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April 29, 2014
Video: The Weird Food Purchase of the Day
April 29, 2014
Video: The Weird Food Purchase of the Day
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April 30, 2014
Photos: Richie Rich comic book covers
If I had to pick one comic book that I considered “the weirdest” growing up, it would have to be Richie Rich. The title character was described as “the poor little rich boy” but I never found anything remotely poor about him, either literally or figuratively. I suppose, one could make the argument that deep beneath the surface, Richie was a troubled soul. In the end, all the riches in the world couldn’t buy him the one thing he desired most: true friendship. Of course, in retrospect, making friends probably wouldn’t have been so hard if he hadn’t been such a dick.
I can just imagine him in his best Crocodile Dundee: “Haha. That’s not a car. THIS is a car.” Then reverses over the kid’s toy. And quite possibly his little hand.
How much does it cost to ship in an endangered tortoise from the Galapagos Islands? And then stud its shell with precious gems?
DON’T try this at Dodger home games.
Nothing says “destitute and starved for affection” like a kid taking an old soup can for a walk. But Richie looks pretty happy. Happier still when he later fires a full broadside at the enemy ship.
It’s like: “Dayamn, my top is so brilliant, I need sunglasses to play with it.”
Structurally unsound, impractical, and energy deficient, but the new President of the Inuit Circumpolar Council has to represent.
Yeah, I’m just going to look the other way while you finish grading my test.
100?s are aerodynamically superior to 50?s and 20?s.
Money doesn’t actually grow on trees. It grows on stalks so, technically, your parents weren’t lying to you.
This is actually a great idea. Next time you break a window, it’s automatically paid for.
If only golf courses came with shops that allowed you to purchase golf-related items like golf balls – or hire non-chatty caddies. “Yo, Overalls. I’m putting over here!”
Which all results in this. Sad but not surprising.Comment
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May 1, 2014
Photos: Savannah, Madrid, New York, Tuscany, Charleston
Tokyo, Montreal, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. Whenever I travel, it’s usually to one of these four cities. But I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s time for something different. Not Hawaii or Hong Kong or New Orleans or San Francisco – all places I’ve already visited. I’m talking about somewhere I’ve never been before. Somewhere brand new to discover. I’m thinking...
Savannah, Georgia
I actually started researching Savannah for a pilot I was co-writing and the more I learned about this sultry southern city, the greater my desire to visit. I’ve always had an affinity for things southern, from sports teams to food, so this trip is long overdue. It also helps that I have some reliable guides in my buddy Jeff and his wife Barb who head down annually.
Madrid, Spain
Ever since we watched a Food Network show called From Spain with Love, a series that took viewers on a tour of the city’s culinary hot spots, Madrid (and Barcelona) has been on the top of my (and Akemi’s) list of Places to Go.
New York, New York
Okay, technically I have been to New York – but it was a business trip that lasted less than a day so I’m not counting it. As far as foodie cities go, this one’s at the top of the list.
Tuscany, Italy
I’d like to follow a friend’s lead: gather a bunch of friends and rent a villa. Hire a chef to cook for you or simply take a ride into town for some of the local fresh produce you can bring back and cook yourself.
Charleston, South Carolina
Warm, beautiful, great food, and, by all accounts, “insanely nice” locals.
So. what makes your list?Comment
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May 2, 2014
Photos: Books
I’m enjoying reading your comments on yesterday’s entry (My Top 5 Never-Before-Visited Vacation Destinations!) both for the travel recommendations AND critiques. Don’t be shy or fearful of offending. I’d love to learn about your those negative experiences as well. After all, not every city is for everyone. For instance, I’ve only been to New Orleans, San Francisco, and Hawaii once, but had a tremendous time on all three occasions and would go back to any of them in a heartbeat. Paris, on the other hand, probably not. I’ve visited twice for business and, while it’s architecturally beautiful and home to some marvelous restaurants, I found its locals somewhat…let’s go with “rude” and leave it at that. It’s bizarre because I’ve met French nationals on my travels, even here in Vancouver, and they’ve all been nothing short of wonderful: friendly, spirited, helpful. Interestingly enough, when they hear about my Paris experience, they invariably inform me that Paris is very different from the rest of the country and then insist that, the next time, I should visit southern France .
So, do tell. What are some of the places you WOULDN’T pay a return visit? Details, please.
Alright all you voracious readers. It’s that time again. Time to vote for the July Book of the Month. The nominees are...
December Park by Ronald Malfi
In the quiet suburb of Harting Farms, the weekly crime blotter usually consists of graffiti or the occasional bout of mailbox baseball. But in the fall of 1993, children begin vanishing and one is found dead. Newspapers call him the Piper because he has come to take the children away. But there are darker names for him, too . . .
Vowing to stop the Piper’s reign of terror, five boys take up the search. Their teenage pledge turns into a journey of self-discovery . . . and a journey into the darkness of their own hometown. On the twilit streets of Harting Farms, everyone is a suspect. And any of the boys might be the Piper’s next victim.
Defenders by Will McIntosh
The invaders came to claim earth as their own, overwhelming us with superior weapons and the ability to read our minds like open books.
Our only chance for survival was to engineer a new race of perfect soldiers to combat them. Seventeen feet tall, knowing and loving nothing but war, their minds closed to the aliens.
But these saviors could never be our servants. And what is down cannot be undone.
American Woman by Robert Pobi
New York City is experiencing a seemingly interminable heat wave. NYPD homicide detective Alexandra “Hemi” Hemingway has just learned she’s pregnant when she catches a disturbing case: the murder of a child. No suspects emerge. Then another child is killed. He looks amazingly like the first child, and his parents, like the first pair, are profoundly wealthy. Then another, same parameters. In the midst of the carnage, Hemi questions the wisdom of bringing a child into such a world. The detectives stumble on a thin lead: the mothers of the murdered children all used an exclusive, extraordinarily expensive fertility clinic.
