Joseph Mallozzi's Blog! (SPOILERS For All SG Shows and Dark Matter)

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April 24, 2012

Photos: Recent meals, The L.A. Complex


Some recent meals...

Meat & Bread : 370 Cambie Street : Victory Square : Vancouver BC. As tempted as I was, I decided to take a rain check on the maple-bacon ice cream sandwich.

On the home front...

Heard from the Seattle Pug Rescue today. They informed me that since it was impossible for them to do a home check on me, they would require photos of my house along with a letter of reference from my vet. And, if I do end up being approved for adoption, I will have to make the trip to Seattle to pick up my pug since they do not ship their pugs. All perfectly understandable. I’ll snap some pics of the front and back yards (both fenced) and some shots of my dogs lounging about in their doggy beds, on my bed, and enjoying It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on the big theater screen downstairs. If that doesn’t convince them, I don’t know what will.

Akemi is still about two months away from hearing definitive word on her immigration status (we went to the Japanese Consulate this morning to get her printed so the Japanese government can run a background check on her and make sure she isn’t a serial killer who preys on unwitting gaijin). As a result, either I make the trip to Seattle solo or I wait until she gets the okay to come and go as she pleases. Guess I’ll just have to see how the adoption process goes.

Martin Gero’s The L.A. Complex premieres tonight at 9:00 p.m. on the CW. Check it out!

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April 25, 2012

Photos: Joe Mallozzi, Brad Wright, Carl Binder, Ivon Bartok


Back in the day, Exec. Producer Brad Wright used to say: “Fast is good, but good is better than fast.” To which then writer/director Peter DeLuise would invariably reply: “GotitgoodisbetterthafastGotit!”. But there was no rush. Usually. Stargate was a well-oiled machine, this in no small part due to the writing department’s ability to have a good half-dozen scripts banked before production started on a given season. And, in addition to those banked scripts, there were always a good three or four other scripts in various stages of development as well. But even though we were well-prepared, once production started, those scripts got eaten up mighty quickly. The show’s writers wore both writer and producer hats, so it was all too easy to get swept up in other aspects of prep and post and, before you knew it, we’d be facing a dreaded scheduling crunch. Which brings me to another expression I used to hear all the time: “You’ve got to feed the beast” – the beast, of course, a reference to the production’s relentless appetite for new material. Before you knew it, that comfy six script cushion was gone and you were scrambling to get more scripts completed before those looming concept meetings. And yet, despite the challenges, we got it done. Every year, we managed to write and produce about 20 episodes of television. Hell, for a couple of years, we even pulled off 40! How did we do it? Well, we were well-organized, we had an incredibly supportive creative team, and our schedules, while often tight, were very doable.

I’ve come to learn that Stargate was the exception rather than the rule. We were lucky in many respects, not just in terms of the people we worked with within the production, but the individuals we dealt with on the outside as well. Our studio, MGM, always had our backs and granted us the creative leeway to get the show done, on time and on budget. Our network, SyFy, despite some fan criticism to the contrary, demonstrated a passion for good SF, good stories, always making a positive contribution to the creative and production process.

Yes, we were very lucky, but I’ve come to believe that you make your own luck. And you make it, not by saying yes, being incredibly accommodating, bending over backwards to please, but by being realistic – and ruthless if need be. I’ve learned that working hard against seemingly impossible odds is a sucker bet because once you make that commitment, regardless of how difficult the circumstances, your determined “I’ll try my best” quickly morphs into “I’ll get it done no problem!” to the ears of others. Suddenly, the entire burden shifts. It’s no longer “us” but “you” and you’d damn well better get the job done because, if you don’t, it’s all on “you”.

Instead of telling people what they want to hear, you’ve got to tell them what they need to hear. And, sometimes, what they need to hear is no. No, that’s not going to work. No, you’ll never produce the show you have your heart set on with that budget. No, we can’t complete the script in the time allotted. No, I won’t work for less even if it is a fantastic project, a terrific opportunity, and you would consider it a personal favor.

