Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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November 19, 2014

Photos: Ian Brock, Art Department, The Raza bridge set


The first time I’d ever heard about Production Designer Ian Brock was several months ago when I was having dinner with a fellow producer. We were discussing production challenges and the benefits of hiring talented people capable of making efficient use of often limited resources when my dining companion suddenly sat back and informed me: “Ian Brock! He’s a genius!”.

Genius? “That’s a mighty big word,”I remember thinking. According to my associate, he was not only incredibly good at production design, he was incredibly good at production design without going over budget. “But GENIUS?”I asked.

“His work,”I was assured, “is efficient but visually stunning.”

And that’s something I can now personally attest to. With the help of his Art Department team and the construction department, Ian’s vision for our ship, The Raza, is rapidly taking shape. And it’s looking mighty awesome…

Yep. Genius!

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November 20, 2014

Photos: Kim Zaharko, Dark Matter set construction


One of the most notoriously elusive member of the Dark Matter production team is Kim Zaharko. For days, rumors abounded of a supremely talented Art Director frequenting the lower offices, coordinating the design and construction of our awesome sets. There had been sightings but no visual confirmations. Intrigued, I set out to get photographic proof of her existence. After numerous failed attempts, I was finally able to snap the above pic during an Art Department meeting which I attended, disguised as an innocuous photocopier. Note the discerning eyes for detail, the tell-tale look of seasoned professionalism, the the keen sense of fashion!

Now note her exceptional handiwork…

Coming along nicely, no?

Tomorrow, I’m New York-bound for the day. Out at 6:00 a.m.; back at 11:00 p.m! I’m tired already.

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November 21, 2014

Photos: New York, Tom Vitale


5:00 a.m.: I wake up so early that not even the dogs will get out of bed and join me.

6:15 a.m.: I catch a cab to the airport with my fellow Executive Producer Paul Mullie. As we pull away from the curb, I lament the fact that the production office didn’t drop off my car last night (off getting winter tires) because my hat is in the back seat and I fear I may need it in New York.

7:00 a.m.: At the airport, meet up with fellow Executive Producer Jay Firestone who has packed his tux in one of his carry-on suitcases because he’ll be staying in New York for the International Emmys. (Note: I didn’t even know there was such a thing.)

7:30 a.m.: Our flight departs for Toronto. When Jay mentioned we’d be flying in a “prop plane”, my mind immediately went to the “prop guns” and “prop gadgets” we used to build on Stargate, reasonable facsimiles of the real thing. I imagined the airline buying one of these phoney planes from a production and retrofitting it with an actual working engine. Beats having to build a real one from scratch! But, alas, Paul disabused me of the notion by informing me that “prop” is actually short for “propellor” – which didn’t make me feel any better. Since it was my first time flying one of these things, I got to swing the propellor to start the engine while, inside the cockpit, the pilot shouted: “Contact!” letting me know I had less than thirty seconds to scramble aboard before the plane took off. Enroute, we dusted some crops!

The east coat is a veritable winter wonderland!

We flew into Newark Airport and, from there, it was smoooooth sailing into New York City. So smooth, in fact, that we arrived half an hour early for our meeting. We informed the front desk at 30 Rock. They told us to beat it.

Check it out! They’re working on the big Christmas tree!

11:00 a.m.: After going out for coffee and chapstick, we returned to 30 Rock, met up with fellow Executive Producer Vanessa Piazza, then headed up to the SyFy offices where we met up with our long-time favorite SyFy Exec (and longtime Stargate fan and supporter) Executive VP of Programming and Original Movies for SyFy and Chiller Tom Vitale! We also met our Dark Matter point person at the network, Senior VP of Programming Chris Regina who struck me as both super nice and super sharp. And he’s also a fellow foodie and fantasy football enthusiast!

We chatted about the show for an hour and then headed off for a lunch of lamb burgers and polenta fries at Bolud Sud.

2:00 p.m.: With approximately two hours to kill before our meeting with SyFy Marketing, we accompanied Vanessa to the Nike Store where she spent approximately 90 minutes browsing and trying stuff on including a pair of running shoes that apparently light up under headlights – and camera flashes. I put ‘em to the test -

Yep!

Apparently, 90 minutes wasn’t enough time for Vanessa so she set some items aside for a post-meeting perusal, and we headed back to 30 Rock for our meeting with the Marketing team.

