Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...is-on-its-way/

May 22, 2012

Photo: Dark Matter


If this miniseries were a marathon, these last two legs would have been all uphill. I’m exhausted but have passed the halfway mark and, while I forge ahead, keeping to my grueling act a day pace, Paul is following a few steps back – reading, revising and making sure everything actually makes sense. Once I complete my rough first draft, I’ll start going over his revised version, make any necessary tweaks (rare given my writing partner’s talent for solid, tightly structured narratives) and then it’ll be smoooooooooth sailing.

Until we get the script notes.

But they shouldn’t prove problematic. While production preps, we’ll address the notes and, in no time at all, turn around a second draft everyone can get behind afterwhich it’ll be smoooooth sailing.

Unless they want us to do a polish.

One of the nice things about this one is that it’s just a writing assignment. No producing involved. No concept meetings, casting sessions, budget discussions, early morning calls and late night wraps, long afternoons in the editing room. We just deliver the script and move on to the next thing – and the next thing for me will be either Vegas, San Francisco, or Hawaii. My agent informed me we’re about to close a deal to develop a show with another production company, which is fine – provided I can do it from the beach, a black jack table, or a picnic table by a wharfside restaurant that sells oyster po’boys on sourdough buns.

OR it can wait until I get back.

Also waiting for me when I get back will be a rewrite on that horror script and some discussions on the Dark Matter front. By the way, the release date for the trade paperback that collects the first four issues of our Dark Matter comic book series hits the stands October 10, 2012. It will include all four issues of the opening arc as well as a sketch gallery in which editor Patrick Thorpe walks us through the early character, costume and ship designs, AND a kick-ass, never-before-seen alternate cover for issue #1.

Speaking of kick-ass covers, artist Garry Brown (who was kind enough to swing by the blog and take part in a reader Q&A. Check it out here: May 18, 2012: Dark Matter artist Garry Brown answers your questions!) runs the table by doing the honors on the cover for the trade paperback as well. Here’s a sneak peek:

DARK MATTER VOLUME 1: REBIRTH TP
Joseph Mallozzi (W), Paul Mullie (W), Garry Brown (A/Cover), and Ryan Hill (C)
On sale Oct 10
FC, 104 pages
$14.99
TP, 7? x 10?

It goes without saying that your continued support would go a long way toward helping make the Dark Matter television series (or miniseries) happen. So pick up a copy and be sure to tell your friends!

You know what, your friends are forgetful. Better pick them up a copy. They’ll pay you back.

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May 23, 2012

Video: Lulu

Photos: Jelly, Bubba, Lulu


I was sidetracked today by an eye doctor’s appointment, several phone calls, and a slew of emails that kept me from the task at hand – that task being, of course, the SF (near future) miniseries I’m writing with Paul. In order to keep to my act a day pace, it looks like I’ll have to work through the night, so this will be a short but undeniably sweet dog-focused blog entry.

Ooooh, lookit the doggies!

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...soul-and-eyes/

May 24, 2012


If what they say is true about the eyes being the mirror to the soul, then my soul must be tortured because my eyes are positively tortuous (April 6, 2012: Tortuosity and Dark Matter!).

Yes, it’s true. My last visit to the opthamologist confirmed it. My eyes are, indeed, tortuous – meaning my retinal vessels are, in layman’s terms, “all squiggly like”. This could be indicative of a number of alarming medical conditions: diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, a lack of oxygen to the brain (which, quite frankly, would explain a lot). OR it could be genetic and perfectly normal (in 13.3% of cases. I don’t like them odds). Anyway, on the advice of my opthamologist, I followed up with my doctor who, after declaring my blood pressure perfectly normal, in turn referred me to an eye specialist – who I visited yesterday.

I arrived ten minutes early for my appointment in the unlikely event they were making good time and wanted to bump me up (I say unlikely but it’s never happened in my lifetime). I took a seat in a surprisingly packed waiting room where I filled out one of those “First Time Visit” questionnaires (Do you do drugs? You checked yes? Great. You’ll be in Room 4 meeting with Officer O’Malley) and then passed the time listening to the muzak being piped through the speaker directly above my chair. I’m not sure, but I think it might have been “Greatest Lute Hits”.

Finally, they called my name and I was ushered into a tiny room where I was informed I would be getting drops to “freeze my eyes”. I imagined the thin liquid surface of my eyeballs crystallizing to twin cataract-like shields, cracking into intricate spiderweb fissures with a double flick of the assistant’s fingers. ”This may hurt a little,”she warned as she applied the drops. Hurt?! As it turned out – yes, a bit. I sat up and wiped the liquid from my eyes (and by liquid I mean the excess drops and not my actual tears because, of course, I don’t cry) at which point she produced this tiny pen-like instrument. ”Now I’m going to check your eye pressure,”she informed me. ”I’m going to tap your eyeball with this.”

“You are?”

“Don’t worry,”she said. ”Your eyes are frozen and you won’t feel anything.”

Do you realize how hard it is to keep your eye open will getting your eyeball poked? Very hard. Go ahead, try it. Just give your iris a light tap with your pinky finger. Try not to blink.

I blinked. A lot. So she ended up having to do both eyes twice. “How’s it looking?”I asked.

“You doctor will discuss the results with you,”she replied.

What did THAT mean?!

I was then instructed to peer through a machine, first one eye, then the other, and read a row of numbers and letters. I was feeling fairly confident until I realized that, while my answers for the first two easy rows were the same for both eyes, my responses for the more challenging final two rows different significantly: 8? No, B. No, 8. Wait…it’s a Caduceus!

