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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #41
    Major Annoyed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    I already sent her to the rack for one pun a few days ago. It obviously didn't help.
    "It may seem pointless but small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion."
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    "Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all."
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  2. #42
    Colonel Gatefan1976's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Annoyed View Post
    I already sent her to the rack for one pun a few days ago. It obviously didn't help.
    Given the sheer amount of boxes I have moved over the last few weeks, I could probably do with a good stretch on the rack just to get my spine working properly again.
    ALL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL CREATOR OF THIS SIG GO TO R.I.G.
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  3. #43
    General Falcon Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Annoyed View Post
    I already sent her to the rack for one pun a few days ago. It obviously didn't help.
    Come on, that was literally my least intended pun of the century... it came out brilliantly.

    ***

    Anywho... our evening news started showing compilations of funny video's made by people in these strange times. It's a way of ending the news with a positive note each day.

    You can watch the video's here. (though I don't know if they are region locked or not -- if they are, I'm sorry)

    They make me smile.
    Heightmeyer's Lemming -- still the coolest Lemming of the forum
    Proper Stargate Rewatch -- season 8 of SG-1
    First time time watching Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kirk and his Trusted Sidekick, Mr. Spock

  4. #44
    Lieutenant Colonel SoulReaver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    20 americans walk into a bar









































    idiots


    Quote Originally Posted by jelgate View Post
    Soul is right.

  5. #45
    Major Annoyed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    That would be funnier if it wasn't true.

    https://twitter.com/CBSNews/status/1240371160078000128

    “If I get corona, I get corona. At the end of the day, I'm not gonna let it stop me from partying”
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulReaver View Post
    20 americans walk into a bar









































    idiots
    "It may seem pointless but small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion."
    - Starship Voyager's Holographic Doctor
    "Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all."
    - Former Borg Seven of Nine

  6. #46
    First Lieutenant epg20's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    this was the VERY first joke I EVER told, I was about 3 or 4 years old at the time:

    what did the fisherman say to the refrigerator, open up and let me put my fish inside

    my mom and sisters never let me forget this, they laughed for one reason then for another, but it WAS a successful joke, for me a laugh was a laugh.happy0030.gif

  7. #47
    General Falcon Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day



    ***

    One of my sister's colleagues always sends jokes in their whatsapp group. They vary in quality but today he did sent a pretty funny one, though at the expense of one particular president (I'm afraid).

    There's an airplane with 5 passengers onboard: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, Pope Frances and a 10-year old boy. The airplane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes onboard.

    Trump says: "I need one. I'm the smartest man in the US and they need me to solve all the problems in the world." -- so he takes one of the chutes and jumps out of the plane.

    Johnson says: "I have to go and rebuild Great Britain after Brexit." -- so he takes one and jumps.

    Pope Frances: "I need one too because the world needs the Catholic Church." -- so he too grabs a chute and jumps out of the plane.

    This leaves Merkel and the boy. Merkel says to him: "You may have the last parachute. I have lived my life, while yours is only starting."

    To which the 10-year old replies: "Don't worry, there are still 2 parachutes left. The smartest man of the US took my schoolbag instead."
    Heightmeyer's Lemming -- still the coolest Lemming of the forum
    Proper Stargate Rewatch -- season 8 of SG-1
    First time time watching Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kirk and his Trusted Sidekick, Mr. Spock

  8. #48
    Major Annoyed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Falcon Horus View Post


    ***

    One of my sister's colleagues always sends jokes in their whatsapp group. They vary in quality but today he did sent a pretty funny one, though at the expense of one particular president (I'm afraid).

    There's an airplane with 5 passengers onboard: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, Pope Frances and a 10-year old boy. The airplane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes onboard.

    Trump says: "I need one. I'm the smartest man in the US and they need me to solve all the problems in the world." -- so he takes one of the chutes and jumps out of the plane.

    Johnson says: "I have to go and rebuild Great Britain after Brexit." -- so he takes one and jumps.

    Pope Frances: "I need one too because the world needs the Catholic Church." -- so he too grabs a chute and jumps out of the plane.

    This leaves Merkel and the boy. Merkel says to him: "You may have the last parachute. I have lived my life, while yours is only starting."

    To which the 10-year old replies: "Don't worry, there are still 2 parachutes left. The smartest man of the US took my schoolbag instead."