4:00 p.m.: I pitched our show: the opener, the themes, nature vs. nurture, redemption, twists, turns! Paul backed me up. Jay delved into marketing and licensing. Vanessa fielded questions related to production and scheduling. I think it went over well. Nobody left the room or fell asleep while I was speaking (always a good sign).

5:00 p.m.: Paul and I leave and spend the next 30 minutes trying to hail a cab. We eventually succeeded and spent over an hour in gridlock. finally arriving at the airport an hour before our scheduled departure.

I had time to grab this not-so-delicious $12 sandwich.

11:00 p.m.: By the time we arrive, go through customs, catch a cab, and get in – I take a shower and crawl into bed thoroughly exhausted. Then remember I have a blog to update.

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November 22, 2014

Photos: Bubba, Lulu, bento box


“This tea tastes like the bitter sweat from a salaryman’s collar.”

- Akemi, the other day, on the green tea she was served at a hotel restaurant.

So it’s come to this. Bubba is now an unwitting model for Akemi’s inspired creations. Here a simple towel transforms him into a cross-special Princess Leia.

Keeping with the Star Wars theme, here is Bubba again, this time doing his best ewok imitation (hat courtesy of Akemi and her knitting skills).

Check out Lulu’s “Why are you doing this to me?” look.

I feel kind of sorry for the dogs but Akemi insist they actually enjoy dressing up. They LOVE it!

Fortunately, Akemi’s creativity isn’t limited to the dogs. Check out the bento box she prepared for this past Wednesday’s breakfast. Kawaii, ne?

So, what inspired/creative thing have YOU done of late?

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November 23, 2014

Photos: Various pics


Why do Japanese people hate root beer? http://en.rocketnews24.com/2014/11/2...ate-root-beer/

But, on the other hand, they do seem to LOVE their tomato/cherry and carrot/orange ice creams: http://www.tsunagujapan.com/40-haage...sold-in-japan/

Polish lawmakers take stand against pantsless “hermaphrodite” I used to spend time all the time in my younger years: http://www.vanityfair.com/vf-hollywo...-hermaphrodite

13 character posters for the upcoming live-action Attack on Titan movie: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2014/11/...ack_on_tit.php

Mmmmm. 21 Truly Upsetting Vintage Food Advertisements: http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelysande...advertisements

6 Movies That Got Banned by Countries for Hilarious Reasons: http://www.cracked.com/article_21726...s-reasons.html

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November 24, 2014

Photos: Dark Matter Set Designer Doug Slater, The Raza bridge set


I love working with talented people. Pleasant talented people? Even better. Pleasant talented people who also happen to be scifi fans? Best of all! Such is the case with Dark Matter Set Designer Doug Slater. He’s a good guy, great at what he does, AND loves SF. And his love for the genre is clearly evident in his work. When the time comes, I’ll show you a couple of the video 3D walk-thrus he did of our bridge set. And he’s currently working on a video 3D walk-thru of the entire ship! That, like the man himself, is all kinds of awesome.

Click on the pic below for a sneak peek at Doug’s work-in-progress – the bridge of The Raza:

Then check out some of Doug’s previous work here: http://slatersetdesign.com

You can follow him on twitter: https://twitter.com/@slugore

Or listen to his rambling podcast here: http://slugisdoug.wordpress.com

And this one in which he engages hapless telemarketers. Baron Destructo would be proud! http://dougvsthephone.wordpress.com

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November 25, 2014

Photos: Fantasy football League, snow monkeys, Bubba, Lulu


“Tastes like old man who likes pachinko.”

- Akemi on the smoked trout I picked up last weekend.

Well look at which team is sitting in second place in our fantasy football League of Accommodation. Yep, my Snow Monkeys, on the strength of a close-shave two-point victory this past weekend, wrapped up a playoff spot and are gunning for the #1 seed heading into this final weekend. Stargate SG-1/Atlantis/Universe guest star Thobias Slezak’s Mighty Merkins also snagged a playoff berth as did longtime Stargate Executive Producer Robert Cooper’s Landsharks and former Stargate script coordinator Lawren-Bancroft Wilson’s Fighting Hyphens. Our buddy Ivon’s team, The Running Dead, hope a win will secure him on of the final spots. Sadly, Stargate VFX Supervisor Mark Savela’s Savela Skitterers and Orphan Black writer-producer Alex Levine (last year’s champ) are out of the running this year.