It was back to the waiting room for more lute music. I was able to pass the time in fairly consistent anxiety, first doing a google search for “eye pressure test” on my cell phone which led me to a second google search for “glaucoma” which inevitably led me to a third search for “glaucoma treatments”. It didn’t look good for your truly. From what I could read – and given my sudden blurred vision and inability to focus, it wasn’t much – the pressure check was a test for glaucoma. The fact that the assistant who performed the test was unwilling to reveal a normal reading (after all, if it was normal why wouldn’t you?) suggested I’d failed. Now, the question was how serious the glaucoma and what kind of irreversible damage had already been done to my vision? Also, what kind of treatment would I be looking at? Had I caught it in time? Would medication suffice? Or would I require laser or more invasive surgeries?

Another fifteen minutes wait before I was summoned into another room. I was asked to peer into another machine and asked to focus on the picture of a distant hot air balloon that came in and out and back into focus, then asked to repeat some more lines – first the right eye, then the left eye. Again, the answers didn’t match up. I tried to joke around with this second assistant, but she’d have none of it. She was either a highly unpleasant individual or, more than likely, had already heard the results of my eye pressure test and been stricken by an overwhelming sadness.

It was back to the waiting room for more of the lute serenade, then my name was called again and I was directed to take a seat in a narrow hallway. My chair was so low I felt like I’d been exiled to the kids’ section. As I sat and waited, I vowed to make the most of my good seeing days. I’d no longer put off reading those books I’d been meaning to get around to. I’d accelerate my productivity and complete those half-finished scripts languishing on my laptop. I’d get around to watching the last few seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia! I’d live life to the fullest!

The door in front of me swung open. A patient left and my name was called. I walked in and took a seat. As the doctor shut the door, I braced myself. Here it came.

“So, when did you first notice the toruosity?”she asked.

I told her it had been brought to my attention while I was in Toronto, then confirmed by a local opthamlogist just last month.

“There could be a number of explanations,”she said.

“High blood pressure,”I offered helpfully.

“Have you had your blood pressure checked recently?”

I told her I had. My blood pressure was normal.

“Well, aside from high blood pressure, you could be looking at other possibilities.”

“Diabetes?”I suggested.

“Did you have a fasting blood test when you went in for your physical?”

I told her I had and, now that she mentioned it, I realized the doctor had never called me with the results. Maybe no news is good news.

“Or it may mean they misplaced the results,”said Debbie Downer. ”You should follow up.”

I said I would.

“Okay then,”she said. ”My first concern would be blood pressure.”

“My blood pressure was fine,”I reaffirmed, suddenly struck by a sensation akin to tuning into an episode of your favorite series only to discover it’s a clip show. ”What else?”

“That’s it,”she said.

“What about the eye pressure test?”I asked.

“Your eye pressure’s fine.”

No glaucoma but my eyes are tortuous, that’s what this visit to the specialist revealed. In other words, it reconfirmed what my local opthamologist had already confirmed what the opthamologist in Toronto had discovered.

P.S. I followed up with my doctor’s office and was told that they had received the results but the doctor hadn’t asked for a follow-up appointment. This, she told me, usually signified the results came back normal. Or, I thought, they were so bad that he assumed I’d passed away in the interim and what was the point.

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...va-at-the-met/

May 25, 2012

Photos: Dinner at Diva, Akemi, Joe Mallozzi


Yesterday, I hit the 151 page mark of the SF miniseries Paul and I are working on. That’s 12 acts down and four to go! I celebrated by going out for a nice dinner.

Surprisingly, it’s been a while since I sat down to an inspired multi-course meal. Even more surprisingly was where we enjoyed it last night: Diva at the Met, the somewhat staid restaurant in the Metropolitan Hotel where the Stargate gang and I used to go for their signature burgers topped with foie gras, short rib, crispy onions and white truffle oil (on the occasions when Chris Judge would join us, he’d actually have two!).

It had been a while since I’d been to Diva, but I’d heard intriguing talk of a new chef, Hamid Salimian, seasonal ingredients, and touches of modernist cuisine.

We (who am I kidding? I!) elected to go with the seven course Chef’s Tasting Menu. Not every dish was a home run, but the thought that went into their creation and presentation made every one an entertaining and, ultimately, delightful experience.

To start, we were served five “diva snacks”, small bites to tantalize the tastebuds...

Serving was great. The only real thumbs down I would give would be to the ambience of the restaurant. Like I said, the dining room is very staid and quite dark – this despite the fact that, by the time we got out of there a little after 7:00 p.m., it was still very sunny.

An enjoyable meal. According to our waitress, Chef Salimian changes up the menu items every week, so we’ll definitely have to plan a return visit for late June.

I’m going to try to get around to doing a mailbag this weekend, so if you’ve got a question, post it!

Today entry is dedicated to blog regular Chev. Happy Birthday, Maryanne!

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...and-a-mailbag/

May 26, 2012


13 acts done and only three to go on the miniseries front! More or less. I’m taking the rest of the day off to check out Vancouver OTHER night market. Hopefully, this one will offer less than a half dozen variations of curly hurricane fries.

Some news of note:

Our friend Tara announces an exciting new mystery writing project: *Sparkle Sparkle*. What could it be?

My fries are too angry! For the inspired chef looking for something different: Season Your Food With Salt From Real Human Tears

Mama Mia! http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012...ese-production

I’ve often said that, of all the possible deaths out there, the way I least want to go would be in some fashion that lands me in the News of the Weird section of the internet or as some fodder for late night comedians. To wit: Man dies while getting lap dance at strip club « News and Views … And this: Farmer, 2 sons drown in manure pit… While not a unique death, we can nevertheless file this one under “as bad”: Man Loses His Penis to a Flesh-Eating Bacteria After Failed Penile Implant Surgery

No time for second thoughts, grandma. You’re jumping out of this plane! WATCH: 80-Year-Old Nearly Falls Out Of Harness While Skydiving In retrospect, maybe you were right about the whole “second thoughts” thing.