Now, on the surface, you would think people don’t like to hear “no” and, on the surface, you may be right. But here’s something else I’ve come to learn over my many years in the business: People may not like “no”, but they respect it. ”I tried my best to make you happy” – not so much.

Just a little something to think about as you weigh your next job offer.

Or if you’re planning on making me one.

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April 26, 2012

Photos: The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie, The Empire of Ice Cream by Jeffrey Ford


You’re at your local bookstore, browsing the shelves, when something catches your eye. Whether it’s an interesting cover or an intriguing blurb or a fantastic review, it’s an unexpected “something” that impels you to buy that particular book. Being an impulsive shopper, it happens to me all the time and I’ve ended up discovering some wonderful authors this way. I picked up the first book of Joe Abercrombie’s First Law series (The Blade Itself (The First Law: Book One) because I thought it had a great cover. I’ve since read all five of Joe’s books (and his short story in the Lou Anders/Jonathan Strahan Swords & Dark Magic compilation: Swords & Dark Magic: The New Sword and Sorcery) and am anxiously awaiting the release of his sixth: Red Country. I bought The Empire of Ice Cream (The Empire of Ice Cream), Jeffrey Ford’s brilliant collection of fantastic fiction, because I liked the title. I’ve since read nine of his books (still on the hunt for his first, Vanitas), and am eagerly awaiting the release of his upcoming collection of short fiction (Crackpot Palace: Stories). John Scalzi, George R. R. Martin, Iain M. Banks, Alastair Reynolds and many more – all discovered as a result of some spontaneous response to (let’s face it) a brilliant bit of marketing.

Of course, it’s a double-edged sword. A selling point that may convince one person to pick up a title could well convince another to give it a pass. I was thinking about this today while perusing the New Arrivals section of my favorite book shop on the way to coming up with my list of the Top 10 things most likely to turn me off a book purchase. Not always, but more often than not. In no particular order:

1. Unicorns, women in 80?s hairdos wearing flowing low-cut robes, muscular shirtless men, garish colours. In short – a cheesy cover.

2. “An Oprah’s Book Club Selection”

3. Authors with a single name (the literary world equivalent of a Cher or Bono).

4. “From the mind of…”

5. Any staff recommendation.

6. “First book in the – - – trilogy!”

7. The appearance of the word “inspirational” on either the front cover, back cover, or anywhere within the inside jacket.

8. “Now A Major Motion Picture”

9. “Based on the Popular…”

10. “International Bestseller/National Bestseller/New York Times Best Selling Author”

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April 27, 2012

Photos: Jane Cornborough, Brooke Pillay, Jelly, ingredients, Rob Cooper, Hillary, Ivon Bartok, Sarah, Akemi, Lulu, dinner


This year, I decided to do something a little different for Akemi’s birthday dinner. Rather than go out for her special meal, I decided to bring the special meal to her. I hired the services of her fave local chef, Jane Cornborough, and asked her to design a menu especially for Akemi. And so, last night, Jane came to our home and, with the assistance of the super-talented Brooke Pillay, served up an outstanding five course birthday meal...

Thanks to Jane and Brooke for a memorable evening.

[dipsofjazz]

What a lovely birthday present.

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April 28, 2012

Photo: Robert Picardo


You may recognize him as The Doctor from Star Trek: Voyager, or the officious/annoying/not-so-bad/humorous/ultimately-quite-likable Richard Woolsey from Stargate SG-1/Stargate: Atlantis/Stargate: Universe, or from one of about a 100+ film and television roles. I refer, of course, to the great Robert Picardo who got into town the other night for some convention (I think it’s a Star Trek thing. I’m not sure of the details.). He had a window of opportunity, roughly two hours between two con commitments – the latter being some sort of variety show event during which he’d be showing off his impressive vocal range (Something that was denied him on Atlantis. Oh, if we’d only gotten that sixth season pick-up! He’d have been a ringer for that musical episode we were planning). He suggested dinner somewhere in the neighborhood of the hotel where the convention had put him up. Since the neighborhood is mostly home to recent parolees and out patients of the province’s most notorious mental hospital, I was hard-pressed up to come up with a good restaurant recommendation.