White Fire by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
Special Agent Pendergast arrives at an exclusive Colorado ski resort to rescue his protégée, Corrie Swanson, from serious trouble with the law. His sudden appearance coincides with the first attack of a murderous arsonist who–with brutal precision–begins burning down multimillion-dollar mansions with the families locked inside. After springing Corrie from jail, Pendergast learns she made a discovery while examining the bones of several miners who were killed 150 years earlier by a rogue grizzly bear. Her finding is so astonishing that it, even more than the arsonist, threatens the resort’s very existence.
Drawn deeper into the investigation, Pendergast uncovers a mysterious connection between the dead miners and a fabled, long-lost Sherlock Holmes story–one that might just offer the key to the modern day killings as well.
Now, with the ski resort snowed in and under savage attack–and Corrie’s life suddenly in grave danger–Pendergast must solve the enigma of the past before the town of the present goes up in flames.
Nebula Awards Showcase 2014 edited by Kij Johnson
This year’s Nebula winners, and expected contributors, are Kim Stanley Robinson, Nancy Kress, Andy Duncan, and Aliette de Bodard, with E.C. Myers winning the Andre Norton Award for Young Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy Book.
Putting together this list was a lot tougher than you’d think. I went through the several hundred titles released in May, eliminated hardcovers, crappy/cheesy covers, continuing instalments in an ongoing series, tie-ins, reprints, vampires, werewolves, zombies and, in the end, those books that failed to capture my interest and, in the end, came up with less than a dozen potential reads (!). But some very interesting candidates.
By the way, publishers take note. It’s not necessary to tell us it’s a novel (ie. Bloodgrave: A Novel or Goldfish of the Blue Apocalypse: A Novel). I know it’s a novel. If it was a collection of short stories, it would say so. Alternately, if it was packaged food or a bicycle or hiking boots, chances are still pretty good I’d be able to tell the difference.
Still, I’m sure it happens. Be honest now. Who hasn’t, at some point in their lives, made the embarrassing mistake of visiting their local bookstore to pick up this:
But brought home this instead:
Come on. Let’s see a show of hands.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, in hindsight, maybe it’s a good thing that publishers are taking the time to point out the seemingly obvious. I mean, thank goodness they did otherwise a simple trip to your local bookshop may well result in an embarrassingly erroneous purchase, criminal charges, or worse! Please, take note.
This:
NOT this:
And this:
NOT this guy:
Whereas February was a great reading month, full of surprises, April was peppered with disappointments. But I’ll elaborate on those in a dedicated entry.
Oh, and that reminds me: Finish up reading The Rich and the Dead, our May Book of the Month Club pick, and get ready for Monday’s discussion.
I’m going to have plenty to say on this one.Comment
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May 3, 2014
Photos: Escape from New York, Invasion of the body snatchers, A Clockwork Orange, Rolerball, The Thing, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Alien, Blade Runner, Star Wars, Planet of the Apes
This morning I came across this (http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzma...-have-you-seen) Buzzfeed article that asks: “How many science fiction movies have you seen?”. Apparently, in my case, quite a few – but I’m sure many of you can do better than my still-respectable 151 out of 300 score. In looking over the list, I realized I watched A LOT of SF films in the 60?s and 70?s, but my love for the genre tapered off in the 80?s to the point that I now rarely see any of the big (empty) big screen features. Nope, they don’t make ‘em like the used to. Or, maybe, I’m the one who’s changed.
Science fiction was an important part of my life growing, so much so that the books I read and the films I watched in those formative years influenced my career choice and, no doubt, helped shape me into the (warped) writer/person I am today. Specifically, these ten movies...
#10) ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
My love for anti-heroes and over-the-top action started with this John Carpenter classic.
#9) INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS
This movie scared the crap out of the me the first time I saw it in a theater. The final shocking scene still gives me chills.
#8) A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
Deeply disturbing. My favorite Kubrick film.
#7) ROLERBALL
Amid the violence and revelous tree-scorching is a smart critique of organized sports, corporations, and war.
#6) THE THING
Paranoia rules supreme in this ultimate who-can-you-trust? SF classic.
#5) THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI ACROSS THE 8TH DIMENSION
Joyously bizarre, delightfully different, and just plain cool. John Lithgow is brilliant as the nefarious Dr. Emilio Lizardo.
#4) ALIEN
The movie that made SF serious – deadly serious – and launched a thousand pale imitations. But there’s nothing like the terrifying original.
#3) BLADE RUNNER
A smart, touching, incredibly atmospheric film that still blows the socks off any scifi movie that has come out in the last ten years.
#2) STAR WARS
I saw it 11 times in the first year of its release. A helluva a fun ride. And even though the wheels came off in the third movie (the second those ewoks hit the screen), and then the whole thing crashed and burned in later instalments, I still have fond memories of the original.
#1) PLANET OF THE APES
Every time it (or the subsequent movies in the series) would air, I would watch, even if it meant going to bed at 8:00 p.m. so that I could wake up again at 11:30 p.m. to re-watch it on a school night. I had the comic books, the action figures, even the board game (and still do!). I love this movie and this series, so much so that I consider Tim Burton’s offensively bad remake one of the worst cinematic crimes ever perpetrated.Comment
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May 4, 2014
Today, we went to the nearby Cookworks kitchenware shop where Akemi browsed while I offered the woman at the cash some book recommendations for her upcoming vacation (John Scalzi’s Old Man’s War and Jeannette Walls’ The Glass Castle). Moments earlier, we had been at our local chain bookstore where Akemi hunted for a cookbook for dogs (cooking for dogs as opposed to cooking dogs or a book for dogs who cook) while I called out an employee on one of his “recommended” reads. I’d been checking out the back wall when I happened to notice Kate Atkinson’s Life After Life among the Staff Picks. A fine book but, as I pointed out in my capsule review, nowhere near the brilliant work the critics would have us believe. Unless, of course, said critics could explain the nonsensical ending or what, exactly, was so fiercely original about a conceit and structure that has been used in almost every scifi series ever produced .