Place your bets on who will be the new DC Comics gay superhero! http://www.paddypower.com/bet/novelt...grp_ids=689080. I’ll take Guy Gardner at 14-1.

I saw this on South Park the other day and it pretty much sums up my opinion of a lot of the film and television being produced today. Not for the easily (and even not so easily) offended: http://www.southparkstudios.com/clip...rg-for-pirates

You know what? Screw the night market. I’m waiting for these guys to open: http://www.luckysdoughnuts.com/


AND the mailbag:

Randomness writes: “Speaking about writers for your mini series Joe, I was kinda hoping to see the name Brad Wright on something new on TV, any plans to hire him for your writing team Joe? I actually would love to see him writing more Science fiction stuff.”

Answer: The miniseries we’re presently working on is a freelance gig. It’s a four hour event and, once we’ve completed work on the script, we’ll be moving on. The Dark Matter miniseries, on the other hand, would be something we would want to produce as well as write – but, at this point, it’s just a pitch supported by a four-issue comic book and series overview. If we’re fortunate enough to get the green light, then Paul and I would certainly be looking to tap the most talented writer-producers we know to help us – coincidentally, the same bunch we worked with on Stargate. If they’re available and, of course, interested, we’d love to work with Brad, Rob, Carl, Martin, and Alan again.

Speaking of Brad, he’s got a number of SF projects in the works. I’ll keep my ear to the ground for you…

Randomness also writes: “Secondly, watching any anime lately Joe?”

Answer: Akemi and I are working our way through Gintama. We’re 132 episodes into its 250+ episode run. The last anime series I watched independent of Akemi was Deadman Wonderland. Meh. Before Deadman Wonderland, I very much enjoyed Steins Gate.

Bolt Bait writes: “Joe, when you do a mailbag, do you ever answer questions from past blog entries or only the one directly previous to the one where you are answering questions? In other words, if I’m really curious about something, should I post once or should I post every day until you get tired of seeing my question and finally break down and answer it?”

Answer: You should post again – especially if I give you the heads up that I’ll be doing a mailbag. Prior to doing a mailbag, I’ll usually check out the past 3-5 days’ worth of questions. Be persistent!

majorsal writes: “can you use your super hero/villain powers and make MGM green-light the stargate combo movie?”

Answer: Wish I could.

dasndanger writes: “Joey, I’m pretty sure you’ve had Vosges chocolate, and I know you’ve done the bacon thing, but back when you last tried the chocobacon bar, was it available in dark chocolate?”

Answer: I’ve tried both the milk and dark chocolate versions. While good, I much prefer the truffle version I used to get for my chocolate parties. When it comes to the Vosges bars, I’m partial to the Habana (milk chocolate and plantain). I also love their peanut butter bonbons.

JeffW writes: “I guess my mailbag question would be, if you could only visit one on a trip, which restaurant would you recommend? Diva at the Met, or Fat Dragon? Or someplace else altogether?”

Answer: Hmmm. That’s a tough one. I suppose it depends on your food preferences and budget. Lately, I’ve become a big fan of Gastown’s L’Abbatoir. Quercia is always great for Italian but you have to book in advance. For more casual fare, might I suggest Peaceful Restaurant on West Broadcast (corner of Cambie) or La Tacqueria for some awesome tacos.

Lee writes: “I’d like to know your thoughts on SyFy canceling Sanctuary? I tend to agree with most people on Facebook with Stargate and Sanctuary gone I will not have any reason to watch SyFy once Eureka wraps this season.”

Answer: I never watched Sanctuary. I can only weigh in insofar as I knew a lot of the people who worked on the show and, on that personal level, I feel badly for them. After years of working on a show, your co-workers become like family. During my time on Stargate, I spent more time with my fellow writer-producers than I did with my own wife and I’m sure it was no different on Sanctuary.

Ponytail writes: “1. Joe can you say anything more regarding what your horror script is about, except that it is a horror script?”

Answer: Not yet but, once I finish work on this miniseries, I’ll be jumping on the rewrite so that I can hopefully get it out before summer’s end. I’ll tell you more about it in the coming months.

“2. What did you finally decide two open doors and the alarm going off was?”

Answer: I decided to go with “forgot to lock the back door”. ”Lulu playing a practical joke” was a close second.

shaneac1 writes: “Question can you give a hint as to the network the SF mini series might be airing. Also have you any thoughts on new yomato series (space battleship yomato 2199) chapter 1 was just realease on DVD/blu ray today.”

Answer: I don’t know whether a North American sale has been made yet.

Patricia Stewart-Bertrand writes: “A question I would like to ask you is, do you ever use your dreams as fodder for your writing? Edgar Allan Poe was known to take advantage of the trips he’d experience from taking drugs to create his macabre stories. Where do you get your ideas?”

Answer: On the rare occasions I can remember my dreams, they are usually so weird that the defy use in any sensible narrative. My ideas usually come from discussions with friends or spring from other completely different notions. Occasionally, they’ll come about as a result of my misconstruing the direction of a t.v. show I am watching or a book I am reading – I’ll think to myself “What a great idea!” only to realize that’s not the direction they’re going at all.

llyes writes: “Hey Joe, what did you think of house’s series finale??personally i was a little confused”

Answer: Hey, I’m still trying to figure out how the police were able to lift House’s fingerprints from some tickets that had been flushed down a toilet in the last episode. The last episode did leave a bunch of questions unanswered, questions like: “How did House end up in that burning building with the patient? How did the fire start? How did House know the exact moment Wilson was delivering his eulogy so that he could send the “shut up” text message?” And, the biggest question of all: “How the heck did House switch the hospital dental records and fake his own death?” He wouldn’t have had a chance to do it after the fire which suggests he already had the plan in place before he went to the warehouse. Meaning the patient was already dead? And if that was House’s plan all along, why was most of the episode dedicated to his deciding whether or not to save himself and live – especially since living meant helping to make Wilson’s last few months all the more meaningful. The latter would have been a huge issue and, since a lot of the discussion was a physical manifestation of his internal debate, the fact that it was never mentioned felt like a huge cheat.

profmadmax writes: “Joe any chance of getting Michael Shanks to drop by the blog? Looking forward to seeing Saving Hope on NBC here!”

