Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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December 15, 2013

Photo: Snow monkey


It’s that time of year! Yes, time for the Fantasy Football playoffs. On the back of a fearsome running game, my Snow Monkeys took the second seed in my league, winning themselves a much-needed (last) weekend off with a first-round bye. Today, they were back at it, meeting As Luck Would Have It in semi-final action. My opponent managed 109.10 points, in most part thanks to Jamaal Charles’ annoying 51.50 outburst. With five of my players still to hit the field, including QB Matt Stafford this Monday night, I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about the 42 points I need to snag the victory. I need BIG games from Antonio Brown and Giovanni Bernard tonight. Wish my Snow Monkeys luck!

In other fantasy football playoff action, Ivon Bartok’s team, The Running Dead, fresh off a wild-card weekend beatdown of Robert C. Cooper’s Landsharks, won again in impressive fashion, destroying Lawren Bancroft-Wilson’s (creatively named) team, Lawren.

So, if all goes as it should – and why wouldn’t it? -next week, Ivon’s Running Dead will be playing Orphan Black writer (and former Stargate script coordinator) Alex Levine’s Flemish Giants. While, in my other league, my Snow Monkeys will face off against Tio’s team, Petunia Power.

Condolences to Robert Cooper’s Dallas Cowboys who continue to find new and creative ways to lose.

Yes, it was a full football Sunday. And there’s still the late game to watch. And, once that’s done, the Survivor season finale (Go Tyson!).

So, how were your weekends? What wast the most exciting thing you did? Don’t be shy. Do tell!

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December 16, 2013

Photos: Comic books


THE SUPERIOR FOES OF SPIDER-MAN

Writer Nick Spencer is at the top of his game here, exploring the private and professional lives of a group of B-team villains, The Sinister Six – who are actually made up of FIVE members hard-luck members. They’re sneaky, opportunistic, and completely disloyal, but you can’t help but love ‘em.

RAT QUEENS

Established notions of the fantasy genre are upended in this wild and whimsical series about “a pack of booze-guzzling, death-dealing maidens-for-hire”. Equal parts dark fantasy and dark humor combine for an epic tale of magic, adventure and, above all, friendship.

ALEX + ADA

In a near future of advanced technology quite literally on the heels of a robot revolution, mild-mannered Alex Wahl is sent an unexpected birthday present from his grandmother: a Tanaka X5 android. Bewildered and little creeped out, he decides to return the gift to the manufacturer, but there’s an earnestness and beauty to the android he names Ada that gives him pause. The Luna Brothers have a knack for cracking dialogue and wonderful character-driven stories (see Ultra), and this title – written by Jonathan Luna and Sara Vaughn - holds the promise of comparable greatness.

THOR: GOD OF THUNDER

To be honest, I’ve never been a big fan of Thor. I’ve always found him – well, kind of dull. But in the hands of Jason Aaron, the God of Thunder is transformed into a rich, engaging, humorous character. The latest story arc, The Accursed, is epic high fantasy with a Game of Thrones vibe but a spirt and style all its own.

JUSTICE LEAGUE (FOREVER EVIL)

A continuing tie-in to the major “Forever Evil” story arc running through the DC titles. Alternate/Evil versions of the Justice League from a parallel Earth have orchestrated a take down of this planet’s heroes and triggered a super villainous uprising. While there are big battles and action aplenty, for my part I’m enjoying the smaller, character-centered stories that shed light on the behind-the-scenes machinations of Earth’s new criminal power brokers. Double-crosses, shifting alliances, and hidden agendas – writer Geoff Johns does a masterful job of building suspense and doling out the unexpected twists and turns. Like a comic book version of a serialized cable series.

Check them out if you get the chance, then report back!

Snow Monkeys update: Down 12 points with three quarters of football still to play!

Today’s entry is dedicated to long-time Stargate fan Jill Bratcher, AKA majorsamfansg1. All the best for a speedy recovery and return home, Jill!

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December 17, 2013

Photo: Stargate fantasy football league score


Hmmm. Well that was a little too close for comfort. My Snow Monkeys won their semi-final fantasy football playoff match-up by a score of 109.30 to 109.10. Yes, that’s right. They won by a whopping 0.2 points. Rather than celebrate, however, I’ll be on the edge of my seat until Thursday morning when the NFL releases their final stats corrections for this past weekend. Every week yields about two dozen slight “in retrospect” adjustments, a yard gained here, another lost there, that could make the difference between playing Petunia Power for the championship or drowning my sorrows in bourbon-spiked eggnog.

