The Lounge

[ShelBel]

Jensen smiled gently at Kate. "That's to be expected, you know," he teased her gently. "As for Jaime..." He looked at the door the young woman had just exited, now closed and silent. "No, she doesn't. But that's okay. I think she's fairly astute and can figure it out, if the rumor mill doesn't hit her first. She just wants to help."

After Kate pulled away from him, he reached up and wiped a stray tear that she'd missed with her sleeve away with his thumb. "I don't think you can get out of it," he said softly. "But you *can* handle it. You heard Jaime as well as I did. There's a version of you out there that took the same hand you've been dealt and she made the most of it. Flourished, even. You might need some help getting there, but I know you can do it." He smoothed back some of her hair and smiled, a little sadly. "Do you want help, Katie? Because it really is your call..."

[Tracy Jane]

Kate folded her long legs up to her chest, cradling them protectively as a barrier against the world.

"I'm scared of getting help," she confessed quietly, feeling sheepish and embarrassed at her childishness. "I want to get help and I want to get better, but what if I can't? Or what if something goes wrong?"

[ShelBel]

Jensen shook his head at her. "Don't sabotage yourself before you even get started," he said quietly. "Look at you. Today. A couple hours ago I found you in your room, incoherent, practically beating your head against a wall. Now look where you are." He gestured around the empty room. "You're out. Granted, its not a concert hall or a crowd, but you're out. You had a conversation with someone OTHER than me. It might not seem like much, but its a start. Yes, we had a little bump in the road-" he inclined his head toward the door, indicating Jaime's departure- "But you're still here, you're still coherent, and you're dealing. All very good signs.

"What happens if you can't? I think you already have. What happens if something goes wrong? You'll never find out unless you try. Something went wrong today and you held it together. I think that's a good step forward, don't you?"

[Tracy Jane]

Kate allowed herself a small smile. It was such a typically Jensen-like pep talk. Never mind letting herself down, if Kate didn't get help, she'd be letting him down as well.

"You make it sound like such a big thing," she told him. "But I shouldn't have been in such a mess in the first place." She wrinkled her nose as it began to itch and swiped at it with her fist.

"Thank you," she mumbled quietly, her face still red from a mixture of tears and embarrassment.

[ShelBel]

Jensen chuckled. "It *is* a big thing. The first steps are always the hardest." He reached out and gave Kate a quick, warm hug. "Anytime," he smiled, rubbing her arms briskly.

"Now come on. You need to eat something." He got up and picked up the remaining bowl of soup. "Its not steaming, but it is still warm." Crossing back to the sofa, he sat down and handed her the bowl and a spoon, then sat back and crossed his arms. "I'm going to sit here until you eat... well, at least half of that."

[Tracy Jane]

Kate pulled a face at him. She really didn't want to eat at all, but she knew Jensen wouldn't let it drop. She took the bowl and spoon and ate a mouthful.

"Sometimes I get so confused," Kate said softly. "Part of me doesn't care that not eating will hurt the baby, because that part of me doesn't want the baby. But then I think 'what if I change my mind' because I can't go back once it's done. It's like I've got a second chance."

She paused for another mouthful of soup, allowing Jensen time to try and process what she knew was a jumbled outburst.

"Does that make any sense at all?"

[ShelBel]

Jensen pursed his lips, thinking about Kate's comments. "Sort of," he said quietly, mind whirling. Mentally, he was kicking himself for contributing to her overall sitation. He sighed and settled back against the sofa. "A second chance," he murmured. "Kate, I don't know quite how to respond, honestly. I know you're not sure if you want the baby, not even sure if it's mine. I can't force you to do anything, and I wouldn't dream of it. But sometimes... the solution that seems the best immediate choice..." He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say." He ran a hand through his hair. "I just don't know."

[ShelBel]

<< from the Mess >>

Jaime hesitated for a moment outside the Lounge's closed door, listening for any signs of distress. She didn't hear anything that would indicate Kate was still upset, so she took a deep breath and knocked gently, then opened the door a crack and peeked inside.

"You guys up for some company again?" she asked quietly.

[Tracy Jane]

Kate tried to control her shaky breaths. Her own confusion was worrying enough, she didn't like being this far out of control - it frightened her beyond belief. But to see Jensen confused and unsure of what to say, to see him out of control, that was far more terrifying for Kate than any self analysis she could perform.