Answer: Why, yes. I’ll drop him a text once I’ve finished work on the miniseries.

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...-night-market/

May 27, 2012

Photos: The Richmond Night Market, Jesse, Akemi


Last weekend, Akemi, Ivon and I checked out the Summer Night Market in Richmond. This weekend, Akemi, Jessie and I checked out the similarly themed Richmond Night Market.

We arrived a little after 7:00 p.m. and, after winding our way and finding a spot in the massive parking area, walked to the entrance area. Unlike the Summer Night Market, there’s a $1 admission fee per person. Unlike the Summer Night Market, however, there are A LOT of varied food stands to choose from. And, really, when it comes down to it, that’s what it’s all about.

A pictorial rundown of our outing:

Following our eat fest, I suggested we walk around and burn off the calories, secretly hoping we’d work up an appetite in the thirty minutes it would take us to cover the many vendors. Alas, we stayed full – and didn’t really find much of interest. As we took our stroll, I made a mental note of the top 3 things I would probably never buy at a night market. In no particular order: contact lenses, underwear, and sushi. I checked out the dozen or so stalls selling assorted iPhone cases in the hopes of finding one bearing the S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia -

Alternately, I would have loved to find one with an A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics) logo -

OR a Hydra logo -

Alas, no luck. Akemi and Jessie, meanwhile, had even less luck as they were corralled into a sales pitch and were too polite to immediately extricate themselves -

I considered rescuing them but ultimately thought “Nah”. This was a powerful lesson on the dangers of stopping at any sales stand if you’re the sole potential customers.

A great time was had by all. Until we drove out, missed our turn, and then head to double-back, getting caught in a one hour traffic jam to leave Richmond.

And so, now that I’ve had the opportunity to compare the two night markets, I’d like to offer a comparison in very important categories:

LOCATION

Summer Night Market: Easily accessible by car but somewhat harder to get to by public transport. There’s a bus stop within walking distance and shuttle bus service from the skytrain station.

Richmond Night Market: Equally accessible by car and is easily accessible by the new Canada Line station. Unfortunately, if you’re driving, traffic is a mess and you should expect long bumper to bumper waits. Brutal.

EDGE: Summer Night Market.

FOOD

Summer Night Market: Roughly fifty food stands with a lot of repeats. On my last visited, I counted about five different places selling potatoes-on-a-stick. Variety would be nice.

Richmond Night Market: About three to four times as many food stands with some incredible variety.

EDGE: Richmond Night Market

VENDORS

Summer Night Market: About a third less of the vendors selling the same bargain-bin items.

Richmond Night Market: More vendors but A LOT of similar items being sold.

EDGE: Let’s call this one a draw.

COST

Summer Night Market: Free.

Richmond Night Market: $1 admission.

EDGE: I’m calling this one a draw. Unless you’re treating fifty of your closest family members.

WINNER: Richmond Night Market. Like I said, it’s all about the food. Get there early, 6:00 p.m. to beat the crowd, stuff your face and go.

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...ic-four-movie/

May 28, 2012

Photos: Fantastic Four: The Movie (1995)


Dis movie nowhere near fantastic but, all in all, not de worst fan film monster have ever seen. De skript be cliche and contrived, de akting hokey and over-de-top, and de special effekts soooo cheezy, but you have to remember dat dis movie not made by profeshiunals. It a produkt of love by group of people wit absolutely no experience making movies and even less money to…wait. What? WHAAAAT?! Dis NOT a fan film?

WHAAAT?!!

Okay, apparently dis a real movie. Or is it? It was made for 1.4 million dollars. Direktor and aktors were told it was real. But producer only made movie so he would not lose rights to Fantastic Four. Movie never released and producer went on to make bigger budjet Fantastic Four movie in 2005 (which monster hear be not dat much better). Dat explain A LOT.

Movie begin wit Reed and Victor, best friends, who decide to harness de power of…COLOSSUS an energy asteroid thingy dat flying by Earth! (Pleaze do not try dis at home!)

Experiment not exactly smooooth sailing. Lab blow up. Victor badly injured! Reed go to visit him at hospital but creepy Borat doktors tell him dat Viktor dead.

BUT it turn dey not just your run-of-de-mill creepy Borat doktors. Viktor still alive and dey kidnap him! Why? Who are dey? Audience never find out. Mebbe we have to wait for direktor’s cut.

Ten years later, Reed and his buddy pilot Ben plan to fly into space and harness power of…COLOSSUS! (Please do not try dis at home!) On way to outerspace, dey drop by home of friends Sue and Johnny Storm and invite dem to join. Why? Sure, dey may not have proper astronaut training, but Reed not want to make dem feel left out. Even tho he not seen dem in 10 years!

Meanwhile, really lame charakter called De Jeweler (who live underground wit fellow hobos who akt like dey in a children’s theater produktion of Oliver Twist), fall in love wit blind sculptor, Alicia, who in love with Ben after he bump into her, destroy her art, den lift her up off her feet and proklaim: “You’re safe wit me!”. What a douche. Jeweler decide to steal a diamond for her, de biggest diamond he know – which happen to be what Reed will use in his spaceship to harness de power of…COLOSSUS! (Did me mention you shouldn’t try dis at home?) Anyway, diamond kept in high-security laser-protected lab – which, apparently, can be beaten by a good game of hopscotch. Jeweler steal diamond and switch it wit fake.

