Coddling the Youngest Child

[Blue Banrigh]

Is this common amongst families?

This could be my middle child syndrome speaking (or whining) here, but I swear my parents are coddling my youngest brother.

He's eight and a half years old (the age difference between him and my other younger brother is 9 years) and he still acts like a baby. I seriously don't recal l my parents coddling me like that.

He doesn't get breakfast for himself, when he can't find anything for school he stands there and cries while my mum scrambles around the house yelling at us to help her look for it. In the rare times when both my parents aren't home in the mornings he usually wanders aimlessly not doing anything to get ready for school.

I remember the other day when we could find his recorder for his first day of music they were scrambling about debating whether or not they should buy him a new one. I was trying to tell them it wasn't the end of the world, that he could just deal with it and when he comes home he could look for it. But no, he had to have it for his first day.

Is this normal, or is it just a case of petty sibling jealousy?

[Beatrice Otter]

As an oldest child of three, I think it's kind of normal. In my family, when I was born my parents were determined to be model parents and all that stuff. By the time my oldest brother came along 4.5 years later, they had relaxed a bit, so he got more leeway. But that's from first to second. The baby of our family doesn't count; he is most definitely treated differently than I or my other brother were, but that's not because he's the youngest, it's because he's autistic.

[Qasim]

Im an only child but in my experience of other people this is completely true

[LordAnubis]

Is this common amongst families?

This could be my middle child syndrome speaking (or whining) here, but I swear my parents are coddling my youngest brother.

He's eight and a half years old (the age difference between him and my other younger brother is 9 years) and he still acts like a baby. I seriously don't recal l my parents coddling me like that.

He doesn't get breakfast for himself, when he can't find anything for school he stands there and cries while my mum scrambles around the house yelling at us to help her look for it. In the rare times when both my parents aren't home in the mornings he usually wanders aimlessly not doing anything to get ready for school.

I remember the other day when we could find his recorder for his first day of music they were scrambling about debating whether or not they should buy him a new one. I was trying to tell them it wasn't the end of the world, that he could just deal with it and when he comes home he could look for it. But no, he had to have it for his first day.

Is this normal, or is it just a case of petty sibling jealousy?

I have an older brother and had a younger sister who died of leukemia five years ago. Up until she died, she was coddled beyond belief. Of course, she was sick too, so when they found out she was sick, it was almost like my brother and me didn't exist. I know that sounds harsh, and believe me, I understood, but even before Kiersten got sick, she was the baby of the family adn the only girl, so everyone babied her. I used to get sooooo jealous when I was younger. After Kiersten died, things were pretty tough, but my older brother and my parents grew closer, and I was sort of the odd kid out. Today, my brother, who is 24/25 (forgot which!), is really close to my mom, but I'm sort of distant with them. My dad barely knows I'm alive sometimes, and no matter what I do, it isnt good enough (e.g., sports, grades, girls).

So, I guess for you, it's a similar thing...the middle child is the one who gets the least amount of attention. The older kids and the youngest seem to get the most attention. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little jealous either, Blue_B. It's normal to feel that way. The best thing you can do is to love your family as much as you can and let them love you as much they can. Don't be jeaolous of your lil brother, just understand that he'll probably be needing your parents much longer than you will be. When he's older, he'll probably be dependent on them more, whereas you won't be.

here's a hug to make u feel better <<<<<hug>>>>>

Jared

[Madeleine]

My parents coddled #2 and #4. I'm the eldest of four, all born within eight years of each other. I never noticed that my sister who is closest to me was getting coddled until we were both grown up and my mum told me that she'd always taken far more care of H than she had of me, and put more effort into playing with her and giving her things like a guinea pig, trips to France and flute lessons. I suddenly saw how unfair it had all been - and yet it wasn't unfair at all, because I had been happy with Lego, trips to the museum and a teach-yourself treble recorder book. H was unpreposessing and a lot more fragile than me. I got bullied and would hang out with a different crowd from the bullies, but H would get bullied by the crowd she hung with, and it always devastated her. She needed coddling, but my mum did really well to do it without making me jealous as a child.

#3 turned out to be extremely self-sufficient. One day when she was returning to her Playschool after a reaction to her measles jab had kept her in bed for a few days the Nursery Nurse said "Thank goodness E is back, none of the other children knew what to play when she wasn't here!". Not a child who needed coddling .