A couple of weeks ago we were at a pet shop looking for new doggy beds when I came across one I thought the dogs would love. Akemi thought I was crazy, insisting the beds were too small. And they are. But that’s exactly why I knew my dogs would love ‘em. Bubba enjoys nestling into the laundry hamper so I just knew he’d take a liking to my purchase. And I was right!

Lulu, on the other hand – well, there’s no telling how she’ll make use of her dog bed…

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November 26, 2014

Photos: Dark Matter weapons, Jason Ehl


Prep continues on Dark Matter! The other day, we had our follow-up gun meeting as we move toward arming our kick-ass crew. It’s a dangerous galaxy out there!

The base model for the weapon of choice the Ferrous Corp soldiers (corporate guards) will be carrying. Each corporation (Ferrous Corp, The Mikkei Combine, Traugott, Volkov-Rusi) will have a different color scheme – basic black with color elements and corporate emblems – reflected in their gear and guns.

Suggested changes – in addition to the aforementioned color schemes – including a build on the stalk and chunking out and squaring of the barrel for more heft.

The base model for One and Four’s sidearms. Something simple for both as One is not a gun enthusiast while Four’s weapon of choice is the katana. Comes with a detachable light source.

Alterations include the addition of a side scope.

The base model for Two’s gun. I wanted something sleek and easy to handle. Alterations to this one will include losing the top.

And refashioning the barrel. She would sport two, one in each hip holster, for balance.

The model for Three’s big-ass gun (Bubba). Pretty damn big! He’ll lug this one around – in emergency cases – but will otherwise rely on his sidearm (Lulu).

And the base model for Six’s weapon of choice = the sawed-off shotgun which will fit snugly in the holster strapped to his back. All he’ll have to do is reach up over his shoulder for a quick unslinging and he’ll be ready to rock.

And presenting the man behind the firepower, our resident arms dealer and gun aficionado: Jason Ehl.

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November 27, 2014

Photos: Lulu, Bruce Lee, Coco, Washington Wheat Whiskey, Dark Matter episode 101 production draft


Today, Akemi made a roasted pistachio-crusted lamb shoulder. She spent over a half an hour toiling away, de-shelling the pistachios and de-skinning them. Her arduous work finally complete, she stepped away to use the bathroom and, when she returned not a moment later, discovered Lulu up on the table, enjoying the fruits of her labor. She was NOT happy. I refer to Akemi of course. Lulu was apparently VERY happy.

Meanwhile, we met these two comparatively much better behaved dogs while we were out shopping last night. Bruce Lee on the left and Coco on the right.

And by “shopping”, I mean picking up this bottle of Washington Wheat Whiskey. I’m a big bourbon fan and generally prefer “wheated” bourbon (meaning wheat is used as a secondary grain after corn – instead of rye) which tends to be softer, nuttier, and less sour. This 100% locally-sourced wheat whiskey is an exceptionally smooth pour – creamy, caramely, with a nice spicy finish.

Hey, check it out. Just in time for our first Special Effects meeting. The first production draft of episode #101! And, yep, that’s me. Oseph!

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November 28, 2014

Photos: The Cheese Boutique, Natalie Cooper, Caitlin Brown, Alison Hepburn, Trevor Finn


“This five dollar bill has blood on it,”said Caitlin from the back seat, examining the keepsake from a recent road trip to Buffalo.

“Maybe it’s Buffalo wing sauce,”suggested Alison seated beside her.

“Except we didn’t have any wings while we were there.”

An awkward silence finally broken by Natalie, our navigator, who advised me to hang a left.

The four of us were on a mission, on our to The Cheese Boutique to pick up a few items for this afternoon’s Friday Wine & Cheese. Before leaving, I’d given everyone their assignments – Natalie was the knives expert; Caitlin the explosive expert; Alison the muscle; and I was the driver.

“I need to be navigator,”Natalie pointed out, taking a not-too-subtle swipe at my poor sense of direction.

“Okay,”I said. “You’re the navigator – AND the knife expert.”

“Can I be something less violent?”

“No.” I mean, seriously. Who goes on a mission without a knives expert?