“Hey, you’re Mike,”I said, stepping up to the employee.
“I am,”he said, smiling down at his name badge.
“You recommended Kate Atkins’s Life After Life.”.
“I did,”he said, suddenly awkward and unsure of himself, looking like someone whose deep, dark secret had just been exposed.
“Really?
Glancing about anxiously: “What do you mean?”
“The ending didn’t make any sense.”
“Well…”
“Also, everyone talks about how original it is but if the fact is the going-back-repeatedly-in-time-to-fix-things story is as old as science fiction itself.”
“Well, yes…but I saw it as more a collection of short stories….”
“But they’re not short stories. They’re a novel with a single storyline…that ultimately doesn’t make sense.”
Lowering his voice and levelling with me: “I didn’t even think it was that great but I had to come up with a book to recommend.” Beat. “I didn’t even finish it.”
Aha! I knew it! A week earlier, I’d gone to a rival book shop and questioned another employee’s recommendation of Gillian Flynn’s Dark Places, a book that concludes with one of the most ridiculously coincidental reveals in crime thriller history. She too admitted that, in retrospect, she may have been rather hasty in suggesting that one.
Don’t get me wrong. Both books are well-written. But they’re flawed – in ways other equally well-written but lesser known books are not.
Which is why I try to read A LOT, everything from well known writers to first-time authors, fiction and non-fiction alike, lauded or not, so that when I recommend a book, I can do so with confidence. Sure, much of it comes down to subjective personal taste, but there are objective failings of certain books that are impossible to excuse. Although some readers will try.
Last week, my sister sent me a text, asking me to recommend her some non-genre books. After some consideration, these were the titles I suggested:
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
We Are Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler
City of Thieves by David Benioff
Misery by Stephen King
The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon (I’d argue its SF classification)
Camp Concentration (like SoD, it’s classified as SF but it straddles the line)
Fool by Christopher Moore
The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry by Jon Ronson
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
The Man Who Ate Everything, and It Must Have Been Something I Ate by Jeffrey Steingarten
A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket (the entire series)
Thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
What are YOUR top recommended reads (including genre fiction). Let’s debate. I’m in a feisty mood!Comment
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May 5, 2014
Photo: The Rich and the Dead by Liv Spector
Time travel fiction is notoriously difficult to write, fraught as it is with complicated theoretical rules related to grandfather paradoxes and butterfly effects. It is, on the other hand, relatively simple to write if you merely pay lip service to said rules and then proceed to either ignore or violate them over the course of your narrative. And that’s what we have here: a time travel novel for non time-travel-savvy readers. It’s like sitting down to watch the 1978 Dr. Strange t.v. movie and being dazzled by the visual effects. Most viewers are a little more knowledgeable but, hey, I’m sure there a few under-rock-dwelling neophytes who might actually consider it a singular achievement.
Truth be told, the time travel conceit at the very heart of this book is one of several problems with The Rich and the Dead. So, let’s start at the top…
Former Miami police detective Lila Day is haunted by the case she was never able to solve, the mass murder of twelve of the city’s wealthiest. They were all found, shot to death in a mansion on Star Island. It was a massacre that sent shockwaves throughout the world when it was discovered inferred that the deceased made up the roster of the famed Janus Society. Yes, THE Janus Society, the secret group that would annually bestow hundreds of millions of dollars on a single charity. When the Star Island murders happened to coincide with the abrupt cessation of the gargantuan contributions, people put two and two together and realized: Hey, all those rich dead people were probably the Janus Society! Because Miami’s rich are much more altruistic and generous than the average city’s wealthy denizens.
A two year investigation went nowhere. “How is this possible?”you may ask. “What elaborately brilliant plan did the murderer execute that allowed him/her to kill twelve powerful individuals and get away with it?” Well, prepare to be amazed by the answer!
Lila is given a second chance at solving the murders by wealthy billionaire Teddy Hawkins and his personal time machine. Yes, it’s true! He has a time machine! And he proves it to Lila by sending her a copy of the next day’s paper. Lila is understandably dubious until she sees the lottery results. And then, in classic cartoon timing, immediately turns on the television and gets that night’s lottery numbers…the exact same numbers! Thus proving that wealthy billionaire Teddy Hawkins has the resources to rig a lottery draw build himself a time machine!
Teddy offers to send Lila back in time where she will go undercover as wealthy socialite Camilla Dayton, infiltrate the Janus Society, and catch the killer. Unfortunately, she can’t save the victims because, of course, doing so would alter “the present in unimaginable ways”. The rules of time travel are inviolable! So – to reiterate – she can’t alter the past by trying to save its victims. Or interact with her past self. But it’s perfectly fine for her to spend three months interacting with the past environment and finagling her way into a secret society she wasn’t originally a part of. So much for “the butterfly effect”. I guess some time travel rules are more inviolable than others.
Before she travels back into the past, we are treated to the following exchange that caused me to throw the book across the room (after which I picked it up and resumed reading because it was our book of the month club pick and you were all expecting a review):
Lila: “Will I lose those months of my life here?” (Stupid question, right? It’s a freakin’ time travel machine not a trip to Hawaii! You can come right back to the point at which you left. Hell, you can come back five minutes earlier if you like!)
Teddy: “Wormholes don’t work the same in both directions. It’ll be a few days here, not a few months.” (Wait! WHAT?! A few days?! Wormholes? WTF?!)
Lila travels back in time where she befriends one of the members of the Janus Society, a young Paris Hilton-like socialite named Effie who becomes her “in” to Miami high society, a group made up of incredibly shallow and stupid individuals who, incongruously, are also intelligent and magnanimous enough to create the Janus Society and help the world.
Lila begins her investigation. She uncovers shocking details about suspects that, for some reason, she was unable to discover the first time around – and rather obvious information at that. I guess this explains why the murders went unsolved for two years. Her incompetence AND the murderer’s brilliant plan (Wait for it!). For instance, she discovers that Scott, husband of one of the murder victims, probably isn’t responsible because he’d signed a prenup and wouldn’t have financially benefited from his wife’s demise. Seriously. This ISN’T something that happened to cross her desk in those two years?
