Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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October 7, 2013

Video: Chickpea salad


Well, hmmm. It’s been almost three weeks and I’m still dealing with this back issue. I’d call it more of an ache than a pain that comes and goes, reminding me of its presence whenever I’m walking or rising from a sitting position. The two doctors I’ve been to suspect it’s a muscular problem but it feels more like a bone issue to me, localized on the back of my right hip. Also, I can’t imagine what I could have done to trigger it since I was actually taking some time off from my weight training when the issue first cropped up. So what could have caused it? The only instant that comes to mind – and, to be honest, I don’t recall if it happened BEFORE or AFTER my back started hurting – was the searing pain I experienced in the exact spot the moment I attempted to drag Jelly’s dog bed into the kitchen – using only my right foot. Could that have been it?

Anyway, I went to see a massage therapist last week. I suspect that her former gig was as a lead interrogator at Abu Ghraib. Curiously, she didn’t address the problem area directly. Instead, she poked and prodded and kneaded and, at one point, even applied the Vulcan nerve pinch to the bordering regions. ”You’re quite sensitive,”she noted as I squirmed under her attempt to reach inside me and pull out my spleen. “Well, yes,”I said. ”I’m an artist after all.”

So, that was days ago and I still don’t feel any better. In fact, I feel a little worse. Not my lower back, mind you. That’s no more or less problematic than it was. I refer to my bruised hips. I’m scheduled to go back again on Thursday morning when, no doubt, I’ll probably give up all my secret contacts and the location of the safe house.

I figure I’ll give it a couple of more days and then go to the hospital for a third opinion. And x-ray.

Hey, Das. You asked for Akemi’s chickpea salad recipe. Well, here it is:

Check out all Akemi’s other recipes here: Peasnatch Akemi

And keeping you updated on the exploits of the friends of this blog:

MIPCOM: Don Carmody Television Hires ‘Stargate’s Carl Binder for ‘Echoes’ Pilot (Exclusive) (Carl Binder, Mark Savela, and Ken Kabatoff start development on a new SF project)

http://www.sfwa.org/2013/10/event-mi...nication-2073/ (Michael A. Burstein imagines technical communications in 2073)

Jennifer Finnigan To Star In FX Pilot ‘Tyrant’ (Jennifer Finnigan lands the female lead in FX’s Tyrant)

Diana Theatrical Trailer – Naomi Watts, Naveen Andrews – HD (2013) (Cas Anvar’s new movie, Diana, opens November 1st)

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October 8, 2013

Photo: Turducken


To the casual observer, Canadians and Americans are practically indistinguishable from one another. I mean, sure, there are the odd physical disparities (ie. our eleventh toe, the fact that our hearts are located approximately three inches lower than that of the average American’s) but, for the most part, it’s very hard to pick a non-sandal-wearing Canadian out of a Taco Bell line-up. Closer scrutiny, however, reveals notable cultural differences between the two countries. Our money is more colorful, for instance, providing a more level playing field for near-sighted pickpockets and inspiring such uniquely Canadian terms as “She’s as blue as a fiver” or “Pink as a fifty!”. Our professional footballs are fatter, given that they were originally modelled on a pregnant woman’s abdomen, and thus easier to kick blindfolded. In Canada, ambulances are called “hospital limos” and their sirens are only half as deafening as their American counterparts because, let’s face it, they don’t need to be THAT loud. Most interestingly of all are the slight variances between our respective national holidays. Whereas our southern neighbors commemorate Arbor Day by planting trees, we commerate Armoire Days by cutting down trees and using their wood to build ornate standing closets. Rather than celebrate the politically incorrect Christmas Holi-(Holy/Holly)-days, we celebrate the less offensive religious/gender-neutral Gazpacho Days. In the U.S., Americans give thanks on the fourth Thursday of every November, a day called Thanksgiving. In Canada, Canadians give thanks on the second Monday in October, a day called Thanksgiving as well. Also, Sorry Monday.