As a result, space mission not exaktly go as planned. Ship blow up in space!

Crazy 70?s kaleidoskope effekts! Somehow, pieces of ship and all four crew members (Reed, Ben, Sue, and Johnny) survive re-entry and all land in de same place. Turn out dey all have superpowerz! Johnny can make fire! Reed be stretchy! Sue can go invisible! In one of best scenes in movie, military arrive and talking to Reed when Ben show up. Everyone shocked except Ben who, for some reason, not even happen to notice he turned into…A BIG ORANGE ROCK MONSTER!

Military take dem to lab where goofy doktor examine dem. Nyuk nyuks ensue. Thing sit and break chair. Johnny scare doktor with flame. Sue startle doktor and cause him to stick hisself wit needle. Reed uses stretchy arm to take needle from doktor. Ho ho ho!

Fantastic Four (dat what Sue and Johnny’s mom call dem) get suspishus.

Turn out dey not being held by de military. Dey being held by Victor who now goes by name of DR. DOOM (me tink he got honorary doctorate from Latveria U) -

Dr. Doom walk around in metal suit and green robe. His voice sound like he in a tin can somewhere in de next room (monster guess produktion couldn’t be bothered to bring aktor in for dubbing). He always tapping his metal fingerz, click-click-click-click-click. And laughing in good ole’ cheezy superillain fashion: “Moooohoooohahahahahahahahahahaha!”. At least he have positive attitood.

FF eskape. Bullets bounce off Thing. Reed (aka Mr. Fantastik, aka Stretchy Stretcherson) stretch out his leg and trip every soldier running into room. EVERY soldier. Dey just trip right over his leg and knocked unconscious by fall.

Dr. Doom go to steal diamond from De Jeweler who has kidnapped Alicia to make her his Queen. Doom’s Doom Trooperz kick ass and take diamond. Dey also kidnap Alicia, knocking her out wit kloroform. We see from Alicia Point of View as rag put over her face, kloroform take effekt, den tings go all fuzzy and dark…

Uh, waitaminute. Isn’t Alicia blind?

Shhhshhhshhhh.

Dr. Doom plan to use diamond to power laser he will use to destroy New York! He send Reed proof: stock footage of nuclear blast blowing away house. Fantastic Four go to Doom’s hideout in new outfits Sue sew for dem (Dat a girl!). But dey get trapped in forcefields!

But not very good forcefields. For some reason, Reed able to stretch his leg out and kick over laser. Yep. Just kick it over. Explosions! FF is free!

But laser already fired at New York! No problem. Johnny turn into Human Torch and chase it down. For real. Laser traveling at SPEED OF LIGHT! And he still catch up!

At dis point, movie turn into cartoon. Human Torch save de dey.

Reed chase down Dr. Doom. Fight! Doom hanging off building and ask Reed to help him. Reed reach out – at which point Doom give de old “You don’t have what it take to kill me!” speech. Doom lose his glove and disappear into de cloudz below. Cloudz below?! How high up are dey?!

Hurray! Johnny save New York from laser! Reed defeat Dr. Doom! Thing beat up all de Doom Trooperz! And Sue sewed de nice outfits dey’re wearing. Dat’s team work!

Happy ending! Reed and Sue get married. In deir costumes for some reazon. Dey get into car and, as dey drive away, Reed stretch out his arm and wave bye bye.

Whew! Monster can’t believe he sit thru dis entire movie. (PLEAZE do not try dis at home!)

Verdikt: If Fantastic Four taught monster anyting, it dat crappy moviez be crappy moviez, but crappy superhero moviez be de crappiest of all! Also, apparently most homeless people be failed Shakespearean aktors.

Rating: 1 chocolate chippee cookie earned by costume department.

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http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...iting-classes/

May 29, 2012


I know, I know. It’s not what you want to hear. Eager young writers would love to know that there’s somewhere they can go, someone they can pay money, to become a better writer. Well, the sad truth is that no one but you can make you a better writer. Actually, hang on. Back up a step. Let’s start with the basics: You’re either a good writer or you’re not. No course, seminar, or meaningful input will change that.

Talent aint learned. Hell, it aint even earned. It’s innate and develops from passion and a commitment to the craft. Sure, there are ways to disguise a lack of talent, tart it up like some average-looking porn star transformed into an object of lofty desire by the magic of too much make-up and good lighting. That’s why so many movies and t.v. shows are utter ****. Blame the perfect storm of: a) untalented hacks who have managed to charm their way onto a writing gig, b) the inability of the people hiring them to differentiate between a good script and a bad one, and c) an audience’s willingness to settle for crap. 99% of any production’s problems can be addressed at the script stage. It’s just a matter of finding a scriptwriter able to do the job – and the people willing to let him/her do it.

Where was I? Oh, yeah: creative writing classes. When I call them bull****, I’m not saying they’re a complete waste of time. If nothing else, they force you to write and, after all, it’s the act of writing that makes you a better writer. Of course, one could argue that a writer who can’t motivate him or herself to write has no business being a writer, but I’ll admit that there have been times when I’ve felt unmotivated. It usually happens when I’m distracted by something I’d much rather be doing like reading a book, napping, or picking the dog crap off my back lawn. Writing can be hard. It can be frustrating. But so are most jobs. I bet that a lot of office workers would, all things being equal, prefer an extra half hour of lunch to photocopying and collating Herb’s ****ing presentation. So, in that respect, creative writing classes can be worthwhile. Especially if you’re very lazy.