The investigation deepens! Preposterous developments abound!
Shockingly, she ends up meeting the past version of her benefactor, Teddy. I say “shockingly” because, despite the fact that Teddy obviously runs in the same social circles, he never thought to prepare Lila for the possibility and she never thought to ask.
One of her suspects, a gay art dealer, brings her to a meeting with a corrupt Mexican custom official and pretends she’s his girlfriend. Why would he do this? Why doesn’t he just ask her to play along BEFORE the meeting if it’s that important to him? To quote Cookie Monster: “Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhhh.”.
She spends time with a repulsive Russian gangster who is such an over-the-top misogynistic buffoon that you want to scream: “Yeah, okay! I get it! He’s BAD!”. Subtle this aint.
She also allows herself to fall in love with some guy (Always a great idea when you travel back in time).
Ultimately, her three month investigation comes to naught so he has to scramble over to Star Island in time for the murders. Yes, that’s right. The entire three month investigation was a complete waste of time. Teddy could have just sent her back to the murder scene five minutes before the killings took place and it would have amounted to the same thing. All she has to do is park herself out front and catch the killer in the act.
And she can’t even do that! Instead, she ends up in a locked room and doesn’t find her way out until seconds after the murder takes place.
So, Lila travels back to the present (which, for some bizarre reason, is actually a few days into her future) and tells Teddy she failed. Now they’ll never find out who the murderer was.
(Well, hang on. Isn’t that time travel machine still working? Couldn’t you just go back to five minutes before the murder and, instead of crawling in through the basement window and ending up in a locked room, position yourself elsewhere? Say in the bushes outside the front gate so you can see who leaves seconds after the murder is committed? In fact, instead of going through the whole rigamarole of this ridiculous three month investigation, wouldn’t that have been the easiest way to go since there was nothing she could have done to save those victims in the first place? No? Anybody? Hello?).
But wait! Lila looks up her long lost love and, in a twist that nobody everybody saw coming, it turns out that HE is the murderer! But how? And why?
At which point we are treated to a long implausible info dump that details the inane workings of the Janus Society which, we discover, also happens to be a sort of murder club. Because that’s, I guess, what philanthropists do. Help AND kill people. That’s why it’s called The JANUS Society. Get it?!
But wait! What was the elaborate plot that allowed him to kill twelve of Miami’s wealthiest and get away with it?
Are you ready?
He killed the lights and then used his night vision goggles to find everyone and shoot them. Then he drove away. Brilliant, huh?
But wait! Even though the murderer admitted everything to Lila, there is no actual evidence to convict him. UNLESS – he admits everything in court. But why would he do that? Well…because…LOVE.
THE END
A tremendous achievement in mediocrity.Comment
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May 6, 2014
Video: Bubba
Photos: Akemi’s doggy carrot cake and puguccino, Yak rib-eyes, braised lamb neck and riblets, Lulu’s special dinner, Jelly’s Japanese-style meal, doggy watermelon snacks
Thanks to everyone who actually sat down and not only started May’s book of the month club pick, but actually finished it. And an especially big thank you to those who took the time to offer their thoughts on The Rich and the Dead. I kid you not – your reviews were infinitely more entertaining than the book itself which, in retrospect, is like a deeply textured masterpiece of awfulness. With every new review I read in the comments section of this blog, I discover additional narrative contrivances, silly character moments, and just plain dumb developments that I failed to notice the first time. It almost makes me want to re-read the novel.
Almost.
Better luck next month I guess.
On a more palatable topic – check out some of the inspired creations that came out of our kitchen over the past month...
Tricky to eat!
And you? What was the most interesting thing you made/ate in the last month?Comment
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May 7, 2014
I’m busy outlining a 13-episode first season for a new SF series.
But more on that in another blog entry.
In the meantime, when’s the last time I did a mailbag?
Mailbag:
Tam Dixon writes: “He likes them well done and you know how hard it is to retain the tenderness when cooked that way?! Thanks to foodnetwork, I almost have it down (at least with fillets).”
Answer: Well, now you got me curious. How do you serve a tender steak well-done?
Denise McInerney writes: “Did she mix the watermelon with the gelatin? Sorry to say, the food for the pups looks better than some of the stuff that came out of my kitchen this past month.”
Answer: Yes, it’s a gelatin watermelon. And, to be honest, the food Akemi prepares for the dogs OFTEN looks better than anything I eat.
Denise McInerney also writes: “Having said that–just made a pretty decent low-fat, pork tenderloin shredded barbecue. Season a 2-lb tenderloin with sea salt, pepper and a little thyme, then toss in slow-cooker with bottle of root beer for 7-8 hours on low. Ok, I hear you laughing from all the way over on this coast! The RB acts as a tenderizer. Really.”
Answer: I believe it. I occasionally do a slow-roast with coca cola. Don’t have a slow cooker but it’s next on my list. My friend Ivon is a slow-cooking expert!
whoviantrish writes: “Well.. I had some absolutely fabulous lemon ricotta pancakes topped with lemon curd, strawberries and fresh mint. I know you’re not a fan of mint, Joe.”
Answer: Actually, I’m finding I do like fresh mint on certain desserts.
whoviantrish also writes: “My youngest is 13 today! Erin is a teenager now. “
Answer: Congrats to both of you! How are you celebrating?
Jovanna writes: “Sitiawan and Lumut in Perak, Malaysia are interesting places to go that not many people go to. It’s a lot more suburban now and you’d definitely need a tour guide or you might get mugged or ripped off...”
Answer: The potential for getting mugged or ripped off is a definite con when I put together potential vacation destinations. Oh, and add kidnapping to that list.
skua writes: “About the Yak beef i think is more a Beef aging problem this type of beef need a long dry maduration only few providers do nowadays. I think this yak need 4 week of controled dry-agging before you can cook it properly.”