Yes, Canadian Thanksgiving is next Monday, so I thought I’d do something special to mark the occasion, something that would incorporate the traditions of both countries. For starters, instead of celebrating October 14th or waiting for November 28th, I decided to split the difference (more or less) and celebrate on Sunday, October 13th. This way, my football buddies can partake in that most American of Thanksgiving holiday traditions…the turducken!

And what, pray tell, is a turducken? ”Turducken is a dish consisting of a de-boned chicken stuffed into a de-boned duck, which is in turn stuffed into a de-boned turkey.” (Wikipedia).

The first time I ever laid eyes on a turducken was when former football analyst John Madden prepared one prior to a game. A chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey. I mean, you couldn’t get more Madden than that. And then, the more I thought about it, the more I thought: “Why stop there?” Why not get a pheasant in there? And inside the pheasant, a cornish game hen? And inside the game hen, a squab? And inside the squab, a quail? How awesome would THAT be? The correct answer is: VERY!

But maybe I get a little ahead of myself. First thing’s first. Let’s start with the simple turducken. And I do mean “simple”. I won’t be doing any of the actual deboning and stuffing myself. I’ve ordered one up for next weekend from my local butcher. All I’ll have to do is pop it in the oven for 5-6 hours and then enjoy with a side of Joel Robuchon mashed potatoes (the secret is in the butter and LOTS of it) and maybe something Canadian as well. Maple fudge? I don’t know yet.

So, how many of you have tried your hands at turducken? Any suggestions? Tips? Warnings? Do I roast it? Or do I incorporate yet another most American of traditions and drop it into a giant pot of boiling oil?

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October 9, 2013

Photo: Cheryl


Some sad news to pass along. This morning, I learned that a member of our extended blog family passed away. Cheryl, or cherluvya, as many of you knew her, was a longtime Stargate fan who frequented this blog on a regular basis. In the all-too short time we spent with Cheryl, we got to know her as a kind and generous soul who placed her family above all. Diagnosed with breast cancer in late 2010, she underwent treatments that taxed her physically, at one point affecting her ability to read. And yet, despite her difficulties, she remained unflaggingly positive, both here and on twitter (https://twitter.com/cherluvya) where her cheerful attitude and positive outlook buoyed the spirits of all who knew her.

I suspect she was a very private person and, for that reason, only truly discussed her health issues on her personal blog. There is a September 2010 entry detailing the initial diagnosis:

September 2010

And then, in October, an account of a near-death experience:

October 2010

In addition to our conversations on this blog, Cheryl and I also exchanged the occasional emails – the first not long after her cancer diagnosis, another late last year when she told me she was working on a book series inspired by her grandchildren. The last one I received was a little over a month ago following the wedding of her youngest daughter. She updated me on the progress of her book, forwarded pictures of her grandkids, and left me with the following observation from George Carlin:
SOMETHING TO PONDER

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

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October 10, 2013


A heads up to all those who knew cherluvya. This from blog regular PBMom:

“In honor of Cheryl Ann McCabe, on Friday night (tomorrow), Oct 11, 2013 we are going to watch the final 3 episodes of SGU and talk about the show and our memories of Cheryl, funny stories, her words of wisdom. Come join us. It is 1 a.m. BST, which is 8 p.m. Eastern time, 7 p.m. Central Time, 6 p.m. Mountain Time, 5 p.m. Pacific Time. I’m not sure what it would be in other countries though. Here is the link: http://sgurewind.com/chats/"

“The ability to experience positive emotions, like love and attachment, would mean that dogs have a level of sentience comparable to that of a human child.”: Dogs are people too? We don’t need scientists to tell us that

Is it time Hollywood started rethinking its big budget pic strategy? The answer is “Yes, obviously!”. The real question should be: “Will they?” http://wallstcheatsheet.com/stocks/5...t.html/?ref=YF