#4 got coddled by default. My parents were pretty rich by then compared with how they'd been when I was small, and what with my old toys, her nice new things and pass-ons from a slightly older cousin she had far more stuff than I'd had. My parents were older and tireder, and lacked the energy to tell K off for every little thing she'd told me off for. And eight years was long enough for the world to change a lot; my peers had all respected grown-ups automatically but K's friends were all much more challenging. So she ended up getting away with far more than me. Another factor was that I'd been expected to set an example, so my transgressions always included 'leading my sisters astray', and K's couldn't.

I think it's natural for parents to treat their offspring differently. And also for offspring to behave differently depending on where they are in the family. It's easy to be jealous of younger siblings who seem to be getting a better deal, but there may be things that balance it out in parents' eyes without balancing it in the eyes of the older child. Like, the oldest always gets a period of being the only one, and of getting undivided attention, which a younger child never gets until the older one leaves home. So perhaps parents are trying to compensate for that. And it can be wearing for a younger sibling who would love to be as clever and strong and cool as their older brother/sister, but who knows that he'll always be three years less clever, less strong and less cool; and that's something parents try to make up for too.

[sueKay]

I'm an only child but yes...all my friends with younger siblings feel left out.

I have a friend who is a middle child she has bad athsma (sp)...her older sister has unstable type one diabetes and her little brother is disables as he broke his leg as a toddler. They have a younger brother of nine who is perfectly healthy but gets all the attention.

Our parents are friends and every time her mum is at my house all she talks about is her youngest...the other three don't get a look in.

[shovar]

i'm the eldest child in my family by 4 years and my little brother is coddled beyond belief when he was younger and still is to a lesser degree but he was really spoiled and he is now a rude little brat! but he was smarter than me so he was "mummy's little baby" but he is soo lazy because i had to run around after him all the time and he's just rude to anyone and expects to be nice back to him!

[Lunar]

The eldest child has to do everything first... it's a sad fact that you've already fought (and hopefully won!) the battles with your parents that your younger sibling then benefits from so I think it's totally natural for the older one to feel like the youngest can get away with more...
I get seriously frustrated when all the effort and pain *I* put in to be, say, allowed out to a disco, is entirely unappreciated by my brother. And he *does* seem to get away with more than I do...
But equally, it's hard for my younger bro because I'm a total geek and teacher's pet and he has to put up with unfair comparisons between the two of us. That's got to be the downside of being the youngest, very rarely do you get to do something *first.*

[ShadowMaat]

I was the youngest, I was spoiled rotten and I turned out just fine, didn't I?

[Klorel]

Of course you did Shadow! Did someone tell you that there was something wrong with you?

[shovar]

I was the youngest, I was spoiled rotten and I turned out just fine, didn't I?

how do you explain the torture tools in your house then????

and the fact that you scare everyone to death just by scowling at them!!!

yeah, you turned out all right shadow!

[couchpotatergater]

I'm a youngest child too, & still spoiled even now I've got my own place!
There's a pretty big gap between me & my siblings, 12, 10 & 7 years, & when I came along, my youngest brother, who'd been the baby himself for 7 years, really felt it the most, although my parents were always very fair in how they treated us & still are now. They were just better off when I was little, so I got more at an earlier age than the others.
I've been spoiled mainly by my siblings, as the age gap was too big for any prolonged rivalry. My parents felt guilty that they'd left such a big gap, as I never quite fitted in with my peers, having grown up with considerably older siblings, but I always say to them that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks. I like being the youngest, although I did always get caught out if I was up to no good; too may pairs of eyes around to spot what I was up to! Mom says if I'd been her first, I would have been her last! I think she's joking though....hopefully!
I have a great family

[Matt G]

Officially, I'm a younger brother, unofficially my sister was already in her teens when I was born so there's never been any rivalry in that direction(given the cackstorms I've seen elsewhere, that's a good thing).

My latest niece has effectivly taken over my sister's household and neither my older niece nor my nephew have been 100% cool with that.

[D.C.]

I'm the youngest and I don't get coddled. (I'm 20, though. ) Even when I was younger I don't remember being coddled... My brother's the middle child and he seemed to get most of the attention...