Answer: Interesting! I’m going to mention this to my butcher as he had no idea how best to prepare the yak steaks. He just brought them in because they were unique and is now looking for feedback from his customers.
Michael Carney writes: “Like you and many of your readers/reviewers, Joe, I suffered my way through “The Rich and the Dead”. Reading your follow-up column and its comments helped (a little) with the trauma that ensued.Just realised, however, that any publicist worth his/her salt could mine both column and comments and come up with some quotable quotes:
“dazzled … a great idea … A tremendous achievement” – Joseph Mallozzi
“Liv Spector is the next Dan Brown!” Kathode”
Answer: I laughed out loud. Brilliant.
Line Noise writes: “The most interesting (if you could call it that) thing I cooked/ate last month was my Volcano Roasted Blackened Pork Belly.”
Answer: Well, it sounds delicious anyway.
dasndanger writes: “In fact, the best thing I’ve made lately was out of a box: gluten-free brownies from http://xobakingco.com/”
Answer: Akemi has been making gluten-free brownies of late. They taste…good for you!
JeffW writes: “The real problem though, is the whole presupposition (such as it was) falls apart if Teddy was already back in time himself; he could just stake-out the property and observe. He could’ve also hired a couple of PI’s to track escape vehicles. There was no need to send Lila back in that case.”
Answer: Which, as someone already pointed out, would have meant no story and no book. Which is not at all a bad thing.
JeffW also writes: “To fix this, the author could have provided some back story and also made up some rules to justify the premise better…”
Answer: If only YOU had been her editor instead of whoever “edited” her book (Her father? Her best friend? A table lamp?).
arcticgoddess writes: “What I do not understand about really bad books is one detail – how the heck do they get published?”
Answer: The same way bad shows get made = terrible decision making.
Erick writes: “I had a friend who was a mid-level manager of sorts at a major book chain in Toronto. She was always transfered calls from media outlets whenever they called to survey what novel or book was their topseller, top pick or on their most recommended list. She would just list off whatever she felt like or remembered seeing in the store. It was that scientific.”
Answer: It’s now my new favorite thing to do = calling staffers on their staff picks. BTW – How go things in Montreal?
N writes: “I think the craziest part for me was seeing all the good reviews on Goodreads. Really?”
Answer: Yeah, I’m always dubious about those 5 star reviews.
skua writes: “I wonder if she need the hazmat suit to prevent the almost certain dead during the transport, why? returns without the f… suit?.”
Answer: Very good point. I guess it’s like a visit to Yemen. Only going is dangerous.
Adam writes: “I would like to ask, if there is any chance for Stargate Universe Soundtrack release (for both seasons). What would be necessary for the release? “
Answer: You would have to get in touch with MGM. The studio owns the rights to Stargate and all its related merchandise. But, for what it’s worth, I agree. An SGU soundtrack that shows off the incredible talent that was Joel Goldsmith is long overdue.
cat4444 writes: “It was also a bit too convenient that Lila noticed the tattoo on the arm of the man that shot Dylan and just happened to notice the same tattoo, and the design on the coat of arms, after she returned to 2018 and went to Dylan’s home.”
Answer: Oh, don’t get me started. Convenient is one way of putting it. Incredibly contrived is another.
cat4444 also writes: “Personally, I thought that Lila herself would turn out to be the killer and that her reason for it would be something she discovered on her jaunt into the past. After all, what better way to explain the complete lack of evidence and suspects than to have a killer that travelled through time?”
Answer: See, now I like your version so much more.
cat4444 writes: “Teddy seems to have chosen Lila to go back in time to investigate the murders, but never actually states why it has to be her and only her.”
Answer: Yes, I was waiting to find out what made her so special. Maybe he felt sorry for her because she was too incompetent to solve it the first time around?
cat4444 writes: “Also, if Teddy has a time machine, why didn’t he simply go back to a few minutes before the murders to find out for himself who the killer was? Why the whole charade with Lila?”
Answer: Because Liv Spector wanted to write a book, logic be damned.
cat4444 writes: “I also don’t quite see how a bunch of rich people decide to create a “murder club” for philanthropic purposes.”
Answer: Yeah, at that point why not just reveal they’re actually philanthropic aliens who need to feed on human flesh – which is why they created the murder club. To get more victims for their banquets!
cat4444 writes: “Then, too, if the murders have been going on for 100 years, why has no one made any connection between the killings and the Society or its members? I can’t imagine that rich philanthropists are all that skilled at murder and that at least one of them would have left some evidence behind in all that time. “
Answer: The wealthier you are, the better you are at killing people. It’s common sense!
cat4444 writes: “Any killer worth the title would have told the Clod that his theory was a nice one, but that that was all it was – a theory – and since there was no evidence there was no case.”
Answer: But this killer is in love, and love makes people do stupid things. Stupid, completely illogical, unbelievable things.
Kathode writes: “What I don’t get, though, is why it never occurred to Past Lila that Camilla Dayton was a suspect in the murder. Why had this “genius” detective never heard of Camilla in 2 years of investigating the case?”
Answer: Lila Day – Idiot P.I.!
whoviantrish writes: “Florida homes don’t have basements. I’m pretty sure that includes Star Island. The water table is just too high here.”
Answer: They’re so rich, they PAID to have the water table lowered.
kathode writes: “I can see maybe a fourteen-year-old writing this and thinking it were possible to try and convict someone posthumously, but any adult has lived long enough that she should know that this has never happened, and will never happen. Aside from the ridiculous expense of a court trial for someone who is dead and can’t be punished, you cannot convict someone who has no opportunity to take the stand in his own defence.”
Answer: But this is the future. Anything is possible!
Ponytail writes: “I was also thinking how could 12 super rich people get murdered all at once and the crime not be solved.”