Oh those little rascals! 5 of the Worst Failures in the History of Adult Supervision

The director and co-writer of the execrable Natural Born Killers criticizes the Breaking Bad finale for being too violent: Oliver Stone Slams “Ridiculous” Violence In ‘Breaking Bad’ Finale

I know airline food is bad, but really! Air China Serves Expired In-Flight Food; 50 Fall Ill

Just in time for my trip to Tokyo: 11 unique experiences for tourists to Japan

Weatherman accidentally eats cat vomit. What more can I say? http://bigfrog104.com/watch-weatherm...oadcast-video/

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October 11, 2013


About a year ago, I started receiving nuisance calls to my cell phone. I couldn’t understand it because, unlike my home phone number (which has long since been retired alongside the likes of VHS tapes, VCR’s, and Freddie Prinze Jr.), it’s a number I never gave out. Or so I assumed. Back in the day, I wouldn’t think twice about giving up my home phone number because, the truth was, I never answered my home phone. In the last few years of its life, it’s only practical function was to act as the high-tech equivalent of a bug-zapper or roach motel except, instead of annoying insects, it was attracting and neutralizing telemarketers. And then, something changed. I noticed it started to happen to me a couple of years ago after I signed up with Shaw as my home internet provider. Suddenly, I started receiving calls out of the blue, not from friends or family, but from Shaw representatives with fantastic deals which would allow me to bundle my pre-existing internet services with their basic cable package. It would undoubtedly have saved me a few bucks but I refused for two reasons: 1. A number of my fellow producers on Stargate had the Shaw cable package and they had nothing but bad things to say about the Shaw home service. 2. I don’t contribute to charities that come to my house soliciting donations so, by extension, I don’t sign up for offers from companies that call me up on my private cell phone number. Fed up, I in essence told Shaw to “knock it off”. And they did.

Over the past year, however, I’ve started receiving calls from mysterious third parties offering everything from travel giveaways to insurance. As a rule, I don’t answer unknown calls from any number who’s area code is more than a half hour drive from my place. Sometimes, however, I answer on reflex and end up in an, albeit brief, conversation with these mysterious third party shillers. One such call came the other day from a company offering me – ironically enough – password protection and piece of mind for my online banking. I turned them down and though nothing of it – until this afternoon when I noticed a missed call from an unfamiliar number: (855) 465-4016.

A quick internet search of the number revealed several online discussions from individuals who felt harassed by theses nuisance calls that originated from a company called Zedd Solutions. It is, apparently, a marketing agency that works for companies like Rogers Communications and, as it turns out, my bank. When I phoned up my bank’s customer service center for some clarification of the issue – and, more importantly, an answer to the question: “Why did you give these people my number?” – the person I spoke to played dumb but said he’d received a similar complaint that morning and would be happy to put me in touch with Zedd Solutions to ensure my name was removed from their call list. And so, I was put in touch with a rep from Zedd Solutions who told me he’d be happy to remove my number from their call list for the “password protection” offer they were currently calling about. I told him I wanted to have my number removed from ALL future calls and he informed me that wasn’t possible.

Annoyed, I asked him how the hell he got my number. He demurred, then claimed he wasn’t, technically, with the call center so he wasn’t privy to that sort of information. I called bull**** on that answer and pressed him. Finally, reluctantly, he confirmed that Zedd Solutions got my phone number from my bank. ”Should I go ahead and remove your list from that promotion?”he asked me.

“Don’t bother,”I told him because, really, removing my number from one promotion wouldn’t stop the cold calling. No. It became readily apparently to me that there was only one way to stop the cold calling.

Tomorrow, I’m going to my local bank branch and closing my existing accounts.

Presumably, they can’t offer me deals on a service I’m no longer using.

Can they?

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October 12, 2013

Video: Do dogs have brains?


