Scientists don't agree on whether humans are a monogamous species or not . . .

[K5Rakitan]

So I wanted to ask humans!

Are you? What are your thoughts?

Here's a simple poll for fun too: http://www.strawpoll.me/11228381

Disclaimer: This poll is casual, not scientific. I'm polyamorous and my friends have already skewed the results. My friends have also pointed out that I should be asking about monoamory rather than monogamy, but I don't think most people understand the difference.

[SoulReaver]

What are your thoughts?

hey there

[Womble]

I'm a human so I'm biased.

[The Flyattractor]

I only vote when the "kill all humans" is an option.

[aretood2]

I don't get it. For some reason every time I try to get a date and tell the perspective date that I am also going to be on dates with other girls should a relationship develop the initial attempted date never happens.

[jelgate]

You're not assertive enough, The woman needs to know what an honor she has getting to date you

[The Flyattractor]

I never have that problem.

[Falcon Horus]

I'm a romantic (closeted or otherwise) so I believe one can feel attracted to different people in their lifetime but when that one special someone comes into our lives, I would be fiercely loyal and no other would have a place in my heart but that one special person.

Whether humans are monogamous -- yes, they are ... until they aren't. So, in a sense, some of us are and some of us aren't. Same with loving many people at the same time.

I'm the one-person-type though. One person to give my all, and from whom I will expect the same and nothing less.

[aretood2]

I'm a romantic (closeted or otherwise) so I believe one can feel attracted to different people in their lifetime but when that one special someone comes into our lives, I would be fiercely loyal and no other would have a place in my heart but that one special person.

Whether humans are monogamous -- yes, they are ... until they aren't. So, in a sense, some of us are and some of us aren't. Same with loving many people at the same time.

I'm the one-person-type though. One person to give my all, and from whom I will expect the same and nothing less.

I don't mean to be cynical here, but everyone says that until they cheat. There is no magic holding people together. You either work for it and hope for the best, or you become complacent and even start to take it for granted to the point that conflict makes an alternative seem so easy. The fact is, no on knows how loyal they truly are until they are tested. Anything else is just hopeful thinking. And...it's okay to be hopeful and think that way. But to become disillusioned so quickly if you ever have to find out that the person you love is just another flawed human being like the rest of us.

That's the problem I see. Too often we put to much stock into the idea of soul mates that we forget that people can and will make mistakes. And when we move on to number 2, we all of a sudden have trust issues or maybe even become reluctant to find person number 2 and end up missing out on any happiness with number 2.

But I do stick to my previous post. We are monogamous. Even in polygamist cultures, there is a favored wife. And yes, I only say wife because multiple husbands are so rare that there simply aren't enough to describe a pattern of human behavior. And in cases where there are husbands, the rules are so different too. It's the siblings that help raise the children or have that role. Where as multiple wives, the wife who bore the child cares for the child, and no sibling is involved. It does impact the mechanics of a society.

There is no evidence of humans as a whole being successful as polygamists aside from the wishful thinking of hipsters and new age stoners. And of course, there are always exceptions, we are human after all.

[The Flyattractor]

When Scientists can all agree on where to go for lunch, I might then give them credit.......empathize on "MIGHT".

[Womble]

I don't mean to be cynical here, but everyone says that until they cheat. There is no magic holding people together. You either work for it and hope for the best, or you become complacent and even start to take it for granted to the point that conflict makes an alternative seem so easy. The fact is, no on knows how loyal they truly are until they are tested. Anything else is just hopeful thinking. And...it's okay to be hopeful and think that way. But to become disillusioned so quickly if you ever have to find out that the person you love is just another flawed human being like the rest of us.

That's the problem I see. Too often we put to much stock into the idea of soul mates that we forget that people can and will make mistakes. And when we move on to number 2, we all of a sudden have trust issues or maybe even become reluctant to find person number 2 and end up missing out on any happiness with number 2.

But I do stick to my previous post. We are monogamous. Even in polygamist cultures, there is a favored wife. And yes, I only say wife because multiple husbands are so rare that there simply aren't enough to describe a pattern of human behavior. And in cases where there are husbands, the rules are so different too. It's the siblings that help raise the children or have that role. Where as multiple wives, the wife who bore the child cares for the child, and no sibling is involved. It does impact the mechanics of a society.

There is no evidence of humans as a whole being successful as polygamists aside from the wishful thinking of hipsters and new age stoners. And of course, there are always exceptions, we are human after all.

I think humans are monogamous but relationships have... not an expiration date but rather a kind of energy leak that drains them over time, and below a certain energy level the relationship goes into a tailspin and can no longer rebound. You can lay back and go with the flow and hope that the circumstances will somehow provide a refill, or you can work hard to sustain the relationship, but there's always a chance that as you try hard to seal one hole in the bottom of the ship, another opens up.

There are no soulmates, some people match better than others but ultimately, what holds people together is their own choices. Falling in love is accidental but sustaining that love over time is a choice; people don't stay in love unless they work on it.

The reasons why people cheat are many and varied and there isn't really a single common denominator. You can love your wife and yet cheat on her because at one particular moment, you lost the willpower required to resist temptation. Willpower, after all, is like a muscle and cannot be sustained indefinitely. It's why diets are so hard to maintain without allowing yourself a cheat day every now and then.

[maneth]

Diets never work in the long term because what you need is a lifestyle change to keep the weight off, and to be sustainable in the long term, that needs to include some treats every once in a while. That makes it harder to compare diets to monogamy.

I expect that most humans are, or at the very least like to think of themselves as, serial monogamists.

Romantic love is a Western ideal almost unknown in many other cultures. I don't have any statistics, but I suspect that the majority of the marriages in the world today are arranged, particularly in cultures where the interaction between the sexes is severely limited and there are few opportunities for people of an age to marry to meet.

Of course, there may be abuse in arranged marriages, but there's also abuse in marriages that follow romantic love. Now, I'm not advocating arranged marriages by any means, but in cultures where they are the norm, they have been shown to work. In a good marriage, the spouses develop a deep affection for each other, even if they weren't in love when they married.

In societies where getting a divorce is as easy as calling your lawyer, there's really no excuse for cheating. Cheating often occurs when basically serially monogamous people are tired of their current partner but haven't found an excuse (or the guts) to state it openly. Cheating is much easier, because most people want to eat their cake and have it too.

All of the above applies IMO to the majority of people in the reasonably liberal West, it does not apply to polyamorous people. Aretood2, you're fishing in the wrong pool. You need to date polyamorous people and accept that they're just as likely to go with someone else during your relationship as you are.

[mad_gater]

as far as diets go.....reminds me of a meme I've been seeing in my FB feed lately that says something like "Don't talk to me about losing weight until you can explain why salads cost $7 and a burger only costs $1"

[Womble]

Romantic love is a Western ideal almost unknown in many other cultures.

The entire wealth of human folklore speaks against that statement.

Name me a people whose folklore and literature has no tall tales of romantic love. Look at the mythology of India, China, the Zulu people (whose fertility goddess fell in love with a mortal and defied other gods to be with him).

[aretood2]

Romantic love has always been held up as the ideal. It's not needed for marriage, but it is the desired end result of marriage. Even in polygamous cultures, there is a favored wife, one person to "truly love." It's in the west that the idea that romantic love is the only reason to marry that started to deviate from the norm. But it's not really that big of a difference from all the other cultures, many of which have also made a similar transition.