Bob is a fan of ethnic cuisine, Indian in particular, so I solicited the opinions of several foodies at the nearby methadone clinic who suggested a restaurant not too far from the hotel. All in all, not bad – in comparison to the service that was just plain awful. We settled in and started catching up. I was regaling Bob with tales of my fantastic seven months in Toronto when the waitress came by and asked us if we were ready to order. We told her not yet. She headed off – and we didn’t see her again for another twenty minutes. For a while there, I feared something had happened to her. Perhaps she was in the back, trapped under a fallen refrigerator, too weak to call for help, her life ebbing away. I was about to call 911 (just to be on the safe side) when I noticed her serving the table behind us. I tried to catch her attention but she was doing her darndest to ignore me. I feared we’d offended with that whole “not ready to order yet” thing. I finally managed to corral the busboy and tried to give him our order. He assured us our waitress would be right over. And she eventually was. We ordered.

The food was okay. Damn, I miss Toronto’s Babur (one of the very few things I miss about the city). After our meal, getting the bill proved equally challenging. Again, our waitress was as elusive as The Jackal. I thought I spotted her a couple of times, but I couldn’t be sure. She was like smoke or a shadow or a waitress who had no interest in serving us.

Restaurant aside, it was very nice meal. The only thing that would have made it even better would have been if Bob’s lovely wife Linda had joined us. Linda and a change in venue.

Anyway, it was great to catch up with Bob. We’re going to have to do it again when Akemi and I are in L.A.

Incidentally, Bob provided me with a link to the convention site and I did check it out. I’ve got to ask: those fans who paid $399 for their ticket – for that price, do you actually get to make love to a Stargate celebrity of your choice? I’m curious.

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April 29, 2012

Photos: Okonomiyaki-making class, Akemi, Shaun, dessert, Akemi's note


To ensure I don’t fall into a hermit-like existence that may eventually find me bottling my own urine and wearing kleenex boxes as shoes, I’ve decided to make more of an effort to get out, meet new people, and try new things. As a result, several weeks ago, Akemi and I attended a macaron-making class. And last night, it was an okonomiyaki-making gathering hosted by a local Japanese-Canadian social group.

For those of you who don’t know, okonomiyaki (sometimes erroneously referred to as “Japanese pizza”) is a savory Japanese pancake containing flour, eggs, cabbage, green onions, grated Japanese mountain potatoes, water, and dashi that is grilled, then topped with an special okonomiyaki sauce, mayo, dried seaweed, and bonito. Extra ingredients include (but are not limited to): pork, octopus, shrimp, beef, chicken, squid, kimchi, mochi, cheese, veggies, and noodles.

Akemi and I were one of the first to arrive, promptly at 5:00 (per instructions in the email) without our chopsticks (contrary to instructions in the email). Fortunately, someone brought extras and we were thus able to complete the Osaka experience rather than fake it with a knife and fork.

After last night’s lesson, I feel confident enough to make my own emergency okonomiyaki should the need arrive.

Well, onto the next event! Last month was macarons. This month was okonomiyaki. Next month, Akemi and I attend our first garroting instructional. Can’t wait!


Mailbag:

Tim Bullock writes: “Joe. did you here about the StarGate reboot to be announced at Com-con this Summer in some from?”

Answer: I’m aware of the project, but “reboot” is the wrong term. It implies a new film or television series which isn’t the case here.

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April 30, 2012

Video: Stargate: Universe final scene

Photos: Joel Goldsmith


I’m going to interrupt this blog’s scheduled posting to dedicate today’s entry to the memory of Joel Goldsmith. Joel, who passed away last night, was a much loved and respected member of our extended Stargate family; his considerable contributions to the franchise a key part of its long-running success. The son of renowned composer Jerry Goldsmith, he was an enormously talented in his own right, scoring all three Stargate incarnations (SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe) as well as the SG movies Continuum and Ark of Truth. His lengthy list of credits include such varied productions as The Untouchables, The Outer Limits, and Diagnosis Murder, but it was, of course, Stargate that introduced me to his musical genius, indefatigable spirit, and greatly appreciated kindness.