Alrighty. All set! I picked up the turducken this afternoon. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be up at six a.m. to ensure it’s roasted and ready for lunch. I’ll be serving the triple bird with a side of Joel Robuchon-style mashed potatoes (basically, 50% butter) and Ivon’s homemade Brussel sprouts. And, for dessert: PIECAKEN, a pecan pie baked inside a chocolate cake (Thanks to T for the suggestion)!

Hmmm. This lower back issue has dragged into week three. Despite two visits to a massage therapist, it hasn’t gotten any better. In fact, I’d say it’s actually gotten worse, stiffening up whenever I stand up. Time for a third opinion. And an x-ray. I think I’ll set aside my entire Monday. And bring a book for the waiting room. I just started Flannery O’Connor: The Complete Stories. At 550+ pages, it should last me through the wait. Shouldn’t it? In the meantime, I’m doing a comparison of two different treatments to see which one does a better job of alleviating the pain. Today, it’s Advil; tomorrow, Booker’s small batch bourbon. I’ll keep you updated on my scientific findings.

To those of you who signed on for Lawren’s Fantasy Pilot Television League, the early results are in. Great news for those of you picked Sleepy Hollow to get a second season pick-up. Bad news for those of you who picked Lucky 7 and We Are Men. Things look very promising for Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. On the other hand, it’s looking dire for Welcome to the Family, Brooklyn 9-9, Trophy Wife, Ironside, Sean Saves the World, Dads, Hostages, Mom, and Betrayal. How are your picks faring?

Checked out any of the new fall shows? Any you’re particularly enjoying? Enjoying at all?

That recent article about dogs possessing the sentience of human children (Dogs are people too? We don’t need scientists to tell us that) has sparked plenty of debate. Here, this student of philosophy asks the age-old question: “Do dogs have brains?”

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October 13, 2013

Photos: Robert Cooper, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Akemi, turducken, piecaken


Akemi and I set our alarm for six a.m. this morning so we could get an early start on the turducken. According to the instructions: 4 1/2 hours at 325 degrees covered, then another 45 minutes at 375 uncovered. Tent and let sit for half an hour, then serve!

While I was setting the oven temperature, Akemi went to take the turducken out of the refrigerator – and almost dislocated her shoulder in the process. The damn thing weighed almost 20 pounds! I hurried over to help and, together, we slipped it into the oven. Satisfied, I headed back upstairs for an extra two hours of sleep while Akemi elected to stay downstairs, practice her Italian, and do some cleaning. I came downstairs a little after 8:00 a.m. to find her sweeping up “bunny dust” as she calls it.

“You mean dust bunnies,”I corrected her.

“No,”she was insistent. ”Not dust bunnies. Bunny dusts!”

Okay. Bunny dusts.

By the time the guys came over for football, the bunny dusts were swept up and the turducken was roasting away.

Needless to say, the triple bird extravaganza – chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey, each layer insulated with delicious stuffing – was a resounding success:

Since we were having turducken as our main course, I thought it only proper we do piecaken for dessert. For those who don’t know, a piecaken is – well, pretty much what you’d suspect: a pie baked into a cake. In this case, a pecan pie baked into a giant brownie.

To save time, Akemi and I prepared this the night before. Really, SHE prepared while I played assistant – beating the eggs, pouring the mixture, and transferring items into and out of the oven...

I had three helping of the turducken and sides topped with gravy and pan drippings, then capped off lunch with a slice of piecaken and a double scoop of ice cream.

I don’t think I’ll ever be hungry again.

P.S. Snow Monkeys lose! Snow Monkeys lose! Again!

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October 14, 2013

Video: Lulu

Photos: Piecaken, Tio


Yes, I know. Today was supposed to be the day I finally went to the hospital to get my back checked, but I ended up not going for several reasons:

1. The plan was to wake up early so that I could really make the most of my time in the waiting room. Unfortunately, my elderly pug, Jelly, was feeling under the weather last night, necessitating some EARLY morning emergency trips to the back yard. When 8:00 a.m. rolled around, I was exhausted and ended up sleeping in.