Answer: Because, as I pointed out in my review, the murderer’s plan was so damn brilliant.
kathode writes: “This woman has to be one of the worst detectives I’ve ever read. When she goes back in time and begins to meet various members of the Janus Society (the super-duper-secret society all the murder victims belonged to), she finds it odd that there’s this guy, Dylan, whom all the victims know and associate with semi-regularly, but whom she has never heard of. She, who investigated this crime obsessively for over 2 years. She, who supposedly interviewed any- and everyone who had anything to do with the murder victims. She should immediately be suspicious of him and think of him as a new potential suspect. But she doesn’t. Why not? Because he’s hot.”
Answer: Also charming. You forgot charming.
kathode writes: “Only by sheer dumb luck (when she guiltily confesses her failed rescue attempt to her time-travel patron Teddy upon her empty-handed return to the present) do the pieces get put together, and by someone other than the “genius” detective!”
Answer: I wondered if she loaded her own gun. Or dressed herself in the morning.
kathode writes: ” I don’t know about you, but the first thing I think of when I hear the name Janus is “two-faced”. But not Lila! She persists to the end in thinking the society purely philanthropic and its members “innocent victims”. Liv Spector even tries to justify Lila’s denseness by telling us the society “had been named for a Roman god, the god of beginnings…” as if that were all any normal person would think of when contemplating the society’s name. Sorry, Ms. Spector, but readers are, shockingly, often well read – much more so, at least, than your moronic detective.”
Answer: It’s like the old X-Men comic books when Magneto would insist he was fighting the good fight against humanity because his fellow mutants were misunderstood. Seriously, buddy. Step #1 to avoid having people assume you guys are bad people: DON’T call yourselves The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants!Comment
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May 8, 2014
Videos: Jimmy Kimmel - What is Gluten?, liquid olives, How To Build A Time Machine trailer
Hollywood bemoans its lack of experienced writing producers. And, presumably, Starbucks coffeehouses: http://www.deadline.com/2014/05/show...ing-producers/
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Drew Magary (author of the terrific The Postmortal) confirms what we’ve all suspected for a while now: Facebook is dead.
“Apart from the long-standing complaints about privacy and insufferable people posting pictures of their own feet from a ****ing beach, it’s really only useful as a one-time thing. You make your account. You look up old classmates. And you either a) see if they still look good and then go gratify yourself to any long-dormant sexual fantasies, or b) contact those people, re-kindle your friendship, and then continue that relationship in a place that is NOT Facebook. You meet them for a drink. You email them. You text them. You ask them for a job.” http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/fac...ead-1569469413
Pro-pizza Jimmy Kimmel takes on anti-gluten adherents:
The gang at SFSignal offer their list of The Top 10 Greatest SF Movies Ever Made: http://www.sfsignal.com/archives/201...de/#more-93376. Agree? Disagree? I’m surprised Alien didn’t make the list. And that Monsters and Melancholia almost did.
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Looking to make your own liquid olives? Here’s how:
Trailer for the documentary How To Build A Time Machine that follows two men in their attempts to build working time machines. Are they successful? I guess you’ll have to watch the movie to find out:
Game of Thrones’ Producers Aren’t Listening To You, And That’s A Problem. Or is itComment
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May 9, 2014
Blogged.
Read five books.
Worked out.
Spent quality time with the dogs.
Played phone/text/email tag with our production partner.
Did a “leaner/tighter” pass on the pilot.
Added two new sections to the show’s bible: “The Economic/Political Structure” and “Getting Around” (via ship and transfer stations).
Drafted an overview of the 13 episode first season complete with story synopses, character arcs, key revelations, and approximations of days in/days out, episodic construction requirements and VFX classifications (minimal, moderate, significant).
Wrote a separate “Character secrets” document to accompany the general “Characters” section of the show bible.
Got in touch with some key individuals to see if they’d be interested in getting the band back together. So far, so unanimous yes.
Out of curiosity, had a friend and former co-worker look into the rights for a certain song.
Discussed scheduling and game plan with my writing partner.
Impatiently awaited preliminary budgets and that very final piece of the puzzle.
Went out for ramen. Meh.
And what did you guys get up to this week?Comment
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May 10, 2014
Photos: Books
Capsule reviews of my April reads...
CHEW (vol. 8: Family Recipes) by John Layman and Rob Guillory
The eighth instalment in the ongoing series about detective Anthony Chu, a chibopath capable of receiving psychic impressions from whatever he tastes, be it inorganic matter or fresh(ly deceased) flesh and blood. It’s been a wonderfully bizarre, over-the-top series but I feel the darkly humorous fun has took a turn for the darkly unhumorous a couple of volumes back with the gruesome murder of one of our main characters. That surprising development left a, er, bad taste in my mouth and has cast a pall over the ensuing madcap proceedings. It’s going to be tough to recover from that one, methinks.
THE DINNER by Herman Koch
About 50 pages into this novel comes this passage: “You do everything in your power to make the narrator shut up, but nothing helps. They’re too far gone to notice the signals. Above all, they’re addicted to themselves and their own crap about film.” And that pretty much mirrored my feelings about this book in the early going except that, instead of focusing on film, our narrator goes on and on about the different dishes he is served. Even the foodie in me found it incredibly tiresome. But stick it out and, about a third of the way through, things pick up in this suspenseful tale of murder and the lengths people will go to protect those they love.
A CALCULATED LIFE By Anne Charnock
In the late 21st century, society has stratified into the haves (genetically-enhanced individuals who live comfortable lives free of addiction and crime) and the have-nots (drudge workers who live in segregated, crime-ridden communities). Our protagonist, Jayna, is a hot up-and-comer at a corporation that track global trends. She has the perfect job, the perfect life and yet, she can’t help but feel that something is…off. Perfection aint all it’s cracked up to be and when Jayna decides to inject a little unpredictability into her ordered existence, things take a turn for the dangerous. A very smart book. My favorite fiction read of April.