Now that I think of it, creative writing classes can also help by providing a venue in which to receive honest feedback on your work – as opposed to the sugarcoated lies your friends or family will feed you. I don’t care if Aunt Mildred loved it, your third act twist is forced and contrived. And the jaguar attack in the second act is ****ing stupid. You need someone to tell you these things. You need the unvarnished critique that only a disinterested stranger can truly provide.

So, I stand corrected. They’re not total bull****. If you’re lazy and are surrounded by dishonest friends and family members, then you may derive some benefit from a creative writing course.

Seminars, on the other hand – now THEY are total bull****!

[Gatefan1976]

Is this what is commonly refered to as "truth in advertising"?

[Terra Atlantus]

Harsh words coming from the same guy responsible for "Family Ties" and "Irresponsible"

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May 30, 2012

Photos: Dinner at Fable, Akemi


Over on 4th, in the spot once occupied by one of my favorite Vancouver restaurants, Refuel (and my absolute favorite Vancouver restaurant, Fuel, before that), a new restaurant has opened its doors. Almost. The official opening is apparently a couple of weeks off, but lunches and dinners are being served as part of Fable’s soft opening. Given my disdain for waiting, I decided to go ahead and check it out last night, ever-mindful that the place was probablyy still in the process of working out a few kinks. Sure enough, there were a few hiccups over the course of our meal but, overall, Fable shows great promise.

The restaurant is the brainchild of Trevor Bird, one of the three remaining chefs competing in this season’s Top Chef Canada finale. Its farm to table concept (Farm + Table = Fable. Get it?) is reflected in a menu highlighting local, seasonal ingredients. Joining Trevor in kitchen is fellow Top Chef competitor Curtis Luk, the master of the macaron, an avowed Stargate fan who dropped by this blog last month to set the record straight (April 22, 2012: Beta 5! A Top Chef contestant checks in! Switching over from horror to mini-series mode!).

The room has been transformed but there are still recognizable elements that made me nostalgic for Refuel. The wait and kitchen staff, however, are all new.

We walked in and were promptly greeted by Trevor who was overseeing the action (and, on this night, the kitchen would see a lot of it). After perusing the menu, we elected to leave our respective foodie fates in the hands of the head chef by going with the seven course Chef’s Tasting Menu. Trevor swung by the table to discuss any food issues we might have (allergies, vegetarianism, and other similar illnesses). We informed him he had carte blanche – with one request. We had to try Curtis’s famed macarons for dessert.

Our server was pleasant and informative, checking in on us throughout the meal without being intrusive. That said, there were a couple of – well, I hesitate to call them snafus. They were more odd choices. For instance, we ordered bottle water for the table and received two – one for each of us.

Ultimately, not a big deal because Akemi and I like to stay hydrated through our dinners, but certainly unexpected.

On to the meal:

I asked the waiter about dessert and he told me we would be having the bread pudding along with the macarons (as per our request). After confirming that we would be served two dishes (a bread pudding and a macaron plate), I went ahead and ordered two extra desserts I’d been eyeing: the lemon pot de creme and the flourless chocolate cake. Moments later, our next course arrived: TWO servings of bread puddings. Fortunately, I’m a professional when it comes to eating desserts...

As I said, Fable is still a week or two away from its official opening so I’m sure that it’s still in the process of testing, refining, and perfecting. If I was in charge of fine-tuning, I’d double-check the seasoning, swap out the flat iron cut for a sexier cut, lose that white chocolate ganache and, in the unfortunate event one of my servers broke a glass, I’d make sure he apologized to the neighboring table (not us on this night).

Overall though, this restaurant holds a lot of promise. I look forward to checking out its lunch offerings sometime next week. After Trevor, no doubt, wins the Top Chef title.

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May 31, 2012

Photos: Prawns


Done and done. Sort of. I finally finished the first rough draft of the miniseries. Now, I switch off and go over the first part which Paul has been revising and rewriting. I think it’s coming along quite nicely – a suspenseful, near-future four hour television event. They’re looking to go to camera in July which, on the one hand, means the turnaround on the rewrite is also going to be tight, but on the other hand means that our work will be complete by July. As much as I enjoy producing, I like the fact that we were basically hired guns on this one. We write the script and then go on our merry way. I was hoping “all the way to Hawaii” but it looks like our dog-sitter is fully booked so I’m going to have to hold off on any trips until July’s Comic Con in San Diego. Well, that’s the plan anyway. Anyone else going? I will, of course, be there to talk Dark Matter in advance of the trade paperback release collecting the first four issues of my comic book series, but if you’d like to chat Stargate, scifi, or my Snow Monkeys’ chances heading into this next fantasy football season, then by all means let’s chat.

I picked up about a dozen fresh spot prawn the other day and, while we were cleaning them, Akemi asked whether I wanted to prepare them head on or head off. She’s squeamish about certain things (ie. eating a face with beady black eyeballs) and leaned toward tossing the heads which I found altogether unJapanese. Why, I recall that one of my favorite menu items at a tempura joint in Ginza was its deep-fried prawn heads. And so, I decided “Why not have the best of both worlds?”. We decapitated the prawn and I prepared the heads as a side dish. Like so:

They were quite good but, of course, nowhere near as good as the ones I enjoyed in Tokyo. In retrospect, maybe I should’ve gone with the egg and soda water.


Mailbag:

Ponytail writes: “I can’t think of any 70?s show that might have had a “bible”. Can you? Each week was basically anew again.”

Answer: I’m quite certain that whether or not they had a series bible had nothing do with its serialized or stand-alone structure. SGU, for instance, was somewhat serialized – we knew where we were going – but we were never working off an official “bible”. We had a series overview and character breakdowns to get us started in addition to the plan creators Brad Wright and Robert Cooper had in mind, but there was never a detailed blueprint for the show that a “series bible” implies.