Joel was terrific at what he did. That goes without saying. Check out any episode of Stargate and imagine how much poorer it would be without his music: the haunting Ascension theme from the end of SG-1?s Meridian as Daniel Jackson says goodbye to Jack, the stirring theme to Stargate: Atlantis that accompanies visuals of the city rising up out of the ocean’s depths, the melancholy yet beautifully elegant ending theme that accompanied SGU’s closing montage. As producers, whenever we gave notes to anyone on the production, we always liked to balance our criticisms or requests with some recognition of a job well done. In Joel’s case, there was never an issue with finding something great to say about his work. If we had notes, they would be few and far between, and they would always be eclipsed by his tremendous accomplishments on any given mix.

The man was talented, but he was also genuinely gracious and thoughtful. Joel liked to know when we felt something wasn’t working so that he could improve upon it, but he also liked to know what WAS working (which, in all honesty, was about 99% of everything he did). Like any great artist, he appreciated the feedback. But he was also quick to recognize the hard work of others. I remember receiving a call from him about six episodes into Atlantis’s fourth season, the year Paul and I took over as show runners. He had picked up the phone simply to congratulate us on the job we were doing. He’d read the scripts, loved them, and was looking forward to working on the upcoming episodes. He was calling to thank us for the great material which I found incredibly touching and, quite frankly, amazing. And it was something he continued to do – not once or twice or even three times, but throughout those final two seasons. Joel not only worked on Stargate – he was a fan. And he sounded very much like a fan, echoing the online sentiment at the time, after learning of Atlantis’s cancellation. He was outraged and sincerely disappointed that the series had come to what was, in his opinion, a premature end. I was equally disappointed but the news of SGA cancellation was mitigated by that phone call from Joel. We’d be moving on to SGU, finding work on a new incarnation of Stargate, but it was a damn shame nevertheless, and he wanted me to know it.

Joel was a pleasure to work with because he was collaborative. He didn’t take dictation and yet, on the other hand, was never precious about his work either, ever willing to hear us out, make the necessary adjustments or, if need be, argue a point. I remember one episode where, in a rare instance, a producer suggested we purchase a song for a scene. Not all of the producers were onboard with the tune and we were leaning toward having Joel come up with something. But rather than do so, Joel listened to that song from a little known band and defended it – vehemently so. It would have been simple enough for him to create something but, instead, he recognized the talent in that song and, more importantly, recognized the opportunity it offered that band. It seemed such a trivial decision at the time but, in retrospect, says a lot about the man’s character.

Finally, we come to Joel’s last piece for the Stargate franchise, that beautiful closing theme to the SGU finale, Gauntlet. I have to admit that, at the time the episode was being produced, I wasn’t so sure I wanted Joel to score the montage. When we received the director’s cut, the sequence had included a gorgeous piece that I felt was nothing short of perfect. I loved Joel’s work, knew what he was capable of but, I have to admit, I doubted even he could trump the music that accompanied the director’s cut. But Joel wanted to try. He did. And succeeded. If that original piece was nothing shot of perfect, then the closing piece Joel came up with was beyond perfection.

And, I think, a fitting coda to this blog entry...

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May 1, 2012

Photos: The Rocketeer


Zzzzzz. Snort. Hunh? Me awake! Sorry. Monster up all night trying to finish Rocketeer for todayz review. Movie is trowback to old cereals from de 30?s and 40?s your grandpa used to love. Of course dis be same guy who can watch construction AAAALL AFTERNOON so dat not saying much. At times, Rocketeer capture dat old timey spirit with beootiful updated costumez and special effekts – but same seventy year old musty script. De only interesting charakter in dis movie is de villain. Not de MOST interesting. De ONLY interesting one.