THE ELEGANCE OF THE HEDGEHOG by Muriel Barbery
50-something Parisian concierge Renee is a closet intellectual who keeps her interests and intelligence a secret from the upper class tenants of her building because she doesn’t want them judging her. Ironically, she spends most of this novel generalizing and judging the upper class tenants of her building – when she’s not going on philosophical tangents. Paloma is a young Parisian teen who has evidently read Mersault’s L’Etranger one too many times and is overcome by a pervading sense of ennui. She is so brilliant she doesn’t want to draw attention to herself and plans to commit suicide. Tsk, Parisian kids these days. These two insufferably annoying characters are the dual protagonists of this pretentious bore of a novel. If this books was someone you met at a party, two minutes into a conversation with her and you’d be heading for the door.
MAN IN THE EMPTY SUIT by Sean Ferrell
I love a good time travel story – but, alas, this one isn’t. A tale of a man who travels to an abandoned New York in 2071 to celebrate his birthday with past and present versions of himself. But, on his 39th fete, he discovers the corpse of his 40 year old self. A lengthy, meandering, convoluted investigation ensues.
BLOOD AND IRON by Jon Sprunk
Horace is a ship-wrecked soldier on enemy land. Soon after being sold into service as a house slave, he discovers that he is possessed of powerful magical abilities. With the help of two unlikely allies – a gladiator named Jirom and spy named Alyra – he must circumvent courtly intrigues and dangerous external conspiracies to win the freedom of the empire’s slaves. A rip-rousing opener to an ongoing series that offers great fun and adventure, but a little too much magic for my taste.
HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG by Andre Dubus III
A clerical error sparks a property dispute between a former Iranian Air Force Colonel and a recovering addict, a conflict fueled by desperation and pride that eventually leads to tragic consequences. Dubus does a masterful job of presenting us with the very real and very sympathetic people on both sides of the issue. This one will stay with you.
VILLAIN by Shuichi Yoshida
I was expecting a crime thriller in the vein of Keigo Higashino’s The Devotion of Suspect X but, instead, got a plodding and unengaging mystery that wasn’t really a mystery at all because we know whodunit from the get-go . Ultimately, more of a character study of some very bleak personalities, the whole hampered by an awkward, at times stilted, translation.
THE WEIRDNESS by Jeremy Bushnell
Satan appears to struggling writer Billy Ridgeway one day and offers to make him a success IF he will do one thing for him: steal a cat statue with magical powers from a warlock hiding out in New York City. It’s a fun premise but this book is a good example of how over-the-top silliness can undermine any real sense of jeopardy. The loopier the narrative developments, the weaker the emotional investment so that, by the time you finish reading the novel, it’s already forgotten.
SUPER GRAPHIC by Tim Leong
This visual guide to the comic book universe uses pie charts, venn diagrams, bar graphs, maps, and trajectories to highlight some fun facts. Whether it’s a rundown of DC’s alternate Earths, the pizza particulars of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the alliances and connections of the denizens of Sin City, a Walking Dead kill counter, a map of Tintin’s travels, or a taxonomy of animal-named characters, there’s something here for most every fan to geek-out over. LOVED it!
20TH CENTURY GHOSTS by Joe Hill
An early collection of short horror tales by Joe Hill, this one is a mixed bag. Standouts for me included “Pop Art”, about a boy and his inflatable best buddy, “The Cape”, in which a boy discovers he can fly – kind of, and “Voluntary Committal” that tells the tale of a young savant’s ability to build complex cardboard mazes to other worlds. These three alone are worth the cover price. For those who aren’t fanS of short fiction but would like to check out Hill’s work, I would strongly recommend his latest novel, N0S4A2.
THE DRAGON BUSINESS by Kevin J. Anderson
A king tries to toughen his young son up by telling him a tale from his days running a dragon-protection scam, a con that was going very well – until things were complicated by the appearance of an actual dragon. Not quite Pratchett but it has its funny moments. Still, as mentioned in a previous review, after a while silliness robs the narrative of any real stakes. Light, popcorn fun.Comment
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May 11, 2014
Photo: Lawren Bancroft-Wilson’s Fantasy Pilot Television League lineup
Well, the results of Lawren Bancroft-Wilson’s Fantasy Pilot Television League (named after the guy who did all the leg work for us) are in! Although my former Stargate nemesis Ashleigh lead through most of the season, I overtook her in the final days of “pick-up Heaven/cancellation Hell” to win our pool by an impressive four points!
However, my impressive showing in that pool only earned me a second place TIE on this blog’s version of league play. Our winner should quit their day job, head down to Hollywood, and get a job as a network executive since the current crop of t.v. execs scored a woeful – 11 (that’s negative 11!) in the pool. Thankfully, you were all in positive territory (some more than others).
Interesting to note: Had you predicted cancellation for every one of the shows on this list, you would have come away with a strong 15 point finish. Not enough to win, but remarkable nevertheless.
To refresh your memory, Lawren supplied us with a list of each network’s Fall lineup and we were asked to predict each show’s renewal prospects. As for the league’s scoring system: ” If a show get’s picked up or cancelled (pulling the episodes from their original dates will count as cancellation) your choice will be multiplied two fold. So +1 for a correct choice. -1 for a wrong choice. -2 if you bet against a show that get’s an early pickup. +2 if your correctly choose a show will get cancelled and has it’s airing cut short.”
So, once the dust settled, how did the scoring system break down? Check it out...
And, most importantly how did you all do? Well, I tabulated everyone’s score (skipping blank responses and “maybes”) and each result was verified by my french bulldog, Lulu, who was sitting on my lap at the time. So if you’d like to file an appeal, please do so with her.
As for the results…
MReed, Bailey, Saryn Kitamo, DP, Miguel Reimer, and Rebecca = All ended up in the single digits. You’re too optimistic. Or, possibly, too pessimistic. Or jointly optimistic and pessimistic about the wrong shows.
Randomness, Archersangel, PBMom, Sylvia and Alexis = 11-14. Not bad. You’ve earned “I told you so” status.
And now on to our Top finishers…
#4 Tie: fsmn36 = 17 points. Best pick: Brooklyn Nine Nine. Worst pick: Ironside.