Michael Carney writes: “Joe: how fleshed-out are series bibles typically before a series begins?”

Answer: It really depends on the show. Some productions prefer to have a highly detailed bible in place before moving forward on a show while others prefer a less-detailed series overview. I personally prefer the latter because the more detailed your game plan in the beginning, the more difficult it will be to make changes as a series progresses – and there are always changes. Somethings work out better than expected while other things don’t work out at all. Opportunities suddenly present themselves and it’s nice to have the ability to respond in stride and allow the creative to evolve rather than paint yourself into a corner from the get-go.

Michael Carney also writes: “And, in a related question, does a network being pitched a series like SGU or Fringe need details of the story arc and its eventual conclusion before giving the green light?”

Answer: A network will certainly want to know where the show is headed, and see proof of concept in the form of a pilot script, but it won’t need to know the conclusion in order to green light a show.

Ponytail also writes: “Joe those two elder pugs you’re trying to adopt aren’t getting any younger. What is the problem with that organization? They are starting to make me really mad!”

Answer: I’m to blame for the delay. I’ve been busy working on this miniseries and haven’t had time to gather all the necessary documentation. I just got a letter reference from my vet and will be forwarding that tomorrow.

Cyn writes: “Do you look back, Joe? Do you look at SGA or SG-1 and say nobody did that like us or we did a hell of a thing? Do you miss it? Will Stargate ever come back, you think?”

Answer: I do reflect back fondly on my Stargate days. I worked with a great group of people – generous and immensely talented – and really miss the camaraderie and the incredible results of all of our hard work. Nobody did do it like us, especially with regard to our visual effects. Our VFX team, led by the great Mark Savela, was continuously producing viz effects at least a step or two ahead of anything else being done on television at the time. It’s a damn shame they didn’t receive the recognition they deserved. As for Stargate’s future – I don’t know. It’s a valuable franchise that, someday, will be reborn, probably in the form of a feature. Whether or not it builds on the mythology and characters developed in its television incarnation is the big question.

JeffW writes: “Any other “must try” restaurants in Gastown? Macarons?”

Answer: Boneta is also a nice restaurant. Cobre is terrific but, alas, closed until September. Cartem Donuterie is within walking distance.

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June 1, 2012

Photos: Akemi, the EAT! Vancouver festival, blog regular JYS, melon art, prawn


Today, Akemi and I met up with our friend Sheryl (and her boyfriend West) to check out the first day of the EAT! Vancouver festival, described as “the only consumer food, beverage and cooking festival in Vancouver” and “the ultimate Food Expo”. These two facts together make me very, very sad. I’m not saying it was a total waste of time, but I am suggesting your $16 entrance fee could be better spent on lottery tickets.

There were plenty of exhibitors offering free samples of everything from Greek yogurt and olive oil to chocolate and smoothies. Ultimately, there was nothing there you couldn’t find at most high-end grocers but I suppose it’s an opportunity to get the word out about their respect products. In addition to food, there were other retailers selling dog treats, kitchen products, and information on travel to Louisiana, Mexico, and the Philippines. There was also a separate booze section that was a little more interesting.

In terms of entertainment, we were treated to some sort of Chef Off on the big stage featuring some Food Network personalities, and a barista competition that was difficult to watch given the angle of the seating and the fact that most of the baristas worked with their backs to the audience. A big screen offered a live feed of the action but, unfortunately, the bright lights pretty much blew out the picture so it was near impossible to make out what was going on.

As for the food – the main draw – there were some two dozen food stands, mainly local restaurants, selling 2-3 bite-sized portions of fairly unremarkable plates: quite a few mini burgers, some tacos, desserts.

While we were talking, an elderly woman stumbled over a pocket of cables and took a tumble right behind us. Then, seconds later, another elderly woman tripped but managed to steady herself before eating carpet. I suggested we step aside or risk being taken out at the knees.

On the way out, I stopped to snap some photos of the melon art at one of the Thai restaurant booths:

Too pretty to eat. At least that’s what they said when I tried to eat it.

As it turned out, EAT! Vancouver wasn’t a total waste of my time. I ended up buying two bottles of some lovely flavored oils:

Once you factor in their purchase price, the entrance fee, and the cost of parking, they came out to roughly $35 a bottle.

I’ll have to be sure to use them sparingly.


Mailbag:

Yates writes: “I’ll be at SDCC selling my wares – booth 1335, look for the guy with all the colorful puzzles – It would be great to say hello!”

Answer: I’ll track you down!

DP writes: “Here you go: the list of words to avoid to supposedly keep the Department of Homeland Security from cyber-stalking you.”

Answer: Yep, pretty much covered all of them while researching this miniseries.

Tam Dixon writes: “I thought prawns were just big shrimp? I’ve never seen them prepared like that.”

Answer: Went out for sushi last night. Look at what they served us with our spot prawn aburi...

KEK writes: “The stuff done on BSG was groundbreaking, not even surpassed in SGU. The stuff we’ve seen on Stargate is relatively generic by comparison, with nothing really setting it apart too much from Trek or even Dr Who.”

Answer: The second sentence receives a huge ?????!!!! from me. As for the first part - yes, BSG did amazing things with, as you pointed out, a significantly bigger budget, but the aliens our VFX team created for episodes like Space and Awakening were second to none.

Debra writes: “Speaking of your guys, did I miss an update on the older adoption pair you wanted?”

Answer: Nope. I’ve been busy working on this miniseries and wanted to go away for a little vacation before adopting.

Line Noise writes: “I’m curious about the origins of this mini series. Was it an idea that you and Paul had on the shelf that your agent was shopping around? Or were you approached out of the blue by the producers?”