A fifteen minute drive later, and we’d arrived at cheese heaven. In addition to the wide assortment of cheese, the enormous shop offered charcuterie, jams, jellies, olive oils, balsamics -

And, oh yeah, chocolate!

After purchasing an insane variety of cheese, crackers, jellies, and breads – we were ready to go!

Back at the office, we decided to lay the cheese spread out on Trevor’s desk since he doesn’t make much of use of it anyway.

Let the games begin! While we were picking up cheeses, Elliot was getting the wine.

Everyone had a terrific time – except for the AD’s whose offices we loitered around, laughing, drinking and snacking while they tried to work. Or, rather, pretended to be working while re-watching the new Star Wars trailer for the hundredth time.

A big thanks to Caitlin, Natalie, Elliot and Alison for making Operation Wine & Cheese a resounding success. And special thanks to Trevor for handing out the baguette slices and allowing us the use of his napping station.

Next week: Operation Beer & Oysters!

Cheese Boutique (45 Ripley Avenue 416 762-6292)

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November 29, 2014


1. My Home Gym

I’m not the most motivated guy when it comes to working out and yet, when I was living in Vancouver, I would schedule two-a-days: a 45 minute run in the morning and a 45 minute weight workout at night. How did I manage to pull off such an ambitious routine? Well, having a home gym (treadmill, elliptical, and weights) in my basement helped. A lot. It was as easy as going downstairs. No driving. No looking for parking. No waiting for equipment to free up. And, best of all, I could multi-task: exercising and catching up on my shows.

Here in Toronto, the gym is always packed mornings and closes t 10:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. on weekends! I can watch whatever happens to be on the wall-mounted t.v.’s but, unfortunately, can’t hear anything so have to follow along by reading the subtitles.

Since moving east, my workouts are down roughly 75%.

2. Fresh Fish

Please, don’t try to recommend me “the best sushi in Toronto!” because, without a doubt, Toronto’s best sushi is Vancouver’s middling sushi (which, to be fair, is worse than Japan’s worst sushi). The sad fact is the fish here is just not that good. Oh, sure, we hit our local markets and pick up fish whenever we can, but it’s just not the same. The other day, we picked up some “fresh” scallops that ended up releasing a crazy amount of liquid in the cooking process, the telltale sign of being previously frozen. I truly miss Brian and the gang at Seafood City on Granville Island.

3. My Kitchen

With its big island, wide counters, and varied kitchen utensils. And extra work kitchen. Here in Toronto, our kitchen is so tiny only one of us can cook at a time. It’s tight, there’s not enough shelf space, and the knives are dull (we ended up having to purchase a new knife set). As much as it annoys me, my irritation pales in comparison to the Akemi’s monsoon of frustration every time she attempts to prepare dinner. She really, really hates this kitchen.

4. The Weather

It rains all the time in Vancouver! Yes. And the temperature usually stays above freezing. When I go out improperly dressed for Vancouver weather, the worst I can expect is to get wet. Here in Toronto, it’s frostbite and the loss of feeling in my extremities.

5. A Backyard

In Vancouver, “taking the dogs out” required little more than opening the back door or, Jelly’s case, carrying across my back porch and setting her down in the grass. Now, it’s a whole song and dance – morning, afternoon, evening, and night – bundling the dogs up, taking them to the park, and back.

6. Sweet Potatos

For some reason, people here don’t know what sweet potatoes are – or have been living under the delusion that yams are sweet potatoes – because wherever I go, I see yams being sold as “sweet potatoes”. It wouldn’t be so bad if they just called sweet potatoes something else, but they simply don’t exist here.

7. A Good Bookstore

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I miss the gang at The Book Warehouse. They were my second family, their book shop my home away from home I would visit on a weekly basis to chat about recent reads and purchase a pile of new reads. Here in Toronto, it’s slim literary pickin’s. There’s a pretty good genre book shop (Bakka Phoenix) but nothing in the way of a book store offering general fiction. I’ve checked out a few but they’re maddeningly cluttered and simply not conducive to a pleasure perusing experience.

8. My Books!

My towering to-read pile (last I checked, three rows wide and thirty books deep) will sit untouched until my return in June.