2. Eating all that turducken and piecaken last night really took a lot out of me. I was exhausted by the time my bedtime rolled around – too exhausted to shave. For this reason, I elected to put off my hospital visit fearing that, in my present physical state, the staff would misinterpret my health complaints as the lunatic ravings of a homeless man and have me placed on a 24 hours psychiatric hold.

3. My back is feeling better. Ish.

Let’s play it by ear.

When I finally woke up this morning, I couldn’t help but notice that I wasn’t alone. Yes, despite the fact that it was hours past our usual wake-up time, my special little lady was lying beside me. No, not Akemi. My french bulldog, Lulu, who, apparently, woke up with everyone else, had breakfast, and then came back to bed to keep me company. How’s that for loyalty? Or, maybe, sheer laziness?

Hmmm. Maybe the latter. This was Lulu earlier today taking a nap in her favorite sun spot. Some guard dog, huh?

Believe it or not, I only ate one meal yesterday. Granted, I had three helpings in that one sitting, but still. I skipped dinner and then, as a my guests were leaving, made sure to send them off with plenty of leftovers. Check out Tio on his way out the door for the long motorcycle ride home. He had to actually wear every piece of clothing in his backpack in order to fit the food inside.

No, scratch that. The back isn’t feeling any better. I’ll go tomorrow.

Today’s blog entry is dedicated to Riley and Maddie. Get better soon!

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Eating all that turducken and piecaken last night really took a lot out of me.

It's too wordy for a t-shirt, but that line is so funny it ought to be on something.

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October 15, 2013

Photos: SG-1, Akemi, Joe Mallozzi


Hey, check out what was on t.v. in the hospital waiting room. Yes, SG-1 – specifically, season 9 episode Evolution II. Right at the part where the bad guy is about to clamp the booster cables on Daniel Jackson’s junk, I get called in to see the doctor. I explained the situation. Lower back pain, more of an ache, focused on the right hip area, going on three weeks now. Minimal pain at night. Hardly any at all in the morning. But often overwhelming stiffness after sitting down for prolonged periods of time. The diagnosis: Try not to sit down so much. Really. Oh, sure, he checked my spine, had me bend this way and that, asked me to push, pull, resist. All good. Like everyone else, he assumes it’s muscular – and muscular issues can take up to six weeks to clear up. He suggested that if it doesn’t clear up in another two weeks, I should ask my family doctor for an x-ray.

I could. But I got a line on a guy with an MRI machine. That might be the way to go – especially with Tokyo less than three weeks away!

So, tomorrow is my birthday. (As if you didn’t know). And, today, Akemi surprised me with THIS -

It’s a super blender, apparently capable of liquifying everything from fresh fruit to hands of your enemy. Anyway, Akemi captured me going through the standard The Three Stages of Surprise Gift Getting...

It’s like close-up super slo-mo footage of a hummingbird feeding. Pretty fascinating, huh?

And in other news: Paul and I have signed a development deal to write a script and series overview for an original project, and also signed a deal to develop a premise and pitch a series based on a book by an acclaimed SF author. In addition, we’re developing a show with Robert Cooper, and I’m about to tackle the second scene of a new pilot script.

I’m pretty much done with all of the new fall shows. On the other hand, I did check out the fourth year premiere of what looks to be a very promising new season of The Walking Dead. I’ve also been catching up on some of the movies languishing in my PVR. As much as I enjoyed The Orphanage, I thought Guillermo del Toro’s Mama was aptly named for the Japanese market, “mama” being the Japanese equivalent to “so so”. Judge Dredd, on the other hand, was a pleasantly kitschy, ultra-violent surprise.

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October 16, 2013

Video: Bubba

Photos: Birthday day


Whew! Crazy day! No sooner did I wake up this morning, than I received my first gift of the day:

Yes, that’s NFL.com telling me that my waiver wire selection of New York Giants receiver Rueben Randle went through! How’s that for a pleasant birthday surprise?

