''Air, Parts 1 & 2'' - FINAL DRAFT

[Homer 120]

Found this on SimplyScripts, not sure whether this is the right place to post it or not but as it relates to the first two parts of AIR thought it would be better placed here.

http://leethomson.myzen.co.uk/Starga...02_-_Pilot.pdf

It's listed as 'Final Draft' but with LOADS of changes from the aired version, different dialogue etc. Quite interesting to read.

[ZRFTS]

I just read it. It's surprisingly good.

• The flashbacks are intertwined with the story itself.
• Even though we're still revealed how they got into the Destiny, they don't try to overly lengthen it allowing us to get into the characters and the small bits of chemistry that would come to define them throughout the series.
• Rush being with Eli in the beginning was a nice decision.
• Eli's relationship with his mom is more thought out and more sentimental.
• Seeing Young with his wife established a small bit of his character, I would of liked her more had this been included.
• The destruction scenes in said flashbacks are just that, consisting of dialing the gate; hectic, fast and appropriate of the situation at hand.
• The reason for dialing the gate is also more metaphorically murky and sinister.
• I could just imagine Young fainting in the best possible way, a combination of old and new Stargate.
• Scott felt like he had some experience in command, his dialog here is more representative of the young, eager military cadet than his entire character in the series.
• Eli's lines were somehow funner. The Google bit felt appropriate, decent and well thought out.
• Seeing Eli with Chloe was a sweet way to start things off, it managed to be somewhat natural.
• Speaking of Chloe, her character manages to be really sweet and inviting the way she's written, the dialogue about what the senator did with cake was both warm and reflective.
• Rush here is oddly enough the same person which he would be in Season 2, trying desperately to fix the ship, giving advice against such actions such as dialing the ship, generally trying his best to keep it all together. (Of course that sinister side is still there from Season 1, but his dialogue here is less Desmond and more Rush.)
• Tamara Johannasen has brevity with a side of uncertainty mixed in, the speeches she makes about determination are bold and the small comments she makes about the ship seamlessly fit in with the group while the choices she makes regarding her resignation are oddly human; this is a character which I could truly see as somebody who would take medicine first, do the same things an up and coming doctor would do while at the same time, see her as having issues and flaws.
• The entire thing with the senator felt more natural and the seeds of love between Chloe and Scott would be effectively and subtly placed.
• Young's determination really goes well here, you can see what type of stuff he's going through. Trying to be devoted, trying to be an essential part of the team (to the point where he's sacrificing himself), trying to show his worth.
• The rivarly between Young and Rush is more reasonable here. Young assumes that since Rush is an expert of the ship he alreadys knows it but Rush yells at Young for assuming action on the address. It effectively states their sides. Young is the person who puts his people first and isn't willing to not take chances going by the book while Rush is the person who has a seeming connection to the ship, a desire to take risks and keep everyone on here for it's benefit, regardless of whether or not they have thoughts of their own.
• Brodie getting hurt should of been added, it reflected the harsh environment.
• The minor characters get more of a mention here, occupations, relations to the plot, importance.
• The backstory regarding the ancients/9th chevron/Stargate was more suitable than the technobabble saw in the aired version.
• A streetgang with ships, now that is the perception of the LA. The streetgang fits in perfectly with their trading methodology which provides a bridge to real life in the form of territory, domination, monopoly and pure profit.
• Eli's overconfidence really comes in good here, he really thought that he could do no harm because he solved the puzzle and proclaimed his brilliance.
• The family bond is more evident here even though they're seperate, the scenes regarding the comments about the canned food was natural and the various comments they make about the things they see project a unique atmosphere.
• Amanda Tapping wasn't in there, which was good because it effectively shifted the focus on Destiny. O'Neill served as an effective bridge and he should of been the only one in the aired version.
• Hamilton is classic Stargate.
• The panic was an intended part of the pilot but imagining the panic just provides much better results.
• The communication stones here was I felt better managed than in the aired version.

Overall. Had this version aired the show might of stood a better chance; the script makes the characters inevitable and interesting. It makes the Destiny into a decent setting and it's an effective reflection of the dark character drama which the SG guys wanted. It even fixes many of the flaws providing effective introductions to SG staples while creating a path for the road ahead. It's clear that there's going to be a struggle onboard but it's also clear that there's going to be some form of future ahead for the Destiny and it's occupants. It's nicely paced, there are few scenes which waste time and it's just a good read overall. I don't know what the final part of the draft was like but I like that I can imagine the people going through the Stargate looking for the mineral as the ending of "Air", gets people excited for the adventure they'll go through.