It certainly would be a bitter defeat that would find its way into my Bitterest Losses of All Time, a list that goes something like this…

5. LAWREN 106.20 SNOW MONKEYS 83.76 [2013 FANTASY FOOTBALL WEEK 12]

It’s the second to last week of the 2013 fantasy football season in my Stargate Fantasy Football League. I need to win my final two games to have any shot at making the playoffs. Fearing the fearsome Chiefs defence in Kansas City, I bench my starting quarterback, Philip Rivers, in favor of the Houston Texan’s Case Keenum, a hot start according to the so-called experts. The result? Keenum puts up a paltry 4.96 points. As for Philip Rivers, he has the game of the season, racking up 28.78 fantasy points – which would have been more than enough for me to win the week. What makes this loss particularly disappointment in hindsight is that I ended up winning the next game handily and would have secured the sixth and final playoff spot.

4. BOSTON CELTICS 108 DETROIT PISTONS 107 [1987 EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS, GAME 5]

The young Detroit Pistons have victory within their grasp. With seconds to go, all Isaiah Thomas has to do is inbound the ball, perhaps force the foul, and take a strangle-hold on the series. For some reason, Thomas telegraphs the inbound pass to centre Bill Laimbeer in the low past. Larry Bird cuts in front and, with one second remaining, scores the easy lay-up for the win.

3. ANY ROAD TEAM PLAYING IN THE NBA

In every other sport, the “home team advantage” usually refers to the intangible edge the home team receives from playing in front of their home fans. In professional basketball, however, it refers to the very tangible edge the home team receives from the home town refs. The slanted calls are so outrageous that they made me give up on the NBA years ago and still make me wonder why supposed fans of the game put up with it. I can only assume that it is simply an accepted part of the game’s ingrained culture, like fighting in hockey and tartan pants in golf.

2. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 16 OAKLAND RAIDERS 13 [2002 AFC DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS]

When is a fumble not a fumble? Why, when it’s league-darling Tom Brady dropping the ball. January 19, 2002. The AFC divisional playoffs. Late in the game, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is sacked by the Raiders and drops the football. It’s recovered by the Raiders who hold off the late Pats rally to win the game! No, wait. Officials reviewed the play and reversed the call on the field, declaring it a non-fumble because, in their estimation, Brady’s arm was moving forward. Thus, the call on the field was “incomplete pass”. Never mind that he was clearly not attempting a pass and that the sketchy “on second thought” reversal didn’t meet the requirements of “incontrovertible visual evidence” necessary to overturn a call. The Raiders went on to lose the game and the “tuck rule”, as it was called, spent another ten gloriously crappy years in the books before finally being abolished in 2013 by a vote of 29-1.

1. I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE SCORE

In the final week of the 2012 fantasy football season, my high-flying Snow Monkeys were in tough. Even though my Monkeys were the second highest-scoring team in the league, they were also the #1 scored against. As a result, I desperately needed a win in the final week in order to secure a playoff berth. Things look great heading into the Monday night match-up. All I needed was a a couple of points from Green Bay receiver James Jones, and I’d be headed to the post-season. Things looked good. After all, I was relying on Aaron Rodgers and the high-powered Packers offense. Looking good, right? Wrong. James Jones ended up putting up a grand total of 0 points. Yes, that’s right. 0. He did absolutely nothing, not even dropping a pass. Aaron Rodgers didn’t look his way once – and my Snow Monkeys were done. I will forever hold a grudge against Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

And you, sports fans? What makes your list for The Bitterest Loss of All Time?

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December 18, 2013

Photos: Gilligan's Island, Dawn Wells, Mila Kunis, The Bourbon Family Tree


Rex Reed picks his best films of 2013: Rex Reed: The Best Films of 2013 | The New York Observer

And his worst: READ REX REED’S PICKS FOR THE WORST MOVIES OF 2013

In other important movie news, Yahoo casts the rumored Gilligan’s Island big screen reboot:

http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-...203025069.html

Michael Cera as Gilligan. Hmmmm. Maybe. Kelsey Grammar as Thurston Howell III? An interesting way to go. Mila Kunis as Mary-Anne?

No. Just…no.

Hey, remember that episode of The Simpsons where a visit to the Duff Beer factory reveals that Duff, Duff Light and Duff Dry all originate from the same spigot and are exactly the same beer? Well, I thought of that when I saw this “Bourbon Family Tree” -

And read this article: Chart: The Family Tree of Bourbon Whiskey – GQ.com Okay, so while they’re not exactly the same, many are pretty damn close.

From the ever-informative gang at Cracked.com: 5 Movies Based on True Stories (with Depressing Epilogues)

Just in time for the holidays! 17 Hilariously Tragic Holiday Baking Fails

Interesting stuff! The 25 Must-Watch Food Videos of 2013 Anthony Bourdain’s visit to Tokyo’s Robot Restaurant makes the list!


Mailbag:

Duptiang writes: “Oh and how goes Akemi’s viewing of the Stargate?”

Answer: So far, so good. We just watched Time last night and are moving on to Life tonight. This weekend, I’ll be posting her thoughts on the individual episodes in a special “Stargate: Universe 1.0 – The Japanese Girlfriend Edition” blog entry.