Movie start wit test flight of plane. All going superfantastik until bad guyz being chased by FBI shoot at plane out of spite. It crash. Bad guyz car coinsidentally end up in airplane hanger where bad guy hide sekret package everyone after. He trick FBI into tinking package destroyed, den he sent off to hospital. Turn out package is experimental jet pack dezigned by de guy from Lost! FBI want him to build one more. He say no because blah blah blah…zzzzz. Sorry. Sorry! Me awake now. Where was monster? Oh yah!

Evil aktor (how dat for a tautology?) after de jet pack wit help from gangsterz. He call up big goon to visit bad guy in hospital to find out where it at. Turn out, it “at” airplane hangar where handsum hero find it hidden in plane. Meanwhile, we introduced to girlfriend of hero who blander den plain yogurt. Mebbe even blander den skript for Rocketeer. Dey go on date. Dey talk and diskuss…zzzzz. Huh? What? Where is monster?! Oh. De blog. Right! Sorry. So sorry.

Anyway, girlfriend is also aktress. Coinsidentally, she is extra in movie starring evil aktor. When our hero show up on closed set and skrew up scene by knocking over set dec, she fired. Den unfired when evil aktor realize she be girlfriend of guy who have jet pack (Coinsidentally, he overhear dis information. Why waste time creating clever ways for villain to find out information when overhearing conversationz sooooo much easier?). He ask her on date.

Air show! Some clown in plane get into trouble. It Rocketeer to de reskue! Hero strap on jet pack, put on speshul helmet, and fly up. Crowd amazed. Old timey reporterz call in skoops. Rocketeer save clown. He wave at people in plane. Den crash. Sidekick drive over to help but car break down. Gangsterz closing in. So, in coolest scene of movie, Rocketeer give car a push – wit his jetpack. Car take off like Grover’s miata on a Saturday nite cruise for chicks!

Some guy die. FBI shootout wit big goon. Gangsterz show up at diner looking for hero. Dey find girlfriend name and phone number on bulletin board by phone for reazon only scriptwriter know for sure. Fight!

Evil aktor and wishywashy girlfriend at dinner. Hero show up disguized as waiter. He spill drink on her. Runs into big goon. Chased. Changez into Rocketeer. Fly around club den fly away. Ho hum.

Evil aktor take girlfriend home. He try to seduce her. She bonk him on de head, sneak around and diskover…he really nazi. Suddenly, he awake – but brain damage from head shot cause him to talk wit German aksent for rest of movie.

Agree to swap. Jet pack for de girl (If monster’s call, he keep de jet pack – but me not one to criticize). Gangsterz find out evil aktor a nazi and dey turn against him. Den more nazi’s show up. Den FBI show up! DEN BLIMP SHOW UP! EVERYBODY SHOOT! AND RUUUUN FOR IT!

Evil aktor and girlfriend get on blimp and fly away. Rocketeer chase. Fight big goon. Crash into gondola. Evil aktor take jet pack and fly away – but hero cause fuel leak so evil aktor blow up and burnt to crisp. But not before delivering best exchange in movie:

Girlfriend: “You’re a liar.”

Evil Aktor: “It wasn’t lying, Jenny. It was acting!”

Evil aktor blow up. Blimp blow up. Rocketeer save de day. Happy ending for everyone and couple finally resolve deir differences and…zzzz. Oh! Okay. Finished?

Verdikt: Dis movie try to fly high and recapture spirit of old timey cereals but grounded by boring skript and bland charakters (See what monster did dere? Fly high? Grounded? Movie was Rocketeer, remember?).

Rating: 6 sugarless chocolate chippee cookies.

Pleaze diskuss.

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May 2, 2012

Videos: Pugs

Photos: Pugs


Whereas most adults my age are either dropping their kids off at school or picking them up from school or buying them clothes and toys, or attending their various extracurricular activities, I’m dropping my dogs off at doggy daycare or picking them up from doggy daycare or purchasing them leashes and toys, or attending various pooch-related functions. Like this past weekend, for instance, when we attended back to back dog-themed event, the first for French Bulldogs, the second for Pugs.

Jelly and Bubba crashed the former and Lulu the latter. After they got home, they slept for two days straight.

Lulu captured the attention of this amorous fella...

Scrappy scrappy.

Following the French Bulldog get-together, we headed over to the beach for a far more restrained pug to-do.

Lulu gets in on some of the pug action...

They grow up so fast. And, before you know it, they’re off to college.

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May 3, 2012

Photos: Post-it notes on car, shoes, Akemi, "Oprah" car, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, Jelly


Can you imagine stepping out your front door to THIS? From a distance, it looked like a really bad paint job – but, upon closer scrutiny, that bad paint job actually turned out to be thousands of tiny, carefully-applied post-it notes. How long do you figure it would take to pull off something like this? Half an hour? An hour? Try two and a half hours. How do I know? Well, as it turns out, my writing partner’s wife was responsible. I showed him the pic the other day and he nodded: “Yeah, that was Michelle.” Yep. Two and a half hours and her hands were numb by the time she was done, but it was a practical joke well worth the effort. No word on how long it took the victim to remove the post-it notes or the state of his hands.


My friend Ivon Bartok is the Imelda Marcos of Vancouver, more for his outrageous collection of Nike running shoes than his failed Presidential bid in the 1998 Filipino national elections. The other day, he dropped by and showed off his new kicks. It think these are the shoes that Cartman wore on that episode of South Park where he goes undercover to live among the smurfs. Them’s bluer than blue!

Speaking of blue, check out Akemi’s new outfit, a recent purchase on the heels of my assuming the position of Fashion Consultant for Akemi Aota Enterprises. I’m also going to go ahead and take credit for this -

And this -

But the purse is all her.

Hey, guess who I was driving behind the other day. Go ahead. You get one guess.

Wrong!

Pictured above, our new technical consultant on the miniseries Paul and I will be writing. We’ve been breaking the story over the past few days. Twelve acts down, another four to go – then I’ll spend the weekend writing it up, bounce it over to Paul who’ll do his pass after which we’ll deliver it, get notes, and then it’ll be smoooooooooooth sailing!

No doubt inspired by our latest foray into okonomiyaki-making (see last Saturday’s blog installment), Akemi makes her own version for dinner complete with mayo message topping.

Months ago, I decided I should get around to doing a little spring cleaning. I have stuff sitting in boxes that I haven’t touched since I moved to Vancouver – over twelve years ago! I started with the garage and, as I sorted through the endless boxes, I realized that half the stuff in there wasn’t even mine. There were office chairs, filing cabinets, and a giant jeweler’s microscope from Fondy’s old office, a barbecue and various things belonging to my former lodger (Lawren BW), about four boxes of muppets and various shoes belonging to my former fellow Stargate producer Marty G., as well as a number of items of unknown origin. I’ve got back issues of New Scientist I hesitate to turf given that they may prove useful from a future research standpoint even though they’re at least five years out of date and I can’t ever imagining myself leafing through the individual magazines in search of a specific topic. There’s an entire office full of bank, corporate, and investment statements I’m reluctant to throw out for fear I may need to reference them at some point. And I haven’t even gotten around to the crawlspace full of boxed toys, comic books, and superhero/villain statues. Akemi has been bugging me to downsize because she thinks the house is way too big (and, possibly, haunted), but I think I’d need to move to a place equally big just to store my belongings.

Which brings me to this little item that had been sitting in the garage, gathering dust. We tend to walk the dogs separately because at thirteen and suffering from hip dysplasia, our eldest pug Jelly has a hard time keeping up with our other two dogs, nine year old pug Bubba and four year old French bulldog Lulu. But she seemed perfectly content to go for a ride the other day, letting the youngsters do the walking while she kicked back and enjoyed the scenery.

