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[imzadi35]

So is there anything at all I can salvage from the story as it is?

[plumber]

Hi,

From what I've read, a lot can be "salvaged".

But the love story probably needs "tweaking". In Stargate, we've come to expect trouble, obstacles, hardship.... mistakes, misunderstandings, outright failure. That's the counterpoint to the triumphs and victories that then become so much sweeter. Makes everything more "realistic".

If your heroine is so great, she'll be able to overcome anything in her way. Don't tell but show her doing it!

For instance, when she initially meets Daniel Jackson... not the typical guy, right? Nobody would be surprised if he just was too busy and absent-minded to notice the beautiful stranger. Uh oh. Will she still take the plunge, and tell him that she feels something that cannot be explained, but she believes it's in her power to help him with his hidden pain? She's a healer, she feels the duty, but then, oh no! He's not happy to hear it, and tells her that, actually, as a scientist, he doesn't believe in all that mumbo-jumbo. Crash & burn! Not again! She's always attracted to the "broken" ones, and that's her reward?

But we know better, right? We'd expect the conflict to be eventually solved, and we'll keep reading.

Call it the "Rule of Worst". Combine it with the "Rule of Cool" and guess what could happen when they kiss at the wedding.

[StargateMillennium]

Don't worry. It's not a salvage operation. It just a revision. You don't have to kill your darlings just yet.
For one, cut back on the blue. There are 79 instances of the word blue, approximately 50 are in the first quarter and most of them are from Daniel describing the eyes to the others.
If you want to establish she has blue eyes, make sure it is appropriate. I mean, a few passages where it mentioned her blue eyes along with her 'face that lit up the room' and 'infectious laugh' that works because it is a description worked in with other descriptions. If you want to remind the readers that her eyes are blue, work it into an action or description.
But the conversation between Daniel and Teal'c.

"I can't get her blue eyes out of my mind."
"Perhaps you should ask how they became so blue."

These two sentences feel...stilted. Try talking to your friends about eye color and observe how they speak. Blue probably wouldn't have been brought up in a conversation such as this and even if it was it would probably be only mentioned once.

["I can't get her eyes out of my mind."
"If you are that intrigued by her eye color, perhaps you should ask how they became that way."
]



Also, put more focus on her personality since it's very obvious she's going to be a major character. Take another crack at the prompt. Figure it out now. Describe Caitlin without saying what she look like, what costume she wears, or what her profession is, or what their role in the story is. You said she is afraid to get hurt again and so is romantically cautious. That's a start. What else?

[iiradned]

Are her blue eyes a "Chekov's gun"? Meaning will they play a key role in the plot sometime later?

The term "Chekov's gun" was used by playwright Anton Chekov to describe the removal of irrelevant and useless details in plays. Chekov wrote that in a play if a gun is singled out in act one, then sometime in the next act the gun must be fired or else why bring it to the attention of other characters or the audience.

[Skydiver]

Tv shows and movies still do that....if the camera focuses on the cell phone being left behind then you will have a character that needs to call for help with that phone or the like

[imzadi35]

I see your points. Yes, the eyes become important in the next story because it's one of the traits of the Ancients that all the healers on Danu got, including the knowledge of healing and their singing voice. But they're not the total focus. See, I've been looking for a beta for my story for a long time, and haven't been able to find one. So your ideas help me to refine my stories.

[imzadi35]

So where do you think I should start my revisions? At the beginning?

[plumber]

I'd say yes, since that would give you more room to set the pace, get Daniel progressively more and more interested in the girl, and reveal her qualities and powers little by little.

[StargateMillennium]

Depends on how serious you are about the story. Like, obviously one end of the spectrum is to put out the first thing you write and never touch it again. On the other end of the spectrum, authors are often encouraged to completely rewrite their story from the beginning from scratch. I write for fun but still wish to put out a good product so I personally first look at my outline and see if there any changes to the overall I should change or layers I should add. Then read over and rewrite the scenes. How and how much depend on how serious you are.

[imzadi35]

I know we're talking about my first story, but here's a link to the second story, if you're interested. That way you'll hopefully get what I was trying to do...

https://spauli1.wordpress.com/fictio...-journey-home/

[plumber]

That second story looks nice.... maybe too nice for SG1's usually epic struggles. ¬_¬

[imzadi35]

Can't remember if I asked this, but should I start writing my story over? I really hate to do that, but I will to make it better if I have to.

[P-90_177]

Can't remember if I asked this, but should I start writing my story over? I really hate to do that, but I will to make it better if I have to.

Only you can really make that choice, Imzadi. What I will say is that as a writer you do sometimes have to take a draft and take it all the way back to the beginning to make something better out of it. Practically every novel out there today will have gone through several iterations before they got to where they are today, and some bare little resemblance on what their first draft look like.

I recall when I first started one of my current novels. To begin with it was simply two main male characters, one of which was immortal. Once I'd done a little research and had already written out three quarters of the plot and story line, I changed the whole thing and made the story about one male and 3 female main characters all of which were different ages and generations. It completely changed everything I had planned until that point, but it gave the story a much greater life of its own.

[plumber]

should I start writing my story over?

I'd say not until you have a clear idea of what you want the story to be. Once you know what, if anything, needs to be changed, and how, the path should be evident.

[imzadi35]

Would anyone like to beta my first story for me? I'd really appreciate it!