Glen writes: “Joseph, since Stargate series have gone off the air for over half a decade now, have you watched any of the 3 series from the first episode to the last in a marathon watching binge?”

Answer: As stated above, Akemi and I are working our way through the first season of Stargate: Universe, averaging an episode a night. Stay tuned for her review.

The Last Penfighter writes: “

As an aspiring science-fiction writer, I’ve been having difficulty in finding a producer who has more than just promises to offer. This is likely because it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a ‘safe’ means of presenting yourself and your ideas to working professionals when you have no means of networking with those individuals. This leaves those like me with talent and ability but no formal schooling (in the specific field of script writing) either at the mercy of pretenders or facing a lot of closed doors. How might someone in my shoes find a way to open some of those doors?”

Answer: Simply put, you need an agent, someone who can get you in those closed doors and, when necessary, offer you a little tough love criticism of your work. Like most producers, however, many agents do not accept unsolicited submissions. You need to do a little research, check out a publication listing agencies that DO accept unsolicited submissions, and then query them. Tell them a bit about yourself and ask them if you can send them your script. When you find one (or a few) that give you the go-ahead, then send them YOUR BEST SCRIPT. Give them a few weeks to read it and then follow up with a polite email.

JeffW writes: “As for the bitterest loss, it would have to be the 1996 ALCS Orioles-Yankees series opening game. I was watching this game on video tape in England at the time (long story) and I could not believe how it ended. In the (potentially) final out of the game that would have won it for the Orioles, Orioles outfielder, Tony Tarasco, was lined up near the right field fence to make the catch off of a Derek Jeter hit when a Yankees fan leans over the fence and grabs the ball. The Umps refused to call it fan interference. The Orioles end up losing the series by one game and the Yankees go onto the World Series. It’s amazing to me how all the bad calls seemed to break for the Yankees…”

Answer: Wow. I’m not a big baseball fan and didn’t know anything about this horrible call until I clicked on the link you provided. Unbelievable. And, yes, it is curious how all the big market teams – especially the Yankees – seem to have the calls go their way a lot of the time. Super lucky, I guess.

Luis writes: “I love to read silver and golden age comics i have a vast collection that dates as far back as: Action comic #77 (1944) most of my comics are from the 50?s,60?s early 70?s.”

Answer: Impressive. Most of my comics date back to the early 70?s, but my complete Avengers collection dates all the way back to the first issue, published in 1963.

Randomness writes: “Through no fault of his own he has to help capture loose souls that invade peoples(With an emptiness in their hearts) bodies, by basically helping them get over whats affecting them(And with help of Elsie who is a demon who captures said loose souls), and as he is utterly obsessed with visual novels he views life in such a manner, and sees people he helps as ‘conquests’. Keima isn’t a jerk or anything(Well he doesn’t intend to be), just very awkward. The show is quite awesome actually.”

Answer: Hmmm. Intriguing. Sounds like it could make a great live action television series. I’ll have to check it out.

Tam Dixon writes: ““Lilyhammer” has a season 2 on Netflix! Has anyone seen the first season? Very funny show!”

Answer: Hmmm. I’ve heard mixed reviews. Worth watching? I do need some viewing material for the five and a half hour flight to Montreal.

Sylvia writes: “One home had a very odd location for a Jacuzzi tub – in the Master Bedroom and not in an enclosed area but rather on one side of the room. Bed was on the other, etc. The weird thing is the “real” bathroom was a smallish room with PINK tub, PINK toilet, PINK basin and couple other pink things….looked terrible.
Then the other room with the Jacuzzi tub that looked very modern and nice…but in the bedroom.”

Answer: There’s no accounting for taste. I remember visiting a listing in Montreal many years ago. The owner was very excited as he took us on the tour, saving the best for last: a basement with shag-carpeted walls!

dasndanger writes: “All in all it was a good dream, though it does remind me that I desperately need to reorganize my kitchen.”

Answer: And reconsider your late-night snacking.

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December 19, 2013

Photos: Stargate fantasy football league score, championship trophy


Well, you’ll be pleased – nay, thrilled! - to hear that the NFL’s minimal stats corrections for week 15 of the regular season did NOT impact the score of the semi-final fantasy football match that saw my Snow Monkeys win by the slimmest of margins. To refresh your memories:

Damn, that’s tight!

So now, with last weekend’s victory finally assured, it’s upwards and onwards. There’s a fantasy football championship on the line (potentially my Snow Monkeys’ third in two years!) and I’ve got to start prepping for my final match versus Petunia Power. In my other league, Ivon Bartok’s Running Dead faces off against Alex Levin’s Flemish Giants. After fifteen long weeks, it finally comes down to this. For THIS:

Gorgeous, isn’t it? By Tuesday of next week, it’ll be sitting on my virtual shelf alongside my 2011 championship trophy, my Primetime Emmy award for Outstanding Drama Series, and my MTV Video Music Award for Best Hip-Hop Video.