Then, after feeding the dogs (of course), I went through the many Happy Birthday texts, emails, and blog comments I’d received. As well as these awesome cards...

First from mom and sis:

I then celebrated with a thirty minute conference call followed by a couple of dogs walks. Them, it was off to lunch -

A quick stop off at my local comic book shop for this week’s selection (JLA #8. Hawkeye #13, and Rogues Rebellion #1) before heading back home and picking up Bubba for an outing. A visit to a couple of pet stores and then – gelato!

Bubba likes gelato too! Who knew?

Back home, the dogs enjoyed some of the new toys we bought them:

For dinner, my sister made reservations for us at my favorite Japanese restaurant in Vancouver : Minami...

My Birthday Week festivities continue tomorrow with a visit to the massage therapist, my pass on Paul’s draft of the pitch for that SF series, continued work on my new pilot (15 pages in!) and, as always, quality time with the dogs. And girlfriend.

Thanks to everyone who took time to post their birthday wishes, pics, and videos. You guys are the best!

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October 17, 2013


I celebrated the day after my birthday by deciding to finally get that MRI. After going on four weeks of this lower back pain, I figured it was about time. So I had a choice: wait for the public health care system to “work” or just pay for an MRI myself. The former is cheaper, but the wait is a little longer: 12-18 months as opposed to, say, tomorrow or the day after. Why so long a wait? Well, that’s because my first world country has one of the lowest rates of MRI machines per capita in the developed world, about six scanners for every million Canadians, compared to about 27 for every million Americans or 40 for every million Japanese citizens. Anyway, rather than wait for my Tokyo trip…

I called up a buddy who knows buddy who has access to an MRI machine. I’m not sure what the deal is, whether he got it as a present or just operates it at a clinic, but I told him I wanted to come in and get tested. No problem, I was informed. All he needed was a requisition from my doctor and I’d be good to go.

Huh? What? Requisition? You mean I can’t just stop by and get an MRI like I’m dropping in for a burger with fries? Apparently not.

Unfortunately, my family doctor is away until next week so I had to visit a walk-in clinic. ”You’re worried about this,”noted the doctor when I requested that requisition. I confirmed that, after four weeks, I certainly was. ”Obviously you’ve never had back pain before,”she said with a smile. She told me that I could get that MRI, but I would have to get an x-ray first. That’s the procedure here in Vancouver. Useless x-ray FIRST, useful MRI second.

So I got that useless x-ray and was told a doctor there would review the results – but, alas, not with me. That would be a job for my doctor. Then why, I wondered, was THIS doctor reviewing the results? Who knows? Maybe he already finished the latest issue of Men’s Health and needed some bathroom reading.

Perhaps sensing that I’d had enough of its nonsense, my back was on its best behavior today. Following the advice of the emergency room doctor I saw the other day, I avoided sitting. I got out of bed, walked around, worked out on the elliptical, did some writing standing up. Driving was a bit of a challenge and I thought I’d availed myself nicely but the cop who pulled me over told me that a flower pot on the gas pedal and me running alongside my SUV, steering through the open driver side window was NOT acceptable. Still, the results were near miraculous. A little bit of twinge to remind me but, otherwise, my back was relatively pain free today.

My massage therapist continues to believe the issue is muscular. In her estimation, I pulled my glute doing lunges. Only time will tell…

Or that MRI.

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October 18, 2013

Photos: Pugs, Akemi, birthday card, t-shirts


No doubt spooked by threats of getting checked out by an MRI scanner, my back has been on its best behavior today. While not totally pain free, it’s a marked improvement from only a few days ago when I was staggering around like, well, my fourteen and a half year old pug, Jelly, who suffers from hip dysplasia.

Not sure what changed. Maybe it was the massage therapy or my being more mindful of my posture or, maybe, just maybe, that dose of radiation I received during my x-ray did a body good.