Answer: The latter.

Line Noise also writes: “If the latter, how much of the story was already decided by the producers before you started writing? Were you tightly constrained by certain elements or did you have free reign?”

Answer: They came to us with several concepts and there was one that particularly appealed to us. They had some suggestions for the opening and potential dramatic developments but we were otherwise given free rein in building the story. We broke the 16 act narrative over the course of a week, received notes on the outline, and started work on the script soon after.

Line Noise also writes: “How much interaction do you have with the producers during the writing process? Are you sending them regular drafts and receiving notes?”

Answer: As I said, we received notes at the outline stage. We’ll receive our next round of notes after delivery of the first draft. And then, depending on how tight the prep schedule, probably one last set of notes on the second draft.

Line Noise also writes: “I’m just intrigued because if cameras roll in July the producers must be pretty confident they’re going to get what they want from you.”

Answer: The outline was fairly detailed, breaking down every scene and beat in each act of the four hour event, so there won’t be any surprises at the script stage. There will no doubt be notes, but they won’t be of the “I think the end of act 4 should be the end of act 2? variety.

Ponytail writes: “I’m wondering if when you reflect back on your Stargate days, if the problems you had with production or people involved don’t seem so bad anymore, and you recognize it was all just a part of the process?”

Answer: Stargate was such a well-oiled machine that there were few if any big problems to deal with. Sure, there were some minor hiccups along the way typical of any production – scheduling conflicts, disagreements on creative or other matters – but those were issues quickly addressed and just as quickly forgotten. We had a show to produce!

mike mcginnis writes: “Two quick questions?1. can please do an SGA trip down memory lane??2. if you get shanks to answer questions, could you also ask hewlett to stop by at one point and maybe flanigan?”

Answer: 1. Yes, eventually. 2. David’s web presence is bigger than mine and has made himself very accessible to fandom! Having him do a Q&A here would be redundant.

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June 2, 2012

Videos: Jelly, The Shadow (1994) trailer

Photos: Soup


Having finished a rough first draft of our four hour, sixteen act near-future miniseries, I’ve moved on to reading and reviewing Paul’s work on Part I (a robust 108 pages. I have to admit, he’s done a might fine job on the rewrite, pulling everything together into a nice, tight, suspense-filled seat-of-your-pants narrative. I have all of four notes concerning 1. His use of the term “raw deal” in relation to one character’s backstory, 2) Use of the term “flying” in a subsequent scene, 3) Some necessary elaboration on the accessing of information available online, and 4) I’m not so sure about Pokemon. Aside from that, it’s great. I’ll set it aside for a couple of days, and then go over it one more time with an eye to punching up the dialogue. Tonight, we take a break to have dinner with the director who has flown in to Vancouver to begin prep on the miniseries which shoots sometime in July.

Once our work is done on the miniseries (in a couple of weeks), I guess I’ll be shifting gears to that rewrite of my horror script. I’ve been asked to compress some of the build-up in the first 65 pages and get to the All-Hell-Breaks-Loose twist a little sooner. A little more stalk and suspense in the late second act and through the third act is what a couple of readers have requested.

There’s also a comedy pilot I’ve been meaning to finish up work on, but I’m not sure where that will fill in my up-in-the-air schedule. I was hoping to go away in June (Hawaii!), and then visit Montreal and San Diego (Comic Con) in July, but my dog-sitter’s availability may deep-six those plans. I may be able to squeeze in a Vegas getaway at the end of July, but another trip to Europe to attend the wedding of some dear friends (Berlin, Paris, and Madrid) may also have to be scuttled. On the bright side, Vancouver IS beautiful in the summer.

With a break in my schedule, I finally got around to asking my vet to write me a letter of reference for the Seattle Pug Rescue. I’m considering adopting an elderly pug (or two) and they, evidently, want to make certain I’ll be able to provide the pooches with a good home. Anyway, my vet wrote a terrific letter that ended with: “His care is so fantastic that I hope to be reincarnated as one of his pets!”. Stellar.

I’ve got to get around to selling my car. Ivon suggests craigslist and I suppose that’s the way I’ll end up going but, to be honest, it just seems like such a pain in the ass. How many kooks (or worse) am I going to have to wade through before making the sale?

As we head into the summer season, various farmer’s markets start popping up around the city offering the sort of fresh fruit and vegetables you’ll be hard-pressed to find at your local supermarket. The other day, we picked up some fresh corn and Akemi made a wonderful soup.

Dense, sweet, and delicious. It made me nostalgic for the fantastic corn soup Chef Belcham used to make at Fuel/Refuel.

For some reason, the usually spry Bubba has slowed down in the last couple of weeks. Jelly, meanwhile, keeps chugging along -

Cookie Monster asked me to remind everyone that the Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes this Monday. Up for discussion and review: The Shadow (1994). The trailer looks promising:

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June 3, 2012

Video: Slingers

Photo: Eminem


Had dinner last night with Steve Barron who is in town to direct the miniseries Paul and I are writing. Among the projects Steve has in the works is this intriguing hopefully-soon-to-be-series called Slingers:

Thoughts?

Some news of note:

Enjoy your swim! Swimming Pools Are Public Toilet Bowls for Many: Survey | Healthy …

The medical term is Acute Trumashowitis: ILLNESS: People believe they’re stars of own reality TV programs…

14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People. This one’s my fave:

Would you like some wood pulp with that pancake? No? Too bad. The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry is Feeding You

Tough love! Man abandons daughter over bad grades

Remember to finish up watching The Shadow. Tomorrow, guest reviewer, Cookie Monster, weighs in with his thoughts when our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! You can brush up on past reviews here: Film reviews by resident film criti…