"I don't know what I expected you to say," she told him, untying her long red hair so that she could fiddle with it nervously. "I just... I'm so used to you having the answer for everything and the fact that you don't, it..."

She broke off and scrunched her nose up. It wasn't fair of her to lay this at Jensen's feet, to put so much pressure on him when the blame was solely her own. She was the instigator, the insecure one who had sought such inappropriate comfort and...

"I keep telling myself that I don't have to choose yet," she said, searching for the doctor's approval. "I've got time to make a decision. But that in itself... it tells me the decision's already been made."

Her mind was reeling inside, the various pros and cons of her situation. The possibility of getting rid of the baby, getting rid of the trauma and getting on with her own life, but that would be losing her second chance, losing her one last opportunity to be a mother. And what if she had the child? Was bringing a baby into the world a responsible move, given her job and the dangers she faced? And could she realistically give up her position in order to stay with the child? Or would she just suffer from cabin fever, like she did when confined to quarters?

"I wish I could give you the answers that you want," she told him sadly, running a palm across his cheek. "I don't know. I wish I did. I wish I could tell you that it's yours."

The look on her face was one of heartfelt honesty. She wished she could comfort Jensen and, in many a way, she fervently hoped the child was his. He was dependable, loving, he was a close friend who would never desert her and he'd be a stable influence on the child, something she knew that she wasn't.

Suddenly, something registered in her mind and she looked up to see Jaime. How much had the woman heard and how much would she piece together? She felt apprehensive, not knowing how the technician would react to the news.

"Errrr..... yeah, sure," Kate said awkwardly, indicating for Jaime to take a seat. Sometimes her timing sucked.

[ShelBel]

Jaime stepped into the room cautiously. "I, um.... I heard the last part of your conversation," she admitted hesitantly. "I knew you two were... sort of together..." She trailed off. "Look, obviously, this isn't really a good place for me to be. I don't want to intrude. I'll just go..."

[Tracy Jane]

Kate shook her head. "Don't go. Please, don't. I just... we were just... it's complicated." Kate was actually relieved that someone else was there, in a way. She didn't have to face the awkward conversation. She looked at Jensen and waited for him to say something.

[ShelBel]

Jensen looked at Jaime, then at Kate; the major's expression was almost hopeful, and he could tell that the release from the intensity of the subject they'd been discussing was a relief.

"Stay," he agreed. "Please." He looked at his watch. "Crap, I should be getting back to the Infirmary." He looked back at Kate. "Do you want to go back, or hang out here for a while?"

[Tracy Jane]

Kate bit her lip. She couldn't decide if Jensen genuinely had to go back or if he was purposefully cutting it short, but it didn't matter. He was going. Kate glanced at Jaime, then back towards Jensen - had she missed something there?

"Errr... I don't know. I guess that's Jaime's call," she told the doctor, slightly puzzled. She prided herself on being able to read people, and now she was at a loss.

[ShelBel]

Jensen chewed his lip and looked from Jaime to Kate and back. "Ah, screw it. The only person that cares where I'm at right now is Gus, and he'd understand, as well as Hermione. I'll call down to the Infirmary and let Sam know I won't be back in unless there's an emergency." He got up, picked up the phone, and paused. "Hey Jaime- is Niko still around? I didn't get a chance to stop and see him on my way in. Maybe we could take a little outdoor excursion and visit him?"

Having planted that seed, he dialed the Infirmary's extension, surprised a bit when Julianna picked up the phone instead of Sam. "Hey Julianna, it's Jensen," he said breezily. "I'm done with lunch but my little psych emergency is still demanding my attention." He winked at Kate. "If there's an emergency, page me, but otherwise I'll be tied with up this for the rest of the afternoon, it looks like. I'll update the file so it's current and any questions can be referred to either Dr. Lancaster or Gus, okay? Thanks."

Without giving her the option of protesting, Jensen hung up the phone and turned back to the girls, grinning. "Quick, let's leave before she gets the chance to call back."

[Tracy Jane]

Kate gasped at the audacity of Jensen's phone call. Never mind the fact he was bunking off work, it was the 'demanding my attention' part that got Kate. She gave him a playful punch on the arm in retaliation.

"God, I hate you, Doctor Winchester," she told him whilst laughing, his cheek a great relief to the diplomat. "I just pray that kiddo doesn't have your prankster streak," she teased, forgetting for a moment that Jaime was present.