Hey, you know what’s really crowded nowadays? EVERYWHERE! I can’t even pick up a salted caramel cream puff at my favorite chocolate shop without having to wait in line. Seriously, people! Is this your first Christmas?! Did nobody warn you it was coming?! Did somebody change the date on you?!

How are you all faring? Braving the crowds or battening down the hatches?

I thought I had everything well in hand until I received a late text from my sister informing me that my mother has nixed our plans to get her a tablet computer, for skyping purposes. Apparently, she doesn’t like Skype because it makes people’s heads too big and grotesque.

And here’s where YOU come in. Just leave a suggestion for what I should get my mother for Christmas in the comments section of this blog and you’ll automatically become a member of Mom’s Christmas Brigade with all of the perks that membership entails [note: membership entails no actual perks]. So what are you waiting for?! Start suggesting!!

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December 20, 2013

Photos: Akemi, Stargate: Universe


After dating me for almost four years, Akemi finally decided it was time to take the plunge. Yes, after all these years, she finally made the BIG commitment. She actually started watching Stargate!

I gave her a choice between the three series – SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe . She elected to go with the latter because, apparently, next to spiders and moldy cheese, crappy visual effects are one of her biggest fears.

So, over the last week or so, we watched the first ten episodes of Stargate: Universe. I was surprised by some of her reactions, and not all that surprised by others.

What follows are her thoughts on the first half of SGU’s first season.

AIR I and II

She found the opening two-parter very confusing with the jumping backwards and forwards in time and the various locations. And then, when the stones were introduced… Ten episodes in, and she still couldn’t fully grasp the concept. On the other hand, she did find the two episodes incredibly exciting and was very impressed with the show’s visual effects. Curiously, she expressed the most admiration, not for a singular character, but for a piece of Ancient technology: the kino! She likes “kino-chan’s” honeycomb style lens and desperately wants one. She also found the fact that a character named Young is played by an older actor curious and amusing.

“First episode is most exciting for me.”

AIR III

By the third episode, we start exploring the characters. The ones who stood out to her in this outing were Rush, Greer, Eli – and, of course, the kino (which warrants a mention even though it isn’t actually a character). Some of her thoughts:

On Rush: “I liked Scottish guy at first and very much liked his accent but chotto (kind of) getting kowaii (scary) now; becoming angry bird.”

On Greer: “I like his character actually. Very tough.”

On Eli: “I like Eli because he’s cute. Like bear.”

On the episode itself: I kinda liked it. Episode made me thirsty.”

DARKNESS

I was curious to see what she thought of this episode because of its, er, languorous pacing. Well, not surprisingly, she wasn’t huge fan. She found the dialogue-heavy scenes difficult to follow, but had great respect for actress Jennifer Spence’s wordy/techy kino scene.

Akemi: “Who wrote such crazy sentences? Who decides who says what?”

Me: “Well, she plays the part of a scientist so that’s the type of dialogue she has to learn for the role.”

Akemi: “So, just bad luck.”

Me: “Yes, bad luck she was cast as a scientist.”

Given that certain fans didn’t exactly warm to Chloe, I wondered what Akemi would think of the character. Her take:

“I don’t like Chloe’s dress. It looks like her father picked it. I like her though. She is beautiful.”

As for the episode itselfL:

“This episode I had a hard time understanding because a lot of talking instead of happening.”

LIGHT

She got back on track with this episode, mainly owing to the stunning – the star sequence, yes, but also the scene in which Greer strips down in his quarters to await certain death.

WATER

This episode caused her to reconsider the show, not because it was bad but because the suspense proved too unbearable. Every time the swarm appeared, she was on the edge of her seat (or the bed in this case), asking a multitude of questions: “What is that bug by the way? Where are they from? Stalker?” When I asked her why she could sit through American Horror Story without flinching yet practically crawl under the covers while watching this episode, she said: “I don’t believe in witch but unconsciously I’m afraid of aliens so chotto kowaii (kind of scary)”.

She did fear for Lieutenant Scott, stuck in that crevasse, commenting on the possibility and romantic ramifications of his death: “I though he gonna die. Then, if he die, geek guy and beautiful girl be love-oo love-oo.”

As for the episode itself: “The episode was a little scary for me. I can’t watch Stargate anymore. One of the most scary episodes I’ve ever watched.”

EARTH

Fortunately, by the next night, she had reconsidered and was eager to get back to it. While this episode was certainly NOT scary, I was curious to see how she’d respond given how polarizing the episode had been among the fans. The verdict? “I liked this episode so much. Very nice episode. Not scary.”

When they first use the stones -

Akemi: “How many times can they use the stones?”

Joe: “As many times as they like.”

Akemi (critical): “So convenient.”

On Young having sex with his wife in Telford’s body: “WTF?!”

When Chloe complains about the fact that her best friend has slept with her boyfriend: “But she’s sleeping with Scott!” Good point!

TIME

Given her response to Water, I considered skipping this episode but she insisted on checking out. And it turned out to be an excellent call because she absolutely LOVED it, declaring it her favorite episode of the show and instilling in her great respect for Rob Cooper (“Not just your friend and good at making pizza, but great director!”). Not surprisingly, she found the time travel aspect a little confusing, and I talked her through it as best I could. She was able to get on board thanks to her childhood viewing of the anime Doraemon about an alien cat-like creature that travels to the present from the future, armed with a host of far future tech like: “A door that when you open it and think of where you want to go, you are there. A sort of hat that lets you fly. A special pocket that you can put as much as you want inside, doesn’t matter the size.”

LIFE

She greatly enjoyed Earth. Would she enjoy this similarly themed episode in which we explore the lives-left-behind of a couple of other characters. In a word: no.

Her take: “I feel like I am watching a different show. Affair. Not affair. Like Real Housewives. Chotto ralakkuchan (kind of relaxed). I don’t like when the kino doesn’t show up very often.”

JUSTICE

And, finally, we capped off the first half of the show’s first season with this shipboard court thriller. It made her nostalgic for Time. She bumped on Eli, casually searching Young’s quarter, suddenly keying on the vent of all places. She not only couldn’t understand the details of the court scenes but questioned why a court had to be assembled at all given the lack of evidence.

A few other thoughts:

“Nice to see Patrick (Gilmore).”

“Why commander left that science guy on the planet? They need him, no?”

Agree with Akemi’s takes? Disagree? I found it very interesting to revisit these episodes after a few years and was surprised by my own responses. Two of the biggest: Justice was an episode I really liked back in the day but after a repeat viewing with some distance, not so much at all. On the other hand, Time was an episode I absolutely loved when I first watched it three years ago and loved even more on the rematch. Just brilliant.

And there you have it: Stargate Universe 1.0! The Japanese Girlfriend Edition. Stay tuned for Stargate Universe 1.5! The Japanese Girlfriend Edition! Coming in January of 2014!

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December 21, 2013

Video: Bubba

Photos: Dogs, snow monkey


As much as the dogs miss us when we’re away, I think I miss them even more. Especially at night. After a while, you not only get used to sleeping like a contorted magician’s assistant in one of those sword-through-the-box tricks, but you come to draw comfort from their pudgy, snoring, encroaching presence. As crazy as it sounds, I now have trouble sleeping on a spacious bed. A quiet room will keep me up. When I’m away, I miss their plaintive cries the second dinner time rolls around, or their impatient barks as I hurry to fill their bowls. Lulu’s version of fetch which involves her bringing you her toy and then snatching it back and running off with it the second you show an interest. Bubba’s indolent refusal to go out for his final bathroom break of the night, forcing you to scoop him up off the couch to help him along. Jelly’s bad hips which require she be “chauffeured” from her comfy dog bed to the backyard or up the stairs or on and off the bed. The way they eat their snacks: Jelly, challenged by the simple act of chewing, Lulu, always gentle, Bubba, who attempts to take the tips of your fingers too. The day one of our national airlines starts selling pet seats is the day I start buying flight passes.

I’ve always dreaded the prospect of being offered a terrific job somewhere overseas, not because it would place me in the difficult position of having to choose between my work and my dogs but simply because I’d have to turn down a terrific job. It’s bad enough being offered work on the other side of the country as past experience well proves. Remember that Toronto gig? The major headache with that charter company? The fact that I had to take the five and a half hour flight to Toronto with Akemi and two of my dogs, then turn around and fly back to Vancouver the next day so that I could fly back with a friend and my other two dogs the day after that?

Ideally, I’ll be working in Vancouver next year but if it’s L.A., then at least I won’t have to worry about flights. Instead, we can all look forward to a family road trip!

Hopefully, it won’t come to that though. The gang kind of likes it here, even with the occasional snow.

Big day tomorrow for my Snow Monkeys who go for their second championship trophy in fantasy football league play. Wish us luck!

Anybody live on the way

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December 22, 2013

Videos: The Legend of Hercules trailer, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit trailer, The Nut Job trailer, Ride Along trailer, I, Frankenstein trailer

Photos: The Legend of Hercules, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, The Nut Job, Ride Along, I, Frankenstein


THE LEGEND OF HERCULES

Release Date: January 10, 2014

What it’s about: Sold into slavery, the son of Zeus must fight his way back to his kingdom.

What it’s got working for it: Has the potential to be a fun adventure.

What’s it’s got going against it: Looks mighty humourless – the kiss of death when it comes to these painfully serious epics.

JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT

Release Date: January 17, 2014

What it’s about: From the pages of best-selling author Tom Clancy comes this contemporary action thriller.

What it’s got working for it: Screenwriter David Koepp is a terrific writer. He wrote the script to my favorite Spiderman movie. The single one I actually liked.

What’s it’s got going against it: With less than a month to go before opening, not much advance buzz. Not a good sign.

THE NUT JOB

Release Date: January 17, 2014

What it’s about: A squirrel and his rat friend plan the heist of a nut store.

What it’s got working for it: Love the heist premise in an animated setting.

What’s it’s got going against it: The unfunny trailer. Also, the curse of Katherine Heigl.

RIDE ALONG

Release Date: January 17, 2014

What it’s about: A tough cop brings his prospective brother-in-law on a ride along through the mean streets of Atlanta.

What it’s got working for it: The trailer shows promise. Love the idea of a gamer applying his gaming experience to real life action.

What’s it’s got going against it: A long line of failed buddy comedies that came before.

I, FRANKENSTEIN

Release Date: January 24, 2014

What it’s about: Dr. Frankenstein’s creation could be humanity’s only hope in a war waged between gargoyles and demons.

What it’s got working for it: A rich and potentially interesting mythology.

What’s it’s got going against it: There’s such a fine line between “rich and interesting” and “cheesy and ponderous”.

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December 23, 2013

Videos: Beyond Outrage trailer, The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box trailer, Divorce Corp. trailer, Knights of Badassdom trailer

Photos: Beyond Outrage, The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box, Divorce Corp., Knights of Badassdom


BEYOND OUTRAGE

Release Date: January 3, 2013

What it’s about: A police crackdown on organized crime triggers a yakuza gang war.

What it’s got working for it: Writer/Director/Actor Takeshi Kitano.

What’s it’s got going against it: Occasionally, his films can veer off into the ridiculous.

THE ADVENTURER: THE CURSE OF THE MIDAS BOX

Release Date: January 10, 2013

What it’s about: A young boy’s search for his vanished missing parents and brother leads him to a realm of magic and steam-powered curiosities.

What it’s got working for it: The potential to follow in the footsteps of the Harry Potter big screen franchise.

What’s it’s got going against it: The potential to follow in the footsteps of The Mortal Instruments big screen franchise.

DIVORCE CORP.

Release Date: January 1o, 2013

What it’s about: A documentary that focuses on the 50 billion dollar a year American divorce industry.

What it’s got working for it: An eye-opening account of an unjust system.

What’s it’s got going against it: Narrated by Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew?

KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM

Release Date: January 21, 2013

What it’s about: A group of role-playing gamers conjure up a mess of trouble in the form of a deadly succubus.

What it’s got working for it: What looks like plenty of jokes, inside and otherwise, for fans of the genre.

What’s it’s got going against it: A tepid trailer.

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December 24, 2013

Photos: Snowman, kitchen creations, dogs, Joe's sister, Fernando, dinner, Joe's mom, Roxie, Ralphie, Caramel, Felix, dinner


Akemi commemorated the first Vancouver snowfall by making her very first Canadian snowman. Check it out, above. Not exactly button eyes, carrot nose, and stove pipe hat. But okay for a first effort I guess.

Fortunately, she’s better suited to working with flour, chocolate and sugar than snow as evidenced by Sunday night’s kitchen creations:

Damn tasty. They helped cheer me up after my Snow Monkey’s loss in the championship game. They lost by 13 points, thanks in large part to underachieving “door” Matts Stafford and Forte. My buddy Ivon had an even rougher conclusion to his championship match-up, losing by a whopping 0.4 points! Ouch!

Yesterday morning, we woke up at the crack of dawn (actually, it was BEFORE the crack of dawn) to get ready for our early flight out of Vancouver. In my confused, bleary-eyed state, I totally missed THIS sitting on my pillow -

Along with an early Christmas gift from Akemi: a smoking gun for infusing food and drinks with smoky flavors. They use ‘em all the time on Top Chef!

The dogs always look depressed when they see us pull out the suitcases. Lulu was especially down this morning and could barely get out of bed.

Our flight out of Vancouver left on time, unaffected by the ice storm that hit Toronto and played havoc with yesterday’s schedule. In fact, our flight ended up leaving early and getting into Montreal fifteen minutes before its scheduled landing (Hurray!). Unfortunately, however, we had to wait 30 minutes for our luggage which put us behind schedule after all (Boo!).

Finally made it back to mom’s for dinner. My evening in pictures...

After everyone else had turned in for the night, I stayed up and read a couple of chapters of Flashman in the Great Game, the eighth book in the series. I actually read the original Flashman while I was here last Christmas and am thinking of holding off on the final instalments for future visits. Nothing says Christmas like a good Flashman adventure. And, just in case I can’t wait, I’ve lined up the first book in the Richard Sharpe series.

Happy holidays! Merry Christmas!

P.S. Jovanna – Let me know when you and your sis are planning to visit Tokyo. If Akemi and I are in town at the same time, we can plan a group outing to Ice Cream City!

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December 25, 2013

Photos: Gifts, Joe Mallozzi, Joe's mom, Ralphie, Molly, Finnegan, christmas lunch


Traditionally, people open their presents Christmas morning but, when we were kids, we just couldn’t wait. My cousins and I would gather around the tree, shaking gifts for any hint to their contents, holding them up the light in the hopes we could discern some a word or phrase through the thin wrapping paper: “robot” or “light saber” or “jet pack with invisibility function”. We would whine, plead and pester our parents until, eventually, they allowed us to open one present, just one, at the stroke of midnight. The rest of the presents would have to wait until morning. The single present at midnight eventually became a tradition until, years later, committed whining and pleading and pestering yielded an extra present. We were permitted to open TWO presents, one at midnight, another just before bed. Years later, it became three presents. Then four. Eventually, we ended up opening all of our presents at midnight.

Fast-forward to 2013. We open the presents at around 8:00 p.m., all of them, so that we can clean up and be in bed before midnight. I predict that, in ten years from now, we’ll be opening our Christmas presents on Thanksgiving Day.

After an afternoon spent helping mom make lasagna (layer the pasta, sprinkle the parmesan, coat with sauce, sprinkle with mozzarella, repeat, repeat, repeat), we sat down to a great Christmas dinner and, of course, dessert. Once the dishes were done, we retired to the living room for what Akemi has termed “The present opening ceremony”.

As always, the opening of the gifts was much fun. Akemi got a new winter coat (prior to leaving for Montreal), a teapot, a tea selection, chocolates – but it was a pack of hot pockets that elicited the most enthusiastic response. I guess that tells you how cold it is here (-21 celsius with the wind chill).

Some of my gift-getting highlights:

And, yes, as per new tradition, we were in bed by midnight.

Today, it was off to visit my cousins for Christmas lunch. More food! More dogs!

And, for mom, this post-binge medicinal liquor that she describes as “Very bitter!”:

Thanks for all the holiday wishes! I read all the comments, as always, so let’s hear what you’ve been up to (and eating!).

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December 26, 2013

Photos: Superheroes


I asked my Japanese girlfriend, Akemi, to identify some of comicdom’s most famous superheroes.

How’d she do?

Not bad. Not bad at all...

How’d YOU do?

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December 27, 2013

Photos: Food, Akemi, Joe's mom, dinner, Joe Mallozzi, desserts, Daisy, Joe's sister, Nick


Either we’re preparing a meal, going out for a meal, or sitting down to a home cooked meal.

For the past couple of days, mom has put us to work in the kitchen. The day before yesterday, Akemi and I were layering lasagna. Yesterday, we were cleaning mussels. Today, we were making frittata...

We went to dinner with friends the other night, some of the former members of our weekly movie night crew. Among them: Big Daddy, Sushi Man (so named because he once ate 50 pieces of sushi in one sitting), and SupaNige (because, well, he’s super). I went by Movie Man because I was the one who made the trips to Chinatown to pick up the Hong Kong auctioneers we would screen every Wednesday night.

And tonight, we were out with Daisy and my sister Andria for Thai and late night dessert.

We ended the evening at my sister’s favorite dessert hangout, Cafe Choco-Latte Inc, for – what else? – choco-lattes! Oh, and cake!

Yes, I’ve been eating. A lot. But I’m working off the calories by working on my scripts. The other day, I did a pass on Paul’s pass on my draft of episode 2 of that non-genre show we’ve got in development. And, last night, I stayed up late to write a scene for that southern gothic pilot I’m writing with my pal, Tara, who now has the script in her hot little hands and is no doubt hard at work on the next scene. I also exchanged emails with our producing partner and will be discussing the prospects for Dark Matter in the new year. I think we’re close and it’s just a matter of making sure we can do the project justice with the money we have. It’s not as much as we had for SGU but, then again, we won’t have the same expenses. At this point, I think it’s a matter of running a budget and seeing if the numbers make sense – particularly those related to visual effects. As always, will keep you posted.

Oh, and to those asking: I ended up getting mom a box of chocolates from Beta 5. And a bottle of Grand Marnier. You can never go wrong with booze.

As for my dogs back in Vancouver, they are being well taken care of by my dog-sitter, Christine, who was able to make time to hang with them while we’re away in Montreal.

So, 2014 approaches. How are those resolutions coming along?

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December 28, 2013

Photos: Stargate: Universe


Akemi and I finished watching the second half of Stargate: Universe’s first season today. It’s been interesting to see her develop a genuine passion for the series. ”I love Stargate!”she declared this morning. ”Please call me, geeku-chan!”