And, since we’re on the topic of elderly pugs – as many of you know, I’m looking into taking in a couple of lovable seniors. I was contacted by the Seattle Pug Rescue who requested pics of the house and a letter of reference from my vet. All good, but I thought that – as some of you have suggested – I should also consider supplying links to this blog. I’m presently in the process of compiling a list of suitable dog-related posts for forwarding. Off the top of your heads, any specific posts stand out?

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May 4, 2012

Video: Batman Returns trailer

Photos: Dark Matter


With the opening four-issue arc of our comic book series, Dark Matter, completed, I thought this would be a great opportunity to have artist Garry Brown swing by this blog for a Q&A. A native of Scotland and graduate of the Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art, Garry has worked for Marvel, DC, BOOM! Studios, Dark Horse, and IDW among others. Not only did he provide the fantastic artwork for issues #1-4 of Dark Matter, but also did the honors on all four amazing covers as well.

Curious about the process? Want to know more from an established artist? Then start posting your questions.

Oh, that reminds me. The Supermovie of the Week Club (in which we gather to discuss a different superhero-themed movie EVERY WEEK!) reconvenes on Monday when our guest reviewers, Cookie Monster, will weigh in with his thoughts on Batman Returns:

By the way, Cookie Monster takes exception to the accusation he was unduly critical of last week’s film, The Rocketeer. He did have nice things to say about the look of the movie (not so much about the script) and gave it a very respectable six (albeit sugarless) chocolate chippee cookies out of ten – well above average.

Well, if today’s story breaking session with my writing partner, Paul, accomplished anything, it was to confirm the truism that: “You’re always one act short.” Whether it’s the Stargate five act structure or the miniseries sixteen, you’ll always find yourself down an act break. We’d been doing so well, breaking four big acts a day, even finishing early yesterday, only to bog down this afternoon and find ourselves staring at fourteen acts and a resolution. Back on Stargate, whenever I was short an act, I’d always suggest the old standby:

Daniel heads off-screen. Suddenly, we hear a -

Daniel: (bloodcurdling shriek).

ON the horrified looks of the other members of SG-1.

END ACT

BEGIN NEXT ACT

Picking up where we left off. ON the horrified expressions on the other members of SG-1.

Sam: Daniel, are you okay?

PAN OVER to Daniel, picking himself off the ground, dusting himself off, and testing his foot.

Daniel: Yeah, I twisted my ankle. But I’m okay now.

ETC.

Of course, my fellow writers would always shoot down my “Daniel twists his ankle” reveal (they were always jealous of my ideas: Teal’c twists his ankle, Jack twists his ankle, Daniel is spooked by a ghost but it turns out it’s just a cat rummaging through a garbage can in an alley) so we would have to spend al afternoon trying to come up with an alternative. That’s what Paul and I did today. But, unlike those old Stargate story sessions, we failed to come up with an alternative and decided to call it a day before we put our fists through Paul’s brand new whiteboard. We decided I would start writing up/fleshing out the outline while he gave those final two acts some thought.

This is where you guys come in. Unfortunately, I can’t say much about the miniseries at this point but I do need that 15th act break, so if you’d be so kind to come up with something we would really appreciate it.

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May 5, 2012

Photos: Carl Binder, Karen, Lawren Bancroft-Wilson, dinner


They say that time speeds up as you get older. Conversely, I can now confirm that time actually slows down when you’re trying to write up the 16 act outline of a miniseries over the weekend. I started at 8:30 this morning and finished at a little before 10:00 p.m., breaking only for a shake, a quick dinner, and to take my dogs out for a walk. Eight acts down and another eight to go. In a weekend. On Stargate, at my speedy best, it would take me a day to write an episode outline. I’m operating at x4 efficiency. Well, x4 speed anyway.

Time speeds up as you get older. And it also seems to fly when you’re having dinner with friends. I leave you with these photos as I turn in for the night to start thinking about the tease to Part 2, Act 9, and the fact that Paul still hasn’t come up with those last two acts.

P.S. Start posting your questions for Dark Matter artist Garry Brown!