Got my car serviced today. Not exactly notable except for Akemi’s extra-curricular activities while I was waiting for the good folk at Audi to finish washing my SUV.

I can’t help but think this is pretty much how a monkey would react if it discovered a balloon in its natural habitat: some close scrutiny, a couple of head bounces, and then retire to the complimentary coffee bar for hot chocolate and banana bread.

Hey, check out what I received in the mail today. More birthday swag!

And two personalized t-shirts from Fondy:

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October 19, 2013


Well, okay. Since you asked...

MINAMI RESTAURANT

My sister in Montreal wanted to do something special for my birthday so, after consulting with Akemi, she made reservations for us at one of my favorite Vancouver restaurants: Minami. In addition to booking the table, she also sent me a check for way more than the cost of the dinner (forwarding Akemi a to-do list that included: 1) macarons from Soirette, 2) cream puffs and chocolate from Beta 5, 3) chocolate zeppole at Giovane Cafe & Bakery, and 4) gelato at Bella Gelateria). Oh, and one more thing. She informed the restaurant of the special occasion. ”Is someone celebrating their birthday?”asked the hostess who checked us in. I confirmed this, inwardly cringing at the prospect of being the target of a well-intentioned staff rendition of Happy Birthday (or the legal, non-copyright infringing equivalent). Then, when we were seated, our waitress asked: “Is it your birthday?”. I re-confirmed – and yet again when another waitress inquired later.

We enjoyed an excellent meal but, throughout, I couldn’t help but wonder what the restaurant had in store for me on my special day. After all, Akemi and I were semi-regulars of both Minami and its original sister location, Miku. And Andria had made a point of mentioning the special occasion. So what would it be? A complimentary drink? A free dessert? A Happy Birthday chorus? As it turned out it turned out be...

…wait for it…

Absolutely nothing!

Look, I wasn’t expecting anything going in, but they were the ones who made note of the occasion – not once or twice but three times. And after we dropped $200+ on sake and sushi, it surely wouldn’t have killed them to offer us one of their over-wrought desserts on the house.

DARK SHADOWS

This one had been sitting on my DVR rotation for months and we finally sat down to watch it last night because Akemi was in the mood for a comedy – which, as it turned out, this movie was NOT. I mean, not even close. Utterly, bafflingly, frustratingly unfunny. Great performances by Johnny Depp and co. Great direction by Tim Burton. Great costumes and visual effects. But one enormous TURD of a script. Anyone reading this blog, and I do mean ANYONE with three hours to spare could have done a better job. Honestly. At some point, you would think someone would have noticed they were acting/filming/buffing a humorless piece of **** – and yet they went ahead and made this movie anyway. Hell, even before in went into production, some executive somewhere read the script and said “We’re good to go!”. I like to imagine there’s a special place in Hell for greenlighters of movies like this one, nestled somewhere between the “evil counsellors” and the “sowers of discord”. Seriously, dude. Please point to a single beat in that shipwreck of a movie that was even slightly amusing. Just one.

Easily one of the worst films I’ve watched in recent memory.

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[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...-hate-sundays/

October 20, 2013

Video: Jelly

Photos: Pugs


I HATE Sundays. I really do. I used to love them back in the day when I would get those ice cream deliveries and – oh yeah – my Snow Monkeys were competitive. Alas, those days are long gone and now, instead of enjoying home made ice cream while watching football, I’m reduced to raiding my chocolate drawer for forgotten pink peppercorn bars and cursing Broncos receiver Demaryius Thomas. Since the day couldn’t get any worse, I figured it would be a perfect opportunity for me to catch up on my quarterly tax installment payments. And address some notes to a pitch document we’ll be going out with later this week.

On the other hand, the day was not without its highlights. There was this -

And this -

And these -

And, of course, this. Jelly modeling her new outfit from Akemi Designs Inc.: