of other's opinions. Not all the anti- threads turn out horrible and the posters become mean and vicious, but sometimes posters post stuff in Off-Topic that are controversial or divisive (the political threads for instance?). But personality is a key factor in this, and just because you have similar feelings, the same walls that are in the real world are the same here.

[PG15]

From what I've seen around here, caty, I'd have to say HELL NO!

What has Gateworld fandom taught me?

* If you have anything "bad" to say about the show, you aren't a real fan and should STFU.
* If you post in an anti thread or have anything negative to say, then folks are perfectly justified in attacking you personally because you aren't a real fan and have no business being here.
* If you don't like something, STFU. You aren't a real fan.
* Unless you have something nice to say, you aren't entitled to have an opionion. STFU.

Oh come on Shadow, tell us what you REALLY think.

Anyway, yeah, people act like a-holes sometimes, but then again it's human nature. I've said it before, we just like to complain. Anti people complain about the show, Pro people complain about the Anti people, and everyone in between complain about everything in between...er...yeah.

And really, unless things get really out of hand (which I haven't seen happen yet), it's kinda fun. This is indeed a debate forum, and whether one likes it or not, yelling and insulting each other really is part of what makes a debate a debate. Otherwise it would just be a conversation...how boring would that be?

[CalmStorm]

I want to talk about the general attitude in this forum, because I just heard from another person who used to post here frequently that she is leaving this forum because pf personal attacks via PM or in the threads in general.

Now, I don't want to mention any names, but there are others who truly don't feel comfortable here anymore and think about leaving because of the same reason.

If someone were to receive a PM that was completely out of line they should forward it to the mods and leave it alone after that and not give it a second thought. This seems to be a topic coming up quite a bit. If the recipients of these nasty PMs do not report them then the problem will continue. They may leave the forum and so the poster sending the offending PMs will more than likely pick another target (probably a newer poster) as they come to realize they can get away with it and the cycle continues. There is a certain responsibility on the poster receiving the harsh PM to report it. If you feel it is out of line..report it....if the mods don't agree then no harm is done and no one knows but the poster and the mods. Rather safer than sorry right?

Can't we just honor other people's opinions and stop judging them or attack them personally?

That would be nice. Unlikely, but nice. It's difficult to take the emotion out of the equation for many.....and it's only amplified if someone's intended message is misinterpreted.

One of my favorite quotes:
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant.”
~Robert McCloskey

I haven't been around for too long here, but I don't get it! Grown ups should really be able to discuss with each other without getting personal.

Not all are grown-ups and as another stated, age does not necessarily reflect maturity level.

I think there are a good number of posters on the forum who are reasonble and can carry on a respectable conversation and debate without it becoming personal. It's just that the louder more irrational do a better job of bringing attention to themselves.

[ShadowMaat]

One of my favorite quotes:
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant.”
~Robert McCloskey

The Make Way for Ducklings guy?? Gosh, I love that book.

I'd say a definite part of the problem is that people really don't care. As far as they're concerned, THEY are right and everyone else can go to hell. Niceties and polite behavior are reserved for those who "deserve" it and those who "deserve" it are obviously only those who agree with them.

Age truly is a state of mind. I've seen some fifteen year olds with more maturity and finesse than people twice their age (or more). Of course, I've also seen some fifteen year olds who act like they're nine, but that's neither here nor there.

Fandom has become increasingly intolerant and I don't see the trend changing any time soon. At least not for the better. It's either agree or die in a mass of flames. Much like the Ori, as a matter of fact. Interesting coincidence.

[CalmStorm]

The Make Way for Ducklings guy?? Gosh, I love that book.

*LOL* ....I've never heard of that book. I think that quote came from one of those quote of the day websites and I just loved it......so applicable for everyday life

I'd say a definite part of the problem is that people really don't care. As far as they're concerned, THEY are right and everyone else can go to hell.

Unfortunately, this is not limited to forums. Many people today just don't care....period. It is an attitude that is becoming increasingly prevalent everywhere you look.

[ShadowMaat]

*LOL* ....I've never heard of that book.

When you grow up anywhere within a 100-mile radius of Boston, you're bound to know the book.

Anyway, you're right. The "f*** you" attitude is definitely taking over modern culture. Another sign of the decline of Western civilization.

Although I'm sure there are those who would point out that we were never very "civilised" to begin with.

[gatelover12]

We made an A-bomb. Civilisation B****. *The preceading statment was in jest. DO NOT take it at face value.*

[caty]

If someone were to receive a PM that was completely out of line they should forward it to the mods and leave it alone after that and not give it a second thought. This seems to be a topic coming up quite a bit. If the recipients of these nasty PMs do not report them then the problem will continue. They may leave the forum and so the poster sending the offending PMs will more than likely pick another target (probably a newer poster) as they come to realize they can get away with it and the cycle continues. There is a certain responsibility on the poster receiving the harsh PM to report it. If you feel it is out of line..report it....if the mods don't agree then no harm is done and no one knows but the poster and the mods. Rather safer than sorry right?

Honestly, I think it's sad that people get PM's that are out of line. Why would anybody want to berate somebody else and attack them personally via PM.
I just think some people need to realize that this is fiction, not real life.
As for me, I'm a huge Stargate fan, but I could never get in a heated argument with another fan who has a different opinion simply because it doesn't make any sense.
This is why I started this post. I wanted to know if anybody can explain to me why it has come to that? If it's just because of people's immaturity, it's sad and this thread might cause them to go back and think about their behavior... I wouldn't be happy if somebody told me that something I said was just caused by my lacking maturity and as I see it: Everybody here seems to agree on that.

That would be nice. Unlikely, but nice. It's difficult to take the emotion out of the equation for many.....and it's only amplified if someone's intended message is misinterpreted.

Yes, I agree... But whether something is misinterpreted or not, we should never take it to a level where it gets personal. I'm starting to think that ignoring is the best action to take (and I don't mean nasty PM's, those everybody should report)... Anyway, it's sad it had to come to that...

[ShadowMaat]

There's also the problem of people taking things personally. Someone says, "I hate Jaffa #3" and some fan of Jaffa #3 takes it as a personal insult and attacks the poster with really personal insults. Or they assume that a comment about how Jaffa #3 was really lame is a comment against the actor and they take that personally and attack back in "defence" of the actor... who was never even part of the issue to begin with.

And then there are the perpetual "victims", the ones who rip people to shreds, but when someone does it to them or when they get caught and punished, suddenly the whole WORLD is against him and it's SO unfair and people are SO cruel and the mods are incredibly biased, blah blah blah.

I've gotten personal attacks in PM before and invariably when the person gets modded for it, THEY'RE the victim. THEY didn't do anything wrong, they were just expressing an opinion, and then the big bad mods stepped in and attacked THEM over nothing.

The culture of victims is another trend in society that gets echoed here on the boards. It's all very sad and doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in humanity.

I post less on the boards now because I'm sick of putting up with all the hate and hostility directed at me for disagreeing, for "always" having negative things to say, and for having the gall to report people who attack me.