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May 6, 2012

Photos: Books, Akemi, pugs, dinner


Picked up some books for mom in anticipation of Mother’s Day:

Picked up some books for myself while picking up books for mom in anticipation of Mother’s Day:

Spent time with my girlfriend:

And my dogs:

Roasted a chicken:

And veggies:

Ate a slice of blueberry cheesecake:

Got a parking ticket:



And finished outlining the final eight acts of the sixteen act mini-series:



So, what did you all accomplish today?

[Jumper_One]

http://josephmallozzi.wordpress.com/...atman-returns/

May 7, 2012

Photos: Batman Returns


Batman Returns remind monster of solid gold eggz Big Bird get by mail order. Nice to look at but empty and when send complaint, company stop taking your callz and it all end wit director filing restraning order against you. Dis movie also like Grover at prom nite. All style, no substance, some pleather, and night end wit someone face down in pool. Me know, me know. People will say: “Come on, monster. Just enjoy movie for what it is!”. But monster not understood why me have to settle for lazy skript, espeshully when so much effort go into rest of film. It suggest people who make movie just not care very much – about skript, about audience and, most important of all, about monster. And dis hurt monster’s feelingz and make him want to cry. And punch someone. And if can’t punch someone, ****ty review de next best ting!

Movie start wit baby being abandoned in Gotham sewerz. He grow up to be…arch villain Penguin! Meanwhile, powerful bizness man plotting to screw city. He be…arch villain Max Shrek! But his mousey assistant find out about his planz and, in one of moviez many stoopid scenez, she tell him she know everyting. So he trow her out window but she survive and become…arch villain Catwoman!

Two villainz not alwayz twice as good as and tree never tree timez as good, but story almost manage to work – only to fall apart in individual scenez where logic take back seat to moving tings along. For instants, Penguin blackmail Max to help him get power. In one scene, clown jump out of sewer, take mayor baby, and jump back into sewer. Everyone hear sound of skuffle, den Penguin show up wit baby. He saved baby! Suddenly, everybody love dis creature dat look like beach ball wit feet. Me know, me know. ”Come on, monster. Just enjoy movie for what it is!”

For instants, Max Shrek trow Selina out window to keep her from talking about his secretz. She show up at work next day and, insted of trying to kill her again, he shrug and say he too busy to bother. Me know, me know. ”Come on, monster. Just enjoy movie for what it is!”

For instants…

Max Shrek visit Penguin. He say he have surprize for him, take him downstairz where – is now located Penguin for Mayor office complete wit volunteerz. And Penguin not notice anyting while upstairz?

Catwoman kidnap woman and leave her standing on ledge. Instead of hopping off to safety, she stand dere until Penguin scare her into falling. She die. Instead of arresting Catwoman for accessory to murder, Batman just leave.

Catwoman makeshift clawz she puts together from itemz in her apartment able to penetrate Batsuit even tho it was bulletproof in last movie.

Insane klown posse hijack batmobile. How? Oh, we establish dey have de planz? Where dey get de planz?

Me know, me know. ”Come on, monster. Just enjoy movie for what it is!”

Penguin loved by people who want him to be mayor – until Bruce and Alfred pull de olde “play de bad guyz sekretly rekorded diskussion in publik”.

Catwoman fight Batman. Batman fight Penguin. Penguin fight Catwoman. Batman fight Penguin again. Catwoman fight Max Shrek.

Catwoman want to kill him but Batman say no. Dey have to bring him to jail. Party pooper. He have no problem killing henchman clown by blowing him up earlier in movie. What a hipocrit!

Oh, and an idiot. For some reazon, Batman unmask himself in front of Catwoman – and Max Shrek!

Catwoman electrocute herself, then grab Max Shrek and tongue him wit tazer. Max die but she survive. Somehow.

Me know, me know.

Verdikt: Nice visualz but skript leave someting to be dezired – mainly, logic. Bottom line: Director Tim Burton not care about you. In fakt, he hate your gutz.

Rating: 4 chocolate chippee cookies out of 10 (5 chocolate chippee cookies if you watch wit sound off).

Pleaze diskuss.