Like any fan, Geeku-chan had her favorite characters, her favorite episodes. Robert Cooper’s Time is still tops in her books. She can’t get enough of that kino!

What follows are her thoughts on episode #11 through #20...

SPACE

Being a big fan of the show’s visual effects, Akemi greatly appreciated this episode, especially the sequence of the ships exchanging fire (“Poom poom poom”). She, did, however, have some reservations about the alien who proved disappointingly weak in her opinion. She also wasn’t a fan of Young in the alien suit – “He looked like an oompa loompa!”.

Overall though, a solid episode in her estimation. ”I feel like I’m watching a movie.”

DIVIDED

She found certain elements of this one confusing, particularly those related to the transfer of the ship’s control. Still, she did find it suspenseful (“Jamil almost killed Patrick!”she exclaimed at one point) and loved the space walk. On the other hand, she found the operation sequence “scary”, the part where Rush awakens in the middle of surgery especially distressful.

FAITH

For some reason, she found this episode difficult to understand and expressed disappointment that we never got to see “the alien who built the Tokyo towerish thing”.

She did find the burgeoning/grudging friendship between Rush and Young interesting, noting: “I find science guy and old Young very friendly now but a few episodes before they were cranky cranky.”

As for T.J.’s predicament, she was surprisingly noncommittal: “Don’t feel sad for her because it’s personal situation going on. No comment.”

HUMAN

“I watched twice and still don’t understand!” Alas, yes. She fell asleep the first time and then started from the beginning in the hopes that she wold actually understand it the second time around. No such luck. What was the problem? Well, beside all the back and forth between reality and the Rush’s world: “Very confusing because science guy very mumblesome.”

LOST

An emotionally strong episode for Akemi who was on the edge of her seat throughout. She confidently predicted our intrepid foursome would make it back to the ship at the end of last episode and, when they didn’t, she was downright shocked. So, when the remaining trio didn’t make it back in the nick of time a second time, she was incensed. ”F**ing scientist! Why dial? Give last five minutes to them. It shouldn’t happen such bad timing!” Sadly, it did and Scott, Eli, and Chloe ended the episode off-world with seemingly no chance of rejoining Destiny.

Akemi: “I like this episode because twisted.”

Me: “You mean because there was a twist.”

Akemi: “Yeah. Twisted.”

Her appreciation for Ronald Greer/Jamil Walker Smith continues: “I like Jamil. I mean Jamil’s character.”, “I like Jamil’s character more because he had bad experience as a kid.”, and “I like young Jamil with yellow t-shirt and crazy hair.”

SABOTAGE

This episode may not have been a fan favorite, but Akemi liked it just fine, especially the visual effect shots of the robot fixing the ship. She did find it odd that T.J. (conveniently) didn’t knock when paying a call on Rush, simply opening the door to his room and catching him and Rush/Dr. Perry/Wray in an “awkward” moment.

This episode also begged the question: “When is geek guy going to get with her? When will other guy die?”. She’s apparently a Chloli shipper but likes Scott just the same. ”Very handsome,”she told me. ”But geek guy also very cute and unique. In Japan, both would be equally popular.”

PAIN

Right off the bat: “Why Young stop shaving his beard? Depression comes from being father?” I don’t know. Maybe?

She thought this a good, scary episode with an ending that left her wanting more. Ultimately, a great episode “because written by Carl Binder-san.”

SUBVERSION

At some point, she started referring to a character as Chef. Well, I knew “scientist” referred to Rush and “geek” referred to Eli, but “Chef”? Turns out she was referring to Lou Diamond Philips because she remembers him from his varied Food Network forays. Some of her comments on this episode:

“I the scene of Jamil punching his face, stupid chef.”

“Why chef flip it? How he get brainwashed? I guess it is what it is.”

“Nice to see Mike Dopud.”

“Mike Dopud is alien? Looks like human though.”

As for the episode as a whole: “I like but why stop there? I’m curious and can’t sleep.”

INCURSION I

She was on the edge of her seat from start to finish and, when the episode ended, requested we roll right into the next episode. The highlight for her? Eli’s courageous bid to keep Chloe safe, at one point literally sweeping her off her feet. (“I love geek boy.”). The lowlight? She didn’t like the fact that Young didn’t vent the the gate room the second the Lucian Alliance came through. Chef be damned!

INCURSION II

Not quite the consistent nail-biter that was Incursion I, Incursion II delivered big time for her in its last fifteen minutes. ”Very movie-ish!”was her take on the season finale. BUT she didn’t like the fact that there was no ending. ”Not finished? Not happy!” The problem? She feared for her favorite characters. Why? ”I’m afraid because my boyfriend has no mercy. I like happy ending but my boyfriend not all the time.”

Hmmm. Makes me wonder what she’ll think of the series finale.

[min min light]

She'll probably get to know how it was supposed to end.