9. The NFL Package

I’m now back to the old days of having to watch the crappy Giants and even crappier Jets while far more superior teams (read: almost every other team in the league) play far more interesting games on channels I can’t watch.

10. My Friends!

Of course.

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November 30, 2014

Videos: "COSMIC BEAT" Opening Theme, Wanderers – a short film by Erik Wernquist, Best Snow News Bloopers Ever, How to line up in an orderly fashion, Tokyo Game Show 2014


Robot Dance Japan:

Wanderers – a short film by Erik Wernquist:

Best Snow News Bloopers Ever:

Black Friday shoppers, take note! This is how to line up in an orderly fashion:

This reminds me that I’ve got to start work on my costume for next summer’s Comic Con:

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December 1, 2014

Photos: Line Producer Norman Denver, budget meeting


Sometimes, there are more producer credits on a show than acting credits and viewers can be excused for wondering: “Do they really need THAT many producers?”. Which begs the next question – one I’m often asked: “What does a producer do?”. Well, the answer is: “It depends.” Producers can be divided into two groups: Group #1 = “those that do something”, and Group #2 = “those that do next to nothing”. Falling firmly into the former category is a show’s Line Producer who’s charged with the unenviable tasks of constantly running the numbers to ensure the production comes in on time and on budget. In short, it’s the line producer’s job to lay down the hammer. And, occasionally, that means saying no. No to overages. No to that gorgeous but way out of the zone location. No to the Executive Producer toilet I ordered for my office.

He’ll be the guy to reel in the writers when they’re writing too big; the directors when they’re shooting to long. He’ll be the guy in the meeting keeping things realistic so that we don’t blow the budget on the first two episodes and have to end our first season with three consecutive clip shows. He makes sure the money ends up onscreen – for your viewing pleasure.

In short, Norman runs a tight ship. A tight, prompt, cost-efficient FTL-capable ship with retrofitted weaponry, a shuttle, and a couple of surprises in that sealed lower level mystery room.

And, to top it off, he has a British accent, which will come in handy if we need to cast a late-season villain.

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December 2, 2014

Photos: Dark Matter cookie exchange, fantasy football league, Joe Mallozzi, Lulu


We interrupt the previously scheduled blog post for this important announcement. Monday, December 15th will be the very first Dark Matter cookie exchange. Participants are required to make a half dozen cookies for every other baker in the exchange “plus a half dozen or so extra for the rest of the (lazy) office to sample!”

I’m in! Or, rather, Akemi will be in! But I’ll on hand to assist and come up with the concept. Maybe 70% Madagascar chocolate chunk cookies? Or 80% dark chocolate with SOMA caramelized white chocolate chunk cookies? Or bourbon-laced pecan cookies? I think we can only make one kind. I’ll have to consult the official rules and regulations tomorrow.

That’s it. The post-season match ups are set! My Snow Monkeys snagged the #2 spot and will take on desean’s dedouche in first round action next weekend. Meanwhile, Tio’ s Petunia Power meets first-place powerhouse Clueless while Rob’s Landsharks battle it out with Lawren’s The Fighting Hyphens and Ivon’s Running Dead take on Thobias’s The Mighty Merkins. It’s going to be an exciting weekend of action on the field. And an equally exciting week of preparation which will necessitate I cancel all non-fantasy football-related business until the championship. Wonder who I’ll be meeting in the semis?

And finally – Come on! I have enough trouble completing a workout as it is!

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December 3, 2014

Video: Quisp Cereal Commercial

Photos: Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, fantasy football league


Our Visual Effects Supervisor arrived today – all the way from Vancouver, B.C.! Some of you may recognize him as the manager of The Fighting Hyphens, a team my Snow Monkeys crushed back in Week 4 of fantasy football league play:

Some of you may identify him as the guy who was offered $1000 to polish off four decadent chocolate desserts after eating a weeks worth of chocolates at my 2009 Chocolate Party, the guy who gave up with only one dessert to go because he was feeling ill – only to feel hungry an hour later and eat again:

Still others will remember him as the voice of the original Quisp, the mascot of Quisp Cereal:

And, of course, still others recognize him as our former Stargate script coordinator:

Now, he’s in charge of making sure that all those spectacular visual effect shots we’ve envisioned in the scripts end up on screen. FTL jumps, shuttle flights, blast waves – it’s all in his hands now.