#4 Tie: Airelle = 17 points. Best pick: Junior Masterchef. Worst pick: Sean Saves the World.
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#3 Tie: ProfMadMax = 18 points. Best pick: Brookly Nine Nine. Worst pick: Dracula.
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#2 Tie: Marsha = 21 points. Best pick: Junior Masterchef. Worst pick: Intelligence.
#2 Tie: Me = 21 points Best pick: Brooklyn Nine Nine. Worst pick: Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.
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And our WINNER….
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#1: Kathode = 23 points! Best pick: Junior Masterchef Worst Pick: Trophy Wife.
Congratulations! Remember us when you’re working for FOX.
Happy Mother’s Day!Comment
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May 12, 2014
Photos: The Dick van Dyke Show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, All in the Family, M*A*S*H, Family Ties, Hill Street Blues, Cheers, Seinfeld, Homicide: Life on the streets
I see a lot of fans complaining about the fact that networks don’t really give shows a chance to find their audience. If a series doesn’t perform well out of the gate, it’s usually curtains for that production. Some will argue it’s only fair. After all, television is a business and if a show can’t succeed, then why waste the time and effort?
Well, the following shows premiered to lacklustre ratings but, for whatever reasons, were kept on the air. And – whaddya know – they ended up not only finding an audience, but flourished.
Submitted for your personal: 9 shows that survived terrible early ratings to become legends of television!
THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW
Although CBS was planning to cancel the show after its first season, Proctor & Gamble threatened to withdraw its advertising from the network’s daytime programming and won it a reprieve. In the second season, it became a top ten show after following the popular Beverly Hillbillies.
Run: 5 season, 158 episodes and one reunion special, 15 Emmy Awards, ranked as one of TV Guide’s Top 50 Greatest T.V. Shows of All Time.
THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW
It premiered to “lukewarm” ratings and poor reviews but the gang at WJM stuck it out and, by its second season, it was a top ten show.
Run: 7 seasons, 168 episodes, 29 Emmy Awards, ranked #6 on the WGA’s 101 Best-Written T.V. Series of All Time.
ALL IN THE FAMILY
Despite its highly controversial premiere, the ratings for its first season were so low that it flirted with cancellation. But, after building an audience with its summer reruns, it captured #1 spot in the Nielsen ratings on its return, a top ranking it would hold for six consecutive years.
Run: 9 seasons, 208 episodes, 21 Emmy Awards, and ranked #4 on T.V. Guide’s Top 50 Greatest T.V. Shows of All Time.
M*A*S*H
It’s first season saw it pull in ratings so abysmally low that CBS almost cancelled it. Almost. Instead, the show came back for a second season and, following its new lead-in, All in the Family, became a top ten show.
Run: 11 seasons, 256 episodes, 14 Emmy Awards,#25 on T.V. Guide’s Top 50 Greatest T.V. Shows of All Time, it’s finale was watched by 125 million viewers.
FAMILY TIES
After a couple of middling seasons in the ratings, the show finally hit its stride in its third season.
Run: 7 season, 176 episodes, 5 Emmy Awards.
HILL STREET BLUES
This ground-breaking police drama had the distinction of being the lowest-rated show ever renewed for a second season. While its ratings were never gangbusters, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences took notice, nominating the show for 98 Emmy Awards.
Run: 7 seasons, 147 episodes, 26 Emmy Awards, ranked #14 in T.V. Guide’s Greatest T.V. Shows of All Time.
CHEERS
With a premiere ranking 74th out of the 77 shows aired that season, Cheers seemed doomed to failure but, by some miracle, it survive the axe. The rest, as they say, is history.
Run: 11 season, 270 episodes, 28 Emmy Awards, was a top ten show for 8 of its 11 seasons, ranked #18 on T.V. Guide’s Top 50 Greatest T.V. Shows of All Time.
SEINFELD
Another show that got off to a slow start, and an extended one at that. After two low-rated seasons (the first comprised of a mere 5 episodes), it bounced back – sort of – in its third season by climbing up to become the #42 ranked premiere on television. But NBC stuck with it – and it finally found its audience.
Run: 9 seasons, 180 episodes, 10 Emmy Awards, ranked as the #1 Show of All Time by T.V. Guide.
HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREETS
The ratings for its first year were so low that it would have certainly been cancelled – if not for the two Emmy Awards it won in its fledgeling season. Though never a ratings juggernaut, it remained a critical darling throughout its run.
Run: 7 seasons, 122 episodes, 4 Emmy Awards, 3 Peabody Awards.Comment
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May 13, 2014
Video: Japanese prank
I registered Akemi and me for one of those private health plans that allows you to see a specialist or run a CT scan without having to wait for six months or longer. Part of the service is a comprehensive health assessment that includes blood tests, a full physical, and visits with a dietitian, kinesiologist, and someone called a “Brain Health and Psychological Health Consultant”. When I informed Akemi about the latter, she seemed genuinely concerned.
Akemi: “Even though I sometimes give the wrong answer in English, my brain is correct.”
Me: “Well, we’ll let the experts decide.”
By the time we get around to having MY head examined, I could well be in a lot of trouble. But nothing that the proper prescription can’t cure: valium, tranquillizers, or chewable bourbon tablets. The past couple of weeks have been mighty crazy as we scramble to put the pieces together for this potential production. It finally looks like it’s going to happen (let’s say 90% sure), but if it does, it won’t be without its challenges. Still, we’ll have plenty of lead time to plan and write some tight, production-friendly scripts. Today, I sent Paul my plan for the 13 episode first season and will do the same for our Production-Designer-in-waiting, provided we hear some good news on the budget front tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll all agree that construction and VFX are key, especially for a ship-based show, so it’s important for those numbers to make sense. And if they do, great! If they don’t, I’m moving to Japan to become a hilarious gaikokkujin comedian.
Or maybe just end up on one of their prank shows:
Head on over here to help support Stargate fan Bethany who is raising money for a support Service Dog: http://www.gofundme.com/ServiceDog4BethanyDraves
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