    But to be fair, I heard that somewhere about a year ago.
    "It may seem pointless but small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion."
    - Starship Voyager's Holographic Doctor
    "Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all."
    - Former Borg Seven of Nine

  9. #49
    Colonel Gatefan1976's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Q: Why did the coffee post a police report?






    A: it got mugged.
    ALL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL CREATOR OF THIS SIG GO TO R.I.G.
    A lie is just a truth that hasn't gone through conversion therapy yet
    The truth isn't the truth

  10. #50
    General Falcon Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Gatefan1976 View Post
    Q: Why did the coffee post a police report?
    A: it got mugged.


    Good thing my sister is already awake cause if she wasn't, she definitely would have been after my burst of laughter just now.
    Heightmeyer's Lemming -- still the coolest Lemming of the forum
    Proper Stargate Rewatch -- season 8 of SG-1
    First time time watching Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kirk and his Trusted Sidekick, Mr. Spock

  11. #51
    Colonel Gatefan1976's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    As a door might say, "glad to be of service"
    ALL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL CREATOR OF THIS SIG GO TO R.I.G.
    A lie is just a truth that hasn't gone through conversion therapy yet
    The truth isn't the truth

  12. #52
    Colonel mad_gater's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Annoyed View Post


    But to be fair, I heard that somewhere about a year ago.
    oh it's an oldie...I think I heard a variant with obviously different people in it way back when I was in Boy Scouts

  13. #53
    Colonel Gatefan1976's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    I don't think I have ever seen anyone here post something from "who's line is it anyway" It's a stand up comedy show which first started in England then migrated to the US after many years. Most of the content is clean, but, as behoves me you can hunt up on YouTube a lot of out-takes and foul language stuff. I just saw this snippet of a show (one of the more recent ones) and I wanted to share. As it jumps right in, The Idea of the game is to get 2 audience members to "donate" their texting history and the 2 people on the left and right can ONLY answer with texts from that phone. the guy in the middle (Collin) has to respond to them.
    ALL THANKS TO THE WONDERFUL CREATOR OF THIS SIG GO TO R.I.G.
    A lie is just a truth that hasn't gone through conversion therapy yet
    The truth isn't the truth

  14. #54
    First Lieutenant epg20's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    what did the man say to the window

    I can see right through you

    what did the window say to the man,

    nothing when the window started to talk the man fainted dead away.

  15. #55
    General Falcon Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Did you hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?

    It was cutting-hedge technology.
    Heightmeyer's Lemming -- still the coolest Lemming of the forum
    Proper Stargate Rewatch -- season 8 of SG-1
    First time time watching Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kirk and his Trusted Sidekick, Mr. Spock

  16. #56
    Major Annoyed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Falcon Horus View Post
    Did you hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?

    It was cutting-hedge technology.
    Damn. We're gonna need a bigger rack.
    "It may seem pointless but small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion."
    - Starship Voyager's Holographic Doctor
    "Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all."
    - Former Borg Seven of Nine

  17. #57
    First Lieutenant epg20's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    with the corona virus you always sweat the small stuff....

  18. #58
    First Lieutenant epg20's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Annoyed View Post
    Damn. We're gonna need a bigger rack.
    is this one big enough.

    128747446-server-racks-in-server-room-cloud-data-center-exit-door-datacenter-hardware-cluster-ba.jpg


    the one I actually wanted use was a different one, but she would have ben WAY too top heavy.

  19. #59
    Major Annoyed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by epg20 View Post
    is this one big enough.

    128747446-server-racks-in-server-room-cloud-data-center-exit-door-datacenter-hardware-cluster-ba.jpg


    the one I actually wanted use was a different one, but she would have ben WAY too top heavy.
    How would you go about stretching her on that? I don't see any sort of mechanism for doing that. Kinda defeats the purpose.
    "It may seem pointless but small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion."
    - Starship Voyager's Holographic Doctor
    "Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all."
    - Former Borg Seven of Nine

  20. #60
    General Falcon Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Joke of the Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Annoyed View Post
    Damn. We're gonna need a bigger rack.
    Hit or miss...

    This made me chuckle earlier today:

    Wife asked me to pass her some lipstick, but I accidently passed her some Prit-stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    Heightmeyer's Lemming -- still the coolest Lemming of the forum
    Proper Stargate Rewatch -- season 8 of SG-1
    First time time watching Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kirk and his Trusted Sidekick, Mr. Spock

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